John Nicholas

Logs - 2025

John Nicholas — Mon, 06 Apr 2026 20:23:39 GMT

09 November 2025

22:20 — on job hunting.

Haven’t written in a while.

Going through a tough time with the job hunting.

Feels like the following is true:

Effort + patience + timing + randomness = opportunity.

I’m putting in the effort, trying to be patient, but still 0 out of 55 applications so far. At the mercy of timing and randomness.

I don’t just want any job; I want a great career at a purpose-driven company —something new, something different, something I can believe in. Call it idealistic, but it motivates me.

The right thing will come.

15 September 2025

09:31 — on good deeds // everything is connected.

I helped an older man carry his luggage up a broken elevator last night. He was carrying two bags, one for him, one for his wife. I could see he was struggling, but making a valiant effort. Halfway, he stopped, asking if I would like to pass. I said no, I’d like to help. He gleefully accepted.

It was heavy, together with my own luggage. But they were so grateful. It put a smile on their face.

And it made me happy. Why?

Everything is connected. We are all one. If you help others, you help yourself. Trying to get ahead of everyone else just hurts you in the end. It feels better to be part of something bigger.

05 September 2025

09:59 — you already have all the tools you need.

“Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Find myself getting anxious before big projects sometimes. Will I perform? Will I figure it out? Will I let the team down (the worst)? All these doubts creep in. Just because the outcome is unknown. But, over the last 9 months in the MBA, over my 12 year career, I’ve proved time and again that I can perform, that I can hang tough, that I am able to make sense of things and find a solution. So why the doubt? Why the anxiety?

It serves no purpose, only exhausts you, only distracts you.

Smile, welcome the challenge, for you know you will find a way. And if you can’t figure things out immediately, there is always help, you are not alone.

09:55 — on seeking recognition.

“Stop asking for the third thing. What’s the third thing? You’ve done something good, and someone benefited from it. The third thing is the recognition, the parade, the appreciation, the credit, the payback.” – Ryan Holiday

Tricky.

I seek recognition often. Partly ego. But also — sometimes you just want to know you’re on the right track. During my internship, my manager never gave feedback, so I had no idea if I was doing good work.

But maybe that’s the point. “Someone benefited from it.” That should be enough. The recognition can wait.

14 August 2025

14:42 — Keep expressing.

I stopped writing this year, I was in a slump. My mate and I started a podcast, I made a comeback, I feel good again, I feel a lot of joy and energy and possibility. It’s easy to stop and scary to start. Easier to continue, keep the momentum, keep riding that good feeling.

13:41 — Life has a way of sorting you out.

“In the end we all come to be cured of our sentiments. Those whom life does not cure death will. The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not. Between the wish and the thing the world lies waiting.” — Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses

Stoic almost.

Can’t have too big a gap between expectations and reality. The bubble will be popped. I was cocky when I started off in Joburg in 2014. I was in a relationship, I had finished a degree cum laude, I had a fancy new job, but then lost my girlfriend, failed a big exam, and struggled at work. All in a row. This brought me back down to earth.

Better to stay grounded. This is not pessimistic, this is not me being less or smaller, it’s just a way of building incrementally in a sustainable way.

Also see this with others — want to warn them but sometimes they need to make their own mistakes.

Like Icarus flying too close to the sun.

12:07 — Good one. Maps well to my experience.

“A woman needs to be told that you would sacrifice anything for her. A man needs to be told he is being useful. When the man or woman strays from that formula, the other loses trust. When trust is lost, communication falls apart.” — Scott Adams, God’s Debris

31 July 2025

10:45 — writing in the age of AI.

Can feel my mind pulling towards the easy out instead of doing the hard lift myself. Becoming too dependent on it.

But that’s cheating myself. Better to have my morning logs. Better to do it myself. Keep my mind sharp. Remember when I was sharper, had more thoughts, better memory. Now feel sluggish, slow, not at my peak. Can be better.

At the same time, recognise the power of AI to full gaps, build bridges, smoothen edges. Goal: write the first draft myself, edit/review with AI.

10:39 — stop doing things you don’t enjoy (and stop wasting other people’s time in the process).

You don’t need to do stuff you don’t enjoy. Things you don’t want to.

A CTO who wants to only code is perfectly fine — but he’s not a leader. Then he should be a single contributor, not the Chief Technology Officie. You can be whatever you want, but don’t force yourself into something else. It wastes your time and everyone else’s.

I’ve been there. Doing things to uphold an image. Sometimes to get paid — that’s a tricky one. But usually you’re just delaying the inevitable. Why be unhappy when there’s something out there that’s the perfect fit for you?

I sometimes blame my parents for ‘forcing’ me into actuarial science. But I wasn’t forced. They supported me. I could’ve gotten out. I was just too uncertain to leave. And then I wanted to drag everyone down with me, cynical and judgmental about other people’s careers because I didn’t enjoy my own.

27 April 2025

13:51 — on expanding your awareness.

“We take a handful of sand from the endless landscape of awareness around us and call that handful of sand the world.” — Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Best way to do this? Reading, I’d say. Travel is also up there, but more expensive. Having a diverse group of friends.

13:46 — speaking tips.

This is a great one. Will remember this for meetings.

“Another common speaking trick is to hum the first part of the “Happy Birthday” song and then speak in your normal voice right after. You’ll notice your posthumming voice is strangely smooth and perfect.” — Scott Adams, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big

We worked with a speech coach, Robin de Haas, earlier this year, who also gave us these 5 tips:

Exercise #1: Connect your breath to your body.
Exercise #2: Focus on the exhale.
Exercise #3: Speak on the airflow.
Exercise #4: Explore vocal variations.
Exercise #5: Connect voice and mind.

5 Techniques to Build a More Powerful Speaking Voice

16 March 2025

22:44 — on difficult conversations.

For the leadership stream in our MBA, we did a case on the book “Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most” by Douglas Stone.

I applied the lessons to a difficult conversation I should’ve had earlier at work last year.

One of my team member’s underperformance was jeopardizing a major client project. She started off strong, but her attention to detail dropped, her communication with the client deteriorated, and she missed deadlines without valid excuses.

Stone notes that every conversation happens at three levels: substance, emotions, and identity. In a previous call, when the client confronted her, she started crying, so I was bracing myself for big emotions again. My identity as the supportive, helpful “nice” manager also clashed with the disciplinarian role I suddenly had to adopt.

I appreciate Stone’s point about reframing the dilemma between avoiding and raising an issue. I always dreaded the painful conversation, but I didn’t always consider the cost of letting things fester and the benefits of clearing the air.

Looking back, I wonder if addressing her performance earlier might have preserved the client’s trust.

I’ve learned that the short-term pain (cost) of a frank, open conversation is often outweighed by the benefits of clarity, accountability, and trust.

22:27 — compliments I received from my team.

We did an exercise yesterday with my MBA team where we shared three things in a one-on-one speed dating setting. 1. What we admire about the other person. 2. Suggestions on where the other person can improve. 3. What we learned from the other person.

What other people see in me:

I am a source of safety. People in the team feel safe around me. I bring stability and a sense of calm to the team. I am their rock.
I can be even more forceful if I want to be. I am scared of intimidating others so I often hold back, but the team believes I can lean into my confidence and be stronger when the situation calls for it. Be kind instead of being nice. Radical candour. It’s better to be kind (give real feedback that’s uncomfortable sometimes) than being nice (avoiding tough conversations).
I have a real presence when I walk into a room. People listen and pay attention when I speak.
I am a great communicator. Very good at writing and creating slides.
I bring a calm energy to the team that helps to get the best out of everyone.
It’s clear that I care a lot and that I want the team to do the best we can.

22:05 — on marriage / your partner fulfilling certain roles.

Might sound controversial, but I don’t think your marriage has to be the place where you fulfill all your needs.

Jess and I have a great relationship but we also realize that we are limited in our capacity - we can’t be everything for each other. We support each other, but we can’t be each other’s therapists or coaches. We want the best for each other’s careers, but we can’t be each other’s career advisers. We want to have fun with each other, but we also recognize how friends can help us have fun in different ways.

The ‘limited’ nature of marriage (or any mature relationship) isn’t to say marriage isn’t a wonderful thing.

In fact, it’s because of recognizing where it’s limited and what it’s good for, that makes it beautiful.

Don’t put too much pressure on it to solve all your problems.

21:31 — on team dynamics.

I’m in a new team in my MBA.

We are struggling to find a rhythm.

First of all, we’re 6 people, so it’s a lot. I find teams of 3-4 work better. But it is what is and I want to get the best out of everyone.

In short, we are working with a startup and helping them with their go-to-market strategy.

Two people have nominated to handle comms - one with our startup coach, one with the actual startup.

So far it’s been disappointing. They communicate slowly or not at all. They don’t keep promises. They don’t show respect.

I want to do right by these people. I want to give it a fair shot.

I remember reading this line, I think it was in Zero to One by Peter Thiel or The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz or both, but it always stuck with me. The startups that do the best are the startups that are the most responsive. It could actually have been Paul Graham from Y Combinator.

The startups that do the best are the most responsive. This shows (1) the startup is the most important thing to the twam, (2) they respect other people’s time so when someone reaches out with advice/inputs/feedback they show gratitude/recognition of receiving the email quickly.

Granted, this isn’t our startup, but I still believe as a team it would be great to live those values.

Want to ask them - do they want to be a high-performing team?

Will be good to chat to them tomorrow to understand how we can work better:

immediate replies recognizing receipt - this is a cool role and you get airtime
not going to freeze/unfreeze each other - give people freedom
team > individual but if someone has a clash we can move ahead without them - everyone doesn’t always have to be there
play to our strengths (could be a weakness as well if it creates a bottleneck neck so need ways around that)
take feedback well - let the best ideas win and don’t become beholden to your ideas
don’t take things personally
commit to the success of the team (could be a weakness if it takes time away from personal life, so need boundaries)
jokes - it’s important to keep a sense of humour, which carries you through the tough times and keeps a sense of perspective
trust each other - this takes time
communicate well, clearly and early
⁠⁠form a good idea of each other’s emotions and where we stand with each other - this takes time

21:25 — new insights into writing.

I listened to this great How I Write podcast episode between David Perell and Shaan Puri.

It’s a great episode if you want to learn about writing but also listen to two dudes just shoot the breeze about a topic they’re passionate about.

Some takeaways:

Be excited.
Create a state change. Sprint, do air squats, or put your head in ice water. Do something to change your physiology before writing or recording yourself. This makes you perform better.
Write for Betty in her bed. What emotion (OMG, LOL, SMH) are you trying to evoke in her and write for that. Solve for that.
There is arbitrage in doing things / working on things that other people overlook (or ridicule) e.g. working on storytelling, working on enthusiasm, working on humour
Framing is more important than the hook e.g.

21:18 — on doing long distance. Spoiler: It’s not so bad.

My wife and I are currently in a long-distance relationship.

It’s definitely tough, life is just much easier when you’re at your secure base.

But it’s not all bad.

Some advantages Jess and I have seen:

she’s sleeping earlier and getting back to her natural bedtime/wake-up rhythm. She’s more energised as a result of this. She reads in the mornings. She has more time for sports. It’s cool to see her move to these healthy habits she had before meeting me.
likewise for me. I’m writing more. I work till late at night. I’m more focused on myself and what’s good for me. It’s a year of self-development.

Feels risky writing this but I want to acknowledge that long distance can be an opportunity to review what works for you as an individual and then take that into the relationship anew/afresh when you’re back together again.

When you’ve been together for long, you fall into each other’s habit and each other’s patterns. You lose what made you an individual and what habits were good for you. You could also lose that individuality that initally made your partner fall in love with you. Good to be apart and realize this and then do a reset when you’re back together.

Think that’s fair?

Completely understand if other couples work differently, but this is what I’ve observed for us.

In short - long distance isn’t all bad. Make the most of it to grow as an individual, reset and be more intentional when you’re back together.

21:15 — finding a secure base.

I’m finally finding my feet in the MBA. I got ripped out of my secure base (friends, my wife, our dog, our life in Munich) and dropped in a new environment, completely new, complete foreign.

I’m finally feeling more secure in the group. Forming friendships, forming bonds. I didn’t realize how important this is to me. I am self-assured but at a subconscious level I now recognize how important this secure base was to me.

Happy to find it again now.

21:13 — struggling together.

I can’t learn something from other people when the going is good.

I want to see someone’s character when life is tough. How do they perform under pressure? How do they react to stress? What is their true nature?

This is when I get respect for people.

We recently wrote exams. It was grueling, late nights, high stress. My classmates got through it. We suffered together. This brought us closer. I knew they were good people, but I now have more respect for them, I see more goodness in them, I want to be friends with them. They are deserving.

20:51 — going back to basics.

My early essays were actually quite good. Wonder if lots of people can say that. The essays might not have been the best writing but they were from the heart, and most importantly, they gave a fresh perspective on something. I captured an idea that many people were thinking but hadn’t put into words yet e.g. Luck Surface Area. I believe there is real power in that.

After this initial success, I deviated. I got more into documenting things. I started a newsletter which was more of a collection of ideas and things happening in my life. Not long-form essays. Feel like I lost my voice.

A big moment was when I wrote a personal essay, something quite revealing about parents living through their kids, also how I struck out at others because I wasn’t happy with myself. My family felt like I was over-exposing them and me. This was a tough one to swallow. Struggled with it a lot. Spoke to many people for guidance, also put a wedge between my parents and I.

After this, instead of playing to thrive, I started playing not to lose. There’s this concept I learned in the Leadership Stream of our MBA. Caring and Daring. You can play to avoid, play to dominate, play not to lose, and play to thrive. The last one requires 100% caring and 100% daring.

My writing became stale, less insightful, less useful. I was playing not to lose.

It would be cool to go back to the original vision.

Wonder how that looks?

A newsletter is fun because you can share more. You can share snippets, quotes, favourite books, essays etc.
A long-form essay has benefits. People read your writing. It’s one topic. You take people on a journey. Wonder how to mix the two?

But the energy has to come from the same place: writing from the heart, capturing what others are thinking but haven’t said.

14 March 2025

13:10 — like this quote from Amor Towles:

“The first was that if one did not master one’s circumstances, one was bound to be mastered by them; and the second was Montaigne’s maxim that the surest sign of wisdom is constant cheerfulness.” — Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow

Believe in both rules.

Stoicism. Control the controllables. Control your emotions. Control your attitude. Control where you’re going.
Fatalism. Can only be happy if you come to the realization that there’s not much to worry about. Nothing really matters in the end (it’s all a movie), so choose to laugh more, worry less.

13:07 — three favourite lessons from Humanball by Tom Dawson-Squibb and Nic Rosslee:

Wanting to win > needing to win:

“Wanting to win is a necessity if you want to be competitive. It is fuelled by energy, aspiration, and generally positive emotions. Needing to win, on the other hand, is driven by fear and can easily become burdensome and create negative emotions.”

Believe you can have an impact:

“Hey Coachie, where you off to?” I was on my way to coach the Flyers on The Fortress and said to him half-jokingly, “I’m off to go and change some lives.”

Meet people where they are, leave them where you want them to go.

“Eric Simons, the former Proteas coach, is someone I admire and have had many meaningful chats with; he will often say, “When you’re giving someone directions, what’s the first thing you do? You ask where they’re coming from.” I usually think about those words when I’m trying to get a sense of what needs to be said.”

13:06 — Summary of 10% Happier by Dan Harris:

Ten Pillars of Cutthroat Zen

Don’t Be a Jerk
(And/ But . . .) When Necessary, Hide the Zen
3. Meditate
4. The Price of Security Is Insecurity— Until It’s Not Useful
5. Equanimity Is Not the Enemy of Creativity
6. Don’t Force It
7. Humility Prevents Humiliation
8. Go Easy with the Internal Cattle Prod
9. Nonattachment to Results
10. What Matters Most?

13:03 — on finding meaning.

“Part of the problem, Mitch, is that everyone is in such a hurry,” Morrie said. “People haven’t found meaning in their lives, so they’re running all the time looking for it. They think the next car, the next house, the next job. Then they find those things are empty, too, and they keep running.” — Mitch Albom, Tuesdays With Morrie

See this a lot in people. Think it can be a massive distraction if you have someone like this in your life. Need to find a deeper meaning/purpose. Makes you grounded.

02 March 2025

17:35 — on keeping an open mind.

I think you lose a lot of nuance when you make blanket statements about people or hold certain strong positions. Like Trump’s 100% the worst president ever or I’m a devout atheist. It’s perfectly fine to hold those views, but you lose the ability to be curious, to truly try to make sense of things. It’s an easy out, it’s playing it safe because it’s an established position. But what you lose is being truly open minded (ironic) and being open to new ideas.

Far greater threat/downside than being seen as being out of line with the mainstream.

21 February 2025

10:24 — find a higher purpose than money.

“Nor did the Antarctic represent to Shackleton merely the grubby means to a financial end. In a very real sense he needed it—something so enormous, so demanding, that it provided a touchstone for his monstrous ego and implacable drive.” — Alfred Lansing, Endurance

10:20 — on marital love.

That passage from Corinthians that everybody reads at weddings really does define marital love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

17 February 2025

20:19 — cool perspective to counter the staunchly irreligious.

“But I now realized that a sort of incuriosity had set in; my sense of awe had atrophied. I might have disagreed with the conclusions reached by people of faith, but at least that part of their brain was functioning. Every week, they had a set time to consider their place in the universe, to step out of the matrix and achieve some perspective. If you’re never looking up, I now realized, you’re always just looking around.” — Dan Harris, 10% Happier

19:52 — cool quote if you want to talk about transformations.

“Lao Tzu said that what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the rest of the world calls a butterfly.” — Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment

19:34 — the point of this MBA year. A time for reflection. A hard break, stopping the train and checking if it is even on the right track or speeding somewhere I don’t want it to go.

“Always it was the same, Furlong thought; always they carried mechanically on without pause, to the next job at hand. What would life be like, he wondered, if they were given time to think and reflect over things?” — Claire Keegan, Small Things Like These

16 February 2025

22:14 — Doctor Zhivago on shared happiness. Love this.

“And so it turned out that only a life similar to the life of those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an unshared happiness is not happiness, so that duck and vodka, when they seem to be the only ones in town, are not even duck and vodka. And this was most vexing of all.” — Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

20:26 — on setting a high standard.

“But it is still important to set a high standard. It is still important to be inspired by the examples of others and to remember that a life of deep commitments is possible. When we fall short, it will be because of our own limitations, not because we had an inadequate ideal.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

I like this book. Probably my most-quoted book so far?

20:21 — find something I can devote myself to.

“The secret of life,” the sculptor Henry Moore once said, “is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of every day for the rest of your life. And the most important thing is, it must be something you cannot possibly do.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

20:18 — on people pleasing.

“Our natural enthusiasm trains us to be people pleasers, to say yes to other people. But if you aren’t saying a permanent no to anything, giving anything up, then you probably aren’t diving into anything fully. A life of commitment means saying a thousand noes for the sake of a few precious yeses.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

06 February 2025

08:30 — on taking responsibility.

“People who are ignorant of philosophy blame others for their own misfortunes. Those who are beginning to learn philosophy blame themselves. Those who have mastered philosophy blame no one.” — Epictetus, The Manual

Cool to experience this arc. Was like this when I was younger, blaming my dad for how I got out in cricket. Had to work hard to change this, everything is my responsibility. Reminds of Jordan B Peterson’s teaching.

05 February 2025

08:29 — on enemies and forgiveness.

“He knew that our enemies by contrast seem always with us. The greater our hatred the more persistent the memory of them so that a truly terrible enemy becomes deathless. So that the man who has done you great injury or injustice makes himself a guest in your house forever. Perhaps only forgiveness can dislodge him.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy

Pairs well with what Solzhenitsyn said below - if you were the prison guard, you might have been cursed to perform the same brutal acts.

04 February 2025

13:09 — never stop putting in the work. Every day is a small victory against your weaker self.

“Although I tried to always keep in mind something a friend had once told me: “Your demons may have been ejected from the building, but they’re out in the parking lot, doing push-ups.” — Dan Harris, 10% Happier

13:05 — modern society in a nutshell.

“Modern capitalism is a pro at two things: generating wealth and generating envy. Perhaps they go hand in hand; wanting to surpass your peers can be the fuel of hard work. But life isn’t any fun without a sense of enough. Happiness, as it’s said, is just results minus expectations.” — Morgan Housel, The Psychology of Money

12:47 — your misfortune could be good for you.

Beautiful passage by McCarthy. Deal with your shit. Work through your setbacks. Use the misfortune to become stronger.

“He said that those who have endured some misfortune will always be set apart but that it is just that misfortune which is their gift and which is their strength and that they must make their way back into the common enterprise of man for without they do so it cannot go forward and they themselves will wither in bitterness.” — Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses

Reminds me of what the Stoics say (also quoted below):

Here is a rule to remember in future, when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not “This is misfortune,” but “To bear this worthily is good fortune.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Similar pattern. From two different writers, two thousand years apart. Misfortune could be good fortune.

12:43 — coming alive over getting ahead.

Love this mantra. Very brave.

“Although my podcast and writing were starting to feel much more important, they still had to coexist with the consulting project. So I came up with a mantra for future decisions: “Coming alive over getting ahead.” It was a reminder to choose work that lit me up, rather than work that merely serves to earn more money.” — Paul Millerd, Good Work

Something similar. Rather go for “hell yes” than “kinda cool”.

“Once you reach a decent level of professional success, lack of opportunity won’t kill you. It’s drowning in “kinda cool” commitments that will sink the ship.” — Timothy Ferriss, Tools of Titans

Be ruthless with your time.

12:40 — why children bring out the best in us. They aren’t scared, they are unfiltered.

“Children are more honest, they aren’t frightened of the truth, but we are so afraid of seeming to be behind the times that we are ready to betray what is most dear to us and praise what repels us and say yes to what we don’t understand.” — Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

11:51 — balancing act. Also Dosto.

“Risk, openness, unpredictability, and will are all necessary for a meaningful life, but—and here is the point Dostoevsky constantly affirmed—they permit responsibility and freedom only when not taken to the extreme.” — from The Gambler by Fyodor Dostoevsky

29 January 2025

23:47 — on bosses.

“People leave bosses, not companies. Five components are necessary for successfully leading people: a leader’s attitude, empathy, communication, selling and negotiation.” — Klaus Metzenauer, Succeeding in Business in Any Market - Volume II

Very true. Experienced this myself, main reason I left Generali, my previous manager (who I revered) left and I didn’t respect the new one.

23:45 — financial reframe.

“They said, “why not consider the savings a gift from your former self?” Hmm. That was interesting. I could be grateful to “achiever Paul” for making this money and giving me the chance to reinvent myself. I loved the idea and I’m not sure why it worked, but in that moment, I gave myself permission to enjoy my life much more. While employed, my savings was for retirement, something I wasn’t supposed to enjoy until I was 65 years old. But now I asked myself, “Why wait?!” — Paul Millerd, Good Work

This is how I’m trying to think about the MBA. Using my savings as an investment from my former self into who I’m becoming.

23:41 — Make doing good deeds a habit.

“If you do a series of good deeds, the habit of other-centeredness becomes gradually engraved into your life. It becomes easier to do good deeds down the line.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

27 January 2025

20:10 — on AI in education.

Learning in a very practical, hands-on way at IMD.

They encourage us to think for ourselves (do the work first), but then they encourage us to incorporate AI to enhance our thinking. Our original answers supplemented with more suggestions from LLMs are vastly superior to just doing this alone.

This is a good approach. It recognizes the reality of how the world works out there, while teaching us to not outsource the problem solving to the machines, and still do the mental hard yards ourselves.

20:03 — met Michael Watkins today. Author of The First 90 Days.

His advice for writing - just write 30 minutes every day. That’s the only way.

My habits have gotten sloppy. Need to fix this.

I like his approach to teaching — when someone asks a question he flips it back to the audience and he lets the person answering debate the person asking the question. In this way he pushes people to continue thinking, not to switch off after the question, think a few steps further, like a chess game.

26 January 2025

11:17 — you decide how you feel. You control the frame.

“Nothing is bad or good of itself. What most people are not aware of is that they themselves decide – consciously or unconsciously – how they will view their circumstances.” — Klaus Metzenauer, Succeeding in Business in Any Market - Volume II

11:16 — stay humble.

“If you do something too good, then, after a while, if you don’t watch it, you start showing off. And then you’re not as good any more.” — J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

11:15 - good advice:

“Don’t take anything personally because by taking things personally you set yourself up to suffer for nothing.” — Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

25 January 2025

20:56 — this is my ultimate challenge. To bear things wortily. To not pity myself, to control my emotions.

“Here is a rule to remember in future, when anything tempts you to feel bitter: not “This is misfortune,” but “To bear this worthily is good fortune.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

20:55 — on surrender.

“Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.” — Steven Pressfield, The War of Art

Heard a similar expression last week and it stuck with me.

23 January 2025

21:05 — how beautiful is this. Again from Ashwin Sharma:

“this obsession with “self-improvement” is driving me nuts because the greatest thinkers have already shown us that true success lies in being who you already are. gk chesterton wrote “a tree doesn’t try to become a better tree - it just grows according to its nature,” because there’s no pretence, no concept of improvement. it just exists. merton found his way to the same truth: the moment you stop trying to be a “great poet” or “holy monk” and just be yourself, that’s when you actually find what you’re looking for. the paradox is you only surpass yourself when you stop trying to surpass yourself.”

Maybe I’m guilty of this. Constantly searching, tinkering, adjusting, seeking growth and improvement. There is an argument for surrendering to your true nature.

20:52 — saw some great presentations today.

I sometimes see myself in others. I like how Ashwin Sharma describes it here:

“the biggest unlock for me in 2024 was understanding that what a person sees in others is their own internal landscape being revealed. the unfiltered self speaking before the conscious mind can dress it up.”

During a careers session today, there was an HR manager who started by sharing that he loves music. He’s so passionate about music. He then went on to describe the company he was representing and you could see his whole body language change. Zero passion, zero emotion.

Part of me felt sad for him. Here’s this guy who’s clearly not doing what he should be doing. Maybe because he has a family to take care of, maybe because he doesn’t believe in himself, maybe because he’s scared that his wildest dreams can come true.

20:50 — ok, it’s been a while since I’ve taken this seriously. Many things going on. All positive. Bought a house, Jess and I celebrated our wedding, I moved to Switzerland to pursue an MBA.

Goal for 2025. Write more. Publish more. Don’t give up.

12 January 2025

16:09 — writer, not writing. Could be me. Change this.

“”Lots of people,” as the poet and artist Austin Kleon puts it, “want to be the noun without doing the verb.” To make something great, what’s required is need. As in, I need to do this. I have to. I can’t not.” — Ryan Holiday, Perennial Seller

15:47 — what a reframe.

“In the course of his imprisonment, Solzhenitsyn looked at the guard who treated him most cruelly. He realized that if fate had made him a prison guard instead of a prisoner, perhaps he would have been cruel, too. He came to realize that the line between good and evil passes not between tribes or nations but straight through every human heart.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

Logs - Q4 2024

John Nicholas — Mon, 06 Apr 2026 16:09:15 GMT

18 December 2024

16:57 — two observations at work.

Best time to write a summary? Immediately after the call. More impressive, more motivated, better memory recall.
Listening before judging. I could have done better in a call this morning. Don’t write people off. Don’t bring pre-conceived ideas of right vs. wrong. Listen. Ask yourself: “Why is that person asking the question?” Always goes back to curiosity over judgment.

17 December 2024

14:55 — on our biggest fear.

“Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are.” — Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

This is strong. Like the story I wrote about the men with the vacant stares. They didn’t follow their dreams. They are not here. They are living in a dream, who they could’ve been, while going through the motions (being a lawyer of doctor and family man) in their actual lives. Steven Pressfield says something similar in the War of Art.

14:50 — worrying/overthinking = something that seizes your future.

“They had a term, too, for that thing I did where something would bother me and I would immediately project forward to an unpleasant future (e.g., Balding → Unemployment → Flophouse). The Buddhists called this prapañca (pronounced pra-PUN-cha), which roughly translates to “proliferation,” or “the imperialistic tendency of mind.” That captured it beautifully, I thought: something happens, I worry, and that concern instantaneously colonizes my future.” — Dan Harris, 10% Happier

14:47 — on labels.

“So in the fixed mindset, both positive and negative labels can mess with your mind. When you’re given a positive label, you’re afraid of losing it, and when you’re hit with a negative label, you’re afraid of deserving it.” — Carol S. Dweck, Mindset

Need more people to read this.

14:45 — on becoming the pictures we make.

Iris Murdoch’s words: “Man is a creature who makes pictures of himself and then comes to resemble the picture.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

Interesting observation. We believe (become) the stories we tell ourselves. Ties in with affirmations.

11 December 2024

16:46 — thoughts and feelings are just like the wind, they come and go, they don’t define you.

“The final step—“non-identification”—meant seeing that just because I was feeling angry or jealous or fearful, that did not render me a permanently angry or jealous person. These were just passing states of mind.” — Dan Harris, 10% Happier

16:35 — some great rules from Scott Adams in How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big:

Goals are for losers.
Your mind isn’t magic. It’s a moist computer you can program.
The most important metric to track is your personal energy.
Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success.
Happiness is health plus freedom.
Luck can be managed, sort of.
Conquer shyness by being a huge phony (in a good way).
Fitness is the lever that moves the world.
Simplicity transforms ordinary into amazing.

I’ve made sketches of numbers 4 and 6.

16:25 — interesting to track how people engage in conversation.

I see this in others (and myself) sometimes. They don’t understand the current topic of conversation (or they’re not interested in it) and they hijack the conversation by asking a random, unrelated question to one of the group members. Like - hey, you guys forgot about me, fuck this current topic, let’s talk about me and what I want.

Sad to see. Happens often with people who aren’t aware of what they’re doing. They just act on impulse.

16:22 — the blessing/curse of busy-ness and constant stimulation. This hits hard. The alternative (facing your demons) is tough but ultimately worth it.

“Your mind is afloat and at the play of prompts. Do not flatter yourself in thinking that you’re brave enough or capable enough to see into the deepest and most important parts of yourself. One of the reasons you are rushing about is because you are running away from yourself.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

15:51 — creating a positive loop.

“Not letting my mind get locked in negativity made space for something else to emerge. I experienced a phenomenon I had heard Joseph once describe: a virtuous cycle, in which lower levels of anger and paranoia helped you make better decisions which, in turn, meant more happiness, and so on.” — Dan Harris, 10% Happier

15:40 — I’ve been taking a lot of notes. I’ve been working in the background.

Something is happening.

I just need to make sure it doesn’t slip out of my grip.

I am going to write about the workplace - about emotional intelligence, managing yourself, presenting yourself, being a good colleague, mindfulness at work (zoom out, creative a positive loop), people skills (don’t steam roll), storytelling (make jokes to lighten the mood), fun anecdotes and tales, book reviews (Good Work, Slow Productivity etc), personality tests (how my Briggs-Myers changed).

This will be fun. And it can build into somehting bigger. Like a book. Every week I will capture my thoughts in a newsletter. I will capture quotes. I will create a thesis - you need to do good work, but you need to be realistic, don’t be naive.

I can repurpose the newsletter for LinkedIn.

It can also become a course. Interesting angle.

I might have to go back to a personal site with personal branding. Could be a good move. Substack is good for distribution, but personal site is important for my brand and SEO. Capture some of the pieces as standalone essays. Check out Janis Ozolins. Big fan of his work — he writes a short, punchy newsletter, he creates great visuals and he has a personal site with distribution via Substack.

Want to do interviews (podcast format). Maybe ask the same few questions every time. Make it fun, make it personal. Get a good mic. Get a good outfit and background.

Want to start with Arthur Goldberg. Book him soon.

More action. I’ve been in hibernation/thinking mode for a long time now. It was good for me. I took a step back but I’m ready to come back now.

It’s like what I spoke to Michael Sklar about — at the start you don’t know what to write about, so you write about everything. People are confused, you are directionless, but it’s fine, you’re practicing, you’re getting the reps in. Later, when you have your big idea, you can harness those skills you’ve learned (crafting an essay, sketching an idea, performing an interview) and unleash them on your topic.

This is the thing - I am motivated by these things. You will always outwork someone else if they are not passionate about it.

Carla Venter from Money with Carla approached me earlier this year to co-write a newsletter on personal finance. We had a few calls but it didn’t work out in the end. It wasn’t a match. She was super excited about the space, she lived and breathed personal finance. I was lukewarm about it. Sure, I knew all there was to know about investing and saving wisely (I had worked at an asset management firm for 6 years), but I wasn’t passionate about it. The ideas felt obvious to me (invest when you’re young, invest in ETFs, set up a budget etc.), but Carla was excited to share this with financially illiterate people. She had a mission. I was just going to hold her back.

Same with Tobi Emonts-Holley. His brand of waking up early, being disciplined, working out, being a good dad, getting a lot of things done in a day has a large following and he’s doing good work. But all these things feel obvious to me (even if I don’t achieve his insane level of discipline) so I’m not as motivated to read or write about it.

And the same will probably be true for my “niche” (doing good work, doing meaningful work). Some people might find this boring or obvious. Some people might be doing this naturally. But I’m excited about it. I had to come from a place where I wasn’t very emotionally intelligent (didn’t have expanded awareness) to a place where I constantly work on it.

15:39 — on the value of staying open-minded.

““You have to carry a big basket to bring something home.” She repeats that phrase today, to mean that a mind kept wide open will take something from every new experience.” — David Epstein, Range

14:21 — on pseudo-productivity.

“A leader must know when his team is making a lot of noise signifying nothing. UCLA’s coach John Wooden summed it up like this: “Don’t mistake activity for achievement.” — The Score Takes Care of Itself, Bill Walsh

Reminds me of clockwatchers at work. “Look busy, Jesus is coming” great line from Johnny English. Heuristic called pseudo-productivity, which says activity (being online, replying to emails and Slack quickly) is our proxy for doing useful stuff (actually being productive).

10 December 2024

10:25 — on keeping expanded awareness at work.

When I don’t meditate, my awareness collapses. I get stressed, I get tunnel vision, I don’t perform as well. It happened today on a call. I was too eager, too intense. Other people could sense it. They were more zen. I wasn’t. It’s like the Alexander Technique but for business — posture of the mind. When you’re tight, everyone can tell.

10:18 — on aligning internally.

Always align internally before going out to a client. I know the temptation — you want to impress, you want to show initiative, so you go straight to the client with your ideas. But you miss an opportunity. For more inputs, better feedback, and making others feel part of the process. The extra step feels slow, but it makes the output stronger and the team tighter.

05 December 2024

10:27 — like this description of a meaningful vocation. Length x breadth x height = volume.

“Martin Luther King, Jr., once advised that your work should have length—something you get better at over a lifetime. It should have breadth—it should touch many other people. And it should have height—it should put you in service to some ideal and satisfy the soul’s yearning for righteousness.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

04 December 2024

08:35 — you want to be antifragile. In most things in life, the most important thing is to never be wiped out. Stay in the game.

“Climb if you will, but remember that courage and strength are nought without prudence, and that a momentary negligence may destroy the happiness of a lifetime. Do nothing in haste; look well to each step; and from the beginning think what may be the end.” — Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

08:26 — I didn’t love reading Overstory, it’s kind of depressing, but it does achieves its goal. It makes you more aware of your place in the broader world. Everything is interdependent. The damage we do to the environment will ultimately damage us.

“To be human is to confuse a satisfying story with a meaningful one, and to mistake life for something huge with two legs. No: life is mobilized on a vastly larger scale, and the world is failing precisely because no novel can make the contest for the world seem as compelling as the struggles between a few lost people.” — Richard Powers, The Overstory

08:23 — As I get older, I’m becoming more ruthless about who I spend my time with. I will no longer do things to please others. I will only spend time with people who are aligned with my values and desire to grow.

“Given our human impulse to pick up the habits and energy of others, you can use that knowledge to literally program your brain the way you want. Simply find the people who most represent what you would like to become and spend as much time with them as you can without trespassing, kidnapping, or stalking. Their good habits and good energy will rub off on you.” — Scott Adams, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big

08:21 — it’s good to be busy, but don’t just be busy for the sake of being busy. Next step is to do something meaningful.

“Health lies in action, and so it graces youth. To be busy is the secret of grace, and half the secret of content. Let us ask the gods not for possessions, but for things to do; happiness is in making things rather than in consuming them.” — Will Durant, Fallen Leaves

Build things, create more than you consume, leave an impact.

03 December 2024

17:23 — this is beautiful. So much time is lost in comparison and overthinking. Just be the best version of you. Tune out the noise.

“How much time he gains who does not look to see what his neighbour says or does or thinks, but only at what he does himself, to make it just and holy.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

17:20 — this is what great writers and teachers achieve. They show us a better way to experience spiritual life.

“As Joseph Campbell put it in an interview with Bill Moyers, there are two types of deed. There is the physical deed: the hero who performs an act of bravery in war and saves a village. But there is also the spiritual hero, who has found a new and better way of experiencing spiritual life, and then comes back and communicates it to everyone else.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

17:18 — enjoyed this lesson from The Great Mental Models by Shane Parrish:

Hanlon’s razor: don’t attribute to malice that which can be explained by stupidity.

Makes life easier when you keep this in mind. Useful at work. Useful everywhere, actually.

17:15 — heard an interesting take on the main lesson from Jim Collins’ Good to Great. Running a company successfully comes down to two things:

Hiring the best people. It’s difficult to run a company with low-talent people.
Deploying these people on your biggest opportunities. 80/20 rule. Let team members play to their strengths. Putting someone in the wrong role is not the best use of their talents. Make sure the superstars are talking the biggest challenges, let the 20% unlock 80% of the value.

Reminded me of Paul Graham’s analogy about the startup vs. the big corporate.

You want 10 good rowers in a canoe instead of 1000 people in a big boat. They are stronger, more aligned and can move faster than the big boat full of passengers (extra weight) and competing interests.

Also ties in well with the concept of Match Quality from Range.

““Match quality” is a term economists use to describe the degree of fit between the work someone does and who they are—their abilities and proclivities.” — David Epstein, Range

01 December 2024

16:35 — On why I’m doing an MBA:

“One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard goes something like this: If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has extraordinary power.” — Scott Adams, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big

This is how I think about the MBA. I figured out the price — this will cost me time, and put pressure on my marriage — but I’m paying it because I know it will open doors for me.

16:32 — This is what I’m trying to do with my writing and with the pivot to business topics.

“Our goal for your life is rather simple: coherency. A coherent life is one lived in such a way that you can clearly connect the dots between three things: 1. Who you are 2. What you believe 3. What you are doing.” —Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, Designing Your Life

16:29 — Experience this to some degree as well. Became too relaxed, too laissez-faire. ‘Anything goes, if that makes you happy, go for it, even if it’s at my detriment’.

“People will take advantage of you if they’re reading you as too Zen,” he said. “There’s a certain kind of aggression in organizational behavior that doesn’t value that—that will see it as weak. If you present yourself too much like that, people won’t take you seriously. So I think it important to hide the Zen, and let them think that you’re really someone they have to contend with.” — Dan Harris, 10% Happier

28 November 2024

08:45 — on mindset.

The habit of writing has made me much more observational.

In the past, I would easily zone out if a conversation or meeting didn’t interest me. Now I get a second bite of the apple. I observe the dynamics in the room, I notice my energy levels, I interrogate myself and try to learn things.

It’s a relief. Anything can be interesting.

25 November 2024

22:37 — Cool quote I heard from a client the other day.

Yiddish proverb: Der mentsh trakht un Got lakht.

Man plans and God laughs. Brilliant.

22:31 — Entry to the game vs. your magic.

Working with Unisure, they focus a lot on what you need as a bare minimum vs. what they do that is unique to them.

Certain things are entry to the game e.g. you need a website to sell online. Others are unique to you e.g. you have extremely good customer service.

Draw triangle. Inside = magic. Outside = entry to game.

22:33 — on making slides.

Always good to use progression.

A-B-C-D.

Can’t just throw it all at them at once, help people parse a lot of info.

22:31 — Beethoven wisdom:

“If I don’t write it down right away, I instantly forget it. If I write it down, I never forget it and don’t have to look at it ever again.” — Ludwig van Beethoven

22:30 — on finding my niche.

I really like the game. The body language, the things that are not said, the emotional intelligence — or lack thereof — in a room. The business is interesting, it’s entry to the game. But the magic is in between the lines. Have I found my niche? Poeple, observing, seeing behind the curtain. Such a good feeling.

Somehting that pairs well with this:

Strive not to be the smartest in the room, but to lift the smartness of the room.

21 November 2024

16:44 — fighting culture = good thing.

I love this quote from David Brooks:

“If I had to capture the core of my Jewish experience, it would be this: Eighteen people sitting around a Shabbat dinner table, all of them talking at once, all of them following all eighteen conversations that are simultaneously crossing the table, all of them correcting the eighteen wrong things that other people have just said.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

There’s something beautiful about a culture that encourages you to challenge, to disagree, to speak up at the table. Growing up in the Afrikaans culture, I experienced the opposite. You didn’t challenge your elders. You listened, you respected, you fell in line. I was lucky — my parents were less conservative than the wider culture — but the instinct to not rock the boat still runs deep in me.

WIP.

Definitely want this for my kids one day, more of a fighting culture, disagreeing respectfully.

16:36 — Cool motto:

“Corny or not, I found that old journalistic injunction to “comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable” inspiring.” — Dan Harris, 10% Happier

16:31 — on how I want to shape my newsletter going forward.

I’ve been thinking about what my newsletter could look like going forward. Something short, punchy, weekly. A mix of:

Thought of the week — a single idea, explored briefly
Book of the week — whatever I’m reading
Quotes worth saving
A sketch or visual — something hand-drawn or a simple diagram
A photo — something personal, a window into the week

Less advice, more sharing. Less “fix your life” and more “here’s what I noticed.” I want it to feel like opening a letter from a friend, not attending a lecture.

Big fan of how Janis Ozolins does his… short, visual, personal, with a standalone site for the longer essays.

Potential names:

Creators’ Corner doesn’t feel like a fit anymore. It served me for a long time, but also recognise when it’s time to move on. I see the value in creating, I also see the value in earning a living (sometimes that means corporate). One doesn’t have to exclude the other.

The People Business
The Human Business
Human Co.

Maybe I should just call my newsletter my name. Plain and simple.

[I ended up doing just this - Johnnicholas.org]

12 November 2024

11:01 — applied to do an MBA(!).

Some notes from the careers team intro at IMD:

“The airport test”: would I spend time with you at the airport or like it if you were in the seat next to them? Be personable.
“The laywer test”: Can you pitch and defend your opinions? How good are you at speaking on the spot, pushing back where necessary?

08 November 2024

14:16 — my sentiment for my newsletter going forward.

Wrote this note late one night. Been reading too many ‘fix your life’ type posts lately. What if everything was good and people just wanted some entertainment?

Stop telling people what to do. Just create nice things. Share nice things. There are enough threadbois on X. Make visuals. Share photos. Share stories. Create videos. Everyone has enough on their plate. They’re looking for beauty. Looking for novelty, a snap out of the mundane.

07 November 2024

15:40 — on overreacting when people question your credibility.

Observed this earlier this week. The CEO of a company I’m consulting to felt his company was being undervalued by a business partner.

What followed were a series of emails and presentations to re-establish the company’s standing and reputation.

Interesting observing this from the sidelines. The partner company is bigger — they probably have a lot going on. Maybe they weren’t being as respectful as they could’ve been, but they just wanted to get the deal done. They weren’t looking to protect feelings.

Lesson: don’t be too sensitive. I’m susceptible to this too.

03 November 2024

11:09 — don’t be patronising:

“When we presume to lie for the benefit of others, we have decided that we are the best judges of how much they should understand about their own lives—about how they appear, their reputations, or their prospects in the world.” — Sam Harris and Annaka Harris, Lying

11:06 — don’t just write because you want to be a writer, write because you need to share something:

“What matters more now than any other single thing is that what you’re saying is different–that it’s interesting, that it provokes some response from people. You’ll only accomplish this if you’ve got something you have to say. Better yet, you need to have something that you can’t NOT say. If what you’re writing is a compulsion rather than a vehicle for your display how smart and well practiced you are.” — Ryan Holiday, So You Want to Be a Writer? That’s Mistake #1

Guilty of this sometimes. Am I wrting to show off or am I writing because I can’t NOT write? Hmm.

31 October 2024

17:10 — on making time for creative work.

This is my biggest challenge at the moment.

Two things are true:

I feel good when I write and publish. I know it will reward me in the short term (clarity of thought) and in the long term (having a body of work).
There are immediate financial considerations. My consulting business gives me stability, and since I sell my time, I’m always “on call”.

I’m trying to make time for writing, but I’m currently prioritising consulting. The outcomes are clearer — I put in X hours, I earn Y Euros. With writing, there’s no guaranteed result, especially not a financial one.

I’m a little sad it’s come to this, but I can’t justify a luxury habit like writing when other needs on Maslow’s pyramid need taking care of.

My solution: block out sacred writing time — at least two hours per week — where I ‘pay myself’ to write. I become my own client. If anyone asks, I’m working on another project. Technically, it’s true.

16:57 — the two wolves inside me - the creative and the accountant.

I feel this inner tension between doing creative work and doing work that gives me safety and comfort.

I gave the creative free reign last year, but I lost about 75% of my income. I felt fulfilled, I was making good connections, but the bank account was bleeding.

Can they live in harmony? I think so. But the creative needs to accept that the accountant keeps the lights on. And the accountant needs to accept that without the creative, there’s nothing worth keeping the lights on for. No purpose, no hunger.

[funny reading this a year later having read Steppenwolf - does every man contain the Steppenwolf?]

16:44 — on listening to life.

“Listening to life means asking, What have I done well? What have I done poorly? What do I do when I’m not being paid or rewarded? Were there times when I put on faces that other people wanted me to wear, or that I thought other people wanted me to wear?” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

30 October 2024

10:25 — on the future of writing.

Always excited to see PG release a new essay. It’s like opening a present on Christmas morning.

This one is about the future of writing, and by extension, thinking.

Writes and Write-Nots

Paul predicts that due to (1) the pressure to produce good writing and (2) the sheer difficulty to write well, only a select few people will continue writing, while others will resort to using LLMs to do the work for them.

Similar to how work kept people in shape in the industrial era, and now only the people who want to stay fit, exercise, the same will apply to writing. Writing was part of the job, it kept people sharp. But in future LLMs will do the heavy lifting, so only the people who want to write (and use writing to think) will continue practising this muscle.

29 October 2024

21:31 — on finding a role/job/vocation that expresses the best version (or the most sides) of you.

People contain multitudes. They have multiple talents and interests. Like a gemstone with multiple brilliant, shiny, sparkly sides and edges.

Corporate doesn’t always get this. A role in a company prefers you to be a specialist, to show one side of your gemstone. It sells you short.

28 October 2024

11:13 — saved this one before. This, this is the quality to seek in people.

“What he loved in horses was what he loved in men, the blood and the heat of the blood that ran them. All his reverence and all his fondness and all the leanings of his life were for the ardenthearted and they would always be so and never be otherwise.” — Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses

11:11 — on being in flow. Can’t think while doing. Surrender to doing.

“A pitcher who is thinking about how he is pitching cannot pitch well. His focus is on self, not the task. “In any hard discipline, whether it be gardening, structural engineering, or Russian,” the philosopher and motorcycle mechanic Matthew Crawford writes, “one submits to things that have their own intractable ways.”” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

27 October 2024

23:01 — truth vs. fiction.

In their recent talk, Sam Harris and Yuval Noah Harari discuss the different qualities of truth and fiction.

Telling the truth carries a high cost — it is often painful, and it is usually complicated.

With fiction, you can make what you want it to be. Which poses a big danger in the information age e.g. Russian bots on Twitter.

It’s easy to spread disinformation, it’s hard to tell the truth.

I would also say there can be an overlap — writing fiction is sometimes an easier or more effective way of sharing the truth (less on the nose). E.g. Don’t Look Up is a comedy/satire about climate change. Or writing a semi-biographical novel instead of naming complicated relationships with family.

22:44 — the roots of vulnerability.

“Vulno” comes from “wound” in Latin.

22:42 — Sales 101.

Don’t sell them on features.

Try to determine what transformation the customer is looking for (the deeper benefits of the product), then explain how it works (features of product).

22:17 — on using fear to guide you.

“Casey Gerald’s question: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Fear is a pretty good GPS system; it tells you where you true desires are, even if they are on the far side of social disapproval.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

16:04 — on the value of books.

Writing a blog is pretty cool, but the ultimate goal is to write a book one day.

The blog is a good space to practice and test ideas. The book focuses your attention on a larger theme and brings your entire philosophy together.

11:37 — today is my 1-year “logging” anniversary.

This was my first post:

12:25 — on speaking your truth and not hiding in the shadows.

“Speak your latent conviction… Else tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame your opinion from another.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you think of something but don’t have the guts to write about it. Only to see someone else share the same sentiment a short while later. Why hold back? What are you scared of? (questions for the guy in the mirror)

I wrote about the advantages of the habit here:

I like this practice for several reasons:

Info capture (premium version). I am used to taking random notes in Google Docs and on my phone, but you put in more effort when posting a note in public. These ‘polished’ notes are easier to upcycle into longer writing later on.
Daily writing habit. I did Morning Pages for a couple of months at the start of 2022. The practice was useful but I eventually lost steam. The main thing I regret is not capturing the noteworthy segments from each day’s writing. With logging, you curate the best extracts for future use. Less waste.
Notice-taking. Every conversation, every interaction, every random daydream has value and can potentially be used in a future essay. With logging, I am reinforcing the habit of taking notice of these everyday occurrences.
Low stakes / no rules. Logs can be any length, they don’t need titles, they can be little fragments of thoughts or longer streams of consciousness. I’m still publishing, but there’s less pressure to create a clean, reviewed newsletter. This allows me to get something out in 5-10 minutes (newsletters take 2-8 hours), which is great for momentum and habit maintenance.
Writing with less fear. “Ooh, I don’t know how this will land with people, maybe I shouldn’t write this.” Enough of that. I want to speak my latent convictions. I want to share my thoughts instead of silencing myself. Writing logs has revived my confidence.

A year in, all of these benefits still hold true. I would say number 3 (notice-taking) is probably the biggest one. When I write, I take better notice of my life. I get two bites of the apple. Without writing, life feels like feels like it just slips away.

Another benefit (#6) is to see ideas cross-pollinate. It’s like my own second brain or personal knowledge management (PKM) system. Sometimes I see two or three quotes from different authors on the same topics e.g. doing the work for the work itself (Hesse, Walsh, Brooks) or the value of self-development (Wilde and Pirsig).

So far I’ve captured *a lot* of logs. Would be cool to build the log app and add some features like a log counter.

Days I’ve logged on:

Q4 2023: 49
Q1 2024: 36
Q2 2024: 42
Q3 2024: 43
Q4 2024 (so far): 20 roughly
Total: ~170 / 365

Ran a basic “find” function on “2023”/”2024” looking for the subtitles so there might be overcounting.

A count function on “:” could work to count the number of logs.

26 October 2024

13:16 — on why certain people put me off.

“Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant.” — Leil Lowndes, How to Talk to Anyone

I’m not always good at putting my finger on why people put me off, but I always have a gut feeling that’s something off.

Usually it comes down to one of the things Lowndes mentions:

Complaining
Being rude
Being unpleasant - which could include bragging or making the conversation all about yourself.

12:20 — cool quote from One Chance featuring James Corden.

“The mark of a father’s success, is by how far his children surpass him in life.”

12:10 — on the real reason I get sick sometimes.

Often when I fall ill, it’s quick and fleeting. There’s no deeper reason, apart from being overworked or partying over the weekend or travelling and being exposed to germs.

Other times, it’s psychological. There’s some underlying reason. Especially when it takes longer to recover and when medicine and rest don’t work as quickly as they usually do.

I’m going through one of these spells now. I committed to doing an MBA next year, which is exciting, but also daunting. Putting a lot of pressure on myself financially (tuition plus lost income from studying full time) and there will also be stress on my marriage (doing long distance for the first time).

Because of this, I’m feeling a low-key constant stress.

I know there are good things on the horizon (things I can’t conceive of) and I’m comfortable with the trade-off: short-term discomfort for long-term gain. But even if I rationalize this in my brain, my body is still expressing that stress. The short-term pain is still very real and can’t always be compartmentalized away.

The last time I got this sick from underlying stress was when I signed up for Write of Passage in 2021. It was a lot of money at the time, but the real investment was my time (lots of late nights) and

Dan Harris (10% Happier) mentions something similar about experiencing depression after reporting from war zones in Iraq, Israel and Pakistan. He was constantly sniffly, lethargic and unenergetic. He tested for Lyme disease, asthma, fatigue etc with no luck. The doctors couldn’t pinpoint the issue. In the end, he spoke to a psychiatrist who immediately figured out he was suffering from depression.

Rik van den Berge (my sparring partner) describes the same thing in his essays. He had struggled with health issues for a long time. He went from doctor to doctor with no luck. Eventually, he took ownership of his life. He stopped playing the victim. He proactively ran some experiments (cold showers, exercise, eating well, coaching). Miraculously (or obviously) his health issues lifted.

I also shared a story about a US doctor who quit because the healthcare system focused on cure rather than prevention. Many of his patients suffered heart issues because of stress, poor eating habits, smoking and drinking. All of which could easily have been avoided by living a healthier life. The hospitals aren’t incentivised to focus on prevention. Their business model focuses on making money from sick people.

Important to notice this and acknowledge your true feelings. Often you don’t need meds, you just need to get in touch with what’s going on under the surface.

That’s the point of meditation, I suppose. Being mindful of what’s going on in your body and your mind.

12:05 — essays I still want to write this year.

Switching to “John’s Newsletter” or “Master of Some”. Not a creator anymore. Really like business. Like business lessons. Like life lessons. Charlie Munger’s book is brilliant. I don’t hate money anymore. I don’t hate corporate anymore.
Doing the work for the work itself.
Being a participant and an observer at the same time. This is meditation.
When the quotes don’t work anymore. On snapping out of my creator-dream. Running out of runway. Doing work-work again.
Enjoying work again. Enjoying the 9-5 again.
Self-employment. You can do whatever you want. Blessing and a curse.
Rattling the snowglobe. My decision to pursue an MBA. Disruption, getting out of my comfort zone. Rik: “Isn’t it interesting that taking a bet on ourselves feels daunting, when from the outside in it’s often so clear that we should.” How tough it was to make my MBA decision. And how good it was to make this type of call. It’s a vampire problem. I’ll share stuff next year. Maybe I’ll share what I learn, but I also don’t expect it to take over my life. I don’t see myself going all in “John does an MBA” finfluencer vibes. I’ll still have other interests. I see how an MBA could seem like a step toward corporate again. I don’t think I’ll go down that route. I prefer working with smaller teams. Having an impact. Strategy, prod dev, pricing. Helps me shed that ‘actuary’ label.
Shedding the actuary identity. The label never quite fit, being an actuary, felt like wearing a L when I’m actually an XL. Restricted me. I contain multitudes.

11:45 — reading update 2024.

I summarized my first 12 reads of the year on 4 April 2024.
I then summarized the next nine books (13-21) on 17 May 2024.
The next six (22-27) on 26 July 2024.

Here are the next five (28-32).

Finished:

Kim by Rudyard Kipling (1901). 4/5. Brilliant. A charming classic with a great narrative and ample depth. A tale about India and the impact of British Colonization told from the point of view of an Irish orphan who grew up on the streets and becomes a beggar (or chela) for a wiseman. A meeting of East and West in one person. Enjoyed the elements of Eastern mysticism (old world wisdom, Bhuddist teachings), mixed in with Western views (modern, ambitious, but also naive and condescending).
The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks (2019). 3/5. A fine read, but slightly disjointed. You can see Brooks had an overarching theory (finding maturity later in life, defeating the ego etc.) but he tried to pull off too much in one book. The part on religion (and his spiritual journey) felt particularly out of place and not tied in with the bigger theme. I would still recommend reading it, if only for the quotes.
Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg (1999). 4.5/5. Super impressed by this. One of those “a-ha” books you read from time to time. Can I say life-changing? It definitely made me more hopeful about life. Can see this improving all my relationships. With my family, with my partner, with my colleagues, with myself. Up there with “Lying” (Sam Harris) and Spiritual Enlightenment (Jed McKenna) in my top non-fiction books of the year. A book I’d like to revisit from time to time. The main message is not to add judgment to your conversations and to express your true feelings. Always speak from what you would like coupled with how the situation makes you feel instead of telling others what to do and adding judgment. Can write this a bit better for a book review.
The Three Sisters by Anton Checkhov (1901). 3/5. I read Chekhov’s book “The Duel” earlier this year and enjoyed this lesser-known, but still great, Russian author’s views on life — finding meaning even when it seems there is no meaning. The Three Sisters is a little bit more absurd. It was written for theatre, so it doesn’t read that smoothly, but the same themes come out. Three sisters are stuck in the countryside and long to move back to the big city lights in Moscow. Their hopes are dashed and they are left disillusioned, resigned to the fact that they’ll grow old in the countryside and not fulfill their dreams.
Good Work by Paul Millerd (2024). 4/5. I like Paul’s writing. The Pathless Path, his first book had a big impact on me. At the time, I was going through a work/life-transition. I was at a company that made my life miserable. Bureaucracy, uninspired colleagues, lots of barriers to innovation. When I read The Pathless Path I felt seen. I was like - finally someone gets me - corporate sucks and I should quit and become a creator (go self-employed). I’m happy I did get out, but I’ve also matured since then and found work I enjoy. I took one bad experience and painted all corporate jobs as soul-sucking, uninspiring places where dreams go to die. This year my hope has been rekindled. I actually enjoy work again. I also think I’m good at it. Or at least better at it than say tweeting (so happy I’m off X). So when I read Good Work (which is basically a continuation of The Pathless Path) I was less taken with it. It’s still worth reading and it’s good figuring out your bad work, good-enough work and good work, but I no longer agree with the whole creator-good-corporate-bad narrative. There are many different ways to express your skills and talents. Not everyone will become a published author one day.

Currently reading:

Poor Charlie’s Almanack: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger by Charlie Munger. 5/5. What a read. This should be required reading at universities. A masterclass in economics and psychology.
10% Happier by Dan Harris. 4/5. This a cool book. Dan and I share a similar world view on religion and spirituality. Born sceptics, seeking deeper meaning in life. Never very religious, but open to ideas. He also didn’t vibe well with Deepak Chopra or Eckhart Tolle. Eventually he stumbled upon Mark Epstein (Buddhism), Sam Harris and Joseph Goldstein (meditation) and things started making more sense. The book’s title is unfortunate - sounds like a typical, gimmicky self-help book. It’s more like “An Introduction to Meditation for Sceptics”.
The 4-Minute Millionaire by Nik Göke (2021). 4/5. Solid book by my friend Nik. It’s a crash course in all the basic money rules. He explains a few common traps people fall in and I myself have fallen in e.g. not liking people with money (calling them trust fund kids etc). If you do that, then you’ll never get rich.
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez (1967). 50% in. This has been a drag. Struggling through it. No idea why this book is so highly acclaimed. It’s a confusing mess of family names and events and war and firing squads. There doesn’t seem to be a point or bigger theme. Things just happen. Absurdist? Not my vibe. Might shelve.

Stopped reading / shelved:

The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle (1997). This was disappointing. Expected more. A New Earth (his second book) was better in my opinion. Couldn’t really get a hold of the teaching and jargon this time. More confusing than helpful.
Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha (2010). So-so so far. While I’d be very interested in a relevant, science-based book that backs up why polyamorous/polygamous relationships work (happy to be challenged), this was not it. They made their point early on, now it’s a drag. Filled with rhetorical, strawman arguments. Everything that goes against their point is written down as uptightness and religious conformity, while their view is the only conceivable solution. 2/5.

11:35 — Charlie Munger on self-pity.

“Self-pity is always counterproductive. It is the wrong way to think.”
“The idea of ‘woe is me’ is a way to fail. To wallow in self-pity just keeps you down.”
“Whenever you think that some situation or some person is ruining your life, it is actually you who are ruining your life. It’s a fundamental characteristic of the human mind to be incredibly self-deceptive.”
“One of the great defenses if you’re worried about something is to tell yourself ‘it’s all going to be alright.’ That way you can dismiss that worry, avoid self-pity, and get on with fixing what you can.”

Love his book, Poor Charlie’s Almanack.

It should be required reading at universities. A masterclass in economics and psychology.

10:54 — on good, old-school values.

“When J. F. Roxburgh, the headmaster of the Stowe School in Vermont, was asked in the 1920s about the purpose of his institution, he said it was to turn out young men who were “acceptable at a dance, invaluable in a shipwreck.”” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

Picked up the same message in Poor Charlie’s Almanack.

10:38 — don’t grow too big too quickly.

“Y Combinator has another strong belief: founding teams should never grow beyond six until there is true product-market fit. Product-market fit (PMF) is the milestone of having created a product that customers are finding so much value in that they are willing to both buy it (after their test phase) and recommend it. Metrics that show whether PMF has been achieved include revenue, renewal rates, and Net Promoter Score.” — Matt Mochary, Alex MacCaw, and Misha Talavera, The Great CEO Within

Saw this with my wife’s company. They didn’t have PMF but already hired 15 people. It was during the 2021 market boom when there was a lot of VC money flowing around. It was too easy to get funding. When the market turned down, they had to let half of the team go.

25 October 2024

23:10 — on mismatches in the consulting/creator market.

There are people with good skills (writers, editors, actuaries, financial modellers) who can offer their services as freelancers. Supply.

Then there are potential clients out there who either know they can benefit from these services and don’t know where to look or don’t know they can benefit and need to be made aware of the potential uplift a freelancer can bring to their business/life. Demand.

So there’s a market. But there’s a mismatch.

Often the supply side is shy. I know I am. We don’t like promoting our services. We prefer it if people come to us or if we get referral business. It’s difficult going out there and sending cold DMs on LinkedIn, posting on Twitter (with the please follow and support final tweet). It feels like begging.

Would be cool if it was easier.

But there are also solutions to this:

marketplaces like UpWork and Fiver
becoming a Twitter/LinkedIn influencer/hustler - sounds less appealing.
finding people who want to do your sales / bus dev for a commission.

23:09 — on where the marketing team should fall in the corporate hierarchy.

Matt Mochary, the author of The Great CEO Within, believes a company should always be product-led. The product team should solve for the customers’ needs and constantly work on the product based on customer feedback.

Marketing is a supporting function. It should never rank above product in the corporate hierarchy. While it’s important to have product-marketing alignment, marketing is typically more effective when there’s already a solid product that meets customer needs. Otherwise it’s directionless.

23:08 — on ‘enjoying’ (learning from) difficult situations at work.

Don’t get me wrong, I prefer it if everything runs smoothly at work and everyone’s happy, but sometimes conflicts arise, people want raises, they feel overlooked, or they want to do/achieve more.

This is natural.

Where in the past I avoided these conflicts, now I see them as a normal part of business, which should be embraced rather than steered clear of.

Earlier this year I had a junior who started crying on a call in front of a client. The client is a tough character and wants results. Fair enough - he’s paying for our services. The junior couldn’t handle the pressure, turned the camera off and started crying.

This was new. Something I hadn’t seen before. I took over the presentation and ran the rest of the meeting.

Afterwards, I spoke with the junior. The client didn’t purposefully want to upset her, he just wanted to see some return on his investment and he was questioning the quality of the work. It’s not personal. This was a good learning opportunity in a young career.

I also found it instructive. To explain the situation as I saw it without protecting anyone. I also feel better equipped to handle this in future. Instead of saying the work is good enough, I could’ve been firmer on the junior from the start which could’ve avoided the situation.

Doesn’t always help playing Mr. Nice Guy.

23:08 — running an experiment this week.

Michael Sklar asked me to send him my 10 best essays and two personality tests (Myers-Briggs and the Enneagram).

He’ll use this to create a personal GPT.

Curious to see what he cooks up.

Results from my two personality tests:

I. Myers-Briggs:

Personality type: Protagonist (ENFJ-A)
Personality traits: Extraverted – 61%, Intuitive – 78%, Feeling – 56%, Judging – 65%, Assertive – 81%

II. Enneagram

Type 7: Enthusiastic Visionary.

My 10 best essays (in no particular order):

Ripples of Resilience

Increasing Your Luck Surface Area

Life as an Expat in Germany

The Future of Work

My Rules for Life

My Reading List (Top 30)

Live and Let Live

Reviewing the Balance Sheet

Poor Johnnie’s Almanack

Three Ideas to Get the Best Out of the People You Manage

20 October 2024

15:13 — on writing as an anchor to your daily life.

The last 3 months have gone by in an instant.

I got married, I got into an MBA program, I’ve been working hard on a client-project, doing sports, trying to be a good friend etc.

But I haven’t been writing. And because of that everything feels like a bit of a blur.

I haven’t recorded as many lessons and observations as previously.

Constantly need to recommit to this habit.

14:49 — beautiful writing/imagery.

“Shrouded in the black thunderheads the distant lightning glowed mutely like welding seen through foundry smoke. As if repairs were under way at some flawed place in the iron dark of the world.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy

14:48 — reconnecting with my internal ambition.

“For a long time, the word “ambition” has been connected with the pursuit of external success, starting from its derivation from the Latin ambitio, which described the act of Roman politicians soliciting votes, or seeking external approval.” — Paul Millerd, Good Work

14:45 — on how behaviour change can lead to spiritual change.

“I resented a practice that can descend into dry and pedantic legalism. But I respected how Judaism has a ritual for every occasion. The idea is that behavior change precedes and causes internal change (a belief well supported by experimental psychology).” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

14:44 — cool story. Can be applied to other non-negotiables as well.

“Seneca tells a story about Alexander the Great. Apparently as Alexander was conquering the world, certain countries would offer him pieces of their territory in hopes that he’d leave them alone in exchange. Alexander would tell them, writes Seneca, that he hadn’t come all the way to Asia to accept whatever they would give him, but instead they were going to have to accept whatever he chose to leave them. According to Seneca, we should treat philosophy the same way in our lives. Philosophy shouldn’t have to accept what time or energy is left over from other occupations but instead we should graciously make time for those other pursuits only once our study is finished. — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic

14:40 — three months into “not lying” and it’s going well.

Resonate with this.

“Honesty is a gift we can give to others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity. Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. Knowing that we told the truth in the past leaves us with nothing to keep track of. We can simply be ourselves in every moment.” — Sam Harris and Annaka Harris, Lying

Life is much simpler. I feel empowered by revealing my true self, my true needs, my true motivations. People respect this too. It’s refreshing.

14:24 — I finally upgraded to full membership of the Making Sense podcast two weeks ago.

I don’t listen to a lot of podcasts. Only Sam Harris. I like his calm, rational, measured approach to thorny, current topics. In a way, he is my moral compass in a world where people have swung too far right and left.

Every talk is excellent. It’s a great to understand the context (and the underlying truth) of the latest events in the world.

Feels like $70 p.a. well spent.

14:22 — recurring theme. Doing the work for the work itself.

“When we do the work for itself alone, our pursuit of a career (or a living or fame or wealth or notoriety) turns into something else, something loftier and nobler, which we may never even have thought about or aspired to at the beginning. It turns into a practice.” — Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro

Inputs over outputs.

“Either way, you are putting yourself on a slippery slope when you start believing that the outcome of your effort represents or embodies who you really are as a person— what your value as a person is. I speak from personal experience.” — Bill Walsh, The Score Takes Care of Itself

17 October 2024

20:09 — on your worst self often being your true self. So make sure your worst self is an upstanding citizen.

“Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.” — C.S. Lewis

15 October 2024

21:10 — Good Work in a nutshell.

“Good work: activities that give me energy and fuel my journey “Good enough” work: tasks I enjoy to some degree, which often help pay the bills, but are not my core good work Supporting activities: complementary work that supports my good work, but is sometimes a distraction “Bad” work: work I seek to avoid. Anything that drains my energy, but sometimes necessary to pay the bills.” – Paul Millerd, Good Work

14 October 2024

Had my first session with my old coach today.

We did an exercise where I was supposed to breathe and imagine myself saying no to the MBA program.

I felt calm. It felt good.

I want to write two things:

How I reject this seemingly incredible opportunity. It feels brave to say no. I feel calm. It’s about the money, but not really. It’s about Jess, but not really. Don’t want to do things for prestige. Don’t want to do this because I feel inadequate. I know enough about finance, I’ve done a lot of self-development. I will continue doing it. I say I’m doing it for the network and the foot in the door - sure. I say I can’t get sales without it. But that’s not true. I haven’t really tried. I can probably help other smaller companies. I might do Executive Leadership course one day. Sitting there at house parties, in a foreign city, doesn’t appeal to me. Not impressed by the class so far.
How I accept it. Not sure. Don’t want people to overlook me. I like the warm intros.

What’s holding me back:

don’t want to disappoint people
don’t want to say no to this opportunity - most people would give anything to be part of it.

Want to chat to Carla again.

James.

Harry re Bain. Case studies.

I am frustrated that I can’t make up my mind. Kills me.

Vision:

continue consulting
podcast/ interviews/ videos/ writing - about business lessons, leadership in business
try to get additional revenue streams going - pitch Feather again
fractional product development guy for insuretechs
business coach
work remotely, travel, be at home with Jess and Lily

It’s been a good exercise.

22:31 — some of my daily habits. These work for me, mileage might vary.

No phone before bed. Leave phone in my study. Notepad + pen for notes. Kindle for reading.
Read every single night. At least 10 minutes.
No phone when I wake up.
Go for a walk, exercise first thing if I can.
No breakfast. Just doesn’t work for me. Tried it again this year and gained a lot of weight. Rather just have black coffee and make lunch my first meal.
Writing. Can I make this a habit again. I’ve been dropping myself lately.
No alcohol during the week. No series during the week.
Timeboxing social media time. 1h window over lunch - use it or lose it.
Try to cut sugar as much as possible. Weakness.
Weekends are more chilled, fewer rules.

10:45 — on ambition.

I want to step out of the shadows.

I want to share more of my work again.

I’ve been playing it small for a while.

Nobody wins that way.

Goals for Q4:

Post a video. Take an essay and create a YouTube.
Post more on LinkedIn and Substack. X/Twitter is over. I’ve explained this before, but I put way too much time into it, took over my life and impacted mental well-being.
Build a product - like the daily task tracker or the logging app.
Redesign my website. Nate Kadlac has great resources for this.
Learn how to become a coach.
Sales / bus dev.

12 October 2024

10:43 — Hemingway throwing shade.

“Writers are forged in injustice as a sword is forged. I wondered if it would make a writer of him, give him the necessary shock to cut the over-flow of words and give him a sense of proportion, if they sent Tom Wolfe to Siberia or to the Dry Tortugas.” — Ernest Hemingway, Green Hills of Africa

Be more exact. Cut, edit, remove the fluff.

10:41 — cool description of our fear of failure.

“Anyone whose goal is ‘something higher’ must expect some day to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it even when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.” — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

10:39 — on the realities of making a living. The constant inner battle between the artist and the suit.

“Were they that much more clever than I? The only difference was money, and the desire to accumulate it.” — Charles Bukowski, Factotum

This was me last year. Someone who pursued their craft and didn’t care about money. I believed in myself and still do, but I wasn’t actively pursuing earning money. But something changed. I ran out of runway. I see the value of money now - that it can buy freedom. It was a tough realization, but an important one. Life isn’t that romantic. There is work out there can give you both money and

10 October 2024

21:03 — McCarthy on war as a forcing function.

“This is the nature of war, whose stake is at once the game and the authority and the justification. Seen so, war is the truest form of divination. It is the testing of one’s will and the will of another within that larger will which because it binds them is therefore forced to select. War is the ultimate game because war is at last a forcing of the unity of existence. War is god.” — Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian

20:54 — did McCarthy read McKenna or vice versa?

“For me the world has always been more of a puppet show. But when one looks behind the curtain and traces the strings upward he finds they terminate in the hands of yet other puppets, themselves with their own strings which trace upward in turn, and so on. In my own life I saw these strings whose origins were endless enact the deaths of great men in violence and madness. Enact the ruin of a nation.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy

08 October 2024

10:35 — on editing.

Cool observation today. My writing partner, Rik, just published his 100th essay in a row. That means I’ve been editing writing for (at least) 100 weeks.

Does that make me an editor? I guess so.

10:31 — on listing when you felt most fulfilled.

“In his essay “Schopenhauer as Educator,” Nietzsche wrote that the way to discover what you were put on earth for is to go back into your past, list the times you felt most fulfilled, and then see if you can draw a line through them.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

Reminds me of this line by Jung.

“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” ― Carl Jung

10:30 — on the pros and cons of self-employment

While I’m grateful for self-employment (I have freedom and autonomy), I also realise how limiting it can be from time to time.

Can’t get a loan.
Selling time.
Other people can use you.

10:25 — right here, right now.

“This moment right now, to paraphrase Emerson, is a quotation of the moments that have come before and will come ever after. This idea is expressed nowhere more beautifully than in the Christianity hymn Gloria Patri. “As it was in the beginning, and now, and always, and to the ages of ages.”” — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic

10:22 — on the importance of your environment.

“Never underestimate the power of the environment you work in to gradually transform who you are. When you choose to work at a certain company, you are turning yourself into the sort of person who works in that company. That’s great if the culture of McKinsey or General Mills satisfies your very soul. But if it doesn’t, there will be some little piece of yourself that will go unfed and get hungrier and hungrier.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

10:20 — keep moving up the pyramid of needs. Get to self-actualization.

“If you wanted to generalize a bit, you could say there are six layers of desire: Material pleasure. Having nice food, a nice car, a nice house. Ego pleasure. Becoming well-known or rich and successful. Winning victories and recognition. Intellectual pleasure. Learning about things. Understanding the world around us. Generativity. The pleasure we get in giving back to others and serving our communities. Fulfilled love. Receiving and giving love. The rapturous union of souls. Transcendence. The feeling we get when living in accordance with some ideal.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

07 October 2024

16:31 — on killing your darlings.

“There was a great deal of material that Hemingway wrote for A Moveable Feast that he decided to leave out, acting “by the old rule that how good a book is should be judged by the man who writes it by the excellence of the material that he eliminates.” — Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

16:25 — on letting go.

“According to Anthony de Mello, “there is one thing and only one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is Attachment.” Attachments to an image you have of a person, attachments to wealth and status, attachments to a certain place or time, attachments to a job or to a lifestyle. All of those things are dangerous for one reason: they are outside of our reasoned choice. How long we keep them is not in our control.” — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic

Felt this a bit when I quit my corporate job, became self-employed, struggled to get clients.

16:56 — struggling with this currently. I want to do more deep work.

“If you give your mind something meaningful to do throughout all your waking hours, you’ll end the day more fulfilled, and begin the next one more relaxed, than if you instead allow your mind to bathe for hours in semiconscious and unstructured Web surfing.” — Cal Newport, Deep Work

Find myself and my wife watching series most nights. Suppose this will change once we have kids. But for now, it feels suboptimal. I would prefer to do something ‘meaningful’ or higher value than watching someone else’s work every night. But what does that mean for our relationship?

What can we do together that is high-value? Does this mean I will merely have to work late every night and then we get to spend weekends together? Feels strange.

04 October 2024

10:57 — on filling that hollow place.

“We tell stories because we have a hollow place in our heart. You don’t fill that with success. You fill it by finding yourself in the stories you tell.” –Guillermo Del Toro

10:55 - feel this with Jess. As if we are one.

“Gabriel García Márquez captured it when describing an old couple in Love in the Time of Cholera: In the end they knew each other so well that by the time they had been married for thirty years they were like a single divided being, and they felt uncomfortable at the frequency with which they guessed each other’s thoughts …. It was the time when they loved each other best, without hurry or excess, when both were most conscious of and grateful for their incredible victories over adversity. Life would still present them with other mortal trials, of course, but that no longer mattered: they were on the other shore.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

10:51 — on self-awareness.

“As Goethe’s maxim goes, it is a great failing “to see yourself as more than you are.” How could you really be considered self-aware if you refuse to consider your weaknesses?” — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic

A Year Later

John Nicholas — Tue, 23 Sep 2025 14:43:08 GMT

The last time I wrote here was more than a year ago (23 August 2024, to be exact).

Since then, a lot has happened.

The blog had started to feel like a big lift (see my last mega book review). At the same time, I was taking on more client work, Jess and I were deep into wedding planning, and I had just been accepted into business school.

There was a lot going on. I also put pressure on myself to produce something unique and interesting and BIG every week. So I hit pause, waiting for the “right time” to restart. That day never really came.

Fast forward a year, and a lot has changed. Jess and I got married (yes!). I started business school at IMD in Lausanne, Switzerland. And I even started a podcast with a classmate of mine.

Tying the Knot

“Marriage is like a gem tumbler.”

It was a beautiful late-summer day in Kronberg, Germany. With temperatures pushing 30°C, we were surrounded by family and close friends as we popped into the Standesamt (registry office) in Jess’s hometown to tie the knot – the same place her parents got married 31 years ago (and by the same official, what are the odds!).

Without gushing too much (and saving Jess and you from a full public display of affection), I’m very grateful to have found my person. I love that she’s warm and has a big heart, while at the same time challenging me, and occasionally even changing her mind when I make a good point.

In my speech, I quoted David Brooks’s The Second Mountain:

“Marriage is, as Lord Shaftesbury once put it, like a gem tumbler. It throws two people together and bumps them up against each other day after day, so they are constantly chipping away at one another, in a series of “amicable collisions,” until they are bright. It creates all the situations in which you are more or less compelled to be a less selfish person than you were before.”

I also love that Jess and I can be happy apart and even stronger together. My dad has a metaphor I like: love is like holding water in your hand – tilt it too much this way or that way, hold it too tight or too loose, and it spills out. Somewhere in the balance lies the trick.

Business School

“When I look back at my MBA, I often have these a-ha moments when I can say, this wouldn’t have happened in my life if it weren’t for my decision. New and amazing things you don’t know and can’t conceive of will come from your choice.”

Those were the words , a writing buddy turned friend and mentor, shared before I joined IMD.

Before accepting, I had doubts. I was 33, recently married, and felt I already knew a lot (or so I thought) after studying actuarial science and working a decade in insurance and consulting. Taking a year off to go back to school felt like a disruption.

I’m happy to say my doubts, though well-founded, couldn’t have prepared me for the year and the many a-ha moments since.

From day one, the program stretched me. I’ve learned more about business, leadership, and myself than I imagined. I’m surrounded by fellow students who impress me daily with their ideas, intellect, and empathy. They’re ambitious (in a good way), which has pushed me to lift my game. The faculty know what they’re doing, bringing energy and perspective to every lecture.

Contrary to the nagging voice in my head, I still had plenty to learn (I guess the learning never ends). The MBA has been practical and hands-on. One day, you’re running a fictional hairdryer company in a business simulation (my team blew our whole budget on R&D and forgot marketing…), the next, your accounting prof is explaining how sustainability can be more than an overused buzzword and have a business case.

The student life has also been good. Cycling the 180km loop around Lac Léman twice (both times questioning my life choices halfway through), living in Singapore for the month of June with the entire class, and representing IMD at the inter-business school sports tournament (MBAT) in Paris.

It hasn’t all been easy – a one-year MBA isn’t for the faint-hearted. There have been late nights, tight deadlines, and long stretches away from Jess and our dog, Lily. But overall, I’m grateful I took this leap of faith and for the deep friendships I’ve formed.

From left to right: MBAT in Paris, a night out at the Marina Bay Sands in Singapore and High-Performance Leadership with Prof George Kohlrieser.

Podcasting

Around May, a classmate turned close friend, Konsti, messaged me:

“John, CVs are so boring and our classmates are the opposite. What if we interview them so they can share more about themselves than the few lines on their resumes? We can call it Unhinged!”

And so the wheels were set in motion for starting our own podcast called Careers & Character (though we’ve kept the unhinged vibe).

Since then, we’ve recorded over 20 shows, interviewing classmates, professors, and guest speakers. After pausing the writing for a while, this project gave me a new lease on creative life. It’s been incredible to connect with people I admire, learn from their wisdom, and give them a platform to share their stories. As one of our guests said (quoting his grandmother), “everyone is interesting when you look closely enough.”

Podcasting is easier than writing; the hardest part is clicking record. Konsti and I have come a long way since our pilot episode, where we didn’t even have mics, just riffed on a few ideas and said um and ah a lot. Twenty episodes later, we’ve come a long way. And in the process, I think we’ve both gotten better at listening and asking good questions — skills that have filtered through to the rest of our lives.

Season 1 of Careers & Character

2026 and Beyond

Over the summer, I completed a mini VP of Finance internship at VidLab7, a Munich-based AI startup. I worked on everything from setting up the P&L to helping with the pitch deck to improving the website. This was fun. I enjoyed the pace and the high degree of ownership. Previously, as an actuary, even when I was capable of broader work, I had to focus on a narrow scope. Now the team expected me to contribute across finance, product and sales.

As I shared with my coach last week (all the students at IMD work with a coach and psychoanalyst), it’s interesting how a label (whether you are an Actuary or an MBA) can either close or open up possibilities. It’s been refreshing to change that perception and fully step into what I’m capable of.

With the VidLab7 team over the summer

The startup bug has bitten. As my MBA year draws to a close, I’m setting my sights on finance-driven leadership roles in early-stage companies in Munich next year. When I shared this on LinkedIn, I was positively surprised by the support and inbound messages. It goes to show – people want to help, and by clearly stating your ambitions, you make it easier for them to do so.

As I mentioned earlier, I was also worried about the impact this year might have on my marriage. But Jess and I have managed the distance between Munich and Lausanne well. We’ve leaned more into our individuality while still making space for the relationship. I’m proud of us and grateful to her for fully backing me to take this opportunity.

That’s the update. It feels good to actually write again instead of saying, “I will write again.” Writing has always been more than a hobby for me. It’s a way to leave a kind of legacy, to capture my thoughts in public, to let my ideas escape the diary and see if they resonate with others. Even though I paused, I never intended to stop forever.

P.S. Please check out our podcast Careers & Character. The guests share their life stories, the conversations have depth and breadth, and the thing has legs. There are many podcasts out there, sure, but this one feels genuine and focused – as the name suggests, it's about people with interesting careers and strong character. I especially like that second part. Favourite episode so far:

Careers & Character

#04 - Professor George Kohlrieser - Never Live Without a Dream

Today, we are honored to welcome Professor George Kohlrieser to our show…

Listen now

a year ago · 2 likes · 2 comments · John Nicholas and Konstantin Dreyer

P.P.S. You’ll notice I’ve changed the newsletter’s name from Creator’s Corner to John Nicholas. Back then, when I was trying to break out of corporate, calling myself a “creator” was my way of putting a stake in the ground, choosing sides between creator vs. corporate. But over time, I realised the lines are much blurrier than I thought. It’s not always us vs. them – I actually did a lot of work for corporates as a consultant over the past two years. Many people in corporate jobs form the backbone of society and keep the trains running on time. Not everyone needs to be an entrepreneur or a “creative.” So, John Nicholas feels like a better fit: a place to capture my ideas and observations, whether creative, corporate or anything in between.

My Favourites

💬 Quote. On seeking recognition, Ryan Holiday writes about Marcus Aurelius and the “third thing”:

“Stop asking for the third thing. What’s the third thing? You’ve done something good, and someone benefited from it. The third thing is the recognition, the parade, the appreciation, the credit, the payback.”

This is a reminder I often need: to measure my work by its usefulness, rather than always seeking the applause that comes with it.

✍️ Essay. Her Divine Dividend by on his late mother. A testament to a great lady with a big soul. I may never have known her, but it’s clear she raised a wonderful son. It made me think of my own parents, and how much of our character is shaped quietly by the people who raise us. The Muhammad Ali quote James shared will stay with me – let’s keep paying our rent.

📚 Book. The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas. What an epic. I picked up the extended version on Kindle in June and only finished it a couple of weeks ago. Watching Edmond Dantès survive years in a dungeon, escape against all odds, and patiently weave his revenge was a masterclass in playing the long game. Written 200 years ago, it still reads like it could have been published today (the movie isn’t bad either).

🎙️ Podcast. The Rest is History by Dominic Sandbrook and Tom Holland. Probably not new to many, but I’ve enjoyed going back to the very beginning. A break from my usual Sam Harris and Bari Weiss (and US politics). Highlights: #31 on the Prussians, #14 on Historical Fiction, and #13 with Stephen Fry on Troy. Listening to history told with humour and a sense of the big picture has been a refreshing counterbalance to the MBA case studies.

🎨 Sketch. As I look forward to 2026, I’m setting my sights on a career that nourishes my soul and rewards my work.

Until next time — stay curious.

— John

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Logs - Q3 2024

John Nicholas — Sun, 27 Oct 2024 22:29:49 GMT

30 September 2024

10:56 — Oscar Wilde on the aim of life.

"Because to influence a person is to give him one's own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of some one else's music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him. The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly — that is what each of us is here for.” — Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Reminds me of this line by Pirsig. On the value of self-development and self-care.

“Peace of mind isn’t at all superficial, really,” I expound. “It’s the whole thing. That which produces it is good maintenance; that which disturbs it is poor maintenance. What we call workability of the machine is just an objectification of this peace of mind. The ultimate test’s always your own serenity. If you don’t have this when you start and maintain it while you’re working you’re likely to build your personal problems right into the machine itself.” — Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values

10:54 — keep taking action.

“Have faith in yourself and the universe, especially when things look bad. As long as you keep taking action, you will eventually start to pile up successes.” — Bill O'Hanlon, A Lazy Man's Guide to Success

10:51 — on why it’s so difficult not to lie.

“To not lie is a negative injunction, and it takes no energy to accomplish. To tell the whole truth, however, is a positive injunction—requiring an endless effort at communication.” — Sam Harris, Lying

I’m 4-5 months into my commitment to not lying. It feels great, like starting life from a clean slate. Relationships are less complicated. People know where they stand with me.

But it’s not easy. If anything, it’s more difficult. By avoiding the white lie (the easy escape), I have to be firm in my convictions, I need to defend my position. Like Harris says, it’s an endless effort at communication.

But after this, it’s easier. Instead of living the white lie (enduring low-key discomfort over a long period), there is only the momentary pain of potentially hurting someone’s feelings, with complete bliss and understanding after this.

10:45 — this is a great way to describe mindfulness (you are part of consciousness).

“It means that you’re playing your role on the stage, but you don’t confuse your role with yourself or the stage with reality. It means you know that you’re playing a character in a staged production. To switch analogies, it’s like lucid dreaming. You achieve normal waking consciousness within the dream so that you’re in the dream but not of the dream.” — Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment

10:36 — this is quite strong. Why women are attracted to bad men. Their love must mean something to them.

“Lastly she said that if women were drawn to rash men it was only that in their secret hearts they knew that a man who would not kill for them was of no use at all.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy

10:31 — a maxim I’m trying to live by more and more. Am I doing/saying/thinking things out of a place of love or because I want to hurt others (project my fears/insecurities on them)?

“Habitually contemplate whether your thoughts stem from love or from fear. If your thoughts originate in love, then follow them. But if they originate from a place of fear, then dig deep to find the root of your fear. Only then will you be able to finally let go of it so that fear no longer limits your possibilities.” — Timber Hawkeye, Buddhist Boot Camp

10:29 — like this line. Experienced the same when I was younger. Realized it’s all a charade.

“The ultimate way you and I get lucky is if you have some success early in life, you get to find out early it doesn’t mean anything.” — Paul Millerd, The Pathless Path

28 September 2024

10:22 — some Q4 2024 ambitions.

I’d like to coach one person. Had fun chatting to Axel earlier this year.
Work with a coach again.
I’d like to release one video. YouTube or newsletter.
I’d like to write three newsletters.

Some longer-term ambitions:

I want to work in a small team. High impact company. Generalist, finance-type role.
I want to help people become

09:11 — on money.

Nik Göke wrote a great book on personal finance called the 4-Minute Millionaire.

I’m enjoying the lessons and analogies so far. The premise is that we hold a lot of limiting beliefs about money. Either because of how we were raised or our education system or because of our habits.

Lesson #1: If you hate rich people, you will never be rich.

Very true. Something I’ve seen in myself.

Some apprehension for rich people. Not sure where it’s from. Maybe from my parents.

It’s a limiting belief.

Instead of being allergic to wealth, I could get curious about it. Figure out how people built their empires, figure out what people do for work, figure out how they invest their money.

Lesson #2: we inherit and replicate the income strategies of our parents.

Never thought of this but it’s true.

My parents aren’t super rich. They live a good, comfortable, but modest life. My mom is a housewife and my dad is a GP. They purchased a nice home and put two kids through school and university on a single income. We didn’t travel overseas, but we enjoyed nice holidays locally. Money was never a problem but it was also never highly valued. This is a good thing, I believe.

I set up my life around not chasing money at all costs. I’ve turned down jobs that require me to grind 80-100 hours per week for the allure of a high paycheck. I earn a steady income from my consulting work that pays the bills and affords a comfortable lifestyle. I’ve resisted chasing money-making schemes and get-rich-quick schemes and prefer to invest my savings in index trackers.

I have, however, inherited some limiting beliefs around money. It was a big deal for me (and my parents) when I quit my job to go self-employed. But what about your stable salary?

Again now that I’m considering to study further and pursue an MBA. Doesn’t this cost a fortune and what about the opportunity cost?

The message keeps repeating itself. Don’t rock the boat. Stick to the tried and tested. Don’t take risks. This worked for us, stick to our script.

Difficult to break free from this mindset.

Lesson #3: you are responsible for your financial situation.

Imagine your paycheck is a bus, and every passenger on that bus represents one dollar of income. You are the driver. You can decide who gets off and where they get off… rates and taxes, online shopping, restaurants etc.

Like this analogy.

Might need to employ this mindset over the next year. Cut down a bit, focus on living frugally.

26 September 2024

19:30 — on falling in love with work again. Am I a corporate-creator or a creative corporate?

I just finished reading Paul Miller’s new book, Good Work.

It follows his previous book, The Pathless Path, which I genuinely loved. One of those books that came to me at the right time in my life.

Here Paul speaks about replacing your job with the same type of work.

“Nine months into self-employment, I had landed four different projects and proved to myself that I could “make it” working on my own. But I had a problem: those projects were the same kind I had done in my consulting career, and as my financial anxiety diminished, I discovered that I didn’t actually want to build a life around this kind of work.” — Paul Millerd, Good Work

Experienced the same to some degree.

Quit my job and the first thing I could think about was how I was going to earn money again.

The easiest route was to repeat what I was doing so far. So I jumped straight into consulting work in the same industry. Same type of work as before. What was different however was the client. I actually really enjoyed the project, I felt valued, I felt recognized, I was making an impact, the team were ambitious and open-minded, they valued ideas above procedure.

So perhaps in my case, it was less the case of “formal employment sucks” and more a case of “my previous employer sucked”. I might have confused the two and seen them as the same. I quit in peak Covid, during the Great Resignation. The mood in the air was to go pathless, to go create things. I had just had this bad experience and I thought all companies were evil and soulless.

Reflecting on this now, I admit not all work is bad, there are good companies and exciting roles. Don’t hate the “system”, just keep looking for something that’s a better fit.

I’m not saying people shouldn’t pursue creative work and self-employment and pathless careers. By all means, go for it, build new skills, make new friends, live on your own terms.

Just be clear on why you’re doing it. Is it a genuine calling or are you just running away from a bad experience?

This doesn’t stop you from adding creative skills to your ‘career stack’. Getting out and saying ‘F* corporate’ fueled my writing journey. It got me into creating visuals. I hosted workshops and writing groups and I got good at facilitation. Skills which funnily enough helped my corporate career. I got better at building slides, communicating results, presenting, storytelling and facilitating discussions.

I also grew personally. It made me more reflective. I made new friends. I made bold moves, like quitting my job, something I former risk-averse self would never have imagined.

I feel like I can happily straddle the corporate-creator path now.

It’s good to be the guy in the middle. I like building financial models. I like reading my firend’s essays on Substack. Life is good. It’s all good.

18:36 — on helping others.

“As they carried on along and met more people Furlong did and did not know, he found himself asking was there any point in being alive without helping one another?” — Claire Keegan, Small Things Like These

Resonate with this deeply.

Excited to see Cilian Murphy’s adaptation for the screen.

15:56 — on work vs. passion.

“I realized how much my previous, highly planned approach undermined opportunities for serendipity and adventure.” — Paul Millerd, Good Work

Work gets in the way of passion. Can both coexist?

Also see this in my life. There is a conflict.

Work:

predictable
income-generating
limited zone of impact: email the same 5 people at work every day
less exciting, less passion, difficult to motivate yourself sometimes
short-term results, money in the bank
no legacy, part of a bigger machine, your impact on the product/service the client uses is minuscule (in most cases)

Writing:

unpredictable
not money-earning (yet)
zone of impact can be huge: essays can reach thousands of people over the world and impact them in a meaningful way
endless ideas and entertainment, highs and lows as well
long-term game, potential of becoming ‘something’ one day (a book, a business, a product etc.)
legacy-building, your creations will live on long after you

Can you have the best of both?

I wonder.

I tried going all-in on writing last year. It didn’t work because I ran out of money/runway.

This year, I’m going route 1, working as a consultant, earning money. Less time for writing, struggle to ‘justify’ writing time compared to billable hours.

14:18 — on writing consistently.

Publishing every day or week works for some people. But I’ve jumped off that wagon long ago.

I think it’s cool if people want to send out a newsletter every day or week.

Especially if it makes them happy and helps their writing process.

I think I just got over having some arbitrary rule hanging over my head. “Keep the streak” or “You need to publish to hit your goal”. Better to write every day (or as regularly as possible) and then publish (refine and edit a particular piece of writing) when I have something good to share.

The writing is for me - it helps me get ideas down (good and bad) and helps me sharpen my thinking. The publishing has to pass some higher bar — has to be useful to others.

On writing something useful — this is not always that obvious.

I don’t write about a certain niche. I like exploring topics. I hold myself to a high standard when I share something. I’m looking to improve. I would never write about the same topic twice. I’m looking to grow.

Some will say this ‘perfectionism’ is also stifling. I agree it’s a worse outcome to never publish because you never think your work is good enough. I do however believe you need some inner drive to improve and this sometimes means that pieces you would’ve published last year don’t meet your standards this year.

But what is a good strategy then?

Publishing regularly is ruled out. Not improving your craft is ruled out. What then?

I think it could be cool to start writing a book.

Bit of a jump, but let me explain.

We only have 24 precious hours in our day. We are constantly making trade-offs between different activities. I have a limited amount of time to fit in exercise, work, meals and relaxation.

To get the most value from my “me-time”, I try to focus on things that have a highly predictable level of usefulness/quality. This means I’m all in on books and the odd podcast or YouTube video. I hardly read newsletters anymore.

Newsletters introduce randomness.

They rank low on ‘guaranteed-applicability’ and ‘guaranteed-quality’. Between seeing a newsletter pop into my inbox and deciding to read it there is a moment of uncertainty. It requires a leap of faith on my part. Sure, if the title is hooky and I like this writer, I’m more likely to follow through, but there is still a chance that whatever she wrote that day does not apply to my life and is therefore a distraction (or suboptimal use of my time).

Books are different. They have high ‘guaranteed-applicability’ and high ‘guaranteed-quality’. You can apply a filtering process upfront. You can decide to read a book that’s genuinely interesting to you and then you make a 10-hour commitment to go on a journey together. You can also get off early if the book is less interesting than you expected.

But at least there is some implicit promise. ”If you read me, I can guarantee with 95% certainty that it will be worth your while.” Newsletter are more 50-50.

So what does this mean for my writing? The solution could be to back-solve.

What book do I want to write? Can I use my newsletter to write chapters for the book?

This is an interesting challenge.

I don’t have the answers yet, but I’ll let my subconscious do its thing.

24 September 2024

17:30 — Orwell on why he writes:

“He writes, he says, for four basic reasons. First, sheer egoism. The desire to seem clever and to get talked about. Second, aesthetic enthusiasm. The pleasure he gets from playing with sentences and words. But Orwell is nothing if not honest. And he has to admit that there are higher motives as well. Third, then, is the “historic impulse,” the desire for understanding. The desire to see things as they are and find out true facts. Fourth, his political purpose. The desire to push the world in a certain direction, and to alter people’s ideas of what sort of society they should strive for.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

I can relate with points 1, 3 and 4. I suppose number 2 would also be nice, but Orwell was a genuinely talented wordsmith.

#1 is obvious. Writing is an act of ego. Look at me, look at my ideas, I’m worth more than my little office job.

#3 is good. I also write to understand. Mostly myself, but also others.

#4 is important. This is the point. To make the world better or at least shape it positively by imparting your learning and theories.

08:59 — book recommendations from The Great CEO Within:

Individual Productivity:

Getting Things Done Summary David Allen 10h (the # of hours required to read the book)

Personal productivity; describes using pen/paper, simply translate that to Evernote or another electronic tool. Using this system will make you sleep better. It takes several days to fully implement the system, but is very much worth that investment.

Organizational Productivity:

One Minute Manager Summary Ken Blanchard .5h

Simple reporting structure that works. Simple enough that you can have all your team members read it. I recommend that you do. (Some of it is obviously dated. Ignore those parts.)

High Output Management Summary Andy Grove 10h

The classic tech management book. A lot more detail than 1-Minute Manager, but essentially the same structure.

The Hard Thing About Hard Things Summary Ben Horowitz 6h

Says how great High Output Management is, and then talks about what to do in some very specific and ugly situations that no other books discuss.

Sales & Marketing:

Disciplined Entrepreneurship Summary Bill Aulet 12h

Painful, but very necessary step-by-step guide to determining who your real customer is, what solution they want, and how to market and sell to them. If you only read and apply one of these books, make it this one.

Never Split the Difference Summary Chris Voss 6h

Ostensibly about negotiation, but really about how to create deep connection and trust quickly, which is the key to an excellent relationship with your three key constituents: customers (sales), employees (management) and investors (fundraising). This is the best book on sales that I have found.

Recruiting:

Who Geoff Smart 6h

Excellent recruiting process that maximizes the likelihood of hiring A players only, and then ensuring their success at the company.

Culture: Summary

The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership Diana Chapman 10h

Companies can become good using the hard skills outlined in the books above. To become great, a company must become curious and open to learning. This books shows how to do that.

08:53 — on giving feedback. Like this template from Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg.

Ask permission. Do you have a moment to talk now?
State the facts. Don’t add judgments or interpretations. When you are late for meetings vs. when you disrespect.
State how it makes you feel (anger, sadness, fear). When you are late for meetings I feel frustrated because… or I feel scared because…
State the story. The thoughts, opinions and judgments you have around the situation. It makes me feel disrespected.
State the behaviour you would like to see. Make it positive, not negative. E.g. Do X vs. don’t do Y.
Ask the person if they accept the feedback. If yes, hold them accountable to doing it.

23 September 2024

17:49 — on doing things from the right place.

'“Habitually contemplate whether your thoughts stem from love or from fear. If your thoughts originate in love, then follow them. But if they originate from a place of fear, then dig deep to find the root of your fear. Only then will you be able to finally let go of it so that fear no longer limits your possibilities.” — Timber Hawkeye, Buddhist Boot Camp

This is the easiest ‘razor’ you can use to cut through the bullshit.

When people say or do mean things, ask them whether they did it out of fear or out of love. 100% of the time, if they’re honest, it will be the former.

17:46 — on how chasing your dreams can scare other people.

“I do miss telling people about my impressive achievements and watching their eyes light up with instant respect. It was so simple and the lack of that kind of reaction is still clearly noticeable on my current path. Now, instead of igniting admiration, I often trigger people’s deepest fears.” — Paul Millerd, Good Work

I’ve also seen this.

Often when you go for a crazy goal it rocks the boat. You’re not going with the stream. This often challenges other people. They get angry that you are questioning the status quo and the comfort zone and are forcing them to reflect.

17:45 — on writing honestly.

Sage advice from Jason Zweig’s father:

I also like this quote from George Saunders.

“One of the dangers of writing a book about writing is that it might be perceived to be of the how-to variety. This book is not that. A lifetime of writing has left me with one thing: the knowledge of how I do it. Or, to be completely honest, a knowledge of how I have done it. (How I will soon do it has to remain a continual mystery.) God save us from manifestos, even mine. (“An explanation does not go up to the hilt,” said Tolstoy.) The closest thing to a method I have to offer is this: go forth and do what you please.” — George Saunders, A Swim in a Pond in the Rain

There is a lot of nuance in life.

There are no absolute truths. Some things will work for some people, others will work for other people.

There is no right or wrong as McKenna says. Everything just is.

To act like there is one solution for everything is dishonest. But lots of writers of the “self-help” variety do exactly that.

They also make a living from it because people want easy, quick fixes.

Writing with nuance, saying “it depends” or “mileage will vary” introduces uncertainty. It introduces mental work. You immediately lose the quick-fix audience.

17:39 — why we read.

“Their passion for literature (evident in their questions from the floor, our talks at the signing table, the conversations I’ve had with book clubs) has convinced me that there’s a vast underground network for goodness at work in the world—a web of people who’ve put reading at the center of their lives because they know from experience that reading makes them more expansive, generous people and makes their lives more interesting.” — George Saunders, A Swim in a Pond in the Rain

16:59 — on playing non-zero-sum games:

“There are two kinds of people in this world. The first looks at others who have accomplished things and thinks: Why them? Why not me? The other looks at those same people and thinks: If they can do it, why can’t I? One is zero-sum and jealous (if you win, I lose). The other is non-zero-sum (there’s plenty to go around) and sees the success of others as an inspiration. Which attitude will propel you onward and upward? Which will drive you to bitterness and despair? Who will you be?” — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic

Better to have a growth mindset.

If they can do it, why can’t I?

I might not know how to do it, but I’ll find out.

16:55 — I enjoy employing this tactic myself. Just asking questions.

“Franklin honed the Socratic method he found so useful for winning arguments without antagonizing opponents. He would ask Keimer questions that seemed innocent and tangential but eventually exposed his logical fallacies.” Walter Isaacson, Benjamin Franklin

16:43 — on being part of a larger collective. One of the better arguments against letting your ego dictate your life.

Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) says it’s futile to be guided by the ego. We are part of a bigger collective of humanity. What’s good for everyone, is good for the species. There’s no point trying to get ahead for yourself (ego driven) when everyone else suffers.

Gregory David Roberts makes the same point in Shantaram (or was it The Dark Mountain?). Every act that contributes to the health of the bigger collective and the world is a good act. Anything that breaks it down is a bad act. Simple.

16:40 — like this. Not so much for the actual quote but for the imagery:

“The best advice I’ve heard for people in search of a vocation is to say yes to everything. Say yes to every opportunity that comes along, because you never know what will lead to what. Have a bias toward action. Think of yourself as a fish that is hoping to get caught. Go out there among the fishhooks.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

16:36 — Dostoyevsky on being distracted (not having direction):

“It’s because I chatter that I do nothing. Or perhaps it is that I chatter because I do nothing.” — Crime and Punishment

16:26 — David Brooks on vampire problems.

“Life is filled with vampire problems. Marriage turns you into a different person. Having kids changes who you are and what you want. So does emigrating to a new country, converting to a different religion, going to med school, joining the Marines, changing careers, and deciding on where to live. Every time you make a commitment to something big, you are making a transformational choice.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

Some choices are one-way streets. They are so big, that once made, there’s (almost) no turning back. Like turning into a vampire. Once you become one, you stay one. For eternity.

Funny to note that Jed McKenna also uses a vampire analogy, but in a different context.

He compares going from being unenlightened to being enlightened to going from being a human to a vampire. You can’t turn back. You have different way of seeing things. Different needs. Almost no way of relation to your previous self and those still in the old mode.

21 September 2024

I like playing sports I’m good at.

I like working on teams that are small where I can stand out and make an impact.

Call me a confidence-player. A big fish in a small pond. Just think it works better for me.

Non-fiction essays are just too dry and on the nose.

Looking for something more moving, meaningful, different, interesting.

I also realized why I struggle with “show, don’t tell”.

My schooling and degree was focused on explaining everything. You only get full marks for showing your workings. For explaining why you made certain conclusions. This line proves this line which proves this line, which proves the next one. QED.

18 September 2024

16:53 — on finding higher forms of communication.

you are tapping into a common human weakness - something I recognize in myself - being manipulative because that's the only way we know how to communicate. If people had access to (knew) other ways of communicating they would no longer use the 'stone age' tool of manipulation.

16:49 — on building a meaningful career.

I’ve made no secret about it, I like flexibility in my career. I’ve built a life around being able to work from anywhere at any time.

Question is — can you build a company or becoming a senior leader at a business while being fully remote and fully asynchronous? Does that work? Or do people need face time? Do you need to be part of the system with regular check-ins and meet ups to lead a team successfully?

Not sure. But I would like to have both. The flexibility and the big, meaningful career, which I believe I’m capable of achieving.

16:41 — Bukowski on writing.

“Not everybody thought they could be a dentist or an automobile mechanic but everybody knew they could be a writer.” — Factotum

Hint of sarcasm? I also believed this when I started. Now realize there are levels. Some really talented writers out there. They can write well and write a lot and write consistently. Like playing tennis against a pro - you just can’t get the ball back over the net. There is a gulf in class.

08:29 — on doing Good Work.

Paul Millerd released a new book this week called Good Work.

I’m a big fan of Paul. He embodies a lot of the values I cherish in people. He got out of a career he didn’t enjoy. He took a chance on himself, walked away from a huge salary and went all in on creative projects.

His previous book, The Pathless Path, was really inspirational, and to a small or large degree influenced my decision to quit my job and go self-employed too.

What I didn’t know was how difficult freelancing would be. I had to hustle to get work. I went through a dip. I’m sure some people experience more hardship and/or can deal with it better, but still, it wasn’t fun being so exposed to not having an income and stability.

I got through it, but it was a big wake-up call. A book is a book. Life is life. Take things with a gain of salt.

So while I value his message, I don’t know if it applies to everyone. I’m not sure everyone is built for the ups and downs of freelancing.

Overall, he is right. You should do work you enjoy. You should get out of a shitty job if it isn’t serving you. The ‘pathless path’ will challenge you. You will lose status. You will lose money. You will learn more about yourself and what’s important to you. This is good. Rather live the examined life than coasting along in a comfort zone.

What’s tripping me up is that I quit my old job in corporate, but I’m still doing similar work in a consulting capacity. It’s still the same work to some degree.

Am I being a fake?

I don’t think so.

08:19 — on backing people up.

Sometimes you just need to reply to a group email to back someone up.

They need the validation. They want to hear they aren’t speaking into the void.

The CEO of the company I’m consulting to sends a bunch of emails to his leadership team. “Look at what our competitors are doing. Have we considered doing Y for marketing?”, “Look at this latest think piece. Where are we on project X?” etc.

For a while, I read these emails, took the message to heart and did the work, but didn’t reply to the email, because it felt obvious - like “yes, I agree, let’s do it.”

But that was in my mind. He didn’t know it. He thought his email landed on deaf ears.

One of the other guys on the email trail (a senior member of the team) would always reply with a short one-liner e.g. “Yes, great opportunity, let’s do it.”

Nothing major, but it gave the CEO the feedback he was looking for. He was onto something, people agreed with him. Or disagreed with him, which is also valid feedback.

So yeah - the bottomline is be more responsive. No such thing as too much communication.

17 September 2024

11:19 — on doing some experiments.

When I reflect on what I did over the last year, I like having tangible results to point back to. The year during which I was job hunting sucked. I could point to being employed, but so what, I had mentally checked out, I was not motivated anymore, I couldn’t point back to work I was proud of. I just had a long list of rejections and no results.

The same thing for the first 9 months of my freelancing career. I was actively looking for clients. I reached out to a lot of companies and promoted my work, but in the end, I got one client through an old colleague who did me a solid (a warm lead) and other clients through my newsletter (backdoor into the consulting market). So while I was “looking for clients” during those 9 months, I don’t have results to point to.

Reflecting on this, I think it could be interesting to try some different careers and courses.

I am tied to a client for work from Monday-Wednesday.

It could be interesting to do something on Thursdays and Fridays. Sure, I’ve been working on my writing. But this is a commitment to myself, which I often break. I’ve written a few newsletters this year which I can point to. But maybe there’s something more tangible?

A qualification, another gig? Could be fun to try things.

Coding course
coaching course
Modeling? This sounds funny, but I’ve heard this from a few independent sources now. I’m older now, but I’m sure there’s a market for this type of thing.

11:11 — On doing the work I enjoy.

I attended a wedding this weekend. It was a good party. There was a lady there who was part of the C-level team at a large multi-national insurance company. My wife offered to introduce me to her. Super kind of her to offer this; I am an actuarial consultant after all. I ‘should’ be networking and looking for new business leads for my fledgling consulting business.

But I just couldn’t get myself to go chat to Mrs. Big Company. I couldn’t think of anything worse. Consulting to a large, bureaucratic insurance firm represents something close to my worst nightmare (that and falling off a cliff).

I went through the wedding happily ignoring this potential business lead.

There is feedback in that. There is signal there. Although it’s not what I’m “supposed to” be doing, I now know one more thing about myself. Consutling to big companies probably isn’t for me. Consulting on pure insurance matters probably isn’t for me.

But what is for me? Well, I really like the working I’m doing for my main client this year (most of the time).

Writing. This is by far the best way to clear my mind and sharpen my thinking. Such an underrated skill. Can’t believe I started so late (age 30).
Building things - missing skillset here. Coding.
Coaching / leadership. Like working with people. See this as something I’d like to do when I’m older. This could be a very rewarding career.

This MBA option is hanging over my head. But maybe there’s something smaller I can do for a while. Something more cost-effective. And then MBA?

The ideal end state is to have a strong package of skills that I can either sell to one employer (not ideal, but manageable for a company with the right purpose and ambition) or leverage myself (as a freelancer or to start my own thing).

There are good things lying ahead on the horizon. Just need to keep trying things, iterating, learning, and eliminating things I don’t like doing.

What do I know:

I’m not an actuary
I don’t like working for big corporates
I’m more creative
I like autonomy
I like flexibility - both schedule and location

16 September 2024

08:18 — on people’s perceptions of coaching.

As an aside, I spoke to a friend of mine (the guy who I said is a natural coach) about whether he's ever considered working with a coach and it's funny to see some 'misperceptions' of coaching (even though he embodies a lot of the core skills).

He mentions that he used to be cynical about coaching when he was younger ("those who can't do, teach" type of thing), but now that he's older, he's starting to see the value of it.

He used to have a mentor at his previous company, someone older who he could chat to on a weekly basis about career and life things. It's been three years since he's moved on and he's realizing how amazing that relationship actually was. He now sees there is a big 'accountability hole' in his life.

And he's unsure if there is someone similar out there who would "get him" and all his idiosyncrasies. He's also unsure where to even look for someone like this.

Thought this was very interesting.

Like there's a mismatch between demand and supply in the caoching space and there are some common myths around the industry. There are bunch of coaches out there (some better than others) and there are a lot of people who could benefit from coaching (they might not even know it or don't want to admit it).

I wonder if it has something to do with the sensitivity around dealing with feelings and the "non-guaranteed" nature of coaching outcomes. There are a lot of emotions involved and working with feelings/personal goals etc is sensitive so people have a natural flight to safety. Rather not do it and not rock the boat, than expose yourself to becoming unsettled and having to deal with your thoughts, even if there's growth on the other side. The ironic thing (in my view and this ties to your essay) is that you sort of have to let go and fully embrace the coaching experience to get the best outcomes. If you're holding back and playing cat-and-mouse, you'll inevitably not get the results you're looking for.

Not sure if this is valuable for you, sure you deal with this a lot, but could be interesting for an essay or promoting your course or just something to reflect upon. "Busting myths" type of thing.

08:09 — on considering working with a coach again.

I’m thinking of working with a coach again for a couple of months.

It feels like I’ve been slacking on my writing and career ambitions. Sure, there is a lot on the go, I’ve got work commitments, I just got married, we’ve traveling a lot, but I don’t know many times I can still use the “I’m too busy” excuse when I postpone reflection and working on my goals.

Voel asof ek slack op my skryfwerk en loopbaan ambisies. Obviously baie on the go (baie op toer jirre). Maar dink mens kan net soveel keer die “besig wees” verskoning gebruik. Voel bietjie distracted, minder gerig op n ‘north star’.

Being honest, I think I'm still carrying 'baggage' from our previous time working together. I was going through a tough time because I wasn't getting any client work and I still view everything I did during that time with a negative lens. My relationships and mental health also suffered.

I'm not sure I could totally 'let go' / 'open up' with her. Or at least it took a few sessions to get there - which perhaps speaks to sticking with her and not going through the process again with someone new.

I also felt like I could see the 'game' she was playing or I could predict the questions in a way, but again, after a while, I let my guard down. Probably has something to do with understanding coaching techniques now (to a basic degree) and playing cat and mouse. Again, not her fault, and more to do with me not being a willing participant always.

So yeah, on reflection, maybe it's a flawed perception on my end that I need someone new.

11 September 2024

11:10 — on being grateful and helping others.

My LinkedIn profile says I’m a director at an actuarial consulting firm. While this may sound impressive, it’s not as big as people think. I am a self-employed consultant. There are so many people looking for

Creating a network for people to match them careers. People looking for jobs.

Working with a coach for a year.

Write a book with a businessman.

There are a bunch of projects I want to take on. What’s holding me back? Things take time. Easier sometimes to do the things that are straightforward, repeatable. Difficult to build new things. Can be more disciplines - I say this a lot.

Projects:

daily planner idea
book idea - different essays
write a book about Arthur
there were others? look for two ideas - Rik

10 September 2024

09:05 — on speaking my truth.

Writing isn’t about playing it safe. Take a view on things. Speak your truth.

Two reasons:

You can be proud of yourself. You are being brave and showing your true self. You are not hiding away behind some easy essays that anyone could write.
People follow you and connect with the real you. Not some watered-down, low-fat version of you. By sharing your real opinions you will push some people away while attracting others to your work. A few true fans are better than a bunch of luke-warm fans.

I haven’t written an essay in a while.

I’ve done a bunch of curations this year.

05 September 2024

08:28 — on putting myself first.

I’ve been writing before work for the last two days. Hope I can keep it going.

The idea is to put my goals first. The work will always be there.

It’s easy to simply jump back into the next task because it’s defined and it earns money.

It’s harder to stare at the blank page and capture what’s on my mind.

The hardest part is just sitting down. After that things flow.

Writing something is better than nothing.

Publishing something is better than just writing. That’s journaling.

Let’s keep it going. Onwards.

04 September 2024

09:16 — on making jokes during meetings.

I sometimes go into Zoom calls a little bit uneasy, a little edgy.

Not sure why it is. Maybe a desire to prove myself. To show that I can contribute. To make a good presentation.

The best way to break this tense state is to crack a joke or show some vulnerability.

Helps me. People laugh.

I want to believe it helps others as well. The tension is released.

E.g. One of my colleagues likes to ask team members to give a quick impromptu update on the projects they’re working on. Often without prior warning, he’ll call you up. I like this, but some of my other colleagues like to be more prepared. I quipped that he must be a big fan of cricket - while fielding the motto is “to always expect the ball”.

09:01 — on natural vs. trained coaches.

Having a basic grasp of coaching skills can elevate your value to other people (friends, colleagues, partners) tenfold.

By listening, creating space, repeating statements and asking reflective questions, you can help your conversation partner work through just about any issue they’re facing.

Some people are naturals, while others need to actively work on these skills.

I fall into the second bucket. I’ve always had strong opinions and I’ve been happy to give advice to others. This ignores their agency and the fact that they often know the answers themselves. They often just need someone to listen and act as a mirror so they can work through their thoughts.

Fortunately, I work closely with a coach. I review his writing every week. Through exposure to his work, I’ve gotten better, if not perfect, at being a good conversation partner.

I have a friend who falls in the first bucket — a coach without any formal training — someone I turn to for advice often.

I could never (or never tried to) articulate why he was so good at giving advice. I just liked his style.

After another one of our calls last week, it finally clicked.

He was living coaching habits.

Instead of giving his opinion and saying what he would've done in my situation, he was asking questions and letting me figure what I would do in my situation.

It’s funny to only make this connection now, but in hindsight, it's clear that he's living coaching values without formal training. Whether it’s blind luck or his upbringing or whether it’s self-taught, it works.

Nice friend to have around.

The good news is you can learn these skills. Especially if you have a growth mindset. You’ll make mistakes initially, but if you set your intentions and keep learning, you’ll get there.

08:29 — on being kind to your younger self.

It’s part of the human experience to grow, to seek to improve, to learn from our mistakes. This is natural and healthy. It would be weird to keep making the errors. It would be sad to believe we are fixed entities incapable of change and growth.

What often happens is that we look back at our younger selves and we hardly recognize that person. I often get a little feeling of disgust.

“What, I did what?”

“I can’t believe I got blackout drunk at that party.”

“Why was I so scared of conflict.”

These are all valid thoughts and they show how much I’ve grown.

There’s also a great quote on this by Alain de Botton, saying something like ‘if you’re growing fast enough, you won’t recognise the person you were a week ago.’

BUT… and there’s a big ‘but’ here.

I would also encourage myself and others to be kind to our younger selves.

We were doing the best we could with the information we had available at the time. We were navigating life and all its complexity with the tools we had at that moment. Sure, we made mistakes, but at our core, we still had good intentions.

I write a lot of reflective pieces and I’ve sometimes fallen into the trap of putting my former self up on a cross to be chastised. This is effective because it shows I’ve grown and learned something new. I am no longer that person and that person doesn’t exist anymore so it’s an easy target.

But that indicates a break in the continuity. Surely there was some good (a lot of good) to that person.

Maybe I don’t tell as many white lies as I used to, but I used that as my tool to avoid conflict when I was younger.

Maybe I don’t drink as much as I used to, but drinking was fun and alcohol was very normalised in my circles. It was (still is) a social lubricant that helped me fit it and chat to people.

Maybe I

xxx

03 September 2024

17:01 — some highlights from my wedding speech.

Jess and I got married last week.

It feels great. In a way it feels the same, we still watch movies with burgers in bed, but there is definitely a deeper level of commitment. It feels good to be so “sure” about something.

I really enjoyed writing my wedding speech. Want to capture some parts here.

There was a small amount of anxiety — I believe a wedding speech is one of the most important speeches you’ll make in your life. The stakes are high. Luckily my inner excitement and the feeling of love were so strong that, despite the nerves, I was completely calm and present in the moment.

xxx

16:56 — thoughts on getting married and feeling ‘this is it’.

Jess and I got married last week.

Really fulfilled. Really good space.

To my surprise, the ‘small’ civil wedding where we only invited 20 people (family and close friends) turned out to be big (emotionally, spiritually and mentally).

I knew signing the documents was the real deal, we were officially getting married, but I was more excited about the ‘bigger’ (official) wedding in January, where we’ve invited 100 people.

Last week’s ceremony was so perfect and so fitting (exceeding my wildest expectations) that I’m questioning whether we need the second celebration wedding anymore.

I’m sure we’ll go through with the second one. There’s something about making the declaration of love in front of our wider group of friends and family. We’ve also started planning and people have made arrangements. We have a commitment towards them. It will be wholesome and good and exciting, but the first smaller one would have been ‘enough’ (more than enough).

Just another reminder that my strongly held opinions are often more bendable than I think. I was a firm believer in big, ‘proper’ weddings, but now I see the merit in a smaller ceremony as well.

Stay open-minded. Stay flexible. Keep our identity small as Paul Graham says.

16:55 — pattern recognition:

“You look at where you’re going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you’ve been and a pattern seems to emerge. And if you project forward from that pattern, then sometimes you can come up with something.” — Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

22 August 2024

19:23 — don’t look at the rejections, look at the W’s.

During this time I learned the most important rule of raising money privately: Look for a market of one. You only need one investor to say yes, so it’s best to ignore the other thirty who say “no.” — Ben Horowitz, The Hard Thing About Hard Things

I didn’t love this book (perhaps I read it when I was too young - I wasn’t ready for the lessons), but this is a good quote.

Applies to life as well.

I went through the wringer when I was job hunting in 2022. I started taking the rejections too personally. The same thing happened last year when I was looking for clients for my actuarial consulting business. Every “no” hurt a lot. I ended up signing clients and everything worked out. That’s all that matters. The one out of thirty who says “yes”.

16:57 — Scott Adams is a big fan of affirmations.

This is from God’s Debris:

“People who do affirmations will have the sensation that they are causing the environment to conform to their will. This is an immensely enjoyable feeling because the illusion of control is one of the best illusions you can have.”

He also mentions it a lot in How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big.

It sounds a bit woo-woo and out there, but there’s also zero downside in trying it. Accept maybe telling others about it and feeling embarrassed, but so what.

I’ve given it a go periodically. I’m not sure if I’ve ‘manifested’ anything by writing down affirmations, but it feels good saying I’ll be a great writer or I’ll run a sub 90min half marathon. Maybe there’s something that works at the subconscious level where you start believing it and expectations meet reality.

16:45 — different writers and their different views on free will.

Cormac McCarthy is clearly in the “determinism” (i.e. free will is an illusion) camp. Most of his writing is about life being hard and people having no choices about their circusmtances and what happens to them.

“I had no say in the matter. Every moment in your life is a turning and every one a choosing. Somewhere you made a choice. All followed to this. The accounting is scrupulous. The shape is drawn. No line can be erased. I had no belief in your ability to move a coin to your bidding. How could you? A person's path through the world seldom changes and even more seldom will it change abruptly. And the shape of your path was visible from the beginning.”
― No Country for Old Men

John Steinbeck had a different view. In East of Eden he finishes the book with the story of Cain and Abel. He refers to the word ‘Timshel’, which means thou mayest.

“The American Standard translation orders men to triumph over sin, and you can call sin ignorance. The King James translation makes a promise in 'Thou shalt,' meaning that men will surely triumph over sin. But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—'Thou mayest'—that gives a choice.” — East of Eden

“Thou mayest conquer sin” expresses the very choice and free will that lies in the matter rather than "thou shalt conquer sin".

Steinbeck’s philosophy—as expressed through the novel—champions the idea that individuals have the power to choose their actions and, by extension, their moral destiny.

On his deathbed, Adam Trask, forgives his son Cal for his role in his brother, Aron’s, death. He utters the word "timshel."

Under Steinbeck’s interpretation, "timshel" becomes a message of redemption and possibility. It suggests that Cal, despite his mistakes and his mom’s dark heritage, has the capacity to choose a better path going forward. He is not doomed to repeat the sins of the past, and his life is not predetermined by the dark aspects of his nature.

08:50 — appealing against the over-hyped nature of cohort-based course marketing.

“You, yes you, the person who has never written before, can also get 100,000 followers and earn a living from writing.”

I don’t want to say this is false advertising. But it is over-optimistic.

Sure, there are a handful of writers who do go on to become successful online wrtiers and creators. They nail a niche, they get discovered, they go ‘viral’.

But using them as the poster boys and girls to sell your course feels a little bit insincere.

It’s not always about “where there’s a will, there’s a way”. Some people are quite talented at writing. They also have a niche skillset they can market and sell to an online audience.

I don’t want to sound negative, I believe in people’s ability to grow and improve and achieve things, but if I were advertising a course I would rather promise them something tangible, achievable and real.

Not “you’ll become the next Packy McCormick or the next Cultural Tutor.” Those are the top 0.0001%.

Maybe I’m sour. I also believed this for a while. I gave it a good go. I posted newsletters regulary, I tweeted often (never loved it), I tried all the growth strategies. And I grew, but I grew modestly. I never went viral, I never got to point where I could earn a living from writing.

The writing made me happy personally. And that’s good. That’s already a big win. But I also got disillusioned with the “everyone can become a star” narrative, because (so far) that hasn’t been the case for me and I’m three years in.

21 August 2024

08:44 — What’s the best mgmt. style?

I like regular meetings with regular deliverables.

The meeting is the deadline.

This works well for me — when I’m the one completing the task.

I get many tasks assigned to me. I write them all up in my to-do list. The list grows and grows but there’s no real push to complete them without a deadline, without the requirement to present what I’ve done.

Setting up a meeting kicks me into action. I don’t want to look like a fool in front of other people. I want to show them a good piece of work.

Pros:

the work gets done
clear timelines and deliverables

Cons:

don’t want to micro-manage. Solution: don’t schedule too many of these updates.
more meetings. Again: schedule one or two updates per week.

17 August 2024

16:16 — planning a series of book reviews to close out the year.

Reviewed the following books so far this year (January - June):

Cry, The Beloved Country by Alan Paton (1948)
Liar’s Poker by Michael Lewis (1989)
Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ by Lew Wallace (1880) — one of my all-time favourites now
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak (1957)
Prophet Song by Paul Lynch (2023)
The Anthology of Balaji: A Guide to Technology, Truth, and Building the Future by Eric Jorgenson (2023)
Angela’s Ashes, a memoir by Frank McCourt (1996)

August:

Lying
Spiritual Enlightenment
All The Pretty Horses

September:

Demon Copperhead
The Sun Also Rises (Fiesta)
Non-Violent Communication

October:

The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life
One Hundred Years of Solitude
The Crossing

November:

The Duel
Eiger Dreams: Adventures Among Men and Mountains
The Splendid and the Vile

December:

The 48 Laws of Power
The Great CEO Within (wasn’t riveting)
…

12 August 2024

08:46 — your biggest contribution is pitching up each day and putting in the work.

“Work is the way we make ourselves useful to our fellows. “There may be no better way to love your neighbor,” Tim Keller put it, “whether you are writing parking tickets or software or books, than to simply do your work. But only skillful, competent work will do.”” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

08:44 — dig this. Something free and easy to implement. Control the controllables.

“Pessimism is often a failure of imagination. If you can imagine the future being brighter, it lifts your energy and gooses the chemistry in your body that produces a sensation of happiness. If you can’t even imagine an improved future, you won’t be happy no matter how well your life is going right now.” — Scott Adams, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big

09 August 2024

16:43 — inputs over outputs:

“And, of course, you must derive satisfaction and gratification from winning without letting it define your self-worth, just as you cannot allow defeat to define you as a person. There has to be a balance. You can’t put yourself in a smaller and smaller box where there’s only the infliction or avoidance of pain—a personal torture chamber.” — Bill Walsh, The Score Takes Care of Itself

It’s about what you sow. What you reap will follow. It doesn’t define you.

14:34 — the gift that keeps on giving:

“He knew that our enemies by contrast seem always with us. The greater our hatred the more persistent the memory of them so that a truly terrible enemy becomes deathless. So that the man who has done you great injury or injustice makes himself a guest in your house forever. Perhaps only forgiveness can dislodge him.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy

By not forgiving someone you don’t remove the poisoned arrow from your flesh.

You can’t move on.

11:55 — another great quote on marriage:

"What greater thing is there for two human souls," George Eliot wrote in Adam Bede, "than to feel that they are joined for life — to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of last parting?" — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

11:48 — I’m getting married in two weeks (exciting, yet scary at the same time, feeling confident):

"At the heart of every marriage, there dawns an elemental shock of realization, that we have made vows to a stranger whom we must get to know; both in ourselves and in the other. Marriage is where we learn self-knowledge; where we realize that parts of our own makeup are stranger even than the stranger we have married and equally difficult for another person to live with. Marriage is where we realize how much effort we put into preserving our own sense of space and our own sense of self. Marriage is where we realize how much we want to be right and seen to be right.
Marriage is where all of these difficult revelations can consign us to a sense of imprisonment or help us become larger, kinder, more generous, more amusing, more animated participants in the human drama." — David Whyte

Going into this with eyes wide open.

Looking forward to growing together and growing as a person.

10:59 — things I’m working on:

Making writing a daily practice. The best strategy might be to make it the first thing I do every morning after sport. Write before work. It’s easy to fall into the “work trumps everything else” trap because it actually earns money. But if I only do things for money, I’ll never write. I think the writing complements my work, it slows me down, it helps me reflect, even if it isn’t immediately obvious that it earns money, it supports the activities that do. Like doing meditation or staying fit. Idea: combine logs with going through my Readwise. Save my favourite quotes every morning and capture a few thoughts (like I’m doing now).
Becoming less of a people pleaser. I care about what others think of me. Something my coach said last year - it seems like you don’t want to disappoint others, but you end up disappointing yourself. That stung. A big correction I’ve made this year is that I’m not lying (telling white lies) anymore. I’m trying to be as honest and forthright as I possibly can. This has been a big correction. It’s made my life so much simpler. I always thought I was protecting other’s feelings by telling half-truths, but I ended up complicating things further. This is going well and I’m happy about it.
Creating more video content. It’s something I’ve put off for long. But I won’t get down on myself for postponing things. It’s an aspirational goal, the time will come. Idea: create a few shorter posts. Capture a thought. Share it on social. Build confidence. C’mon, it can’t be that difficult.

10:48 — another banger quote from this book:

“Gregory Boyle ministers to gang members in Los Angeles and captures the difference between a life lived for self and one lived for others: “Compassion is always, at its most authentic, about a shift from the cramped world of self-preoccupation into a more expansive place of fellowship.” It’s one of the inescapable truisms of life: You have to lose yourself to find yourself, give yourself away to get everything back.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

10:46 — Young & naive:

“It is easy, when you are young, to believe that what you desire is no less than what you deserve, to assume that if you want something badly enough, it is your God-given right to have it.” — Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

I’ve definitely been there.

A sense of entitlement. Maybe it’s how my generation was raised - you can do anything, you can achieve anything. Reality has been far different from expectations. This advice missed one key part: you still need to put in the work.

09:01 — I like this approach to dinner with kids.

“Cellphones are banned ("Be in the now," Kathy says). About a third of the way through the meal, we go around the table and each person says something they are grateful for, something nobody knows about them, or some other piece of information about their life at that moment.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

Practices two things:

Gratitude
Honesty/vulnerability

08 August 2024

16:17 — two strong quotes about writing in here:

“Writing it was my attempt to kick myself in my own rear, part of my continual effort to write my way to a better life. "A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us," Kafka wrote. It should wake us up and hammer at our skull. Writing this book has served that purpose for me. I've also written it, I hope, for you. When it comes to what we writers do, I like to apply an observation by D. T. Niles: We are like beggars who try to show other beggars where we found bread.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

A book must be the axe for the frozen sea within us. So true. Writing helps me deal with what’s going on inside me. When I don’t write, I feel more guarded, less in touch with my feelings and with the feelings in others. It’s good to cut through and chop away at the ice.

We are like beggars who try to show other beggars where we found bread. Again, exactly what I’m trying to achieve. If it can inspire one person, it’s worth doing. It’s easier to learn from the person two steps ahead of you than the one 20 steps ahead. Sharing what I’m going through could help others going through similar challenges.

07 August 2024

17:35 — Reigniting my passion for Twitter/X.

After taking a long break from the platform, I’m dipping my toes again.

It used to be a place where I could get a good overview of news, politics and interesting topics - philosophy, books, life lessons etc.

I was happy with my feed. A perfect curation of interesting topics, things I cared about.

I levelled up along the way - making the switch from consumer to creator. I always took notes privately so it was fun to start sharing some of my thoughts in public. I did this freely without expecting too much growth, likes or comments.

But then things changed.

When I started writing, I became more tactical. I wanted to grow my newsletter audience. I fell into the “get your first 1,000 followers” trap. I started following other writers to “support” them, but there was an implicit agreement - we would follow each other and “grow” together. I didn’t necessarily vibe with their writing, I was just out there trying to grow my audience.

But why did I want a bigger audience? What would happen if my Twitter followers increased? More newsletter subs? More people buying my products?

I didn’t really have a lot of products.

I was putting in a lot of work and having no fun tweeting. I made a tweet every day for 180 days to satisfy the algorithm. My growth was minimal.

I wasn’t doing the work for the joy of the work, I was doing it hoping for some result. A lesson as old as time. If you enjoy the inputs, the outputs will follow.

Needless to say, I fell out of love with the platform. My feed was filled with self-help, writing, coaching vibes.

Not terrible, but not what I signed up for initially.

I’ve taken a 9-month break and I’m finally dipping my toes again.

First step, unfollow everyone who doesn’t match my vibe.

Second step, start tweeting authentically again. Share what I genuinely find interesting, without caring what others think of me.

17:19 — related to the previous log.

I think some people avoid being direct/honest with others to preserve friendships. They would rather suffer through it than telling the other person they are obnoxious.

This indicates something about the person not speaking their truth.

Are they afraid that they can’t make other friends so they hold onto the 9/10 friends?

Would be cool if people had more confidence. If they rejected people/things that were not a good fit, knowing that the good ones were out there.

Am I guilty of this? I guess so.

But I’m getting better. “Not Lying” is the blade that cuts through the grass.

17:13 — on being “nice” vs. being “kind”.

From Radical Candor. If someone has bad body odour, being nice would be not to mention something (or worse - lie and say, no you smell fine if they ask).

Being kind would require taking them aside to tell them they need to buy some deodorant. This would be uncomfortable in the moment, but it saves them from future embarrassment. Momentary pain for long-term gain.

This ties in very nicely with Sam Harris’ book called “Lying”, but it could also have been called “Not Lying”.

The truth will set you free.

06 August 2024

17:01 — conversation with Rik.

Discounted cashflow models can also be creative.

You can also get fired up about it.

I was all messed up last weekend. Someone made an observation about my life. You looked a little bit down when you were working, that means you don’t like your work, you’d like to do soemthing ekse. It was sort of correct, but not really. I agreed with her in the moment. But then I felt sad. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

I then became angry with her for being presumptious. Not cool to make judgments about others if you don’t know them. But also - if the shoe fits. I can control my reaction.

So why was I upset? I think because I let myself down. I wasn’t being truthful to myself. I actually enjoyed the work. Sure, not all of it, but there were parts where I could really express myself. There were challenging parts, the modeling, the back-of-the-envelope calcs.

So the observation wasn’t completely accurate and I should have stood up for myself more in the moment.

xxxxx

16:25 — New experiment I’m quite excited about.

Writing fiction. Sharing my lessons from the perspective of a made-up character.

It’s less direct, more nuanced, less in the face.

I recently read The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway and I was impressed by how candid and ordinary the characters were. There was nothing special or amazing about them. They liked to party, they drank too much, they slept around, they went to watch the running of the bulls. But there was something beautiful about how simple it was. It was honest. It wasn’t hyped up. He told it as it is. Brett was a tease, she liked the attention, she liked taking lovers.

Because the characters were so real he could easily share his observations from their perspective. Each character could be a different side of his personality.

He could easily express when they were hurting or when they were happy. It was like a front-row seat to their minds and feelings.

Example 1:

“Don't you ever get the feeling that all your life is going by and you're not taking advantage of it? Do you realize you've lived nearly half the time you have to live already?"
"Yes, every once in a while."
"Do you know that in abou thirty- five more years we'll be dead?"
"What the hell, Robert," I said. "What the hell."
"I'm serious."
"It's one thig I don't worry about," I said.
"You ought to."
"I've had plenty to worry about one time or other. I'm through worrying."
"Well, I want to go to South America."
"Listen, Robert, going to another country doesn't make any difference. I've tried all that. You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. There's nothing to that."
"But you've never been to South America."
"South America hell! If you went there the way you feel now it would be exactly the same. This is a good town. Why don't you start living your life in Paris?”

This is great - Hemingway expresses a few things in a simple dialogue:

Life is short. And people like thinking about that.
Happiness is internal. If you’re happy, you’ll be happy anywhere. Moving away won’t improve your mood, the same problems will follow you.

Example 2:

“This was Brett that I had felt like crying about. Then I thought of her walking up the street and stepping into the car, as I had last seen her, and of course in a little while I felt like hell again. It is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night is another thing.”

This is great.

In one paragraph, Hemingway makes an honest, human, vulnerable observation. You can act like a tough guy as much as you want but when you’re alone at night, you can’t escape your thoughts. You can’t keep up the act.

That’s true. It’s simple, but it’s true. Everyone has felt that in some way or another. Whether about a disappointment in love or at work.

But anyway… to get back to my original point.

I want to give fiction writing a go.

I’ll call my main character Jake. Like Hemingway’s Jake in The Sun Also Rises.

I also like Atticus.

Maybe I can have multiple characters.

Example:

Jake was angry at her. Not because of what she said. But how she got under his defenses.

XXXXXXXX

31 July 2024

17:05 — I’m not going to publish my monthly newsletter today.

I will continue to write. I’m not scared. I’m not mad.

I’m disappointed, yes. I neglected my writing habit this month. I broke a promise to myself.

I also know I will be back.

I’m no longer into the self-flagellation thing. I have already forgiven myself.

Next month will be better.

July was one of my most successful consulting months, I earned more money than I’ve ever done in a month. In a way I am proud of this. At the same time I know there are more important things than money. I am also cautious not to let money define my success.

I don’t want to overthink this. I will write again. I will publish again. My focus was elsewhere this month.

Life happens. We move on.

10:04 — so many connections between McCarthy and McKenna’s writing.

“So everything is necessary. Every least thing. This is the hard lesson. Nothing can be dispensed with. Nothing despised. Because the seams are hid from us, you see. The joinery. The way in which the world is made. We have no way to know what could be taken away. What omitted. We have no way to tell what might stand and what might fall.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy

Nothing is wrong or right.

Everything is as it should be.

30 July 2024

14:59 — you will sometimes have the most pleasant conversations with the most unexpected people if you take things slower.

Stop rushing through life. Give people some time to speak to you. You’ll be surprised by what you learn.

I’ve had the most interesting conversations with the gardener at our AirBnB in Cape Town and an older man I met while walking my dog.

“When all was said and done, the endeavors that most modern men saw as urgent (such as appointments with bankers and the catching of trains), probably could have waited, while those they deemed frivolous (such as cups of tea and friendly chats) had deserved their immediate attention.” — Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow

On the flip side, I’ve also listened to a lady share her crazy idea about how Muslims want to take over the world and impose Shari’ah law on everyone.

I guess people just want to be heard.

It’s not about what they’re saying, but that they want to be heard. They want a connection. They want someone to care.

Back to Towles’s quote… it’s about those connections, it’s about how you make people feel more than what what you do (Maya Angelou).

14:57 — leave no stone unturned, don’t deceive yourself.

“Oscar Wilde wrote, "All thought is immoral. Its very essence is destruction. If you think of anything, you kill it. Nothing survives being thought of." What he might have meant is that falseness exists only in shadow. Illumination by intellect "destroys" the untrue by revealing that there was never anything there to begin with. Just as light banishes shadow, scrutiny banishes illusion.” — Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment

30 July 2024

09:50 — this is good writing.

“The world has no name, he said. The names of the cerros and the sierras and the deserts exist only on maps. We name them that we do not lose our way. Yet it was because the way was lost to us already that we have made those names. The world cannot be lost. We are the ones.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy

I try to explain why I prefer fiction over non-fiction, but I usually fail.

For me, a story is told at two levels:

The events, the context, the scenery. This is merely the stage. The characters need to exist to convey a message. Frodo and Bilbo could’ve been Umpa Lumpas for all I care. The fact that they were Hobbits just created some structure for Tolkein to convey his message.
The deeper meaning or message. The philosophy, the lesson, the meaning the writer wanted to share. It was important that Frodo completed his quest. It was about the conquest of good over evil. About doing things for the common good instead of doing things for power or for selfish gains.

Non-fiction only has the second facet.

And because it doesn’t have the first component, it has to be more direct. Telling instead of showing. Leaving no room for interpretation. Leaving less space for the reader to draw their own conclusions.

29 July 2024

10:31 — I attended my fiance’s MBA graduation a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say, I’m very proud of her. She made a lot of sacrifices and ended up being one of the top performers in her class.

The keynote speaker, María Garaña, the Global CEO of ClarkeModet, made a good speech. She mentioned three key things every graduate should take with them.

I can’t remember the other two, but the one that stood out to me was that it’s important that people know where they stand with you. Without this, you create uncertainty, which leads to misalignment and poorer performance.

Thinking back to the roles I’ve had in my career and the times when I’ve performed best, they’ve always come from a place of certainty and a clear map of how I could progress within the organization.

Now that I’m managing others, I can see how I’ve sometimes fallen short of this standard. Something to work on.

10:25 — Bingo. I’ve been there. Happy I got out. Nothing worse than not living an authentic life.

“There was a lot of commentary in those days about the soul-sucking perils of conformity, of being nothing more than an organization man, the man in the gray flannel suit, a numb status seeker. There was a sense that the group had crushed the individual, and that people, reduced to a number, had no sense of an authentic self.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain

Realizing more and more that “actuary” is a bad fit for my talents/passions/desires. I did it. But I will be something more. I will achieve more. I will not be confined by a company or a label or cubicle job. I can give the world so much more.

26 July 2024

15:55 - it’s important to figure out what you like to do vs. not.

Like an audit of what gives you energy and what sucks you dry.

Marshalle Rosenberg calls this what brings forth your “life force”. You want to do things that increase your life force, not things that diminish it.

Not:

Actuarial audits. I’m not good at it. Quite slow. Think it’s something you must (1) enjoy doing and (2) gain experience doing while you’re still young. I started late and I do these projects half-heartedly.

Hot:

building stuff
product ideas
Writing. I like writing, makes me feel good. I also like reviewing essays. Less so than writing my own, but I can make genuine improvements to pieces.

XXXXXXXX

12:20 — Hot vs. Not book review.

Maybe this goes over multiple editions.

Hot (some of my favourite books this year):

Spiritual Enlightenment by Jed McKenna
Lying by Sam Harris
The Border Trilogy
Ben Hur
Doctor Zhivago
Non Violent Communication A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg (1999).

Not:

Die With Zero by Bill Perkins. 1/5. Reviewed on 2 February 2024.
A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney. 2/5. Reviewed on 2 February 2024.
What’s Our Problem?: A Self-Help Book for Societies by Tim Urban. 3/5. Reviewed on 17 May 2024.

XXXXXXXX

12:11 — Reading update 2024:

I summarized my first 12 reads of the year on 4 April 2024.

I then summarized the next nine books on 17 May 2024.

I’ve read six more books since then (the pace slowing down a bit, but I’ve also increased my “currently reading” shelf from 4 to 9 so maybe there will be a glut of books that come through soon).

Books 22-27:

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver (2022). This was sad as hell (I even sound like him now). A book about the oxycontin crisis that raged in America in the 1990s. A poor kid dealt a bad hand early in life (drug-addict mom, growing up in a trailer park). He got one chance to make things right, adopted into a good family, but he got hooked on Oxy after suffering a knee injury in football. Told with humour and love. It gives you a new perspective on how normal people like you and me can become addicts.
All The Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy (Border Trilogy #1) (1992). My favourite book out of the trilogy. 4.5/5. A story of a young cowboy, John Grady Cole (16 years old), who’s family loses their farm. He sets out to Mexico with one of his friends to make a new life. On their way, another rider joins them. He’s only 13. In an unfortunate turn of events, they lose their horses and try to get them back, but get hunted down and their young comrade gets killed. Grady and his friend end up working on a cattle farm. Grady works their horses (he’s so good with horses) and falls in love with the farmer’s daughter. It’s a forbidden love that gets him into even more trouble, almost costing him his life. Grady’s charachter represents everything that’s good with the world. He’s fair, he’s kind, he believes in doing what’s right. The world keeps throwing challenges his way but he remains steadfast. He has his own sense of justice and it nearly breaks him, but he perseveres. Quote:

“There's a way to train a horse where when you get done you've got the horse. On his own ground. A good horse will figure things out on his own. You can see what's in his heart. He wont do one thing while you're watching him and another when you aint. He's all of a piece. When you've got a horse to that place you cant hardly get him to do somethin he knows is wrong. He'll fight you over it. And if you mistreat him it just about kills him. A good horse has justice in his heart.”

The Crossing by Cormac McCarthy (Border Trilogy #2) (1994). Another stunning novel. McCarthy has become one of my favourite authors. I used to be a big Ishiguro fan and I guess I still am, but McCarthy’s writing is more honest, brutal, real, masculine. Like a dense philosophy lesson presented as a novel. A young kid, Billy Parham, is tasked with trapping a wolf on his dad’s farm. After months of trying, he catches the wolf, but he can’t bring himself to kill her. Instead of going home, he leads her to Mexico. This is where things take a tragic turn. Mexico is unkind to Billy and his wolf. He has to kill her out of mercy. This made me stop reading. Few books have this power. He returns to America and teams up with his brother and they cross the border again, this time to find their dead dad’s horses (they had been robbed and the parents had been killed). They find the horses, but Billy’s brother almost loses his life. The structure is interesting, Billy goes through one tragic event, then listens to a story, moves on, another event, story, movement, repeat.
Cities of the Plain by Cormac McCarthy (Border Trilogy #2) (1998). The third book in the trilogy. Grady and Parham’s lives intersect. They work together on a ranch outside El Paso. They go over the border to Juarez to party. Grady falls in love with a prostitute, which has a tragic end. A fitting ending to the series. All three books were epic. The Crossing and Cities of the Plain were slightly more intricate and philosophical and complicated at stages. All The Pretty Horses appealed to me because of its frankness. Would recommend reading all three and enjoying McCarthy’s genius.
Lying by Sam Harris (2011). Definitely one of the books that has challenged my standard operating procedure the most in recent history. Spiritual Enlightenment by Jed McKenna was also an internal-narrative-challenging book, but in a different way. That challenged my closely-held beliefs and my grip on the world. It was like unclenching my brain, relaxing my constant search for control and meaning, where in fact, there is none to start with. This book was more of a moral correction, something that centred me and unmuddied the waters. Like adding chlorine to a pool. His argument is simple - there is very little point in lying. Even white lies carry no benefit.
The Sun Also Rises (Fiesta) by Ernst Hemingway (1926). A true Hemingway classic. I was impressed by how candid and ordinary the characters and narrative were. There was nothing special or amazing about them. They liked to party, they drank too much, they slept around, they went to watch the running of the bulls. But there was something beautiful about how simple it was. It was honest. It wasn’t hyped up. Because the characters were so real he could easily share their observations. He could easily express when they were hurting or when they were happy. It was like a front-row seat to their minds and feelings. Great writing.

Currently reading:

The Great CEO Within: The Tactical Guide to Company Building by Matt Mochary (2019). It’s good. Solid overview of the basics you need to know as a founder. Leading with empathy, working with coaches, how to track processes in your company, how to think about hiring.
The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks (2019). A very fine read. Lots of great quotes. You can see that Brooks is an established writer and he is well educated and well read. I like the premise, that you are initially driven by your ego and achievements, and then go through a valley in life, re-assess things, and approach life from a selfless perspective after this. The book goes into some weird twists and turns, but overall it stays on track. Very much in line with something I would write if I ever wrote a book.
What Is Art? by Leo Tolstoy (1897). Paused for now. Need to pick it up again. Not sure how I feel about Tolstoy the non-fiction writer. He expressed himself better in his novels. Points to the fact that it might sometimes be easier to convey a message or philosophy in fictional rather non-fiction form.
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle (1997). Not sure I like the question & answer format. Not grabbing me as much as A New Earth. Maybe you only need to read one of them. Not to take anything away from Tolle, A New Earth was brilliant.
Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg (1999). Super impressed by this. One of those a-ha books. Can I say life changing? Definitely making me more hopeful about life. Can see this improving all my relationships. With my family, with my partner, with my colleagues, with myself. Up there with “Lying” (Sam Harris) and Spiritual Enlightenment (Jed McKenna) in my top non-fiction books of the year.
Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha (2010). So-so so far. While I’d be very interested in a relevant, science-based book that backs up why polyamorous/polygamous relationships work (happy to be challenged), this was not it. They made their point early on, now it’s a drag. Filled with rhetorical, strawman arguments. Everything that goes against their point is written down as uptightness and religious conformity, while their view is the only conceivable solution. 2/5.
The Three Sisters by Anton Checkhov (1901). I read Chekhov’s book “The Duel” earlier this year and enjoyed this lesser-known, but still great, Russain author’s views on life — finding meaning even when it seems there is no meaning. The Three Sisters is a little bit more absurd. It was written for theatre, so it doesn’t read that smoothly, but I’m about 80% in and I still don’t get the point. Maybe I’m missing something.
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez (1967). 10% in. Very promising so far. Shades of McCarthy.

11:56 — logical fallacy / Stoic correction.

It seems obvious to me not to fall into this trap, but other people still go there.

When you’ve made an irreversible decision there’s no point thinking about anymore. It’s done. The show’s over. It’s time to move on.

For example, if you’ve sold shares at a certain price, there’s no point going back the next day to see if the share price increased or decreased. Deep down you want to check if you sold at the right time. If the stock went up, then you could have made more money had you sold a day later. This will sadden you. If the stock went down, you would have exited at the right time. You will feel happy because your decision id vindicated.

But this is a logical flaw. You are putting your emotions/mental calmness through unnecessary stress. You sold the stock, you took the view that it was the right time to get out. What it does after that should have no impact on you because you can’t reverse that decision. You can only control what you can control, so why allow this (arbitrary) thing to make you sad or happy.

Another example - say you’ve been looking for a new apartment for a while. You finally found the right apartment at the right price in the best neighbourhood close to all the amenities (restaurants, gyms, parks etc.). You lock in a 12-month contract. You’re in. You’re going to live there.

Now you go on the property finder website the next day to check if you made the right decision. Maybe there’s a new spot at a cheaper price that pops up - oh no. Or there are still only more expensive/smaller apartments left - you are vindicated.

Not realizing that you can never step into these parallel realities. You have locked into this decision - you are in this universe where you have a 12-month lease. Whether there are other better/worse properties out there has no bearing on where you will live. It can only affect your mood/happiness. Is this something you want to gamble with? Like putting a dime in the slot machine? Isn’t it better to focus on more important things? Like meaningful work or getting the movers to pick up your stuff.

Maybe this speaks to a larger thing about commitment issues. Like dating apps always offering you a plethora of better-looking partners. Difficult to commit to the current “lease” if there are better options out there.

I just think more people can benefit from Stoic values to sidestep these traps.

25 July 2024

12:07 — new app.

I like the following system.

RH column: list all my to-dos. Some of them are fixed i.e. they need to happen at a specific time e.g. meetings. Others are variable. They can be slotted in among the fixed items e.g. going for a run. Number them from 1-10 max (I did 13 here - naughty). Important: assign an ‘expected time to complete’ to each item.

LH column: next split the day into timeslots. First assign the fixed items to the times when they will take place e.g. meeting from 14:00-14:30. Next plug the gaps with the variable items according to their expected time to complete. Outdoor spots might be better in the morning or evening if it’s too hot during the day. Work items might fit in well in the middle of the day between meetings.

Feels like a good system.

Benefits:

Each to-do has an expected duration. So it’s not just a random note without context. With an assigned time it’s easier to plan when to do the task.
There are a maximum of 10 to-dos. 10 items per day is a good goal. Oliver Burkeman’s slow productivity philosophy - we’re not superheroes.
You can see when you’re overreaching. I like to write down all my to do’s on a sheet of paper with the false hope that I can do them all if the conditions were perfect and I had superhuman focusing strength. But with this method, when your pigeon holes are full, your pigeon holes are full. You’ve hit your limit.
This encourages prioritization. Not everything can be important. Some things are more important than others. You need to be discerning.

Wonder if I can build this.

Similar to the Logs app idea.

12 July 2024

Wes - empathy and compartmentalize

Wes - engagement. fighting for it.

XXXXXXXX

11 July 2024

11:04 — cool reframe on doing hard things.

Don’t be put off when you’re doing something difficult (e.g. training for a marathon) or building something that’s first of its kind (launching a new product).

It’s supposed to be difficult.

Embrace that. Don’t expect things to be easy.

Advantages of this reframe:

You approach things with more excitement. Challenges are fun.
You don’t quit so easily. It’s supposed to be hard, so when hit a speedbump you’ll work through it. If you expect it to be easy, you’ll toss in the towel when it gets tough.

11:01 — how to salvage a meeting when you’re caught off guard.

A company I’m consulting for had a meeting with one of their partners (or counterparties) earlier this week. I was leading the call from my client’s side — representing their interests in a difficult negotiation about the product they’d like to launch as part of the partnership.

They want to make it more attractive to customers; the counterparty wants to take on less risk.

Ok, so the scene is set. We’ve stated our wishes, the counterparty had time to review them but didn’t send any feedback before the meeting.

As soon as the meeting started, they came out firing, requesting a lof of changes to the initial proposal.

This caught me off guard.

I tried to handle things as best I could, but I wasn’t 100% happy with my performance or the support received from the team. We came across as divided and we didn’t back ourselves, we just took the counterparty’s lead.

I wonder how I can handle things better in future? Options:

Delay. Offer to take their points under review and come back with an answer after we’ve discussed internally. This isn’t ideal, but it helps to buy some time.
Think faster on your feet. This would be ideal. Handle all the info quickly.

07 July 2024

11:37 — slow Sunday.

“I’m big on analogies. In fact, here’s an analogy about why I like analogies: If you’re trying to explain fire to someone who’s never seen it or felt it, then you’re pretty much stuck with comparing it to things they’re already familiar with. Of course, it’s no substitute for the direct experience of fire; it’s just the best you can do under the circumstances. It serves the additional purpose that when they come across real fire, they’ll know what they’re looking at.” — Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment

04 July 2024

09:33 — Sometimes see it in people that they think the world owes them something.

They’re smart, got good grades, did all the right things, studied the right degree, but somehow are left unfulfilled.

They can’t be happy for others. They don’t understand how other people can be doing better than them when other people didn’t follow the path that was clearly stipulated.

But the path they followed wasn’t for them, it was just a guideline. They got into a role they’re not passionate about and hence don’t perform well at. ‘Less smart’ people are better because they find the work fun and interesting. How could this nightmare be happening?

I know, because I was like that.

Maybe I still am.

I think there can only be freedom from finding your own path. Not comparing yourself to others.

09:30 — I like it when people have a go at expressing how they feel about things.

A former colleague of mine wrote a post on LinkedIn the other day expressing his discomfort with studying to become an actuary and how he never felt like it was a good fit for his talents and inner nature.

He realized that he was cut out for something else, while also acknowledging that his studies shaped him into the person he is today.

It’s cool to reframe your journey like that. Everything up to this point made you who you are. Don’t write it off, even if you didn’t enjoy most/part of it. Maybe you picked up skills, discipline and other intangibles while you were not on the perfect path.

09:27 — on doing the work for the work itself and not for the results.

“Do not depend on the hope of results. You may have to face the fact that your work will be apparently worthless and even achieve no result at all, if not perhaps results opposite to what you expect. As you get used to this idea, you start more and more to concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. You gradually struggle less and less for an idea and more and more for specific people. In the end, it is the reality of personal relationship that saves everything.” — Thomas Merton

Reminded me of this passage by the Bhagavad Gita:

“Work hard in the world, Arjuna.
You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only.
You have no right to the fruits of work.
Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working.
Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender.
Seek refuge in the knowledge of Brahma.
They who work selfishly for results are miserable.”

02 July 2024

17:31 — book review.

I just finished Sam Harris’s 2011 book — Lying.

Definitely one of the books that has challenged my standard operating procedure the most in recent history.

Spiritual Enlightenment by Jed McKenna was also an internal-narrative-challenging book, but in a different way. That challenged my closely-held beliefs and my grip on the world. It was like unclenching my brain, relaxing my constant search for control and meaning, where in fact, there is none to start with.

This book was more of a moral correction, something that centred me and unmuddied the waters. Like adding chlorine to a pool.

His argument is simple - there is very little point in lying. Even white lies carry no benefit.

Now obviously most people know this and practice this. honesty is the best policy. But in certain circumstances, people (I for one), employ deception to get what we want or not hurt people’s feelings.

In his view, the truth, while uncomfortable sometimes, leads to the best outcomes eventually.

By lying, you are either giving people false hope (I did this a lot back when I was dating). Or you’re giving them false confidence (“sure, you’re a great singer”). Or you’re trying to comfort a sick relative (“you’ll be better in no time”).

Even though these lies might provide momentary comfort, you are taking quite a patronizing view. You are deciding for them that they can’t handle the truth. You are stealing the opportunity for them to get critical feedback and improve.

Why would you do this to the people love and care for?

So what now?

I’d like to be more honest and forthright going forward. I usually strive for honesty because it requires less effort (don’t have to remember your web of lies). But I do sometimes tell white lies or deflect certain tough questions. But my white might be someone else’s black.

Even if this involves more conflict and uncomfortable talks. I agree with Harris’s sentiment. There seem to be edge cases (cheating and then stopping, being in an intolerant society, surprises), which I don’t like.

01 July 2024

18:02 — reflecting on the 75 Soft Challenge.

My fiancé and I started a fitness challenge in May.

It was based on the 75 Hard Challenge, with a few tweaks.

Instead of doing the full challenge which requires 2 x 45min exercise sessions per day, no alcohol, a strict diet, drinking 3.7L of water, taking a progress photo and reading 10 pages per day, the toned-down challenge requires 1 x 45min exercise per day, no alcohol except on social occasions, and the rest of the challenge stays the same.

It was quite fun and motivating initially. My partner and I ate clean and we reduced our alcohol intake while increasing water consumption. The reading and selfie parts were easy. Things were going well for the first month.

Eventually, I could feel that my performance on runs and in the gym was getting progressively worse. I was never fully recovered. I couldn’t get my pace up, I couldn’t increase the weights in the gym. My body needed rest.

The final straw came last week when I got a vaccination against tick-bite fever. The doctor warned me that I’d have some side effects and shouldn’t exercise. Luckily I had already gone to the gym earlier that day so my next training was only the next day.

24 hours later I set out for a full track session and completely crashed and burned. After three 667m intervals at goal pace (3:30min/km), I could hardly hit 5min pace on the next lap. Something was wrong. I decided to step out and join the coach on the sidelines. It was the first time I quit in the middle of training.

38 days into the challenge my body was telling me to take a break.

I tried to gym the next day and it was also a sufferfest (way too much sweat and fatigue for a relatively easy session).

I decided to take the rest of the week off. 4 days doing nothing. Giving up my streak.

I’m fully recovered and back to normal performance again.

I guess the moral of the story is:

Listen to your doctor. They know what they’re talking about. Rest after vaccinations.
Take fitness challenges with a grain of salt. I was trying to protect my training streak at all costs without listening to my body (which I always used to guide me previously). I consciously ignored the signals of fatigue and tiredness and pushed through the training every day, overriding my inner instincts in favour of some arbitrary challenge.

Thoughts on the challenge:

It’s a fun way to exercise and eat clean together.
I’m not sure exercising every day (even when sick) is healthy. There’s room for rest and active recovery. If you already have a decent fitness routine and you know your body, I don’t know if you need a challenge. If you’d like to make drastic changes, this could help to instill some of those lasting good habits.

Verdict: 5/10. I can neither encourage nor discourage you from doing the 75 Hard/Soft Challenge. Do it for the right reasons (to build a habit), but listen to your body first and foremost.

17:57 — why it’s important to actually get shit done. To free up space in your mind.

“A task left undone remains undone in two places—at the actual location of the task, and inside your head. Incomplete tasks in your head consume the energy of your attention as they gnaw at your conscience.” — David Allen, Getting Things Done

17:55 — one of my all-time favourite quotes.

“Ignorance and arrogance are the artist and entrepreneur's indispensable allies. She must be clueless enough to have no idea how difficult her enterprise is going to be and cocky enough to believe she can pull it off anyway.” Steven Pressfield, Do the Work

17:51 — the school of life.

““Experience is what you got when you didn’t get what you wanted.” Good times teach only bad lessons: that investing is easy, that you know its secrets, and that you needn’t worry about risk. The most valuable lessons are learned in tough times.” — Howard Marks, The Most Important Thing

17:49 — Kundera on how living as an expat in a foreign country feels.

“Being in a foreign country means walking a tightrope high above the ground without the net afforded a person by the country where he has his family, colleagues, and friends, and where he can easily say what he has to say in a language he has known from childhood.” — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being

17:38 — new quarter.

That’s 9 months of logging — Q4 2023, Q1 2024 and Q2 2024.

I might have found something sustainable. A lifelong practice? Let’s see. I like how the logs help me write plenty of messy first drafts on all topics, which I can then clean up and curate for the newsletters I publish.

Asking What’s True with Harris, McKenna and McCarthy

John Nicholas — Fri, 23 Aug 2024 12:37:46 GMT

Hey everyone! Greetings from Munich. Whether you’re a long-time reader or a recent subscriber, it’s great to have you here.

This year has seen a mix of business lessons and book reviews from me.

In March, I wrote about what I learned from Ben-Hur and Doctor Zhivago.

Last month I shared career advice from Peter Ohnemus (CEO of dacadoo) and Oliver Burkeman’s slow productivity technique called the 3-3-3 method.

Today I’d like to give a short reading update by diving into three of my favourite books from 2024 so far.

The picture of the dog always gets me - McKenna doesn’t take himself too seriously.

1. Lying by Sam Harris (2011)

Number one today and number one for the ‘highest impact per page’ (if that’s even a metric) this year.

At only 108 pages (including a delightful reader Q&A section) this book punches way above its weight.

Harris’s mantra is simple - don’t tell lies.

That sounds rather obvious. I think most of us get that in an Old Testament “thou shalt not lie” kind of way.

Where it gets interesting is that he also says we should refrain from telling white lies or half-truths.

Telling a lie - because you think it’s kind or harmless - is patronizing towards the other person. You are effectively saying they can’t handle the truth.

As Harris explains:

“When we presume to lie for the benefit of others, we have decided that we are the best judges of how much they should understand about their own lives—about how they appear, their reputations, or their prospects in the world.”

This was a big penny-drop moment for me.

For most of my life, I’ve thought of myself as a truthful person. But if I looked in the mirror, I was also guilty of telling white lies — out of kindness or to avoid conflict or to sidestep uncomfortable conversations.

Like telling family you like the Christmas present when you don’t. Or telling a colleague their presentation was great when it had some glaring gaps.

“By lying, we deny others a view of the world as it is. Our dishonesty not only influences the choices they make, it often determines the choices they can make—and in ways we cannot always predict. Every lie is a direct assault upon the autonomy of those we lie to.”

It’s been two months since I finished the book.

In the last two months, I’ve felt empowered and kind of badass.

I’ve used “not lying” as a sword to cut through the web of half-truths and people-pleasing that have previously filtered into conversations. I find it easier to say “no” to social engagements when I need downtime, it’s less uncomfortable to give constructive feedback to colleagues, and it’s simpler to express my needs in my relationships.

While I still catch myself telling silly white lies here and there, for the most part, I’ve been firm in my convictions, summoning Lying’s hardcover image in my mind as a north star when necessary.

The truth will set you free, as the old adage goes.

2. Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing by Jed McKenna (2002)

Similar to Lying, Spiritual Enlightenment is one of the books that challenged my standard operating procedure the most this year.

Where Lying was more of a moral correction, like adding chlorine to a pool of muddy water, Spiritual Enlightenment shook the entire foundation of the pool.

I’ve had some exposure to writers who talk about enlightenment. Sam Harris (from above) touches on it often in his conversations on the Waking Up app. I’ve also read the likes of Eckhart Tolle (A New Earth) and Peter Matthiessen (The Snow Leopard).

I believe these encounters prepared me to some extent, if not fully, for this friendly assault (I can’t think of a better word) by Jed McKenna.

For context, McKenna (who writes under a pen name as far as I can tell) is a spiritual teacher who lives on a farm in Iowa and runs a retreat where people can meditate and ask him questions. While this might sound trippy and out there, I would encourage you to read it if you’ve ever been tickled by concepts like non-dual awareness, the state of no-self and the illusion of free will.

I can’t say for sure if McKenna is enlightened or not (whatever that means to you). What I can say is that he is hilarious (I caught myself laughing out loud often). He’s a normal dude who plays video games, rides a mountain bike, skydives occasionally, and reads Walt Whitman.

He offers a direct, no-nonsense approach to enlightenment.

“Suffering just means you’re having a bad dream. Happiness means you’re having a good dream. Enlightenment means getting out of the dream altogether.”

I don’t think he cares if more people get enlightened. He is (or he says he is) and he’s happy to ask guiding questions to help other people seeking enlightenment. Instead, McKenna debunks the myths of traditional spiritual practices and teachings, which often lead people away from true enlightenment rather than toward it. While a teacher can point the way, each individual must walk the path alone, confronting their own illusions and misconceptions. There are no shortcuts here, sadly.

I especially enjoyed his analogy about being enlightened versus unenlightened. From his perspective, unenlightened people are all in a dream state, performing, merely playing their part. Like actors on a stage who don’t know they’re in a play compared to the audience looking on (very reminiscent of The Truman Show).

As McKenna explains:

“Imagine you’re in the audience watching a play, and you slowly come to realize that the actors don’t know they’re actors. They think that they’re normal people going about their normal lives, unaware that they’re on a stage, performing. You could never even believe such a thing would be possible if you hadn’t been up there yourself believing the same thing.”

He goes further to explain that the next level would be to leave the theatre. That would be real enlightenment. To leave the constraints of the world, scary as that sounds. Simply put, it’s about letting go of all the beliefs we (our egos) cling to so tightly.

Reading the book left me with a bigger sense of wonder and made me more forgiving towards others and especially myself. A good outcome, I’d say. Apart from not knowing up from down (and being slightly afraid of true enlightenment) after reading it

It felt like unclenching my mind, relaxing my constant search for control and meaning.

One of the writers I enjoy following, , pointed out something similar — how books by “people who get spirituality” like Merton, McKenna etc. should come with a disclaimer: this will seriously reduce your ambition. He’s not wrong.

That’s probably what McKenna means by the “damnedest thing”. The quest for enlightenment is an utterly surprising and paradoxical experience. You start off wanting one thing and end up with something completely different.

3. All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy (1992)

And lastly, we turn to fiction from one of my favourite modern authors, Cormac McCarthy.

After reading Blood Meridian last year, I’ve been on a McCarthy-bender, lapping up everything he’s written. Where I used to be a big Kazuo Ishiguro fan, I now feel myself gravitating to McCarthy’s writing, which is more brutal, matter-of-fact and masculine.

Most recently I completed the Border Trilogy — All the Pretty Horses, The Crossing and Cities of the Plain. Book #1 spoke to me the most, but they’re all damn good.

What I love about McCarthy is that he tells the story at two levels. At the first level, he builds a world of characters and scenery, with grand quests, stories of love, fighting and bloodshed. But at the deeper level, these creations are only devices used to explore philosophical and existential themes.

It’s like a dense philosophy lesson presented as a novel.

What’s fascinating is to note the connection between McCarthy and McKenna’s writing. Everything is as it should be, don’t get trapped in illusions, seek the truth. As one of McCarthy’s characters muses:

“The world is quite ruthless in selecting between the dream and the reality, even where we will not.”

As for the story, All the Pretty Horses is set in the 1940s and follows the journey of a young cowboy, John Grady Cole, who seeks a new life in Mexico after his family loses their farm in Texas.

Grady’s character represents everything that’s right in the world. He’s fair, kind, and honourable. A main character you love to support, even when the odds are stacked against him. Because he’s so young, only 16 years old, he’s naive in the best kind of way. He truly believes his willpower and moral character will carry him through everything.

“Long before morning I knew that what I was seeking to discover was a thing I'd always known. That all courage was a form of constancy. That it is always himself that the coward abandoned first. After this all other betrayals come easily.”

During his journey, he finds work on a ranch (or Hacienda) where he demonstrates his talent for breaking wild horses. While training them, he displays a level of care and understanding for the beasts like no other.

“What he loved in horses was what he loved in men, the blood and the heat of the blood that ran them. All his reverence and all his fondness and all the leanings of his life were for the ardenhearted and they would always be so and never be otherwise.”

On the farm, he falls in love with Alejandra (small spoiler alert), the daughter of the farm’s owner (the Hacendado or patrón). Their love is doomed from the start, which sets the scene for Grady to show his character in hardship.

This is where McCarthy comes into his element.

‘Life is tough and you have to deal with it’ is the underlying message. While that sounds sombre, I actually like the honest, unromanticized point of view.

The illusion of free will (a core McCarthy theme) also rears its head. Even though Grady knows it is a forbidden life, he can’t un-love Alejandra. You are free to do whatever you desire, but you are not free to choose your desires.

Pretty sobering stuff, but McCarthy makes it digestible with the odd joke and comic scene. I have a new appreciation for horses, cowboys and hanging tough now.

That’s all for this edition.

If you'd like to read some of my previous reviews, please check out:

One for the Books #1: My Reading List: 30 Books to Base Your Life On

One for the Books #2: What I learned from Ben Hur and Doctor Zhivago

Also, here’s a quick round-up of the books I’ve reviewed so far in 2024:

Cry, The Beloved Country by Alan Paton (1948) — written on the eve of Apartheid in South Africa. How us versus them (black versus white) politics feeds on fear and baser instincts.
Liar’s Poker by Michael Lewis (1989) — an insider’s account of Wall Street in the 80s. Big egos, big booms and big busts.
Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ by Lew Wallace (1880) — the story of Jesus, but told in a historical fiction, narrative form. One of my all-time favourite books now.
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak (1957) — a tale about the brutal impact of communism on society. How the promise of the Russian revolution quickly turned into a nightmare.
Prophet Song by Paul Lynch (2023) — set in a dystopian future where Ireland falls into a dictatorship. A grim, but important read about the fragility of democracy and the rule of law.
The Anthology of Balaji: A Guide to Technology, Truth, and Building the Future by Eric Jorgenson (2023) — a technologist’s view of how the world will look 20-50 years from now. Think cryptocurrency, the fall of nation-states and the rise of the sovereign individual.
Angela’s Ashes, a memoir by Frank McCourt (1996) — a funny, yet heartbreaking account of an Irish kid’s upbringing in New York during the Depression.

If you’ve read anything you think will be right up my alley, please leave a comment below. I’m always on the lookout for great works of writing.

📷 Photo: the sun sets over Lago di Garda. Taken earlier this month.

Until next time - happy creating.

— John

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Logs - Q2 2024

John Nicholas — Mon, 01 Jul 2024 14:34:35 GMT

30 June 2024

16:05 — dig this sentiment. Isabel has a cool way with words and understanding feelings.

““figure out what you’re good at without trying, then try” is one of my all-time favourite sentiments — you’ll never get tired of doing what feels fun and easy to you, so why not *try* to make what you do indefinitely (your vocation) something you would do forever, with pleasure?” — Isabel️ Hasan.

27 June 2024

10:46 — essay of the week:

When I fantasize about my husband’s mistress by Alissa Mears.

What a delightful read. Alissa’s writing continues to please and amaze. She happily goes where others don’t dare to. It reminds me of what George Saunders says of Tolstoy - great writers have the confidence, the knowledge “that our minds are built on common architecture – that whatever is present in me might also be present in you.” Favourite quote:

Walking home from work one afternoon, winter still heavy in the air even as the sky has lightened, Beyoncé's remix of “Jolene” plays in my ear. She reminds me “I raised this man.” And he raised me. If we separate, any future partner has us to thank for his manhood, my womanhood.

27 June 2024

14:32 — technical knowledge comes easy, but psychological knowledge still lags behind:

“Matt Clifford has written about how building a world-changing technology company has never been easier than it is today. But for all of the technical, commercial, and industry-specific knowledge that founders can readily access, psychological knowledge still lags behind. (In fact, Matt hired me to coach and consult founders at his organization Entrepreneur First; we've discussed it together.) Perhaps this is why the number of tech founders remains small, and the number who actually gain some traction—much less turn a profit—is even smaller.” — Gena Gorlin, The Psychological Needs of the Extremely Ambitious

Does this mean there is room for more coaches?

I used to only be concerned with the technical skills. Developing psychological knowledge came later. Now it’s almost all I care about. Who would’ve predicted that.

12:27 — next up on my reading list:

48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. Apparently it’s banned in prisons in the US and it’s one of the most-stolen books ever. Crazy. Didn’t expect it to be so controversial.
The Sovereign Individual: Mastering the Transition to the Information Age by James Dale Davidson, Peter Thiel - preface, William Rees-Mogg. Recommended by Balaji Srinivasan.
Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships by Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha. Recommended by Naval Ravikant.
Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values by Marshall Rosenberg. Recommended by Rik van den Berge and Matt Mochary. Excited about this one. Looking to improve my communication in relationships.

Currently reading:

The Great CEO Within: The Tactical Guide to Company Building by Matt Mochary. It’s good. Solid overview of the basics you need to know as a founder. Leading with empathy, working with coaches, how to track processes in your company, how to think about hiring.
The Border Trilogy by Cormac McCarthy. Mad about this. #1 All The Pretty Horses was raw and brilliant. The main character, John Grady, is hard as nails. Just takes life as it comes, doesn’t make excuses, doesn’t express fear, doesn’t overthink things, he just lives as pure and righteous a life as he can despite what gets thrown in his way (and there’s a lot that gets thrown in his way in Mexico). Read #2 The Crossing straight afterwards. It started off strong but lost me in the middle. Part I involves a friendship between the main character, Bill Parham, and a wolf, which captures how wild and noble these creatures are. Think I’ll take a break before diving into #3 Cities of the Plain.

26 June 2024

08:11 — I want to get deeper into understanding my decision-making. Whether I’m driven by love or fear. Whether I’m working from a place of abundance or scarcity. Whether I display a growth or fixed mindset.

“Habitually contemplate whether your thoughts stem from love or from fear. If your thoughts originate in love, then follow them. But if they originate from a place of fear, then dig deep to find the root of your fear. Only then will you be able to finally let go of it so that fear no longer limits your possibilities.” — Timber Hawkeye, Buddhist Boot Camp

08:05 — good coaching questions.

Looking back, which decisions in your life were right and good for you? How did you notice that it was right and good for you? How do you determine that? How did you meet these? What supported you?

Which decisions in your life were wrong in retrospect? What decisions do you regret? Where would you decide differently today? How do you know it was wrong? How did you meet these? What supported you?

I also like “what are you looking forward to?”

08:01 — why people often don’t want to study further (looking at myself here):

“Although, unfortunately, these young men do not understand that the sacrifice of life is, perhaps, the easiest of all sacrifices in many cases, while to sacrifice, for example, five or six years of their ebulliently youthful life to hard, difficult studies, to learning, in order to increase tenfold their strength to serve the very truth and the very deed that they loved and set out to accomplish—such sacrifice is quite often almost beyond the strength of many of them.” — Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

Too much of a sacrifice of my youth and my current finances to spend a year away doing something like an MBA. It’s a gamble.

25 June 2024

17:27 — pick the right problem to solve. Dedicate yourself to it.

“Our problems become our story, and we can all get stuck in our stories. Deciding which problems to work on may be one of the most important decisions you make, because people can lose years (or a lifetime) working on the wrong problem.” — Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, Designing Your Life

Am I solving the right problems?

Unemployment in SA. Mismatch between skilled labour (young people with university degrees) and job opportunities out there. Even harder for foreign nationals (e.g. from Zimbabwe) to get jobs in SA due to strict labour laws. Where can they turn? Europe? Options: find more business, grow my portfolio of clients, stop acting small, also help with placement of foreingers, help them speak the language.
Helping people reach their full potential. Traditional jobs do not serve everyone. help people build up websites and portfolios of work. Help people write their first 5 essays. Help them figure out what unique services they can offer. One-on-one creator coaching.
Can I help people with money and investment decisions? I have a lot of experience in this. Somehow an unused skill.

24 June 2024

10:21 — want what you have:

“Seek not that the things which happen should happen as you wish; but wish the things which happen to be as they are, and you will have a tranquil flow of life.” — Epictetus, Enchiridion

10:16 — This is interesting right. Making art can be a lonely endeavour, worsened by the fact that you don’t know if what you are doing is valuable. It lacks the transactional, input-output, work to earn money value of everyday work.

“I was getting tired of the literary life, if this was the literary life that I was leading, and already I missed not working and I felt the death loneliness that comes at the end of every day that is wasted in your life.” — Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

10:15 — similar message to The Great CEO Within (Matt Mochary):

“Being a fast mover and being decisive—it is very hard to be successful and not have those traits as a founder.” — Tyler Cowen and Daniel Gross, Talent

Maybe two of my weaker traits — moving fast and decisiveness. Not sure what it means for my ‘founder’ abilities, but I can still myself contributing to a team by being rational and thoughtful.

21 June 2024

12:05 — on being grateful.

A lot of people are reaching out regarding job opportunties.

It’s really tough out there. Especially for foreigners looking for work in SA.

I wonder if there’s more I can do to help people. Obviously there are job boards. And then there are visa programs to seek employment in Europe (lots of countries here need skilled labour).

Goes back to my point about not acting small. You need to be the best you can be so others can benefit. Doesn’t help you stay small so others can feel better. Be the best version of you. A rising sea lifts all boats.

12:01 — on finding flow:

“At such moments Yurii Andreievich felt that the main part of the work was being done not by him but by a superior power which was above him and directed him, namely the movement of universal thought and poetry in its present historical stage and the one to come. And he felt himself to be only the occasion, the fulcrum, needed to make this movement possible.” — Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

20 June 2024

12:32 — why it’s futile to keep up appearances.

When you meet somebody you want to impress (a romantic interest, a manager at a company you’re interviewing for) you sometimes bend who you truly are to fit in (be accepted).

Oh, you like electronic music festivals? External response: Yeah totally, I’ve been to many of them before. Internal response: not really, I can’t even name any DJs.

Ah, you like accounting software? External response: Yes definitely, I’m passionate about it. I’ll be a great fit for your company. Internal response: not really but I need the job.

I’ve done this before. I’ll probably do this again.

It’s natural. Can probably be explained by evolution, conflict-avoiding, social-acceptance-seeking tendencies.

And sure, maybe the act holds up in the short term. “Fake it till you make it.”

But it’s impossible to keep this up long term.

Your partner loves some other, made-up version of you.

Your work bores you and adds no meaning to your life.

The cracks start to show eventually. You can’t keep up appearances forever. You’re more into rock ‘n roll or biotech.

The better, but tougher option would be to be honest upfront. To be authentic from the start.

“Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life,” and all that.

Reminds me of “being nice vs. being kind” from Radical Candor. Being kind is being honest, even if that means being less nice, but more transparent.

A little bit of pain upfront, for a lot less conflict and disappointment later.

11:55 — feeling good today.

I made a commitment to myself earlier this year to use my ‘non-client’ days to work on my own portfolio and interests. This mostly means writing and creating more things under my name.

The thinking here is simple.

The work I do for clients earns me money in the short-term, but it has no longer-term value for me. It keeps the wolves at bay, but I don’t have much to show for the time invested. I’m building something for someone else. It’s their product. Sure I pick up some skills on the job and I can say I was part of the team that built ‘X’, but ultimately, it’s just a few lines on my CV.

Writing or creating under my name has less immediate value (doesn’t pay the bills), but long term I’ll have a portfolio of work. Essays I can share with people. Writing that can be converted into books. The ability to think clearly. The skills of observation and awareness.

It’s a dichotomy I’ve seen at play in my life for a while.

The tension between doing things for money vs. doing things out of passion/joy. I’m always at risk of swaying too much to the pure money/work mode because that’s easier to justify. Money enables you to do things like buying a property or investing for your retirement. It’s more socially acceptable - people like to ask what you do for work and something that makes money doesn’t raise as many eyebrows. It also removes stress and gives you stability. I was burned last year on the ‘creator’ path - I was the struggling artist, earning less in a year than I’ve done since I started working. I could have handled it a bit longer, but it put pressure on my relationship. I don’t want to go there again.

The other side is less tangible. It’s a bet on the future. There’s more uncertainty. Sure you could become a well-known author or you could just have a website full of ideas. Both outcomes are great in my opinion. The first one would probably make others happier. Point being - it’s long term and less predictable vs. short-term and stable. Maybe there’s room for both.

After a few choppy months of getting some stability on the client front, I’m finally holding up my promise to myself.

More writing and more newsletters and self-development on my ‘off’ days.

As a bonus (and this is a new development), I’m writing more about the things I do for work. So I’m finally closing the loop between what I do for money and what I do for passion.

19 June 2024

10:40 — life hack(s).

Get some morning exercise.
Cold shower. Know this has been overhyped by Huberman fanatics, but it makes me sharper, so maybe there’s some truth behind the advice.
Cold brew.
Go to Spotify and play your ‘Liked Songs’ from the top.

Pretty happy right now.

18 June 2024

08:45 — on the value of conversation (and listening):

“Conversation is more than the sum of the words. It is also a way of signaling the importance of another person by showing your willingness to give that person your rarest resource: time. It is a way of conveying respect. Conversation reminds us that we are part of a greater whole, connected in some way that transcends duty or bloodline or commerce. Conversation can be many things, but it can never be useless.” — Scott Adams, God's Debris

17 June 2024

08:50 — build that Inner Citadel.

“The world can’t give that serenity,” he said. “The world can’t give us peace. We can only find it in our hearts.” “I hate that,” I said. But the good news is that by the same token, the world can’t take it away.” — Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird

08:48 — first post for June. This month has been sliding away from me on the writing front. I completed a big bikepacking trip and my client work has demanded a lot of attention. It is what it is. Happy to be writing again.

31 May 2024

13:01 — what a beautiful quote:

"If you talk all the time, you will never hear what anybody else has to say, and therefore, all you'll have to talk about is your own conversation. The same is true for people who think all the time. That means, when I use the word 'think,' talking to yourself, subvocal conversation, the constant chit-chat of symbols and images and talk and words inside your skull. Now, if you do that all the time, you'll find that you've nothing to think about except thinking, and just as you have to stop talking to hear what I have to say, you have to stop thinking to find out what life is about. And the moment you stop thinking, you come into immediate contact with what Korzybski called, so delightfully, 'The Unspeakable World'." — Alan Watts

30 May 2024

09:30 — Career advice from Peter Ohnemus, the CEO of Dacadoo.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Peter for an actuarial conference recently (the talk will go live in a month). He’s a smart guy and an even better conversationalist.

Peter has been involved in high-tech and bio-tech investments for 25+ years. He was the entrepreneur of the year in Switzerland and he is a frequent speaker at the World Economic Forum (WEF), Fortune Brainstorm Health and Google Tech Talks, amongst others.

In 2010, Peter founded dacadoo - a digital health company and AI-based Lifestyle Navigation Platform.

We spoke about his company’s vision and purpose and how they are using AI to improve health outcomes for clients.

I particularly (obviously) liked his career advice for young people (and older people):

Always keep learning. Never rest on your laurels. He says he knows many people his age, entering their 50s and 60s who stopped learning the day they got their degree. They thought this was their ticket to lifelong success, but in the end they stagnated and hit a ceiling in their career trajectory. Avoid this by continuing your studies, your professional development and adding new skills.
Stay authentic. No matter your job title, whether you’re the CEO or the janitor, stay authentic. Remain approachable. Treat others with respect. Give others the time of day. Remember we all started somewhere.
Take more risks. He says people are often too risk-averse. They stay in their jobs, they stay in their routines, they never get out of their comfort zones. But this is where the most growth happens. The world needs more risk takes, people who are willing to dream and try new things (and look foolish along the way).

08:45 — building the inner citadel.

I recently watched the series, Shogun, set in the Samurai era in Japan in the 1500s and 1600s. The Japanese speak of the 8-piece fold and never showing your heart of hearts.

This reminded of the Stoic saying about fortifying your inner citadel. Becoming resilient. Not letting outside factors (things outside your control) impact your mood and happiness.

Self-employment can be tough at time. Sometimes clients are upset. Or you have a misunderstanding with a junior. Or you lose a contract.

I am much less rattled than I used to be when I started out last year. I didn’t have work for months at a time. When you’ve been that low, everything else is a bonus. You are eternally grateful.

Now when issues crop up at work (e.g. one of the juniors on my team got upset because the client was very demanding) I handle things much better.

Sure, it’s important to resolve the issue and I don’t like seeing people being upset, but I’m more interested in the meta learnings. I’m genuinely curious in where things went wrong and how the situation can be avoided in future.

08:31 — on playing the part.

The CEO of the company I’m consulting for is a good guy. He has good values and guiding principles. He’s kind.

But he’s also the CEO. And with that comes certain responsibilities.

He needs to get the team to perform.

He sometimes has to play the tough CEO role, for example, being hard on a deadline or asking tough questions when a deliverable wasn’t met.

Not because he wants to but because he needs to. Because striking a bit of fear into people can motivate them, while being everyone’s friend has the opposite effect.

08:16 — here’s an attempt at a draft “work with me” page.

Writing:

I can offer editing services. I have edited 100s of essays over the last 3 years and I continue to edit at least one essay per week (that of my accountability partner). I’ve seen the ins and outs of what makes a good essay. My strengths are identifying the shiny dime (golden nugget) and finding the best flow (order of ideas).
Writing coaching. I’ve mentored and coached 100s of students about writing. I’ve got the skills and I’ve got the slides. Not sure this would work in a one-on-one setting (time intensive), but maybe as a pre-recorded series of lectures.
Ghostwriting. I provided ghostwriting services to two clients in 2023. I can help companies and creators set up a website, write the outline for their first 5 articles and set up a content calendar.

Personal & career advice:

Career transition coaching. I went through a career transition from full-time employee to writer to consultant and coach. If you’re in a career transition let’s talk it out. Again one-on-one sessions are quite time intensive. Could be cool to add pre-recorded videos.
Financial advice (but I’m not a financial advisor). I spent 6 years in product development at an investments firm. I know how to motivate people to save more money for longer. I know how to get people to improve their retirement outcomes. It would be cool to leverage these skills and help people again. Think there’s a big need for financial advice out there.

Consulting:

Insurance pricing, product development and technical marketing. For insuretechs and established insurers. Mostly life insurance but also health insurance and investments. This means designing competitive products, presenting to senior leadership, getting the key stakeholders’ buy-in, documenting everything in a product spec, helping the systems team build the product, explaining the details to the sales team so they can sell it.
Prophet coding. Related to point 1, but more technical. Very specific software that is more powerful than Excel. Used to project life insurance future cashflows and determine the present value of a book of insurance business.
Other skills. VBA development, Power BI dashboards, SQL.

Credibility:

I’m a qualified actuary (Fellow of the Actuarial Society of South Africa). I am also a writer with my own website with over 100 posts.
What can I add? Potentially an M in coding or an MBA.

There is more, but those are the key points for now.

29 May 2024

17:13 — don’t do it for the money.

Similar to the don’t lie to yourself piece.

Sure the money helps.

“Money isn’t everything, but it’s right up there with oxygen.” - Zig Ziglar

I have to agree. I went through a bumpy patch last year with the move to self-employment. I was a bit naive. I thought I would just replace my previous income immediately, but it took a while to find client and build up a network. I learned a lot. I think you need to do things that give you stability and comfort. It put strain on my relationships. I also had to say no to a lot of things because of financial constraints e.g. golf games and Rugby World Cup matches. This wasn’t fun.

BUT…

I would still say money isn’t the right metric to use when deciding on doing things.

It will land you a job that pays well to finance your lifestyle, but a job you don’t love.

It will make you sacrifice long-term goals for short-term gains. E.g. forgoing the dream to write a book by getting a job in the bookshop instead. Swapping out uncertainty (and potential upside) for stability now.

It’s a never-ending chase. Ok so you made money this year, what’s the next goal? More money?

So while it’s important, I think it’s a bad guiding principle when deciding what you’d like to do with your life.

Look this is nothing new. Jesus said you can’t take your earthly belongings to heaven. And there are many quotes on this:

“After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box.” – Italian Proverb

Meaning in death we are all equal, so why do we chase temporary, foolish things like money while we are alive?

So what have we established so far? That money is important, but it’s not everything.

I think the ultimate overlap would be something like this:

You follow your purpose, you do what you love, people see this, you spread good energy, the world works in your favour, you are rewarded for your talent, the money follows naturally.

This is the dream.

Chasing money (with no purpose) means you don’t ever reach the dream. You’re stuck in the nightmare.

Chasing only love and purpose but not making money also sucks, but there is a world in which you can get into the dream. You become so good

I suppose the same is true for the money route. First, you make the money and then use the money for good. Build your foundation, sponsor a school, go sailing across the world.

I just wonder if the money route might not keep you in the nightmare for longer. Maybe you lose your purpose on the route.

There are two worlds:

“Work hard in the world, Arjuna.
You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only.
You have no right to the fruits of work.
Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working.
Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender.
Seek refuge in the knowledge of Brahma.
They who work selfishly for results are miserable.”

To be continued…

16:40 — Demon Copperhead is sad as hell (I even sound like him now).

A book about the oxycontin crisis that raged in America in the 1990s.

Fun fact: the book (written by Barbara Kingsolver) is an ode to David Copperfield by Charles Dickens. It plays off two centuries later in Virginia instead of London.

The main character is a foster kid raised by a single mother who dies from a pill overdose. He gets moved around a lot between foster homes, all of them pretty bad until he finds a home with the local school’s football coach. He makes the team and he starts building a solid life.

Until he gets an injury (prescription: oxy) and falls for a gall with a dope (oxy then heroin problem). I couldn’t believe it as I was reading it. How in love he was with her and how she got him to “chase the dragon”. This good kid who had such a hard life and was finally coming out of the woods, only to be pulled straight back into the depths of drug addiction (and all the sordid things that go with it - robbing, cheating, flunking out, disappointing people, death).

Funny as it sounds, that scene actually made me depressed. I know it’s a fictional character, but Demon represents lots of young people’s lives during that era. Stolen youth. Dashed dreams. Lives ruined. I couldn’t work properly on Monday. It just rocked me. He’s sort of out of the woods now, but a drug problem stays with you. Such a shame. He’s a good kid, his downfall was that he was too kind, too trusting, he just wanted to be loved. So intense.

16:37 — making this writing thing more of a habit. A non-negotiable.

What would that take?

Probably a mindset shift.

Current approach:

wake up
exercise/take dogs for a walk
check emails and to-dos for the day - usually a shit ton of work-related stuff
do the work - like a rat on a wheel

With this approach the client work takes precedence. There’s a lot to do. It also pays money so it feels justified.

But I’m missing out on something. The writing, the reflecting, the goal setting, the legacy I’m building. I can’t remember what work I did last month, let alone years ago. It’s all a blur. Some task assigned to me by someone else. Sure, I always learn on the job, build skills and whatnot. But the writing will stand the test of time.

Idea for a new approach (can I do this?):

wake up
exercise/take dogs for a walk
write for 30-60 minutes
then only open my phone and check my emails
do the work

This would mean completing all writing and ‘personal’ work before 9 am because most of my work engagements/meeting begin then.

Backsolving, this means waking up at 7 am latest, getting the exercise out of the way and sitting down to write by 8 am. Is that how things work? Can I summon creativity on demand? Time will tell.

But this order of priorities feels right.

Is it non-negotiable? I’m not sure sure. i think there will always be situations when I have to pull on all-nighter (so no 7 am wake-up) or where I need to jump on an urgent client request before 9 am, but I think this is a step in the right direction. It’s a good guiding principle, like not drinking on most nights, but having a beer or a glass of wine on social occasions.

16:35 — it’s been a minute.

I’ve been throwing myself at client work and neglecting the writing.

Felt like a week was lost. Crazy how the writing is a way to track time. To take account of my life and attempt to grasp it. It sounds ridiculous because we can’t hold onto anything, let alone time. But writing somehow slows it down. It allows us to hold life in snowglobe for a few minutes before it rushes on to its next stop.

22 May 2024

08:31 — two new apps I’m trying out:

Oom: skip the small talk. An app that asks you and your friend questions to see where you stand on certain topics. Can see this working nicely to slice through the niceties.
Open: breathwork app. Enjoying this one so far. Learning about using my breath to hype me up and calm me down. It’s got a 14-day mental detox series which I’m checking out.

The theory is interesting:

Fast short inhale, extended slow exhale: this causes you to calm down and relax. You are not taking in a lot of oxygen and getting rid of a lot of carbon dioxide. So your body needs to hold onto the remaining oxygen (it’s running out) by slowing down your heart rate making you calm down in the process.
Slow long inhale, fast burst exhale: the opposite happens. You’re taking in a lot of oxygen and not letting out a lot of carbon dioxide. Your oxygen levels increase (go out of balance) and your hear has to pump faster to burn more oxygen. Causing your heart rate to increase and you to become more alert / focused.

21 May 2024

17:05 — the wisdom in letting go.

“Very much so. Basically, the act of faith in something other than self allows you to release the tiller; to surrender. Whatever the reason for doing it, whatever name you give to the new steering agent or agency, it’s going to be a very positive change because it’s going to be the infinite and unerring intelligence of the universe that takes over.” — Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment

This book made a real impression on me.

Still processing the bigger concepts. I’ll keep tracking the quotes that stood out to me.

08:59 — on being able/open to changing your mind.

“A tendency to get married to positions. There is a saying that bad traders divorce their spouse sooner than abandon their positions. Loyalty to ideas is not a good thing for traders, scientists—or anyone.” — Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Fooled by Randomness

08:52 — on not publishing a post.

For the first time since I started writing (although maybe this has happened before), I’m going to pull the plug on a draft essay.

I wanted to write something about not deceiving yourself. How it’s important to look at yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself. I had examples from my childhood and career and I had a couple of quotes to back it up. So the structure was there, I just wasn’t feeling drawn to posting it.

I think it’s an important rule to follow in life. To keep close to reality.

But I also don’t believe it’s incredibly unique or interesting. Most people know this. There’s even a famous quote that summarises my whole essay in a sentence:

“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool.” – Richard P. Feynman

So even though I think it’s an important rule to live by, I don’t think it meets my (necessarily high) bar for publishing. I have enough ideas that are unique and spiky and revelatory. I’ll focus on getting those out.

RIP to this idea. It lets the other ideas prosper.

20 May 2024

18:10 — one more memory from Afrikaburn.

A stranger came up to me, my fiancé and a friend of ours and said:

“Can we try an experiment? This will be the hardest thing you’ll do this week. Please say saying something nice about yourself.”

Harder than you think it is - being as kind to yourself as you are to others.

After hesitating for a minute, I said I’m good with people.

It’s funny that I hesitated because I wrote an essay on Positive Self-Talk a few weeks earlier. The guy picked up on my hesitation and said I should be kinder to myself (or at least keep working on it). What a friendly gesture.

17:54 — you need to want it.

Idea for an essay.

When I’m in a meeting, I remind myself, I want it. I want the opportunity to speak up. I want to contribute.

It’s the same attitude you try to embody when fielding in cricket. You need to want the ball to come to you. Your attitude must be positive and aggressive. If you are scared of catching the ball, odds are you’re going to drop it.

Don’t avoid the ball. Don’t avoid the responsibility. Don’t shy away from the opportunity to shine.

17:47 — counterintuitive quote:

“Limiting one’s desires actually helps to cure one of fear. ‘Cease to hope … and you will cease to fear.’ … Widely different [as fear and hope] are, the two of them march in unison like a prisoner and the escort he is handcuffed to. Fear keeps pace with hope … both belong to a mind in suspense, to a mind in a state of anxiety through looking into the future. Both are mainly due to projecting our thoughts far ahead of us instead of adapting ourselves to the present.” — Seneca

Hope (having desires for the future) also creates unhappiness.

As Seneca says, hoping for something can also make you fear losing that thing.

17 May 2024

16:17 — what you fear is what you’ll get // stop making decisions from a place of fear.

My favourite quote from East of Eden.

“But I would like to know what kind of blood is in my boys. When they grow up—won’t I be looking for something in them?” “Yes, you will. And I will warn you now that not their blood but your suspicion might build evil in them. They will be what you expect of them.” — John Steinbeck

I’ve posted this before. Something to always be aware of.

I have fears in my life.

Picked up another quote from the book (not sure if it’s from the same passage) which goes into a bit more detail here.

“I don’t very much believe in blood,” said Samuel. “I think when a man finds good or bad in his children he is seeing only what he planted in them after they cleared the womb.” “You can’t make a race horse of a pig.” “No,” said Samuel, “but you can make a very fast pig.”

I hope to raise my children without fear. Without trying to over-protect them. I want to trust them. I want to give them the space to make mistakes. If that means they can truly express themselves and do what they life (instead of what society tells them) that would be a big win. I believe they will be smart enough. They will make the best decisions for their life.

16:15 — stop doing performative things.

The fancy car, the prestigious job, the university you went to.

Is that really what you wanted or are you keeping up appearances? Are you being honest with yourself or are you performing according to what you think others value and respect?

15:22 — 2024 reading list update.

I summarized my first 12 books of the year at the start of April.

Here are the nine books I’ve read since then.

Making Sense by Sam Harris (2013). A compilation of his best podcasts. This was solid. Harris has a sharp mind and he invites excellent speakers on his podcast.
The Most Important Thing by Howard Marks. 3/5. Marks is a good writer, he’s an even better investor. Did I learn something new? I guess so. Second-order thinking (not reacting to the market but reacting to what people will do who react to the market) was my main takeaway. But the main principles on investing (don’t be greedy, don’t be scared, don’t get emotional) I either learned in university, in my work or from reading other books by the likes of Taleb (Anti-Fragile). It’s a good book, but it won’t change your life if you already have some exposure to investment principles.
What’s Our Problem?: A Self-Help Book for Societies by Tim Urban (2023). 3/5. I like Urban’s blog posts (he’s the writer behind WaitButWhy) so I was excited to get my hands on his book. While I think the subject matter (the rise of the far right and far left and the polarization of society) is important, I feel like he over-did things in the book. It’s a relatively simple point - anything in the extreme is bad, here’s how this happened, here’s how we can change things. But he backed up each point with a 10s of case studies, which while true, became a bit boring. Maybe it just wasn’t for me and other readers (who are still locked into identity politics) could benefit more from it.
Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing (Enlightenment Trilogy #1) by Jed McKenna (2002). 5/5. Jeeze this was good. Most challenging, but funny book I’ve read this year. I can’t say for sure if McKenna is enlightened (whatever that means), but at least he doesn’t over-hype himself. His teachings are pretty straightforward. I don’t think he actually cares if more people get enlightened. He is (or he says he is) and he’s happy to ask guiding questions to help other people seeking enlightenment, but he’s not out there with a microphone on the street corner shouting at people to repent and change their lives. Enjoyed the thought experiments and analogies. It made me look at religion a bit differently (short answer: he’s not a fan of any beliefs). I’m happy I had some exposure to the enlightenment lingo through Waking Up and Sam Harris so I could follow most of what he said.
The Anthology of Balaji: A Guide to Technology, Truth, and Building the Future by Eric Jorgenson. 4/5. Really enjoyed this book. Good nudge to think more about the future and learn from the past. Balaji is good at understanding history, applying this to modern-day tech and projecting how things will play out in the future. Recommended reading.
Eiger Dreams: Adventures Among Men and Mountains by Jon Krakauer. I love Krakauer’s writing. I’ve already read Into Thin Air, Into the Wild and Under the Banner of Heaven. All excellent books in their own right. This was another strong one. A collection of essays and articles he’s written about the mystical, brutal world of extreme mountain climbing. Some beautiful, heroic tales. I particularly liked the last chapter, which covered his solo attempt up the Devil’s Thumb in Alaska. He went togo fix things in his life and maybe it did help him to scale the mountain, but when he got back nobody was that impressed. Wonder if that’s true for lots of things we pursue.
Passin’ Through by Louis L’Amour. This was a gamble that turned out well. I have a soft spot for Westerns. Especially those written by Cormac McCarthy (in a league of his own). This was a quick, fun read. Good change in pace from all the heavy, spiritual, intellectual stuff I’ve been reading lately. A lone cowboy in the West who isn’t looking for trouble (just passing through) stops in a town and gets himself entangled in a murder case. Gun fighting, horse riding, seductive women, blood and guts, all the elements of a Western.
The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
by Ryan Holiday. This is a good recommendation if you want to work on your mental fortitude and stop overthinking things. Build your inner fortress. You should only pay attention to what you can control, all the rest doesn’t deserve a minute’s worry.
The Art of Noticing by Rob Walker. Thought this was okay. Some cool tips to see beauty in the everyday. To find meaning in the mundane. Felt a bit gimmicky though. Important for people who are completely glued to their phones, but if you’ve had even a little bit of training with mindfulness, the ideas seem unoriginal. Appreciate graffiti, listen to birdsong, smell the flowers, that type of thing. 3/5 if I’m generous.

13:56 — analogies to explain enlightenment.

I recently read Jed McKenna’s Spiritual Enlightenment. The biggest mind bender (mind opener?) I’ve read this year.

Still trying to process it all.

A big theme that stood out was that there’s no right or wrong. Everything just is.

I also liked his analogies on being enlightened vs. being unenlightened.

A fish who knows it’s in water vs. one that doesn’t:

“The truth is identical for both of us. I haven’t achieved a better status than you. When you hear someone say that searching for enlightenment is like fish in the ocean struggling to find water, this is what they mean. One fish may know it and another may not, but they’re both swimming in an ocean of water and always were.” — Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment

And actors who don’t know they’re in a play vs. people in the audience watching the play (almost like the Truman show):

“Imagine you’re in the audience watching a play, and you slowly come to realize that the actors don’t know they’re actors. They think that they’re normal people going about their normal lives, unaware that they’re on a stage, performing. You could never even believe such a thing would be possible if you hadn’t been up there yourself believing the same thing.” — Jed McKenna, Spiritual Enlightenment

He goes further to explain that the next level would be to leave the theatre. That would be real enlightenment. To leave the constraints of the world.

Also - it’s probably time to update my reading list.

13:44 — quote of the day.

“It has always been assumed that the most important things in the Gospels are the ethical maxims and commandments. But for me the most important thing is that Christ speaks in parables taken from life, that He explains the truth in terms of everyday reality. The idea that underlies this is that communion between mortals is immortal, and that the whole of life is symbolic because it is meaningful.” — Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

The whole of life is symbolic. Everything has a deeper layer of meaning.

16 May 2024

17:52 — on backing yourself.

I edited a document for a client yesterday. One of the lines said something about paying the maximum of two amounts.

I wrote: “We’ll pay the higher of X and Y.”

Their CEO said this was wrong, it’s: “We’ll pay the higher of X or Y.”

Deep down I knew this was right, it just ‘felt’/’sounded’ right.

I stood firm. This wasn’t a personal attack, I actually like debating things with their CEO.

But I then let doubt creep into my mind. For a split second. I said I’ll Google it.

Google proved that I was right. Cool - bravo. We got the right answer for the client.

But next time, I’d like to stand my ground and reason it out from first principles.

“The higher of X and Y means the biggest from the set of numbers X, Y…”.

“The higher of X or Y doesn’t make sense. The maximum of two sets then. We’ll pay the highest of X or the highest of Y. Which is random/ambiguous.”

That’s right, right?

I think so haha.

Point is - try to do the thinking yourself (even if it’s in front of others) before going to Google.

17:20 — I updated my Substack tagline today.

From “Lessons on writing, visuals and mindset” to “Observations and practical wisdom from my life and work”.

This feels more “me”.

It’s more natural, less forced. More about what I’m observing and learning than telling people what to do (here's some advice).

I have a few other things I’d like to update on my Substack:

The welcome email. Currently it’s long and it’s all about writing. I’d like to update it in a similar way to the above. More relaxed, more observational with some questions to engage new readers.
Featured posts. Currently Substack features the most-liked posts. Usually a good proxy for the best posts, but I wrote some posts before migrating to Substack so they could never benefit from engagement.
Start Here. Pin a Start Here page so people know who I am and what I stand for. Could be the same as my welcome email. Better than making them read my work to figure out what my vibe is.
Work with me page. This is a great idea. You never know where your next opportunity will come from. Maybe you provide the exact service one of your readers is looking for. But they’ll never know if you don’t tell them. This is like adding fertilizer to the soil. Gives you a better shot at growing plants/finding opportunities.

Good to do some spring cleaning from time to time.

17:10 — on looking for a golden thread in your old work.

I wonder if that's something an editor or writing coach could help with.

Reading through your old stuff and pointing out which essays stood out, what the golden thread was, which 20-40 pieces could be combined into a book etc etc.

Might help to have someone who is one step removed. To see the forest from the trees so to speak.

Not sure it's feasible though. Quite a big undertaking, but could be an idea to overcome the overwhelm of doing it yourself.

10 May 2024

12:10 — Tim F on creators nowadays: there’s a glut of mediocrity on the internet.

Although I get what he means, it’s quite harsh.

There are a bunch of people who game the system with AI and quick fixes. These are the bad actors.

But there are a bunch of good, young, new writers who still need to figure things out. Telling them that most writing is mediocre is discouraging. It sets a very high bar for the beginners.

Like a young tree that needs to grow. There’s point cutting it down before it’s even started.

Let new writers write mediocre pieces. They need to write those first few essays so they can become better later on.

12:05 — essay structure:

A structure I use from time to time:

1. situation (scene / intro) drop us into the action

2. problem you've been struggling to overcome (from your past)

3. your solution to the problem / learning from situation (growth/new perspective)

4. the benefits to you of finding the solution and how this might help others

5. summary that ties back to the intro

12:02 — my logs are like my creativity faucet.

Ed Sheeran says he doesn’t write great lyrics at the snap of his fingers. He first has to sit down and write shitty first drafts before he starts writing better-quality pieces. He needs the murky water to flush out of the faucet before the clean, clear water runs through.

In the same way, my logs help me to just write without thinking too much about whether it’s good (publish-able) or bad (going to the bin). Without the logs, I would be stuck in perfectionist mode. Stuck at square 1 with nothing to publish. This gets me moving.

09 May 2024

10:41 — reflecting on my first time at Afrikaburn.

A music festival in the middle of the Karoo desert with no phone reception, lots of artwork, 10,000 people, DJs and ‘burns’. Big fires where the wooden art structures are burned every night.

Main observation: I’d like to take the attitude I had there into the rest of my life.

This was a peak experience. I’ve never had so many conversations and fast connections with strangers. I hope to take that aspect/talent of me into the rest of my life. Cutting through the niceties and the BS and the awkwardness and just conveying what I observe. Unfiltered, no angles, no vacuum of air between myself and the other person. You’re cool. You’re beautiful. I can sense some anxiety, happiness, peace in you. Wonder how far I can dial this in without coming across as too intense.

There is a great quote from The Daily Stoic about peak experiences. I can’t find it now, but will come back to it if I publish this.

Going forward I will do things differently. I’ll be kinder, more honest, more authentic. I won’t shy away from the tough subjects. I will acknowledge what I say in others.

Other observations:

Leading up to the event, my sister and I had an argument. I don’t have to go into the details, but it was weighing me down. We are usually on good terms. On the first night at Burn I forgave her. She wasn’t there, but in my heart I dropped the fight. Maybe she was wrong, maybe I was wrong. Was it worth fighting about some small earthly matter that strained our relationship?

I also had an ego death at some point. I realized I was chasing a lot of things in my life. The next client, the next gig, the next opportunity. Always moving, pushing, trying to make more, earn more, catch my peers and friends ad infinitum. On the second night, I took a step back and looked at the situation from the ‘outside’ so to speak. Like someone unattached to the situation. I realized all this trying and pushing was futile. Everything will be the same as it always was. I was on a track, I would earn a little bit more if I went on pushing and I would earn a little bit less if I slowed down a bit. But either way, my life would be good. Other people might have ‘better’ (more financially successful - one aspect) lives. And that’s fine. But there’s very little this ambitious attitude of mine would change. It would all be good. I have a lot to be grateful for.

30 April 2024

08:45 — on going first.

Someone has to write the first draft, create the first pitch deck, build the first financial model.

This provides the foundation for the team to work from.

After that people can give feedback and improve and tweak the original version.

Sometimes the feedback is harsh. Sometimes it sounds overly critical. But the feedback is the easier part. It’s not personal. It just comes with the territory of writing the first piece.

The original version had to be there in order for the feedback and improvements to exist.

29 April 2024

17:05 — on receiving (and giving) compliments.

I was on a call with an old colleague (someone I admire) earlier today. The last time we spoke was when we were still at the same company 7-8 years ago.

He asked me how my writing was going (I had no idea he even read my blogs) and said he shared some of my essays with his sons (both in their early 20s now).

He said it’s good to have someone sharing their career journey and the lessons they learn along the way.

What a pleasant surprise and such a big confidence boost. I’m determined to share more of my writing on LinkedIn again (something I’ve shied away from because I didn’t think people found my posts valuable/relevant).

Note to give people more (genuine) compliments. Can really make someone’s day.

23 April 2024

17:05 — one of my friends asked me what my long-term goal was for my writing.

Good question. It's a mix of things.

Sharing more of myself, my work and my thoughts. There are lessons and observations there. I will keep documenting my journey and growing my body of work. Just keep going.
Through writing more I also hope to send out a signal to other people like "hey, this is what I stand for and this is what I'm interested in" which could create more opportunities and allow me to do more of the things I like to do. E.g. write a book, get featured on podcasts, speak at conferences etc.
Big dream: get featured on the Waking Up app and/or get interviewed by Sam Harris. There is an element of spirituality, a lot on meditation, some talks on the unknown, and some talks on productivity. Think it would be a great milestone to get on there (or something equivalent).

22 April 2024

17:05 — working on a series of essays based on the prompts from the latest instalment of Write of Passage.

#1 What’s a rule you live by, and why?

Above all else, don’t deceive yourself. 60% done.

#2 Share a piece of advice that would surprise most people

Explore your edges. Take a risk like quitting your job and see who comes out on the other side.

#3 What is something missing from the world, and why does it matter?

Self-discovery. Getting creative. Following a different path.

Not all people are served by the lawyer, doctor, engineer, actuary narrative.

We need intelligent, creative people working on bigger problems, finding more alignment, following their calling.

19 April 2024

18:13 — embrace your true calling.

“Sometimes, when we're terrified of embracing our true calling, we'll pursue a shadow calling instead. That shadow career is a metaphor for our real career. Its shape is similar, its contours feel tantalizingly the same. But a shadow career entails no real risk. If we fail at a shadow career, the consequences are meaningless to us.” — Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro

10:39 — a rule to live by.

You can do many things, but don’t lie to yourself.

Not lying to yourself can take different forms.

At the surface/higher level, it’s about not taking shortcuts in life.

I remember learning this at a young age. In an attempt to look cool and cut corners, I moved the poles we were using for interval training during athletics practice. Instead of 50m apart, I put them at 40m going the coach wouldn’t realize.

Obviously he caught me. And he wasn’t even upset, only disappointed. He said it didn’t really matter to him, I was screwing myself over. It would impact me on race day when I wasn’t as well prepared as my competitors.

Other examples include piggybacking off colleagues to do your work, getting chatGPT to write your assignments, and not giving your best during your gym session. You’re only screwing over your future self by not putting in the work now.

Then there’s the deeper level of not suppressing your instincts.

Doing what is true to you and your soul. Knowing something isn’t right and acting on it. Not ignoring that inner feeling. Being true to your emotions.

I like the quote from Doctor Zhivago where he calls the internal misalignment that comes from suppressing your true feelings the “typical modern disease”. Doing or saying one thing (communism is our light and saviour) and believing something else deep down (this system has destroyed people’s lives).

“It's a typical modern disease. I think its causes are of a moral order. The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant, systematic duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.”

I had a similar internal misalignment for a while. My last job started brightly. I came in with lots of energy and ideas, but eventually, I became disillusioned with the internal politics, bureaucracy and attitude of the place.

Something wasn’t sitting right with me. When my partner asked me “how was work today?” it was a touchy subject. I felt like I was trapped. I knew what the answer was. This wasn’t my true calling. This job wasn’t serving me and I had to get out. Yet I continued in the hope that things would get better. I also enjoyed the financial stability and I had my work visa to consider.

Eventually, I quit and moved on.

I’m in a better place now. I have more alignment between what I do for money and what I’m passionate about. It hasn’t always been easy, but I enjoy the challenges that get thrown my way.

I can look at myself in the mirror and say I’m doing valuable work with people that are aligned with my values.

It reminds me of the poem The Man in The Glass by Dale Wimbrow:

You can fool the whole world,
down the highway of years,
and take pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
if you've cheated the man in the glass.

Other examples include not being true to your emotions. Some of you may recall the classic comedy, Anger Management with Adam Sandler. We can debate the merits of Sandler as an actor, but I remember it being quite a fun move (“Goosfraba!!!”) and Jack Nicholson plays a great role.

Sandler’s character is this super chilled guy. People screw him over but he never gets upset. His partner is scared there will be a bigger meltdown later. Nicholson steps in to try to trigger him. Rather speak his mind when things bother him than letting it all build up.

It’s the same with being honest with yourself. You can only diverge for so long until the cracks start to appear.

23:20 — great website for learning German idioms. The Germans love sayings (Sprichwörter):

Sprichwortrekombinator

E.g. “Unwissenheit muss fühlen” = Ignorance must be felt.

23:01 — solid advice:

There are two ways to be wealthy—to get everything you want or to want everything you have. Which is easier right here and right now? The same goes for freedom. If you chafe and fight and struggle for more, you will never be free. If you could find and focus on the pockets of freedom you already have? Well, then you’d be free right here, right now. — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic

Want the things you already have.

22:59 — on the value of self-development and growth:

“Peace of mind isn’t at all superficial, really,” I expound. “It’s the whole thing. That which produces it is good maintenance; that which disturbs it is poor maintenance. What we call workability of the machine is just an objectification of this peace of mind. The ultimate test’s always your own serenity. If you don’t have this when you start and maintain it while you’re working you’re likely to build your personal problems right into the machine itself.” — Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

We are working towards resilience. We are working towards that inner fortress.

17 April 2024

08:55 — my current writing block.

Mostly excuses on my side, but I am currently neglecting the writing and spending more time on client work. Sitting down to write for 4-6 hours feels like a luxury right now.

I find it quite easy to 'produce' something quick and dirty like the logs. But there is a second step, a 'quality check' where doubt creeps in.

I don't know if a log is worthy of publishing. And to make it 'publishable' I often need to spend a lot of time cleaning it up or combining it with other logs. I'm always happy with the end product, but to get from the V1 draft to the final draft requires a level of effort I'm struggling to justify lately.

I believe it’s good to articulate this though and work on it.

08:51 — the fundamental tension between creative work and work I do for money.

I think I need both.

I need to pay the bills. I also learn lessons from working with clients and junior team members.

The writing takes time and almost feels like a luxury. I find it hard to justify spending time writing when I could spend time earning money. But maybe that’s a mistaken point of view.

I usually feel better when I capture my thoughts and make sense of things. Feeling better and clarifying my thinking is a positive input back into the work I do so I probably perform better for my clients when I’m writing.

The tension might not be a tension at all. It only feels tense when I’m neglecting one component or the other.

They both need attention. The one hand washes the other.

08:47 — on having conversations.

I had a great chat with our gardener/handyman this morning. I took him some coffee and rusks and as I was about to leave he asked me a few questions about my work and my engagement and life in general. We ended up chatting for 20 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised by the range of topics… from the importance of marriage to the role of the husband in a relationship to counselling and working with people going through divorce and drug abuse to controlling your attitude in life and practising gratitude. He’s a very switched-on, positive person.

In the first few minutes, I had this nagging sensation that I better get going. I have a mountain of work and a ton of to-dos. Every minute spent in conversation here was a minute lost ‘doing important things’.

I wonder how many of these interactions I miss on a daily basis because I’m so caught up in optimizing my day and making the most of my time. While I might get more done, I shut out the rest of the world that’s hiding in plain sight, I lose out on spontaneity and randomness and new ideas and conversations.

Something to consider.

08:45 — important thought:

“At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

Could go under the ‘business lessons’ or ‘lessons for people starting their careers’ tags.

16 April 2024

17:35 — some goals for this year. It’s never too late for resolutions, right?

Running. Sub 1h30 half marathon. I’ve done it! Finally.
Improve speaking - fewer uhms and ahs.
Get better at understanding AI and its applications. I’m already getting better with ChatGPT. I’m also hosting an AI conference for actuaries later this year so will learn a lot there.
Start making videos. Much easier to consume than essays.
Work on my breathing. Making progress here - mouth tape at night plus breathing exercises to regulate mood.
Post on LI/ twitter more.
Postive self-talk / less self-rejection.
Make my writing a priority again. My client work is important, but my writing will generate new opportunities. Play between doing the current work vs. securing future work.
Check in with people more often.
Apply for more speaking gigs and workshops. I hosted one for Small Bets earlier this year. Don’t think I did super well, but I learned a lot and it was paid opportunity. Might have more opportunities through other communities. The Pathless Path, Write of Passage, any others?
Potentially work with a coach again. I’m in a good space now, but I can see working with a coach lifting my game even further.
Learn basic coaching skills.
Create an offer for people who are thinking of quitting or changing jobs. 30min calls.
Write more ‘essay’ essays - tackle a single theme e.g. “why you shouldn’t only solve for money” and write about it.
Create more products / small bets. I created a couple of products last year. This is always a good opportunity to generate more passive income.
Learn to code. Just started my journey with Kaggle.
Add Pilates to the training regime. Work on core, mobility and strength. I have some weaknesses from running. Stabilizing exercises have been an excellent antidote against muscle and joint pain.
Keep on doing strength training. Excellent way to burn fat.
Continue working on my golf swing. I am willing to go for more lessons if necessay. I will figure it out. I believe I can be a single-figure handicap if I apply myself.

17:31 — things I’d like to do to change/improve on my Substack.

Add a “work with me” page. Could be cool. Michelle Varghese has a fun one. Just sends a signal to the world that you are open to business.
Update my welcome email. Wrote about this yesterday. Edward (no last name) has a great one with three questions - favourite book, which topics subscribers like to see, where they heard of his newsletter.
Change my newsletter’s name. Big one. I’ve brainstormed this. Landed on a name. Just hesitant to put it out there for some reason. Time to move on it. It it works, it works. If it doens’t work, I can just change the name again.

17:21 — logging my hard skills / money-making competencies / credibility for my actuarial consulting.

Skills:

Insurance pricing, product development and technical marketing. Mostly life insurance but also health insurance and investments. This means designing competitive products, presenting to senior leadership, getting the key stakeholders’ buy-in, documenting everything in a product spec, helping the systems team build the product, explaining the details to the sales team so they can sell it.
Prophet coding. Related to point 1, but more technical. Very specific software that is more powerful than Excel. Used to project life insurance future cashflows and determine the present value of a book of insurance business.
What can I add? I can get better at SQL, Power BI and Python.

Credibility:

I’m a qualified actuary (Fellow of the Actuarial Society of South Africa). I am also a writer with my own website with over 100 posts.
What can I add? Potentially an M in coding or an MBA.

There is more, but those are the key points for now.

16:42 — on noticing negativity.

A large part of our day is spent in conversation with ourselves. It’s just a loop of thoughts on repeat. We can be kind or mean. It’s all one big self-repeating narrative in our heads.

Like a noisy housemate you can’t get rid of. Talking to you 24/7, following you from room to room.

If this person was a nasty human being, you’d want them out of your flat and out of your life.

Why do we allow negative self-talk then? It’s the same thing. We can’t kick ourselves out of the house, but we can change how we speak to ourselves.

I’m keen to observe my thoughts more and see if they are serving me or holding me back.

Some things I say to myself often:

I’m tired.
This isn’t interesting.
I don’t have time for this.
I’m taking on too much, I can’t do this basic activity right now.
I don’t have energy now.
I wish I was better at [X].
I can’t post this. People won’t find it interesting. Nobody cares about this topic.
I can’t post this. It will take too much effort to clean up.
I can’t post this. What will people think? I’m trying too hard to impress others.
This is too hard right now, let me do something else.
I need to think about this a bit more. Can’t pull the trigger yet. Need more time / more data / more confidence.

Maybe some of these thoughts are valid - little subconscious barriers laid down to protect me from going off the burnout cliff.

But I’d say 80% of them don’t serve me and hold me back from achieving my goals.

Is there more positive language I can use?

Yes, this is hard, but that’s the point. Hard things are good for neuroplasticity. You are engaging your brain, the brain is protecting itself by seeking comfort. Stretch it a bit.
What’s the worst thing that can happen if you post this? At least you are putting yourself out there.
Just do it and stop overthinking things. If it doesn’t work, you can always pivot and change your course afterwards. Without posting you aren’t getting feedback. Standing still instead of moving in a direction.
Yes, this might take time, but how much time do you spend per day on Whatsapp and Instagram. You’ve got 30min now. Just start. Sit down for 5min. That’s better than nothing.
Yes, I can’t do [X] as well as someone else, but I have a lot of other things to be grateful for. I don’t know the rest of their lives, I’m just looking at one component.

The proof will be in the pudding, but I truly believe this is the right approach to interacting with myself. Almost like being my own coach. Being on my own side. Finding alignment. Moving forward towards goals instead of spinning my wheels.

16:34 — putting some goals out there in public.

Big Dream: get featured on the Waking Up app and/or get interviewed by Sam Harris. That’s what life is all about. Finding better tools to understand it and live it. All the conversations are of a high standard. The guests are thorough and approachable. The golden thread is how they approach life with a bigger-picture view. There is an element of spirituality, a lot on meditation, some talks on the unknown, and some talks on productivity. Think it would be a great milestone to get on there.

Short-term Goal: build a business. Last year I was still finding my feet. Now I have more regular clients. I have one junior reporting to me. It would be great to find more clients, employ more juniors and grow the business. One thing at a time.

These are two completely different goals. Or they feel directionally different.

I think one thing that could unite them is writing. Sharing more of myself and my work and my thoughts. There are lessons and observations there. I will keep documenting my journey and growing my body of work. Just keep going.

08:29 — saw a great welcome email on Substack the other day.

The writer briefly stated what he writes about, but spent more time asking the reader questions. Friendly and engaging, while getting some good inputs for his writing.

What’s your favourite book?
Which topics would you like to read more about from me?
How did you hear about my newsletter?

08:24 — good quote:

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard goes something like this: If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has extraordinary power. — Scott Adams, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big

The price can be:

Monetary. Paying for an MBA which gives you access to a network and credibility.
Time-based. Waking up every morning before work and grinding away at your side hustle.
Others? Relationships? Health? Not sure I want to look under those rocks.

15 April 2024

15:11 — on reaching a long-time goal.

For a while now, I’ve written down “run a sub90 half-marathon again” in my annual goals.

I finally hit that mark yesterday.

This has been a long time in the making. The last time I broke 1h30 on 21 kilometres was 13 years ago.

I’ve had two ACL ops in the meantime (good ol’ rugby) and weigh a lot more than I used to as a skinny 20y. old. Since rehabbing my knee, I’ve attempted 15+ half marathons. On this attempt I finally cracked my PB. Very chuffed.

Here’s what made a difference this time:

1. Followed a proper training program for once. Instead of doing junk miles I trained according to a plan incl. intervals, fartleks etc. Some days it sucked but the visible progress made it worth it. You can get quality programs on Strava and Garmin.

2. Carbon-plated shoes definitely helped. Not gonna lie. Embrace the tech.

3. Marathon experience. I’ve done two marathons in the last two years. Makes a 21k feel much more manageable. You get better at judging how much you have left in the tank.

Pictured here with my training partner.

13:31 — picked up two books today.

Eiger Dreams by Jon Krakauer. I love Krakauer’s writing. I’ve already read Into Thin Air, Into the Wild and Under the Banner of Heaven. All excellent books in their own right.
Passin’ Through by Louis L’Amour. Bit more of a gamble, but I have a soft spot for Westerns. Especially those written by Cormac McCarthy. Let’s see if L’Amour tells a fine story as well.

Two books. One about risk and mountaineering, one about cowboys.

Maybe some inner urge in me to break free. Or live vicariously through people who broke free and didn’t confirm.

07:41 — drawing a line in the sand. Hitting the reset button.

I’ve been in a weird phase. Time to snap out of it.

I’ve been thinking a lot instead of ‘doing’.

It’s time to do things and stop worrying about whether it fits my brand or what people think or how things will land or whether I will get likes and impressions and clients.

I will write again. I will post on Twitter again. I will post on LinkedIn again.

I will do the work. The work is important. I don’t care about the results. Only the inputs matter. Quoting from the Bhagavad Gita:

“Work hard in the world, Arjuna.
You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only.
You have no right to the fruits of work.
Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working.
Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender.
Seek refuge in the knowledge of Brahma.
They who work selfishly for results are miserable.”

This year has had a slow start and it’s time to fix it.

Good habits to start with:

Less time on social.
More reading.
Better sleep habits.
Better diet habits.
Stop blaming others.
More writing.

12 April 2024

18:13 — some basic apps all knowledge workers should use (learn how to use):

Grammarly. Install it. It will make your emails and presentations. Even if you’re English is 99% good, this app will make your writing even crisper. Makes a good impression.
Figma. Or something similar like Canva or Miro. Helps you to express your ideas in visual format. 3 bullet points stating the agenda can be replaced by a bar split into 3 sections with 3 topics and time allocations. Much more striking and memorable.
Google Docs. Rather than emailing someone a draft or proposal to review, send the draft via Google Docs so they can suggest (mark up) changes. Much easier to track changes and make comments.
Cold Turkey. Or some similar distraction-blocking website. Nowadays our attention is constantly pulled into a million different directions. Social media, text messages, emails, you name it. Deep, focused work is becoming increasingly harder. Apps like Cold Turkey can help you block our distractions (websites) while you want to perform a piece of deep work.

There are others, but this is a good place to start.

11 April 2024

15:40 — on the Anthology of Balaji.

Very impressed with the book so far.

Written by Eric Jorgenson, who wrote The Navalmanack, a great book which captures Naval Ravikant’s view on the world and his advice for living and investing.

Balaji is good at understanding history, applying this to modern-day tech and projecting how things will play out in the future.

I think reading more of his work could make your thinking more future-oriented. It’s definitely helped me get more out of the ‘here and now’ and see what’s possible a few years down the line.

I like how he says “crypto agreements are to written agreements what written agreements were to oral agreements.” He expresses many similar tidbits on how we’ve moved from medium X to Y and how we’ll move from Y to Z in the coming years.

Nice way to challenge and expand your thinking.

The best part is the book is free. Link to the PDF version for Kindle here.

15:35 — cool move from Medium to block AI content.

“Medium is for human storytelling, not AI-generated writing. Beginning May 1, 2024, stories with AI-generated writing (disclosed as such or not) are not allowed to be paywalled as part of our Partner Program.”

Good to see publishers taking steps to stop the proliferation of low-value, machine-written content.

I like Tim Ferriss’s view here:

“There is a glut of mediocrity on the internet, please don’t contribute to it”

While LLMs are a big leg-up for easy, repeatable tasks, AI-generated writing has increased the quantity but reduced the quality of writing on the internet.

10 April 2024

12:21 — on feeling lighter.

I’m in a better space lately. The start of the year was stressful, there was a lot going on on the work front. I signed a new client and got a junior team member onto the project as well.

I remember coming back from a strat week with the client and having this uncontrollable nervous twitch in my one finger. It settled after a day, but it clearly showed how much underlying stress I was taking on despite putting up a brave face on the surface.

Now that I’ve secured a long-term deal and proven myself I feel more settled, more confident. I’m doing better work because I’m more relaxed.

I also said ‘no’ to another project last week. This was the first time since going self-employed that I’ve shown a piece of work away. Even though it felt like a missed opportunity, I’m happy I declined. I was taking on too much and it was dragging my performance and happiness down.

I now have the headspace to work on creative endeavours again. The writing is flowing again. I’m going through life with a lighter attitude. I think people also experience my calmer demeanour.

Long may it last.

If there’s a learning here, it’s probably that I need stability in my life to operate at my highest level. I also need to manage my priorities to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

12:09 — on managing people.

I’ve managed a handful of people in my life.

My main rule is the fishing proverb:

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for his life time.”

So my juniors always need to attempt the work first before asking for feedback.

If they haven’t applied their minds to the problem, they haven’t experienced the main benefit of problem-solving - building the habit and the confidence to solve future problems.

If I give feedback or help them with the problem before they have given their all and exhausted their thinking, I’m doing them a disservice. Sure, it’s nice in the short-term, the project gets settled today instead of tomorrow, but over the long-term, their problem-solving skills (and confidence) wither.

They will become dependent on me (or someone else) when the going get hard. When in the end, there’s only one person that can help them. And it’s themselves.

12:05 — quote on leading teams. Business lessons tag.

Teams need to believe that their work is important. Teams need to feel their work is personally meaningful. Teams need clear goals and defined roles. Team members need to know they can depend on one another. But, most important, teams need psychological safety. — Charles Duhigg, Smarter Faster Better

Not sure I’m achieving this currently. Could do more to create ‘psychological safety’ for our employees.

I saw another quote along similar lines:

The best way to manage people, he thought, was to convince them that you were good for their careers. He further believed that the only way to get people to believe that you were good for their careers was actually to be good for their careers. — Michael Lewis, Flash Boys

How can I actually be good for people’s careers?

I’ve spent some time finding my own feet. Maybe it’s time to do more for others, for those who report to me. Can I be a better manager?

Talk about areas they’d like to develop. Where do they want to be in 1, 3, 5 years? Which skills do they want to work on? Do they want to study further? What can I do to support this?

09 April 2024

08:22 — two friends from Write of Passage did a lovely collab essay.

Dean's List

Show and tell (but mostly show)

I’ll confess: I’ve never read a memoir, I only experience them vicariously through Charlie Bleecker ’s podcast where she passionately (and sometimes angrily) dissects them every other week. While great memoirs are a beacon for the potential of soul-filled writing, the bad ones apparently smother you with cliches, and an untrained reader won’t know the difference…

2 years ago · 23 likes · 6 comments · Michael Dean and Charlie Bleecker

Two things:

Content. Love the essay. Big learning for me - “don’t tell us your thoughts, feelings, or emotions, just show us.”
Format. Think this is a cool idea I would like to try out some time with a writing partner. Collaborating on an essay could improve a piece and reach a wider audience.

08:15 — great essay by friend Louie Bacaj.

A Cautionary Tale: A story about why it's now or never for a lot of ideas.

Quote:

I got a little sad because, sure, I had missed out on some potential money I could've made over the years. I'd missed out on having some customer emails and conversations with real people on this topic.
But I was mostly sad because I'd done some great work with Azure back in the day, and it was never captured or "immortalized" somewhere.

I have similar regrets for not jumping on inspiration when it struck.

Also have a bunch of skills/knowledge I picked up in my career that I never “immortalized”… Prophet coding, investment cost calculators, longevity projections, retirement annuity models. Wonder if I’ll ever get back to them.

Sometimes it’s now or never for an idea. When you come back to it months later, your writing has changed, your interests have changed, your priorities have changed, you’ve changed.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man.” —Heraclitus

08 April 2024

21:27 — if I had Obsidian or the perfect Zettelkasten method, it would probably tell me that I’ve written notes on three Waking Up series now.

Tom Lutz - Finding comfort in the unknown
William B. Irvine - Stoic Lessons
Oliver Burkeman - You Are Here

Could be a fun series of essays?

21:08 — Oliver Burkeman has done it again.

Another terrific series on Waking Up. This one is titled You Are Here.

Listened it on the way to a client and back last week. His short, 10-minute long chapters on “slow productivity” really struck a chord.

One thing that stood out to me is that we should give up on ever finishing our to-do list because it is simply impossible to finish a never-ending stream of to-dos.

I also liked his approach to splitting up the day.

He calls it the 3-3-3 method:

3 hours in the morning on his most important project e.g. writing the next chapter in his book
3 smaller, more manageable projects after this e.g. sending an email to his tax advisor
3 maintenance tasks after this e.g. going for a run, taking out the garbage, meditating

The idea behind this is that it should look easy so that you can hit your 3-3-3 even on bad days. On good days, you can do more.

Really enjoying the slow productivity vibe. Way less intense and more sustainable than the mantras espoused by the 5AM club, David Goggins, "only amateurs wait for inspiration". Recognizes the (flawed, imperfect) human being trying to do the best they can at this thing called life. Sometimes we are productive, other times we fall short. Over the long term, we get some stuff done. The key is get the stuff done while being kind to ourselves.

Link to an essay on this:

Getting Stuff Done By Not Being Mean to Yourself

21:05 — holy shit.

David Perell dedicated an episode to Paul Graham’s writing lessons.

It made me think back to my early days of writing.

I just wrote about what interested me. I was like a moth attracted to various different lamps.

And it was cool. There were no rules. There were no goals.

Subsequently I’ve tried to niche down and stay in my lane. I’ve written more about my journey and less about my heroes, which has its merits.

Don’t think it’s bad to evolve, just need to make sure I’m still excited about the writing and I’m doing it for the right reasons.

21:02 — Stoicism in a nutshell.

“The trick is to learn how to want the things you already have.” — William B. Irvine.

Irvine has an excellent series on the Waking Up app.

I also wrote about Stoic Lessons before.

Two lessons from the Stoics

JOHN NICHOLAS

14 APRIL 2023

I'm a big advocate of Stoic philosophy and the positive impact it can have on our lives. Stoicism comes down to controlling the controllables, fostering virtues of character (instead of chasing material gain) and maximising positive emotions. Here are two Stoic lessons that have helped me strengthen my mindset and can help you strengthen yours:

Read full story

05 April 2024

19:07 — on finding comfort (maturity) on my self-employed journey.

Today, for the first time since quitting corporate 15 months ago, I turned down a piece of work.

Up to now, I have never said ‘no’ to anything that has come across my desk. Whether that’s a piece of ghostwriting, planning a conference, doing an audit, building a job board, doing life insurance product development, building a crypto/blockchain insurance model, doing technical marketing, leading alum calls for a writing course, being a mentor and coach for writers,… everything, every instant, I just said yes.

With the safety net of my salary pulled from under my feet, I was hungry for opportunities to earn money, build my portfolio and ‘make it’ on the self-employed path.

The first months were hard. With very few projects rolling in, I made more from dogsitting than consulting at a time. This was a low point and I felt a real desire to get out of the pit. I still had runway, but it bothered me that there was no ‘proof of concept’ so to speak. No clients coming in implied this might not be the best path for me.

Things have subsequently improved (thank goodness). So much so, that I’ve been able to decline my first project today.

Something I’m not trained for or passionate about. Something I’d do if the chips were down and I had nothing on my plate. But as things stand, my plate is pretty full and I have the luxury of picking projects I enjoy more.

So yeah, it feels weird, but it’s also a relief. Saying no to this project allows me to do a better job on the other 5 on my roster currently.

Bonus - I was able to pass this piece of work onto someone in my network who was going through a tough patch. He didn’t have any work coming in and reached out to me (and other contacts) on LinkedIn to ask for opportunities. I respect that. Couldn’t be easy putting himself out there and asking for help. I’m happy the timing worked out. Maybe next time I’ll be on the opposite end of the deal.

04 April 2024

18:40 — books I’m currently reading:

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver (2022).
Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing (Enlightenment Trilogy #1) by Jed McKenna (2002).
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle (2004).
Making Sense by Sam Harris (2013). A compilation of his best podcasts.

18:34 — books read so far this year:

A Short History of the World by H.G. Wells (1922). 4/5. Important read. A foundational history lesson. We are still a young species struggling to come to grips with our power. Liked his view on Christianity as an upgrade/evolution of Judaism.
The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz by Erik Larson (2020). 4/5. Enjoyed this one even though I know most of the stories from other books and movies. I felt like it ended abruptly in 1941 just when America entered the war, but this was the point. Larson only wanted to cover the period of Britain’s defiance when they stoof alone against Germany.
Liar’s Poker by Michael Lewis (1989). 4/5. An eye-opening (often hilarious) insider’s account of Wall Street in the 80s. Lewis, who also wrote Moneyball and The Big Short, started his career as an investment banker at Salomon Brothers – the biggest trading firm on Wall Street at the time. He chronicles the events leading to the firm’s boom and eventual demise – the rise of the bond market, the larger-than-life personalities chasing bigger and bigger profits, and the eventual listing of Salomon. What I found interesting about the book was that he wasn’t singing the praises of investment banking. If anything, he encourages people to look into other career paths - he specifically points out how poorly analysts are treated. What happened subsequently (and what Lewis came to realize) is that the book didn’t dissuade people from investment banking, but attracted more people to it. Not surprising since he was earning $250k per year as a 24-year-old. Favourite quote about the interview process:

“It’s taboo,” he said. “When they ask you why you want to be an investment banker, you’re supposed to talk about the challenges, and the thrill of doing deals, and the excitement of working with such high-calibre people, but never, ever mention money.”

Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak (1957). 5/5. History is the best teacher. One of my top reads this year. I did a longer review in What I learned from Ben Hur and Doctor Zhivago.
A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck (2011). 3/5. Tough read. Quite short, but not easy to grapple with the thought experiment — the lack of variation in hell is what gets people. The endless monotony. I suppose it’s a wake-up call to do more cool shit while you’re alive.
On Writing Well: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction by William Zinsser (1976). 4/5. Solid read. Covers all the basics of writing. Don’t use too many adjectives. A memoir is about a specific period in a person’s life, not their whole life. Don’t overcomplicate things.
Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt (1996). 5/5. A masterpiece. Brilliant memoir. Funny, sad, full of truth and heart. The Irish have a way of making sad stories more humorous.
The Dip by Seth Godin (2007). Recommended to me by a writing friend. It was good in parts. You shouldn’t continue doing something you’re not good at or not passionate about, but you should also not quit when success is virtually around the corner. There is a lot of upside for people who hang tough. While I enjoyed some of the arguments, most were repetitive and fell flat because of contradictions. The quitting vs. not quitting felt quite random based on the case studies. Didn’t allow for luck (which often plays a big part in success).
17 Questions That Changed My Life by Tim Ferriss. 4/5. Very short, get the free PDF here. Very useful questions. I’d like to do a longer exercise answering them.
The Duel by Anton Chekov (1891). 4/5. Some big themes, little bit messy at points, overall a great read.
Band of Brothers: E Company, 506th Regiment, 101st Airborne from Normandy to Hitler's Eagle's Nest by Stephen E. Ambrose (1992). 4/5. Entertaining history lesson. Enjoyed going over this again after watching the series when I was in university. These guys were tough, disciplined and principled. A formidable combination.
Prophet Song by Paul Lynch (2023). 4/5. A grim, but brilliant book. A warning of how fragile democracies and the rule of law can be. Shades of Nazi Germany mixed with the anguish and despair refugees face.

18:14 — on creating vs. consuming.

It goes back to the point I made yesterday - it’s lazy to just read/consume content without actually capturing the key ideas and doing the exercises.

That’s on me. Something to work on.

I was in a deep “consumer mode” earlier this year. I read 13 books in 2 months. Listened to a number of podcasts and binged series. While I captured a few notes and ideas during this time, I wasn’t as observant and disciplined as I’d like to be.

It was a difficult time as I was trying to grow my consulting business and gain more traction with a client, so maybe I didn’t have the bandwidth to create content in addition to running the business.

17:55 — another entry for the business lessons series.

Interview questions from Talent (Tyler Cowen):

Here are some questions that not only will elicit stories but also might yield relatively interesting answers:
“How did you spend your morning today?”
“What’s the farthest you’ve ever been from another human?”
“What’s something weird or unusual you did early on in life?”
“What’s a story one of your references might tell me when I call them?”
“If I was the perfect Netflix, what type of movies would I recommend for you and why?”
“How do you feel you are different from the people at your current company?”
“What views do you hold religiously, almost irrationally?”
“How did you prepare for this interview?”
“What subreddits, blogs, or online communities do you enjoy?”
“What is something esoteric you do?”

03 April 2024

23:23 — heard about a cool “friendship accountability” system today.

A friend of a friend sets up reminders to call/check in with his latest every 2 months.

If, for example, he spoke to a friend today, he would log that in his ‘system’ (I assume you can set up a scheduling tool for this). Then 2 months later he gets a notification - “It’s time to check in with Sandra again.”

I like this. I know I’m good with my friends. I know where I stand with my close friends. The bonds are strong and won’t be affected by a period of absence. However, it doesn’t hurt to check in more often. More contact is better than less.

I do something similar where I post 4 questions in a group chat with some of my oldest mates from time to time:

How’s work?
What’s your latest creative endeavour?
Any travel plans coming up?
How’s your fitness and mental health? Any events coming up?

23:18 — writing is like a long-time friendship.

During certain phases of your life, you see this person often, hang out together, and call each other frequently.

And during other periods, you have less contact and fewer interactions.

Nothing happens to the friendship. You are still devoted friends. When you see each other again, you will pick up where you left off and things will be cool.

Writing is similar. There are periods when you are brimming with ideas and you can’t help but capture tons of notes and thoughts. Other times, you go through a bit of a lull. The writing is still there in how you observe the world and hold conversations. But you aren’t actively publishing or sharing your work. Long-term it will always be there, an unswerving friend, but for the time being, you have other things that need more attention.

02 April 2024

17:50 — why am I scared to publish?

A writing friend asked why I don’t share my logs on Twitter or LinkedIn. This was my response:

Good question! A mix of reasons:

1. Maybe some latent fear that people will challenge me. These are half-baked ideas that I like to capture privately but don’t necessarily want to discuss/ debate further. Not a good reason to be fair so maybe it’s worth sending a few out.

2. ⁠Bigger reason - time and distraction. I did a Twitter challenge for 6 months (posting every day) last year and while it was cool to grow my followers it killed my focus elsewhere. Constantly checking notifications and replying to people. Not a good space mentally

3. ⁠I like the logs as an input into my bigger pieces. It keeps the writing habit going. So it supports the process.

17:46 — another entry for Poor Johnnie’s Almanack:

“Churchill was particularly insistent that ministers compose memoranda with brevity and limit their length to one page or less. “It is slothful not to compress your thoughts,” he said.” — Erik Larson, The Splendid and the Vile

I see this a lot at some of my clients.

Long, windy emails when the CEO asked for a summary. Nobody has time to read a 1000-word email. Send the 3 most important bullet points.

17:42 — on being less lazy.

Regarding the previous note.

I would like to make an effort going forward to capture notes when I watch YouTube videos, read books and listen to podcasts. This is not mere entertainment. These are useful lessons and anecdotes. Notes that I can share with my readers. Learnings that can improve my life. Why do I allow them to come in one ear and leave the other without making time to process and reflect?

17:40 — interesting observation from listening to Marc Andreessen speak with David Perell.

There’s a lot of value in holding the pen. Feels like a missed opportunity. Many people look down on note-takers and scribes, but it’s actually a position of power. If you can nail the role and deliver a high-quality summary of the most salient points in meetings, while capturing the bigger picture, you’re most likely to progress inside a company.

16:29 — books are my favourite types of gifts.

Excited to dive into these highly-rated novels. Haven’t read sci-fi since Dune and the Three-Body Problem.

16:27 — one of the standout fiction books so far this year:

16:25 — meta observation:

My logs were becoming stale towards the end of March. Now that I started Q2 and moved all the Q1 logs into a subpage I feel refreshed and hungry to write and capture ideas again.

Something about turning a new page, huh.

Or a blank page calling out to be filled in.

16:10 — another quote on letting energy guide you. Pairs well with Jung’s ‘what turns hours to minutes’:

“Your soul plays the same game with you, letting you know by your energy level whether you are close or farther away from what brings you alive.” — Bill O'Hanlon, A Lazy Man's Guide to Success

15:45 — this is brilliant:

“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” ― Carl Jung

For me:

building model aeroplanes
building tree houses
playing with lego
playing outdoors (mostly cricket or golf)
working on math olympiad problems
reading (lots and lots of reading)
building sand castles

Are these all things only kids can do? What does this translate to as an adult?

What I currently like:

having ownership - need skin in the game. Want to be the lead on projects. If it sucks, it’s on me. If it’s good, it’s on me.
building stuff - creating - making something from nothing. Whether that’s writing or illustrating or designing new products. Making something that will be here after I’m gone.
sharing what I know with others. Teaching, mentoring, coaching.

Career Advice from the Founder of a $300m Company

John Nicholas — Sun, 30 Jun 2024 21:47:12 GMT

Photo of the month: Running through Budapest a few weeks ago. My favourite way to explore a new city.

1. Interviewing the founder of a $300m company

Earlier this week, I set up my laptop in our living room, checked my books were turned the right way up (important), reviewed my interview notes and dialled into a Zoom call.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Peter Ohnemus, the CEO of dacadoo, a Swiss health-tech startup valued between $285—427m (Dealroom, 2019).

I won’t lie, my palms were slightly sweaty, but from the first few minutes of the conversation, it was clear this would be a fun conversation. I knew Peter had spoken at other events including the World Economic Forum (WEF) and Google Tech Talks, and I was impressed by his calm, easygoing nature, which calmed me down in turn.

The talk was on AI and its applications in insurance. It was part of a wider series of presentations for the AI Actuary Virtual Summit hosted by ProActuary and Mark Farrell and attended by over 3,600 people.

Peter’s been involved in health-tech and bio-tech for 25+ years and was the perfect candidate to speak about advances in this space.

In 2010, he founded dacadoo, a digital health company and AI-based lifestyle navigation platform. As a fitness enthusiast with a background in engineering, he wanted to see if he could build an app that could quantify a person’s health:

“You might call it your “coach”, in that it monitors physical activity, personal wellbeing, sleep quality and diet, holistically. The result is a score out of 1000 that reflects how healthy your lifestyle is, or, at least, those areas where you could improve.”

Apart from talking about his company’s vision, we traversed many topics including advances in voice AI, face scan tech, and how they handle data privacy.

Before I knew it we only had two minutes left in our interview. While his points on AI were fascinating, I had to know one last thing – what were his top three pieces of career advice?

This is what he had to say:

1/ Stay authentic

No matter your job title, whether you’re the CEO or the janitor, stay authentic. Remain approachable. Treat others with respect. Remember we all started somewhere.

2/ Take more risks

He feels people are too risk-averse. They stay in safe jobs, they stick to their routines and never get out of their comfort zones. The world needs more risk-takers and people who are willing to challenge the status quo.

3/ Always keep learning

Never rest on your laurels. He says he knows many people his age, late into their careers who stopped learning the day they got their degree. “They don’t want to learn anymore.” Either you are at the forefront of the developments in your field or you stagnate and hit a ceiling.

The wonderful thing about these tips is that they are equally valid for youngsters starting their careers and people more established in their professions.

Point #3 was the one I took to heart the most. I’ve often been caught with a false sense of security. I’ve got a degree, I’m a qualified actuary, but so are many other people. This is just entry to the game, after this you need to keep working, learning and developing.

Thanks to Peter for the interview and kudos to Mark Farrell for putting together an excellent conference.

You can catch the full recording here.

We had some good laughs. Here Peter was explaining the impact a frozen pizza can have on your body (hint: it’s not pretty).

2. The 3-3-3 Technique

Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks, has done it again.

After listening to Time Management for Mortals last year, I was delighted to see his latest series on the Waking Up app, titled You Are Here.

His short, 10-minute-long chapters on “slow productivity” struck a chord. After years of pursuing productivity hacks and living for the future, Burkeman stopped over-optimizing his life and made peace with his finitude:

“Every moment of life is a “last time.” It arrives; you’ll never get it again—and once it’s passed, your remaining supply of moments will be one smaller than before. To treat all these moments solely as stepping-stones to some future moment is to demonstrate a level of obliviousness to our real situation that would be jaw-dropping if it weren’t for the fact that we all do it, all the time.”

In one of the episodes in the series, he describes how he splits up his day.

He calls it the 3-3-3 method:

Spend 3 hours on your most important project, e.g. deep work time writing the next chapter in your book.
Complete 3 smaller, more manageable tasks, e.g. emailing your tax advisor.
Invest time in 3 healthy activities or maintenance tasks, e.g. going for a run, taking out the garbage, or meditating.

The idea behind this strategy is that it’s manageable. As Burkeman says, It’s easy enough that you can hit your 3-3-3 even on bad days. On good days, you can do more.

I enjoy Burkeman’s slow productivity vibe.

It’s less intense and more sustainable than the mantras espoused by the 5AM Club, David Goggins and people who say "only amateurs wait for inspiration". Sure, maybe you’ll get more things done with the hyped-up, super-disciplined approach, but it’s never appealed to me. Where’s the joy? Where’s the space for curiosity and letting your mind wander? How long can you keep up the pace before burning out?

Since listening to the series, I’ve been more forgiving towards myself on my not-so-productive days, while enjoying the flow when my energy levels are high.

Even though I don’t follow the 3-3-3 strategy to the tee, I like that it normalizes a different definition of productivity.

An approach that recognizes the flawed, imperfect human being trying to do the best they can at this thing called life. Sometimes we are productive, other times we fall short. Over the long term, we get some stuff done. The key is to get the important stuff done while being kind to ourselves.

3. My Favourites

💬 Quote. The eloquent and funny Alan Watts on not identifying with thought (something I wrote about before).

"If you talk all the time, you will never hear what anybody else has to say, and therefore, all you'll have to talk about is your own conversation. The same is true for people who think all the time. That means, when I use the word 'think,' talking to yourself, subvocal conversation, the constant chit-chat of symbols and images and talk and words inside your skull. Now, if you do that all the time, you'll find that you've nothing to think about except thinking, and just as you have to stop talking to hear what I have to say, you have to stop thinking to find out what life is about. And the moment you stop thinking, you come into immediate contact with what Korzybski called, so delightfully, 'The Unspeakable World'."

✍️ Essay. When I fantasize about my husband’s mistress by .

What a delightful (yet heart-racing) read. 10 points for the title. Alissa’s writing continues to please and amaze. She happily goes where others don’t always dare to. It reminds me of what George Saunders said about Tolstoy. Great writers know that our minds are built on common architecture – that whatever is present in me might also be present in you. Favourite quote from the essay:

“Walking home from work one afternoon, winter still heavy in the air even as the sky has lightened, Beyoncé's remix of “Jolene” plays in my ear. She reminds me “I raised this man.” And he raised me. If we separate, any future partner has us to thank for his manhood, my womanhood.”

📚 Book. Angela’s Ashes, a memoir by Frank McCourt (1996).

It's funny, sad as hell and full of truth and heart. I couldn’t put it down. McCourt has a wonderful way with words, humour and finding silver linings in the most desperate situations. How’s this for an opening passage:

“When I look back on my childhood I wonder how I survived at all. It was, of course, a miserable childhood: the happy childhood is hardly worth your while. Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood.”

Until next time - happy creating.

— John

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Three Ideas to Get the Best Out of the People You Manage

John Nicholas — Fri, 31 May 2024 15:04:36 GMT

Cycling through Bavaria, Germany. You can see why the Free State’s colours are white and blue.

Hey everyone! I hope you’ve had a great month. Here’s my post for May (I know, I know… sneaking in there just before the closing bell).

Earlier in my career I had the privilege of managing junior team members.

It was great. They were smart and hungry, but a little wet behind the ears. I got a lot of joy out of seeing them build confidence during a project, eventually taking off the training wheels and running the show without my help.

This year, as I’m taking on more consulting gigs, I’m in the fortunate position of overseeing and supporting others’ work again. For me, the work and the results are important, but I get even more kicks out of seeing people perform at their full potential.

Here are three short ideas to help you get the best out of the people you manage.

1. Someone has to go first (it’s not personal)

Someone has to write the first draft, create the first pitch deck, and/or build the first financial model.

This provides the foundation from which the rest of the team can work.

After that people can improve and tweak the original version.

That’s where the problem comes in sometimes... Feedback can feel personal.

While some comments are positive, sometimes the feedback sounds harsh. This disheartens the guy or gal who had to write the first piece. Their work is under the microscope and, no matter how thick-skinned they are, they feel a little touchy once the reviews are in.

But the feedback is the easier part. It’s much simpler to work from a 10-slide pitch deck than building it from scratch. It’s way less demanding to tweak the already-solid financial model than staring down a blank Google Sheet yourself.

That’s what I try to remind my team members of when their work is up on the stage.

The feedback isn’t personal. It just comes with the territory of doing the original work.

The original version must exist so that it can be iterated upon. It’s the humble foundation for the improvements to build on. Nothing can happen without the person who dares to go first.

2. Teach them how to fish

My main rule for managing people can be summarized by this simple proverb:

“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for his lifetime.” - Lao-Tzu

Teaching someone how to fish means not jumping in to help a junior before they have attempted to do the assignment themselves first.

If they haven’t applied their minds to the problem, they haven’t experienced the main benefit of problem-solving - building the habit and the confidence to solve future problems (the how to fish part).

If I help someone with a problem before they have given their all and exhausted their thinking, I’m doing them a disservice. Sure, doing the work for them is a relief in the short term (thanks for the leg up), but over the long term, their problem-solving skills (and confidence in their ability) stagnate.

They will become dependent on me (or someone else) to catch their fish when the going gets hard.

Side note:

This is becoming even more important with the rise of tools like ChatGPT (I’m starting to sound old).

Ideally, you should do the work yourself before typing in the prompt in the LLM. If you want to learn something, that is.

It reminds me of my high school maths teacher who always went on about not using calculators. His view (which I came to share) was that it’s more beneficial to do the equation in your head first. You can double-check the solution later but do the mental work yourself first.

The same applies to AI tools. Apply your mind first, then use AI to supplement the ideas and thinking you’ve already pinned down. Without this step, you don’t practice your muscle for creativity and brainstorming. You become dependent on OpenAI to feed you fish.

3. There’s always something more important than the work

Are there any former colleagues, people you no longer work with, that you still hold in high regard?

Are there ex-classmates, old friends you don’t see anymore, that still bring back fond memories?

What makes these people so special?

Was it the number of deals they signed, or rather, the stories they shared around the water cooler? The excellent quality of their slides or that time they helped you out when you were facing a crazy deadline? In short, what was more important, their work or how they made you feel?

“At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou

This is something I try to remind myself and the (sometimes stressed-out) juniors on my team about.

While the work is important, there’s always something more important than the work.

Don’t get lost in the pressure of the workplace with its never-ending stream of deadlines and to-dos. Remember to come up for air. See the bigger picture. Ask about your colleague’s kid’s ballet recital. Pay attention when your work buddy is quieter than usual.

Apply the softer skills. This is what people will remember.

My Favourites

💬 Quote of the week:

“The best way to manage people, he thought, was to convince them that you were good for their careers. He further believed that the only way to get people to believe that you were good for their careers was actually to be good for their careers.” — Michael Lewis, Flash Boys

✍️ Essay. How Much Money is Enough? by - a writer I met in Write of Passage who’s a doctor by day, and a writer by night. Writing under only his first name, he’s free to explore topics like meaningful work and money. I resonated with a lot of the themes in this essay. Quote:

“I can see how people get ‘addicted’ to some degree to glamorous yet stressful jobs. In their eyes, they don’t have a choice: they are hooked on the dopamine of a big paycheck and hooked on the power, and society can be unkind if they take a step back.”

📚 Book. The Anthology of Balaji: A Guide to Technology, Truth, and Building the Future by Eric Jorgenson. This was a solid 4/5 and right up there with the Navalmanack - Jorgenson’s other book on Naval Ravikant. This collection of Balaji’s thoughts throws your brain 20-50 years into the future, something I don’t get nudged to do often. Balaji is good at understanding history, applying those lessons to modern-day tech and projecting how things will play out in the future. Recommended reading.

📱 App. A friend recommended Oom, “the chat app that skips the small talk” to me last week. The premise is simple - you and your conversation partner answer prompts that explore your differences and similarities. Give it a go if you want to slice through the “the weather’s good” niceties and connect with people faster.

✌️ Small Win. This newsletter recently reached 500 subscribers. No Oscar-winning speech from me this time, but I will say, I truly value your support. Let’s keep it going.

Until next time - happy creating

— John

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Positive Self-Talk

John Nicholas — Fri, 26 Apr 2024 15:58:04 GMT

Sea Point Swimming Pool, Cape Town. My favourite spot for a few laps.

Hey everyone! It’s good to be back writing to you.

After finding my feet (and getting some reality checks) outside corporate in 2023, things are looking up this year with more opportunities rolling in. Even though the increase in client projects has cut into my writing time, it’s been a major positive for my mindset and long-term goals.

So if you’ve been wondering what’s happened to the newsletter, don’t fear, I’m still capturing my thoughts and observations every other day, I just can’t publish as regularly as I used to. Going forward, I aim to post something at least once a month.

Here’s the previous edition in case you missed it: What I learned from Ben Hur and Doctor Zhivago.

As for today’s edition, I’m sharing two things:

A positive habit, and
A personal milestone.

On noticing negativity

A large part of my day is spent in conversation with myself.

Not out loud (before you think I’m going crazy), but as a loop of thoughts in my head.

Maybe you’ve experienced the same thing.

“Oof, that was a difficult meeting. You should have spoken up more.”

“Why hasn’t Joe replied to the email? Is he upset?”

It can be non-stop. Like a lousy housemate you can’t get rid of, following you from room to room, talking to you during all your waking hours.

If your housemate was a pain to live with, you’d want them out of your apartment and your life ASAP.

By the same measure, why do we allow negative self-talk from ourselves, our internal housemate?

After chatting with a friend last month, it dawned on me that I could benefit from observing my internal narrative. As he put it:

“We’ve got a choice. We can either be critical of ourselves or use more enabling, positive language. To go get things and do things. I’ve got a hunch which mode serves me better.”

Following this, I started paying attention to my self-talk. While some thoughts were helpful, others were holding me back:

“I can’t write about this. People won’t find it interesting. Nobody cares about this topic.”
“This task is hard/uninteresting. I don’t have the energy for this. Let me do something else.”
“I need to think about this a bit more. I can’t pull the trigger yet. I need more time / more data / more confidence.”

Sure, some concerns are valid, but inaction and fear won’t help me achieve my goals. My internal software could do with an update.

Philosopher and meditation guru Sam Harris’s thoughts on “thoughts” came to mind. Waking Up fans would be familiar with this:

“Our habitual identification with thought—that is, our failure to recognize thoughts as “thoughts”, as appearances in consciousness—is a primary source of human suffering. It also gives rise to the illusion that a separate self is living inside one’s head.”

Without going into the theory and merits of non-dual awareness (I’ll leave that to Harris), I like the idea of not identifying with thought. It empowers us to step away from a thought limiting or not serving us.

Over the last month I asked myself - can I use more positive language when I speak to myself? Could I view thoughts as only “thoughts”? Could I change them in my favour?

Flipping the script above:

“What’s the worst thing that could happen if you post this? At least you are putting yourself in the arena and building your body of work. There’s the added chance that it could help someone who comes across the post.”
“Yes, this is hard, but that’s the point. Hard things are good for neuroplasticity. You are engaging your brain, the brain is protecting itself by seeking comfort. Stretch it a bit. Sit down for 5 minutes and see how it goes.”
“Just do it and stop overthinking things. If it doesn’t work, you can always pivot and change your course afterwards. Without action, you are standing still instead of moving in a direction.”

The proof will be in the pudding (or shall I say the thinking), but the initial results are encouraging. I already feel lighter and more intentional.

I like this approach to interacting with myself. Almost like being my own coach — an internal sparring partner who’s on my side, helping me move forward towards goals instead of blocking my progress.

If anything, I hope this sparks more positive self-talk for others.

With a small update, your internal housemate can go from a limit on your potential to a guide on your side.

On reaching a long-held goal

For the last few years, I’ve jotted down “run a sub90 half-marathon again” in my annual goals.

Finally (13 years after I first accomplished it), I hit that mark again last weekend.

What makes it extra special, is that I’ve had two anterior cruciate ligament ops in the meantime (good ol’ rugby) and I weigh a lot more than I used to as a skinny 20-year-old (good ol’ pilsner).

Since rehabbing my knee, I’ve attempted something like 15 half marathons. I’ve had a few 1h31s but I could never crack the magic 90-minute barrier. On this attempt, I finally did it and scooped a PB in the process.

So what helped this time?

Three things stand out:

1. Following a proper training program for once. Instead of doing junk miles, I trained according to a 10-week plan, which included intervals, fartleks and fast-finish long runs (these were gnarly). Some days sucked, but the visible progress made it worth it. I followed this program by McMillan Running, which was included in my Strava subscription. You can get quality programs from Garmin Connect and other running apps as well.

2. Running with carbon-plated shoes. Not gonna lie, the shoes helped. Embrace the tech. I ran with the Adidas Adios Pro 3s, but there are a range of options from all the top shoe manufacturers.

3. Marathon experience. I’ve done two marathons in the last two years (Berlin in 2022 and Paris in 2023). Having done a full 42km, the 21km race felt much more manageable. You get better at pacing your run and judging how much you have left in the tank.

Good luck with your running ambitions. I’m already planning my next race.

Pictured below with my main training partner 🐶.

My Favourites

💬 Quote.

“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” ― Carl Jung

I came across this quote last week and it immediately got me jotting down a few thoughts - building things (Lego and model aeroplanes), reading (lots of reading), sports (in teams and as an individual), math olympiads (nerd alert). It’s cool to see the patterns reemerging.

What made your hours pass like minutes?

✍️ Essay. A Cautionary Tale: A story about why it's now or never for a lot of ideas by . An essay about the regret you feel for not jumping on inspiration when it strikes. Like Louie, I also have a bunch of skills I picked up in my career that I never “immortalized”… Prophet coding, investment cost calculators, longevity projections, and retirement annuity models among others. I wonder if I’ll ever go back to them.

As Louie says, sometimes it’s now or never for an idea. When you return to it months later, your writing has changed, your interests have changed, your priorities have changed, you’ve changed.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man.” —Heraclitus

📚 Book. Prophet Song by Paul Lynch — the novel that won the 2023 Booker Prize. 4/5. A grim, but remarkable book. Not the most comfortable read, but a timely reminder of how fragile democracies and the rule of law can be. Shades of Nazi Germany mixed with the anguish and despair refugees face.

Until next time - happy creating!

— John

1 - Thanks so much for being here. We're up to 490 readers this week.

2 - If you liked this essay, click the ❤️ button or drop a comment below.

3 - If you’d like to support my journey, the best ways are to:

Grab one of my digital products. A Year in Review is an annual review worksheet designed to help you reflect on the year that has been and plan for the one coming up. Procreate for Writers is a 60-minute video with instructions on how to create visuals that grab your readers’ attention. Run Your Newsletter Like a Restaurant is a Notion dashboard that enables you to capture your best ideas & the best content you consume.
Or share my newsletter with a friend. They can sign up here:

Logs - Q1 2024

John Nicholas — Tue, 02 Apr 2024 13:44:31 GMT

27 March 2024

17:35 — I like this quote from Santayana:

“Agnosticism is the impatience that the unknown exists.”

From the The Cloud of Unknowing series by Tom Lutz on Waking Up.

One of my favourite series on the app so far. He speaks about becoming comfortable with uncertainty.

Might be cool to do a review?

Dedicate a newsletter to that.

17:30 — my logs have been a bit stagnant lately. Seeing it as a chore instead of a pleasure. There’s a lot on my plate and I’m not creating enough time to capture my learnings and observations. Something to work on. I’m already publishing less than I’d like to, wouldn’t want to drop my daily notes as well. Make this core to my habits again. 30min per day. Like exercise. But for the mind. ALWAYS feel better when I write and create.

26 March 2024

12:34 — received this quote from a friend.

"It's all a cycle, you see, we fear the same things and figure out the same things every generation. And then we think we are geniuses when we do." — Terry Pratchett

Funny and encouraging at the same time.

25 March 2024

17:31 — Steinbeck describing a vicious circle. ‘Draw it forth by expecting it.’

“And as a few strokes on the nose will make a puppy head shy, so a few rebuffs will make a boy shy all over. But whereas a puppy will cringe away or roll on its back, groveling, a little boy may cover his shyness with nonchalance, with bravado, or with secrecy. And once a boy has suffered rejection, he will find rejection even where it does not exist—or, worse, will draw it forth from people simply by expecting it.” — East of Eden

15 March 2024

12:05 — on “to do” overwhelm.

When I take on too much work and I’m juggling multiple projects, my to-do list racks up. 10, 15, 20 things to get out today.

Instead of tackling them one by one, I look at the list and I crumble under the weight of all the to-dos and end up doing nothing.

Lesson?

I can benefit from prioritization. Some to-dos are urgent, while others can wait. I can also learn how to delegate better. I’ve seen the Eisenhower matrix and it makes sense, I just haven’t applied it before.
I can add timestamps next to each to-do to indicate the expected time it will take and organize my day around it.

This should restore a sense of control in the sea of overwhelm.

13 March 2024

08:01 — I’m leaning more and more into the classics as I get older. When I pick up a modern book, it’s fascinating to see the first principles (the older themes) repeating themselves, but told by contemporary characters.

12 March 2024

10:07 — on organizing my to-dos. Things that help me:

Allocating a time per specific item. Otherwise it’s just a big list without guidelines. With time allocations, I can plan my day better and I can also stop adding more items to today’s list once my 5 deep work hours are up (5 is usually my max, which feels low, but the rest of the time gets gobbled up by meetings and breaks etc.) Using the time per item I can bunch a few 15min to-dos and knock them out in an hour. And then I can do some more focused work for an hour or two if necessary.
Distraction blocking. I’m terrible at getting into flow but I’m pretty solid once I’m in that state. So switching context is my number one time killer. Setting up a Forest timer (phone blocker) and putting on Cold Turkey (website blocker) I force myself to focus on one thing for the full hour. No goofing around.
Music. Instrumental focus music, no vocals.

11 March 2024

08:05 — walking and talking.

I met a friend for a coffee last week. He suggested that we order the coffees for takeaway and go for a walk by the ocean.

Very happy we did. Where last time the conversation was good, it was a bit stifled. This time there was much more flow to our talk as we bounced different ideas around.

07:55 — on short-term vs. long-term goals.

It’s becoming harder and harder for me to stay consistent with writing as I say yes to more and more other consulting and other projects.

It’s not the end of the world. I much prefer this to having no projects coming in (2023 was an eye-opener).

It’s just the way things are at the moment. The writing will always be there. I see it as a lifelong practice, while the consulting gigs are helping me gain stability in the short to medium term.

07:52 — quote on friendship.

"FRIENDSHIP is a mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness." - David Whyte

7 March 2024

17:45 — reading stats so far this year.

I’ve completed 12 books in the first 10 weeks of the year.

How do I manage that?

It’s not that complicated really.

I prioritize reading books over most other forms of content. They are equally good, but sap a lot of time e.g. series, podcasts, Youtube and newsletters. My guilty habit is Instagram scrolling, but I try to limit this to 30 minutes per day with an app called ClearSpace. Quite effective at keeping me off the doom-scrolling wagon. The point is - there is a lot of time that we spend on entertainment, and we can channel some of that into reading.
I read books in a variety of formats. Digital (Kindle), hardcover and audiobooks. I like the variety. It gives me options. Kindle at night, hardcover on the beach or in the park and audio for those ‘dead’ moments when I’m driving, on the treadmill or cleaning the house
I read a variety of different books. I always have about 5-10 books I’m reading simultaneously. This gives me the option to dive into one that suits my mood and energy levels. Feeling sharp and present? Ok, cool let’s rip out the book on spiritual enlightenment. Feeling dull and lazy? Time for an easy fictional narrative.

17:27 — a standard I hope to maintain throughout my life:

“If someone is able to show me that what I think or do is not right, I will happily change, for I seek the truth, by which no one was ever truly harmed. It is the person who continues in his self-deception and ignorance who is harmed.” - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Fits in with:

“The research showed that experts-people who were masters at a trade-vastly preferred negative feedback to positive. It spurred the most improvement. That was because criticism is generally more actionable than compliments.” — Shane Snow

I’ve seen how important this principle is from two recent experiences, one difficult, and one positive:

Had a tough conversation with a family member that gets defensive as soon as you suggest that she makes changes to her life. Changes that could benefit her and those around her. Clearly not seeking the negative feedback and somehow harmed by the truth.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, I made some suggestions to a fellow writer (who is very successful at what he does) for his YouTube channel and his response was the exact opposite. He was very grateful for the suggestions and encouraged me to send more if I ever had any other ideas. He wants to continue improving. Criticism is more actionable than a “well done”.

17:05 — mental resilience or stupidity?

I took part in the Batrun in Cape Town last weekend. A 30-kilometre, 2250-metre-elevation race traversing the three peaks in the Mother City - Devil’s Peak, Table Mountain and Lion’s Head - all in one night. I’m thankful to be fit and healthy to take on these challenges. Photo courtesy of Jason Broderick.

I started strong, found a nice rhythm, and stuck to a pack going up Devil’s Peak. The wind was pumping and we entered a storm at the top of the mountain.

On the descent (about 7km in) I stepped on a loose rock and my right foot rolled over. I felt something tear (like the webbing between the bones in my foot came loose) and I had no more confidence going downhill. Luckily the adrenaline kept the pain away and I managed to find a medic at about 16km (after ascending and descending Platteklip and Maclears). She was an angel. She strapped me up well, which helped me hobble over to Lion’s Head and back down again.

So bravery or stupidity? Probably a touch of both.

Even though I couldn’t maintain the pace I was aiming for initially, I’m pleased that I could dig deep and still finish. Luckily I didn’t do more damage to my foot, a real risk in the dark, wet conditions and I’ll make a full recovery in a couple of weeks.

17:01 — on setting realistic expectations about how much work I can do in a day.

I visited a client in Joburg for an intense few days to discuss their strategy and new products. I put in a lot of work over the weekend to prepare for the trip.

Even though it was a productive trip and I feel like I delivered, I’m still somehow disappointed that I didn’t do even more.

I had big hopes of writing an essay, looking into a new course, doing a big trail run and prepping work for another client, but in the end, I only focused on the client's work.

Maybe I should learn from this and set more realistic expectations of what I can achieve in a day. E.g. main goal today: write the essay. Bonus: complete slides for client. Instead of “write the personal essay”, “write the work essay”, “do the slides”, “apply for the course”, “create the video” etc etc.

I can see this working in two ways:

Being kinder to myself. I’ll feel better for doing something instead of feeling bad for the things I didn’t get around to.
Planning better. Instead of over-leveraging and overpromising, I can manage my time better and focus on doing one thing well.

I’m only human. I only have 24 hours in the day. I perform better when I’m rested. I perform worse when I’m stressed and hard on myself.

One thing at a time, done properly.

28 February 2024

12:25 — another good one I saw today.

Do hard things. The time will pass anyway.

12:21 — cool mindset tip from Cam Houser (Minimum Viable Video).

It’s wildly motivating knowing that there are people out there who are smarter than you—and maybe more skilled than you—but they are too scared to get in the arena.
In any endeavor, you’re not competing against the best of the best.
You’re competing against who actually shows up. Which is often times a tiny fraction.
So be one of the ones that shows up.

12:04 — book of the week.

Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak (1957). Lots of spoilers below. Be warned.

Won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1958.

I’ve always wanted to read Zhivago. I saw the film when I was younger, but couldn’t remember much of it. Just knew there were trains and snow and it was set in Russia.

It describes the Russian Revolution and its consequences. The protagonist, Yuri Zhivago, grows up in upper-class society, studies to become a doctor, marries a nice girl and serves on the front line against the Germans in World War I. As soon as he gets back, the Tsar gets overthrown and his life, together with all of Russia, is thrown into turmoil.

Zhivago is a sensitive, artistic man. He wants to write poetry and help his patients. He agrees that the lower classes weren’t treated well under the old regime so he welcomes the change.

But, as he soon finds out, Communism is an even worse regime for everyone, both rich and poor. Within a couple of years, there is a severe lack of food and resources. People are starving, babies and patients can’t get medicine. He and his family move to the Urals, a distant backcountry, with the hope of living off the land and escaping the harsh measures in the bigger cities. He bumps into a nurse he met on the front line, a romance starts and he gets kidnapped by the Red Army (the communist military fighting the Whites - the faction loyal to the old Tsar) because their previous doctor died and they need a new medic.

His life falls apart bit by bit after this. He escapes captivity, but his family has fled back to Moscow. His wife leaves him a note saying she knows about his affair.

Years later, he returns to Moscow as a disillusioned old man, utterly broken by Communism.

It’s a brutal book, without much joy, but it’s a fair reflection of the life and times of Communist Russia. There are beautiful poems and longer philosophical sections. I enjoyed his argument that Communism doesn’t work in an individualist society. He says after the birth of Jesus, people started identifying as individuals. Their acts had consequences. Through good deeds, they could reach heaven/earn salvation. Communism might have worked when Moses was leading his people through the Red Sea because people operated as a group back then. But as soon as the individualist genie was out of the bottle, there was no going back to a society where all the work was shared and no one could earn more than someone else.

Interesting connection to Ben Hur (1880), which speaks about the connection between Judaism and Christianity. I wrote about this earlier this month.

There is also a link to A Short History of the World by HG Wells (1922), which explains how religions developed and how we moved from sacrificing humans, then animals, and worshipping temples, to believing in an invisible god, a moral code and salvation.

I would also like to link to David Perell’s piece on Christianity here.

Only after college did I discover that the ideas I passionately rejected, particularly the Old Testament and the Ten Commandments, were the bedrock of my moral philosophy.
Not just mine, all my friends too — and we didn’t even know it. In retrospect, that’s why we strive to treat disabled people with dignity and it’s why sentences like this one from a government official inspire head-nodding agreement: “A city is measured by how it treats the least of its brothers and sisters. That’s what we all believe, that’s what we’ve grown up believing, and it’s who we are.” We agree with these ideas because Christianity is the invisible frame around modern thought. These moral conclusions are shaped by the Beatitudes where Christ instructs us to bless the poor, the meek, and the persecuted. Until Christ, those blessings were reserved for the rich and powerful.

27 February 2024

17:19 — trying to drop a few kg’s before a half marathon next month. Good advice from Tim Ferriss’s 4-Hour Body:

Rule #1: Avoid "white" carbohydrates (or anything that can be white). Rule #2: Eat the same few meals over and over again. Rule #3: Don't drink calories. Rule #4: Don't eat fruit. Rule #5: Take one day off per week and go nuts.

11:59 — strong one from Bill Walsh (The Score Takes Care of Itself):

As a former boxer, I’d suggest that if your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing, you’ll get knocked out. Your right hook must be in sync with your left jab. For this to occur, your brain must communicate so your hands can collaborate. The same principle applies in business and in sports.

Fits in with the life lessons wrapped up in business lessons. Or business lessons wrapped up in sports lessons? It all flows into each other.

The job of leadership is to get this alignment between various teams. Some higher purpose pulling everyone together.

08:14 — The next Write of Passage cohort will focus on finding your Core Idea - the one theme or topic you can become known for as a writer.

I’m thinking about writing about life lessons wrapped up in business lessons. I've struggled to niche down previously, but I'm excited to give it a go this cohort.

My last two newsletters have been about the lessons I'm picking up on my consulting projects and I think this topic/theme might have legs.

It also helps to close the circle between the work I do and the things I write about, which have always been completely separate.

08:10 — Cool quote:

I should like to take your head apart, put a fact in it, and watch it go its way through the runnels of your brain until it comes out of your mouth. — Harper Lee, Go Set a Watchman

I suppose that’s how it works. We are all products of the conversations we have. The more convincing an argument is, the more likely we are to adopt it in our conversations going forward.

07:50 — on the “smell” of a place.

At last month’s strategic workshop, the host showed us a video by a lecturer at INSEAD - Prof Sumantra Ghoshal.

Prof Ghoshal speaks about the smell of a place and how this can have an impact on how people perform at the workplace.

He argues that increasing performance in the workplace has less to do with changing the people in the business and more to do with changing their context and their environment (the “smell” of a place).

Obviously, he isn’t referring to the actual smell (while that could also have an impact), what he means is the vibe and atmosphere you feel when you walk into an office or meeting room.

He compares his performance when he goes back home to Kolkata, India in the summer to his output when he is lecturing in Fontainebleau. In Kolkata it is hot and humid and he struggles to exercise and work, while in the cool, moderate climate of Fontainebleau, he can go for long runs in the forest and work at peak performance.

13 February 2024

12:23 — I set up referral rewards on Substack today.

Tier 1: refer 1 friend and receive a free copy of my Content Mgmt. System (run your newsletter like a restaurant).

Tier 2: refer 3 friends and receive a free copy of my Annual Review Worksheet - a set of prompts to help you complete your annual review.

Tier 3: refer 10 friends and receive a free copy of Procreate for Writers - my video course explaining the basics of Procreate.

Curious to see how this goes. I like how Substack enables writers to grow through a solid discovery/recommendation engine and built-in features like switching on paid subscriptions and adding a referral program. Helps us (generally shy) writers grow our audience without feeling too in your face.

This also strengthens my resolve to bring out more digital products. Look at my existing experience/skills and try to ‘productize’ them. Extra stream of income and better rewards for true fans who refer my work.

8 February 2024

15:21 — spoke to an interesting guy earlier (ex-MBA, founder, business builder).

He made an interesting observation about elite programmes, whether that’s joining the Navy, doing and MBA or signing for an investment bank/consulting firm.

They all have a similar approach:

First they throw you with a lot of work or challenges (like 100-hour weeks or intense physical training). This is meant to make you feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. You are no longer in control of things. This is called the “unfreezing”
Then they teach you their way/approach e.g. how to work, how to fight etc. They first need to disassemble your wiring before re-assembling you according to their mold.

11:47 — life is good, even though it’s a bit frantic at the moment.

Trying to get a grip on my current work:

Anchor client 60% (3-day) commitment. Most of my time and energy.
Actuarial conference co-host. Planning something for the summer.
Writing - personal. Dropped off a bit here. Keen to get the newsletter going again.
Writing - professional. Co-author articles for LinkedIn and business magazines.
Head of sales team for a writing program. Love the product, which makes the work so much easier.
Bus dev for actuarial consulting. Find new clients.

Will focus on these for the next few months.

6 February 2024

07:40 — on running shoe consumerism.

I think I have a problem with buying running shoes - picked up the Altra FWD experiences now - their first 4mm drop shoe. Quite excited about them, but will need to run a LOT more to justify my shoe pool of 4 shoes at the moment. Saucony, Hoka, Adidas and Altra. Send help!

5 February 2024

22:34 — on the importance of speaking the “same language” in a business setting. I guess the same holds true for relationships.

The company I’m consulting to had a strategic workshop two weeks ago. I was lucky to be invited along.

The host/invigilator of the workshop was great. He’s been around the block, knows the industry quite well, and has seen many different products and markets and permutations of things.

What I liked about his presentation was how he created a common language for the staff to use going forward.

He identified topics like what is the magic of the business (i.e. what is core to the business that can’t be outsourced), what is the playing field of the business (i.e. which products/markets they’ll pursue - wrote about this below), what is the vision and purpose of the company, what type of personality does the company have (is it altruistic and relationship based or is it production and numbers based?), etc etc.

What’s fascinating to see now is how the employees use this common language among themselves in the meetings going forward.

They say things like “oh no, I don’t think that product really fits in our playing field” or “yes, this is an opportunity to show our magic”.

Immediately everyone understands. The words (the named concepts) hold a lot of context. “Magic”, “playing field”, and “purpose” all have a meaning now. There is less confusion and more alignment as a result.

Really cool to see.

22: 25 — The simpler you can make a product the better.

People relate to what the product does for them. Make it more tangible, name it according to what it does. For example:

Critical illness → cancer cover.
Decreasing term assurance → mortgage protection.

Even if two products work exactly the same under the chassis, naming them two different things according to two different benefits, can drive extra sales, purely because of the connection people can make with the underlying benefit they are buying.

22:20 — Mentors are so important.

I’ve been lucky to have a few good managers in my career.

Over the last year, as a consultant, I haven’t really had anyone to look up to. It’s been a one-man show mostly, trying to find customers and trying to serve customers.

Now I’ve finally identified a mentor again at the company I’m consulting to. He might not know it, but I’ve just been soaking up everything he says. Just a wealth of knowledge. Fortunate to learn from him.

08:01 — book of the week (month, year).

Ben Hur by Lew Wallace.

This is an incredible story. I finished this earlier this year and it had a profound impact on me.

Basically the story of the Christ but told in novel form. Jesus is just a normal guy that does a bunch of miracles and the hero of the story, a Jew named Ben Hur, comes to hear of him and follows his journey. Eventually, Hur is convinced that this is the Son of God.

Hur had a brutal life. He is sent to the gallows (now I know where the saying comes from) at a young age for accidentally injuring the Roman minister of Judea. He eventually frees himself from slavery and exacts revenge on his childhood friend turned enemy, a Roman named Messala, during a chariot race. Hur regains his standing in society and is reunited with his family, all the while staying true to his Jewish faith, despite the temptations of the Roman way of life.

What I found interesting about the book is how it compares and contrasts Judaism and Christianity. Judaism had been around for a long time when Jesus appeared on the scene. It was the first religion that believed in an invisible (therefore indestructible) God. Christianity was a v2.0 of Judaism. An update to the software. Jesus professed a new kind of teaching with two main deviations from the Jewish script. 1. An attitude of forgiveness so you no longer took an eye for an eye. 2. The concept of Heaven or an afterlife. He specifically preached against accumulating wealth — “it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God”.

After following him for a while and seeing all the good Jesus has done, Hur starts believing that Jesus might be the real deal, but is left disappointed when he doesn’t take arms to become the King of the Jews. Jesus speaks about a relatively foreign concept — the kingdom of heaven, something the people on earth have a hard time comprehending.

On the day of the crucifixion, Hur finally gets it. He figures out that Jesus has to die. Firstly, his socialist teachings were antipathy to the capitalist society in Judea at the time. Secondly, by not fighting back, by not using his gifts and his apparent strength (shown many times before during his miracles), he was making the ultimate sacrifice. He would then later show his true miracle — defeating death itself.

The Biblical “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” still rang in my ears as I read the last few pages.

I finished it in a frenzy.

Even for non-religious person, this book can make you religious or at least see the power and appeal of believing in something bigger than yourself.

07:44 — my favourite book resource.

Standard Ebooks — free and liberated books, carefully produced for the true book lover.

This is a phenomenal collection of free books for your Kindle.

So far I have downloaded:

What is Art? by Leo Tolstoy
Hadji Murad by Leo Tolstoy
Ben Hur by Lew Wallace. Completed this and it had a profound impact on me.
Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky
Three Sisters by Anton Checkov
The Duel by Anton Checkhov
The Sun Also Rises by Ernst Hemingway
Practical Mysticism by Evelyn Underhill

07:30 — on stability.

For the first time in a long time, I have stability on the income front.

I have a long-term contract with a client who values me, respects me and wants me to help them build their company.

This trust and certainty have done wonders for my headspace. I have a plan, I don’t have to worry about scrambling for clients, I can put my head down and work when it’s time to work. I can also explore my passion projects (startups, teaching, writing, sales) in my free time without stressing about which one will make money. Without having to justify doing them.

It’s important to know yourself.

Throwing myself into the deep end last year and going self-employed was a tough experience. I didn’t cope well with the uncertainty. I felt guilty when I was writing and creating and doing ‘non-monetary’ things because this wasn’t time spent on business development and finding clients. These activities weren’t creating financial stability for me. I couldn’t justify them. I felt like a fraud sinking deeper and deeper into a hole.

I didn’t like the bus dev work so I would rather revert to writing. But the writing didn’t make money so I didn’t enjoy my mental space. A vicious circle.

What I learned from this is my ideal operating environment is (1) some kind of stability from a fixed retainer paying the bills every month. Even if it only covers 50% of my pre-self-employment salary I’d be happy. This is enough to survive and keep the wolves at bay. Plus (2) exposure to some small bets and opportunities that could go big but could also go to zero. These are the long shots. These are the creative projects. I get to learn. I’m not bored. I can satisfy my creative itch.

Very grateful I went through this self-discovery process.

4 February 2024

21:40 - races in 2024.

Plan for the year:

Road run. Two Oceans 21km. 15 April. Cape Town.
Swim. Starnberger See Schwimmen 4km. 27 July. Starnberg.
Trail run. Adidas Infinite Trails 45km. 7 September. Bad Gastein.
Cycling. Munich to Lago di Garda 400-450k. Self-organized. Date TBD.

Would love to do a few more, but think this is a good start.

21:30 — book idea.

I would love to write a book one day. I believe I have it in me. At the moment, I don’t have enough material. That’s fine. I might also have an issue finding a core theme.

But… how about this —

I can ask my favourite writers (and peers) to each send me their *best* essay and compile it all together in a book with 20-30 chapters. Lessons on Creativity or something like that.

Think that could be rad.

Can figure out the logistics later. Maybe pay everyone a profit share. Or pay them $100 upfront. Next step would be to publish via Amazon or some other store.

Got the idea from reading a book about dogs last year (Dog Hearted) where different writers each contributed an essay describing their love for their furry friends. I also saw this in Succeeding In Business by Brian Tracy and Klaus Metzenauer. It’s a collection of lessons from 20+ different business leaders.

So that brings it two ideas so far for 2024:

Logging app / integration with Notion. With timestamps and tagging.
Book compilation. Lessons on Creativity.

21:23 — on believing in yourself.

I did a ski course in January while we were on holiday with my sister and her husband.

The conditions were tough on the day and I wasn’t ‘getting’ some of the concepts explained by the instructor.

Turns out I was leaning too far back the whole time. After a few attempts, I was getting the hang of leaning my shins forward.

The instructor complimented me and I brushed it off, “yeah, can probably do even better.”

He replied (quoting loosely), “you have to take the compliment. You have to believe in yourself that you’ve improved today. I’ll be gone tomorrow and then your improvement will rely solely on your confidence in your ability.”

It was a good wake-up call. I generally pride myself on being positive and confident. In that moment, I was the opposite.

You have to believe in yourself. It applies to everything in life. Sport, relationships, business. How can you reach your full potential if your own mindset is putting a limit on your achievements?

Theme for the year: dream bigger.

3 February 2024

22:33 — is writing an act of ego?

I believe it is. It’s a part of you that’s crying out for attention. It comes from a place where you seek the recognition you ‘deserve’.

Thinking back, I was very successful at school, university and my career in SA. I had status. I was the cock on the walk. Moving to Germany, my ‘actuary’ title no longer meant people would listen to me in meetings, nobody knew who I was, I didn’t have a Masters so I didn’t have a ticket to the game.

My ego got crushed. I was nobody. Went through countless interviews without success.

Writing offered a way out. I reconstructed my self-image by writing. I built myself back up and shared my thoughts. And people said “this is actually kinda good” and what I heard was “he’s actually kinda smart”. It was good to regain the status I lost.

I read something from Pressfield where he concurs that writing and creating is an act of ego.

But I might actually like this view from Joseph Campbell even more.

He studied the human story more than anyone and believed this was the key question to ask:

“What is it we are questing for? It is fulfillment of that which is potential in each of us. Questing for it is not an ego trip; it is an adventure to bring into fulfillment your gift to the world…”

Bring into fulfillment your gift to the world.

It’s about something bigger than you.

You have a responsibility. To be the best version of you you can be. So you can be of the biggest benefit to the world.

Might mean earning more and paying more taxes.

But I think it’s something deeper, almost God-given (if yiu’re the religious type). You were lucky to be endowed with certain talents. Other people didn’t get them. You have to use them and not waste them. That would be the biggest slap in the face of the universe/God/humanity.

That’s enough to get you out of bed each day.

16:47 — I’m feeling a bigger and bigger pull to figuring out my purpose.

I’ve been a bit directionless on the writing track lately.

I’ve written about a bunch of topics but I would like to narrow it down. Define my “field of play”.

What’s inside the four lines:

Stoic lessons e.g. negative visualization, Man’s Search for Meaning, Stutz etc.
Lessons on becoming independent / going freelance e.g. Writing through the dip, the day I quietly quit, working hard not to work hard.
Lessons I’m learning doing my work e.g. Poor Johnnie’s Almanack.

What’s out of bounds:

Writing about writing. This is derivative type of work. E.g. 5 lessons for beginner writers.
Writing about creating. Maybe I can do this. But have to be careful. Sounds like there are overlaps with encouraging people to go independent, but can also be a slippery slope to being too “on the nose” or too explanatory “you should do this”.

Could be a cool exercise. Go through all your past essays and create categories: this is in the field of play vs. not.

2 February 2024

10:11 - I’ve given corporates a hard time, but there are benefits to working at one, especially when you are young.

It instils discipline. You learn how to pitch up every day. You grind it out for 8 hours. This provides some structure. Sure, I don’t think we are robots that are meant to be zoned in to our work for 8 hours. There should be time for our thoughts to run free, but in general some kind of structure isn’t bad for when you make the shift to solopreneurship.
You learn what you like to do vs. don’t. It’s a process of elimination. You see what you’re good at, you see what grinds you the wrong way. Then you do more of the thing you like, you get better at it, you develop specialized skills.
You pick up skills that are valuable in the marketplace. It’s much easier to transition to self-employment after you’ve racked up some experience and learned how to do certain things (say presenting or coding or creating business plans). It makes you more marketable. You have a track record and credibility.

10:04 — on disappointing books.

I usually go on about all the books I love reading, but I never mention the ones that were duds.

I recently returned two books to Audible because I just couldn’t continue reading them.

A Heart That Works by Rob Delaney. The book covers Delaney’s son’s heartbreaking battle with and eventual death from cancer. Although it’s sad and it’s real and I fully feel the pain this family went through (as I’m sure countless other families go through who lose a child), the book didn’t grab me. It’s one thing to describe a child’s battle with cancer and mix in some humour (Delaney’s jokes are funny), but if you’re going to write a book about it, I am expecting something more, something lasting, something out of the ordinary that can be tied to a bigger theme for humanity. Sad to say, but halfway in there was still no bigger message. Rating: 2/5. Goodreads rating: 4.62/5 (mad).
Die With Zero by Bill Perkins. This was very disappointing. I picked it up after reading Ali Abdaal’s newsletter recommending it as “a great new book by my friend Bill that changes the way you think about money”. Bit of an oversell. Sure, Perkins makes a good point - don’t save all your money for retirement and then use it when you’re old and you can’t do cool shit anymore - but this is hardly anything new or groundbreaking. Maybe for my parent’s generation, but there are very few people in my circles who only work and value money above all life experiences. The book is also flawed in that some people actually like their work and find real purpose in it, which he says can’t be true (experiences are the highest currency to him). And it doesn’t speak enough about leaving something for your kids - this feels like bad advice, selfish even. Sure, he recommends setting aside some money for them and spending the rest on yourself. But how do you know what will be enough for them? $100k? $1m? What if they have big dreams? Lastly (I’m almost done), it’s told from the perspective of a billionaire in his late 40s who is trying to lecture working-class people about how they should spend the $60k they earn each year. Feels out of touch. Sure, maybe you can design a life around experiences if you don’t have to work again, but other people would see that as irresponsible.

Ok, rant over.

Make no mistake - I have respect for people who write and publish books. I would like to join their legion one day. But I also think it’s important to note when a book doesn’t sit well with you. That shows your taste and your sense for sniffing out BS.

I like how Neil Parischa describes quitting a book:

"It’s one thing to quit reading a book and feel bad about it. It’s another to quit a book and feel proud of it. All you have to do is change your mindset. Just say, “Phew! Now I’ve finally ditched this brick to make room for that gem I’m about to read next.”

There are only so many books you can read in your lifetime. Don’t be scared to shelve a book.

09:54 — on the lightness that comes from not forcing/chasing/pushing things.

It’s Friday. It’s my day off. I have a 3-day contract with my current client so I get 2 days to explore other opportunities, work on personal projects, go outdoors or just chill. I like this arrangement. I can give 100% when I’m “on call” and I can switch off and let my mind wander on the days that I’m not.

Today I came back from the gym and I felt the usual “let’s rush through the shower, get dressed, make coffee, get to my desk” feeling creep up on me. One that has been drilled into me by years of having a 9-5 job.

Then I realized, “wait - I don’t have meetings or people expecting things from me today - I can take it slower - play with our dog, have coffee with my fiancé, read a book…”.

Interesting to observe that natural, goal-driven attitude creep up on you and then try to override it.

1 February 2024

11:34 — thoughts on Write of Passage changing their strategy.

I’m a big fan of Write of Passage. I love the product. I genuinely believe it changed my life for the better. I have been way calmer since I started writing and I’ve had a host of new opportunities open up for me (increased serendipity).

The team have decided to go with a new direction this cohort — instead of focusing on writing consistently and building a writing habit (no matter the topic) the message will centre around finding your “core idea” and writing more about that.

This change makes sense — in a world dominated by LLMs (GPT) and AI-driven writing, consistency is no longer such an important metric. What’s more important is writing something only you can write, something genuine, something from real experience, something a machine can’t write.

But I also have a few concerns/questions about the change:

Archaeologist vs. Architect. Some people might need a lot of time writing about random things before they figure out what their “core idea” is. They have to be archaeologists (dig around and explore) before they can be architects (have a clear idea of their topic and audience). I know this is the case for me. I initially thought I would write about insurance and fintech and when I eventually started writing I wasn’t attracted to these topics at all. Through writing and listening to internal and external feedback, I’ve figured out that I actually like writing reflective pieces about my creator journey, the lessons I’ve learned in life and work, and urging people to take on creative projects. I wouldn’t have gotten here if I wasn’t allowed to explore (to be an archaeologist) first.
Writing for me vs. writing for others. I fear solving for what your “core idea” is you might look outside at what the market needs, at what people would like to read about instead of what you want to write about. This can create a block. You won’t give yourself the benefit of exploring your interests. You will test your ideas against your “core idea” and discard potentially valuable essays because they don’t fit the mould.

11:30 — coming up against a light version of writer’s block.

I’m happy I still keep logging regularly.

I just don’t know which of these thoughts are valuable enough to share.

So it’s not all doom and gloom — I am still practising the writing muscle, I just haven’t published in a while.

I would like to publish again.

Writing this now, it has become clear that I’m thinking about things from the wrong perspective.

I’m thinking about what other people would find interesting to read about instead of what I’m interested in writing about.

I’m not writing for them, I’m writing for me. Guessing what other people want is impossible, it’s a distraction. No wonder it’s been easier to keep logging and it’s been hard to publish. The logs are purely for me, no one else. They help me take stock of what I find interesting and get my thinking straight.

And, the best part is the readers will pick up my joy when I write about the things I like. They will sense the lightness and enthusiasm.

11:22 — on doing vs. thinking.

When I think “I should perform now” during a meeting or while playing sport, it usually results in the opposite happening - I don’t perform well.

I am not present, I am distracted from doing the thing - sharing my thoughts or making a smooth golf swing. I’m more concerned about impressing others. What will they think of me?

This is a funny phenomenon and it probably ties into meditation.

… quietening the mind, not identifying with thought, these things help to get you out of the thinking loop and into the doing mode.

Whenever I feel this sense of impressing others (forced performance) creeping up on me, I try to relax, take a breath and focus on what actually needs to be done.

10:59 — and just like that the first month of the year is done and dusted.

I’m happy with what I’ve achieved in January:

Secured a long-term contract with a client. The uncertainty surrounding recurring income was a stress factor last year. This retainer will add a bit of stability to my life while giving me enough flexibility to explore other projects on the side.
Travelled to Johannesburg for work. Learned a lot from the workshop and strengthened my relationship with my client.
Ran my personal best for the 5km - 18:54.
Hosted my sister and her husband in Munich and went skiing together. Add this to the lifetime memories/experiences bucket.
Hosted a workshop for the Small Bets community. Got useful feedback on where to improve and I grew my audience. Hoping to do more presentations this year.

I haven’t completed my annual review for 2023 yet. Time to get that done.

“If a man knows not to which port he sails, no wind is favorable.” ― Seneca

31 January 2024

12:07 — ran my 5km PB last night. 5.01km in 00:18:54.

Some notes from the time trial:

I was nervous beforehand. I believe this is a good thing to get the adrenaline up.
I calmed myself by pointing out the important facts. 1. I am not a pro athlete - this is not my job - my livelihood will not be impacted by a poor result. 2. I am doing this for me - whether I perform well or not has nothing to do with anyone else.
I set a strategy. I was going to stick to one of my friends (who’s slightly faster than me) for the first 1km and see how long I can hold on. He eventually dropped me when he accelerated but I was able to maintain my pace throughout.
Took in a lot of fluids (water and gels) during the day. Think this is more important for longer races.
I wasn’t in top shape. I had a cold over the weekend so my body was still dealing with that. Good sign that I can potentially go lower next time.
Note from speaking to our running club coach: I should eat before I run in the mornings, it’s a bad idea to run on an empty belly. I’ve always done it, but this is counterproductive for performance.

12:05 — had a good year creating digital products in 2023:

Time to think of a few new ideas.

12:03 — the illusion of free will, told as a Western:

“I had no say in the matter. Every moment in your life is a turning and every one a choosing. Somewhere you made a choice. All followed to this. The accounting is scrupulous.
The shape is drawn. No line can be erased. I had no belief in your ability to move a coin to your bidding. How could you? A person's path through the world seldom changes and even more seldom will it change abruptly. And the shape of your path was visible from the beginning.” — Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men

28 January 2024

08:35 — as an outsider to the startup game, who recently joined the startup area, I’m positively surprised that there is no magic sauce / something elusive to building a company.

I’m helping a team of engineers launch a blockchain life insurance product.

In corporate, I always thought that it required luck or the right connections or a trust fund or serious creativity to launch a startup. I sat on the sidelines and read about these hyped-up companies that become unicorns or went bust because of lack of funding.

Getting involved in building a company from scratch, I’ve realized there’s nothing ‘special’ about it. You just follow the steps:

find an idea that answers a problem people have e.g. transparent pricing for life insurance
build a financial model showing the business case and the value proposition to the clients and investors
translate this financial model into a white paper describing your idea and all the intricacies around the architecture and total addressable market
pull the highlights into a pitch deck
pitch the idea to investors
speak to investors until you get funding
start building the thing
(hopefully) sell the thing to customers

I realize I’ve simplified things here. Getting funding and finding customers will be difficult. But the point is there’s no secret formula to building a business.

That’s been my biggest takeaway from stepping into the arena myself.

23 January 2024

08:30 — on defining your playing field.

I attended a strategy workshop with a client this week. The workshop host took us through a no-go zones exercise.

You can’t play outside the four lines on football field. There are certain rules to the game - you can’t pass to a player that is in front of all the opposition players, you can’t handle the ball with your hands etc.

In the same way, a company should define its playing field and the principles it will follow.

It makes no sense to jump on every opportunity that comes its way. That leads to distraction and misalignment among employees. By defining the playing field, the company can say yes to opportunities that fit their purpose and no to opportunities that are outside their area of focus/expertise.

This can also be extended to your personal life.

It brings to mind Warren Buffett’s famous 5/25 rule. His pilot asked him how to be successful. He told the pilot to go away and write down the 25 things that were most important in his life. When the pilot came back, Buffett told him to cross off 20 items from the list. The remaining 5 items were to be his core goals. The other 20 were “very dangerous” - they look important but they are highly distracting.

This is very difficult for me.

I am so used to being a jack of all trades that I always jump on new opportunities and projects. I wonder if the “playing field” or 5/25 lens can benefit me in the long run. What are my focus areas? What are my no-go zones?

08:26 — good quote:

“It reminded me of what Tolstoy, in his book What is Art?, concludes: “Art... is when one man... hands on to others feelings he has lived through, and others are infected by these feelings and also experience them.”” — Samuel Shem, The House of God

22 January 2024

06:35 — why do you become your ‘old self’ when you bump into people who you knew when you were younger?

For example, I saw old friends/acquaintances of mine last week when I went skiing. I hadn’t seen them in 5 or more years. They wanted to talk about my venture into writing (or ‘blogging’ as they called it). I immediately said yes, I’m enjoying it, before changing the subject.

Too scared to talk about it, because what, I’m scared of what they will think of me?

Strange to observe this behaviour in myself.

It also happens when I speak German to people I first met when my German wasn’t good. Despite improving my language skills significantly subsequently and writing more exams, I default back to the shitty German I spoke when I first met them.

Wonder why this happens?

Am I too scared to show other people that I’ve grown? So in a way, I’m being self-deprecating so they feel better? But that doesn’t really help. You won’t make other people feel big by making yourself small.

Interesting one.

06:30 — BHAG = big, hairy, ambitious goals.

What are my BHAGs?

Why am I scared of writing these down? Do I want to stay comfortable? Do I want to avoid the pain/disappointment of chasing something ambitious and falling short?

Good point for my Annual Review.

21 January 2024

23:01 — what is the point of a strategy meeting?

Important to do the work and keep moving, but sometimes you need to look up and see the bigger trends. See where you are heading, see where you want to be heading.

There’s a great video on YouTube of a Springbok (antelope) running through the African Savannah. He sprints away from danger but forgets to look at and runs straight into a tree. Obviously this won’t happen in real life, the antelope would look up. But it illustrates the point of just working/committing without reflecting.

Similar to the piece I wrote last year.

22:58 — interesting stat.

2024 will be a year of change in the world.

70% of the global population is voting this year.

22:52 — writing gives you double the purchase / double the pleasure.

You first get to experience the event or moment or learning opportunity (the real-life thing).

And afterwards, you get to capture the experience or lesson in writing. It’s almost like reliving that moment, you get to bed down the impact and preserve it for future reference.

22:48 — on the importance of no-go zones.

I am attending a strategic workshop with the execs from a company I’m consulting to.

One of the interesting items they raised for the agenda is ‘no-go zones’ — products and markets they will not build and will not sell to.

This is quite smart because the business needs to decide what it’s good at and do a lot of that. Instead of trying to serve everyone, become a specialist in a niche and make a killing in that product/market.

This could also be applied in a personal context.

I am running in all directions because I am trying to do too much - trying to be a consultant and writer and creator etc. I wonder if I can ever set up no-go zones? I can see the benefits of choosing and sticking to a lane. I just default to old habits of being a jack of all trades. Something embedded in me during school. Maybe I can raise my kids differently?

Same as the analogy from Matt McConaughey on getting 3 As instead of 5 Bs.

And 5/25 rule from Warren Buffett.

22:45 — I haven’t completed my annual review for last year. Not sure why I am putting it off. Avoiding the page. We are already 3 weeks into this year. I feel like I am doing good work but I am also running around like a headless chicken.

A review and strategy for the year can help me find some direction.

22:44 — a lot is going on this week. Nothing better than turning to writing to calm my mind.

19 January 2024

16:27 — how having a dog is preparing me for parenthood.

I often go running with Lily - our brown, bubbly, Labrador-Ridgeback-Pointer-Spanish Island dog mix.

She loves these outings as much as I do.

During the current winter months, the sun only rises around 8am. So most mornings, we would be running for an hour in complete darkness. Lily is a curious dog and, dare I say, a little bit hard of hearing on commands like ‘come back’. She often disappears into the bushes and undergrowth and reappears a few minutes having sniffed a trail that was simply irresistible (I blame the Pointer genes).

Yesterday, I took her running with my running group. 30 people, 7am start, a bunch of headlamps and good conversation.

About 2 kilometres in we reached the woods and I took Lily off her leash. No danger of her running in front of cars.

In no time, she did one of her customary forays into the bushes. I could see her green, neon collar zipping and zooming between the trees and getting dimmer and dimmer.

One of the girls asked me if I ever got concerned that she might get lost or run away?

I said no, she always returns.

That positive, certain response made me think. I would like to raise my kids in the same way. Give them the freedom to explore new places, new ideas etc. without curtailing them and holding them back because of my fears that they won’t return. If I raise them with love, they will return. The opposite, being too protective, would be a worse outcome. That would feel like stealing their joy and putting shackles on them. Only for them to really cut contact one day.

Lily and her neon collar popped up a minute later, seemingly out of nowhere. And she fell into step right next to me. Searching me out in the crowd of runners.

16:24 — writing is the foundation for everything.

In the clearest sense, good writing translates into exact emails and strong essays.

But it doesn’t stop there. Before someone records a video for YouTube or creates a play for the stage, they need to write a script.

There’s no way of getting around the universal power of being a strong writer.

10:35 — one of the better descriptions I’ve seen about the value of being present:

“In worrying about the future, I despoil the present; in my escape, I leave a true freedom behind.” — Peter Matthiessen, The Snow Leopard

18 January 2024

08:32 — back from dropping our car off at the mechanic (again) and noticed something I don’t encounter a lot nowadays.

The guy who runs the shop (a friendly Greek man) always has time for a chat.

In my day-to-day, I don’t always have conversations with people I bump into, whether that’s the barista serving me coffee or the cashier scanning my groceries. Not sure if it’s my fault, but it seems like these encounters are always quite efficient and speedy. “Hey hello - are you paying cash or card - have a nice day” type of thing.

My Greek mechanic always has time to talk and share a story. Either about his childhood playing soccer or how his wife’s son (I’m guessing he remarried) is doing at school.

What’s interesting is observing a little flinch in my inner being, like “Oh boy - I hope this won’t take long - I have a bunch of meetings and work to attend to”. But then I relax and realize I probably have 5 minutes for a conversation. Nothing is so important that I can’t listen to this guy.

He ended up not making me pay for the quick check they had to perform. Not sure if it’s related, but I think he values having a customer who’s willing to stop and listen once in a while.

16 January 2024

08:18 — exciting news. I’ve successfully migrated my website/domain from Ghost to Substack.

I joined Substack in March last year and used it purely as a distribution channel for my newsletter while keeping my essays and other content (visuals and products) on Ghost.

In the months following that move, I started giving my domain on Ghost less attention and shifted my focus to my Substack page.

Realizing this and seeing the clean look & feel of Substack, it eventually became clear that it would be better and easier to have everything under one roof with a personalized domain on Substack.

This cost me $50 once-off (instead of the Ghost pricing of ~$100 per year) and took 2-3 hours to set up (because I had quite a few posts over on Ghost).

Some notes for others who want to do this (might share in my newsletter, let’s see):

Read this article: How do I move from Ghost to Substack? This helped me with:
1. Exporting my existing email list to Substack
2. Exporting my content (existing posts) from Ghost to Substack
There is currently a snag with the Ghost to Substack content export. You can’t drag and drop your .json file in the Substack import tool. You can only insert your current Ghost domain name and Substack then scrapes your last 15 posts exposed by the RSS feed. I had over 100 posts on Ghost so This is how I got around it (bit manual, but best solution for now):
1. I first deleted my Ghost posts that I didn’t want to move over
2. Then I pasted my website link in the Substack import tool, which imported the latest 15 posts. The import used the same URL just with an added /p/ in the link to indicate ‘post’. So e.g. johnnicholas.org/writing-luck became johnnicholas.org/p/writing-luck. Once I changed my domain over from Ghost to Substack the old links excluding the /p/ were automatically redirected to the new links so there were no 404 errors. This was a relief.
3. After this, I deleted those 15 posts from my Ghost site that were just exported successfully to Substack. During the manual deletion of each individual post, I saved the captions for pictures in a separate Google Doc. This overcomes a snag in the Substack import process where captions for pictures aren’t carried over.
4. Repeated steps b and c until all 100 posts were moved from Ghost to Substack.
Read this article: How do I set up my custom domain? This helped me:
1. Find the place to pay the $50 once-off fee.
2. Change the CNAME attribute on my domain name provider (Namecheap) to the Substack configuration.
Within 1 hour my new website was live on Substack. They state a window period of 36 hours, but mine was way quicker.

08:13 — Radiohead’s All I Need is all I need.

15 January 2024

16:46 — parallel between seeing your physical growth (as a child) and your growth as a writer.

When you were young, you grew a lot. Yet, you and your immediate family didn’t notice the changes. Since you saw yourself every day, the small changes from day to day didn’t seem significant. If, say, a distant relative or friend from out of town came by they immediately saw the cumulative growth from the last 6 months or year.

I wonder if the same can be said for writing? I don’t see my improvement from week to week, but maybe someone who hasn’t read my writing in a while could notice if there has been growth (fingers crossed).

I’m busy migrating my website from Ghost to Substack and copying over old posts. In a way, I am that distant relative. I haven’t seen those old posts in one or two years. Now that I look at them, I am both impressed by the fact that I started (and continued) writing and a little (but not overly) embarrassed by the mistakes I made and scattergun approach I employed. Good to see some growth and improvement in my more recent newsletters. Centered around a central theme, better headers, good length. I know there is still a lot to work on, but good to savour the small wins along the way.

14 January 2024

18:08 — the inner conflict/dichotomy of working on Sundays:

Against. One part of me is firmly against it. I have done it in the past and it has always come back to bite me during the week. Thoughts that come to mind - weekends are sacred. Life is more important than work. I don’t want to become the workaholic absent father.
For. I want to improve myself and get a headstart on my work for the week. I want to make a good impression. I am ambitious. There is no way to get ahead without making a few sacrifices. Hustle a bit now and reap the rewards later.

I’ve gone for the latter today. Might be the right season in my life for it. Last year was tough (mentally and financially). I do not want to repeat that.

12 January 2024

13:52 — on managing people.

Rather than explaining what the person should do, ask them to try it themselves first then come back to you when they are truly stuck.

They will often be surprised by the breakthroughs they can make on their own without having the safety net/easy out of asking for your assistance. Builds confidence and problem solving instincts.

11 January 2024

17:11 — I wonder if there’s a link between being a good consultant and a good coach.

Let’s break it down:

In both instances, you have to be a good listener. The company/client is explaining their dilemma or problem and trying to figure out a solution. Whether that’s a personal block (advancing their career) or some business motive (growing market share, revamping products etc). They are seeking some improvement or transformation and you have to act like a conversation partner / sparring partner that listens well.
You can’t implement the solutions yourself. The client needs to do that. You can only lead the horse to the water. You can only ask the right questions. You are not giving advice, but asking questions/ fishing around/ trying to find out what works and what doesn’t. The ultimate decision and power lies with them. This also reduces the pressure on the consultant/coach — your role is only to ask the right questions, not to implement the solution. This has helped me because I’ve often fallen into the trap that I feel obliged to solve all the client’s problems, but this isn’t only unhelpful, it’s also impossible.
They often know deep down what the solution is, but they haven’t had a chance to express themselves and listen to themselves. Through conversation, they can get the issues out in the open and find a place to start.

08:30 — cleaning up an essay on business lessons for publication later today.

I never thought I would write anything business-y, but here we are.

I don’t read business books, I usually skip the business section in the newspaper and go straight to sports.

It's about a few lessons I've picked up being back in the consulting / formal employment game. I hope to continue writing no matter what type of work I do so I'm trying to approach 'normal' work with a writing/observational lens.

This serves three purposes:

The writing offers a bridge between what I do for work (work) and what I’m passionate about (writing). Good to find alignment.
There are many life lessons hidden in business lessons.
I’m no longer writing about writing, which becomes very meta and self-reflective. I’m writing about a thing. Out of the vortex.

08:18 — enjoyed this line from The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco:

What does it mean, to imagine a reader able to overcome the penitential obstacle of the first hundred pages? It means, precisely, writing one hundred pages for the purpose of constructing a reader suitable for what comes afterward.

Reminds me of the importance of writing for yourself. You won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. If you write for everyone, you write for no one. Express your ideas, talk in your natural voice. Just like there are people that don’t get along with you in life, there will be people that don’t jibe with your writing. And that’s fine.

But the rest, the people who get through the first paragraph or first 100 pages — they are the true fans. They are aligned.

4 January 2024

11:21 — leveraging the power of community and accountability.

I’ve experienced the benefits of having accountability partners and belonging to communities with shared goals and ambitions.

Can I leverage this even more? Can I formalize these relationships and meetups to be more regular?

Personal writing: I have a great accountability and feedback partner here. Weekly check-ins for over a year now.
Business writing: I don’t currently have anyone in this department. Can I leverage existing relationships or should I find someone new who focuses specifically on LinkedIn?
Co-working partner: I have a writing buddy in Munich who I meet up with semi-regularly. Can we make this a weekly habit? Does that have benefits? E.g. dedicated time for creative projects and brainstorming ideas over coffee.
Running: I belong to two strong running crews meeting multiple times per week. Pushes me forward. Sorted in this department.
Gym: I belong to HIIT/Hyrox gym. Attend twice a week. Good setup that fits my schedule.
Business and big ideas: difficult to formalize this. Might have overlaps with personal and business writing. Or should this be someone different?

11:05 — big plans to take my running and training up a level this year.

Finished 2023 on a high. Ran the 10km New Year’s race in 40:09. Just missed the official race sub-40. I firmly believe I can get there with a bit more training.

Another goal would be to hit a sub-90 in the 21km.

Might focus on the shorter distances this year to give the body a break from the marathons and ultras. Additional training to support the running:

HIIT / Weights: UN1T workouts plus weights at home.
Yoga: injury prevention. Couple of studios in my neighbourhood.
Swimming: low impact cardio.

09:50 — got a few projects lined up this year. Might be worth capturing them here. Can I complete all of them? Interesting mix of formal vs. creator roles.

Actuarial consulting: my anchor client has contracted me for 3 days per week for the next few months. This will be my main income and priority for now.
Bus Dev: continue to foster relationships and pitch new clients. Keep the pipeline full.
Masters or MBA: this might be something to consider if I can do it part-time and get funding. Thinking here: a Masters degree signals credibility. Especially in Europe where most people are highly-/over-qualified. This can help in the short-term to get additional clients and in the long-term to land speaking gigs and book deals.
Business writing: splitting my personal and business writing. Will focus on actuarial consulting writing for our company’s website and LinkedIn page. This will help the Bus Dev flywheel and create less confusion for my LinkedIn followers.
Personal writing: continue writing and publishing on Substack. Keen to move my whole site over to the network. Should be a fun project. I like the look & feel and it’s easier to manage one site instead of having some posts on Ghost and some over here. Goal this year: one newsletter every two weeks. Harvested directly from my Logs.
Visuals: I’m hosting a Small Bets class on Creating Visuals later this month. Paid gig. Time to brush off the digital paintbrush. Option to cross-sell my Procreate product. Is there another product I can create and pitch to the attendees? Also interested in hosting a warm-up event.
Teaching: opportunity to design a Communications course for actuarial students. This is one of the subjects in the actuarial curriculum that the often technically-minded aspiring actuaries struggle with. Bit unclear what the course will look like for now, but might be a good ‘small bet’ if I can work hard initially and generate passive repeat sales afterwards. ‘Build once, sell twice’ mentality.
Sales: opportunity to do a gig with a writing school to manage a team of alums doing info calls with prospective students. Excited about this because I believe in the transformative power of the course. Also like managing and working with people.
Writing community: two friends and I ran a mini writing course towards the end of last year called Writers’ Off-Season. The experiment was a reasonable success. We had 60 students who signed up and 20-30 regular attendees over the 4 weeks. We also got to practice facilitating some ideas and I created a new digital product - my Annual Review worksheet. I would love to find a way to continue this community and potentially merge this with my Creating Visuals for Writing (CV4W) community. One option would be to partner with an existing creative community that doesn’t have an existing space for sparring and idea generation.

I think that’s a wrap. There might be a few things that I haven’t captured here. And I’m sure there will be more opportunities that arise over the coming months.

Can I do all of this? Let’s see. I believe all of these opportunities have their merits - some fulfill a monetary need, others scratch my creative itch. Some are short-term, secure deals, while others are longer shots with future payoffs.

Am I over-leveraging? Probably. I like to say things like ‘choose 3 As over 5 Bs’. I also know that there is a cost to context switching. At the moment it is unclear which horse is the winner here. There might be a time

09:42 — reflections on logging. Building an app?

I started this habit towards the end of last year and it has reinvigorated my writing practice.

The best thing? There's less pressure to write something 'good'. You can just write freely and check afterwards if any segments stand out.

To this end, I think it could be cool to either:

Copy over the better segments to some essay database on Notion/Google Docs/Apple Notes.
Or (even better) build some logging tool that integrates with Substack. Can I do this? Might be a fun experiment and an option to pick up some coding / no-code skills.

Features:

Plus sign to create a new entry. Automatically generates a dated and time-stamped space to record a log.
Tagging: this is the main feature I’m missing at the moment. It’s difficult for me to search my existing logs based on themes… business, sport, meditation, creating. This will help my newsletter writing. E.g. want to write about your rules for business? Search on the business tag and weave together 5 tags.
Integration: Publishes/integrates to your website or Substack? Can I build this?
Different views: can view by date or by tag e.g. business, personal, meditation.
Batching: do the notes collapse per day? Are the notes all wrapped together into a monthly log by the end of each month with a link to expand?
Integrates with Readwise so you can push your own notes to yourself.

09:38 — first post of the New Year.

Sitting in my favourite coffee shop. Flat white in hand. Just back from a 13-kilometre outing with my running crew. Mood is at an A+.

Good to be back. Got a bunch of ideas for the year. Will keep building. Working. Grinding away. I believe good things are lying ahead.

Pic from morning miles:

What I learned from Ben Hur and Doctor Zhivago

John Nicholas — Tue, 12 Mar 2024 21:58:13 GMT

Ever finished a book and just sat there, stunned, grateful for the joy of reading?

That was my experience when I completed Ben Hur earlier this year. It follows the journey of a Jewish warrior who became a follower of Christ, told with such vividness and imagination that you grasp the forces shaping our world.

Doctor Zhivago followed shortly after, a novel seemingly describing the fate of a family in communist Russia, but with profound moral and religious undertones that complement Ben Hur's themes.

Both blend fact and fiction, delve into religion and ideology, and tell stories of sacrifice and redemption.

Here's what resonated with me.

Ben-Hur: A Tale of the Christ by Lew Wallace (1880)

Contender for book of the year

Although I’ve never seen it, I’ve always known about the 4-hour, multiple Oscar-winning, Charlton Heston-starring film epic. I had a loose idea it was set in Roman times and followed the life of a gladiator. Or so I thought.

I was in for a surprise when I finally read the book.

This is essentially the story of the Christ, but told in a historical fiction, narrative form.

Jesus is a normal guy who does a bunch of miracles (not so normal).

The story's hero, a Jew named Ben Hur, hears of Jesus’s teachings and is compelled to follow his journey. Eventually, after seeing Jesus’s crucifixion, Hur is convinced this is the Son of God.

Hur grows up comfortably; the son of a rich merchant. But his life takes a turn when he accidentally injures the Roman minister of Judea and is sent to the galleys (now I know where the saying comes from). He is determined to survive enslavement (few people made it out of the galleys) and reunite with his mother and sister, who were mercilessly thrown in prison as well for his unintentional crime.

He eventually frees himself and exacts revenge on a treacherous friend who betrayed him to the Romans in his youth. It takes place during a crazy, climactic chariot race, where my eyes raced over the page like an Arabian horse over the desert.

Having reclaimed his standing in society, Hur aims to overthrow the Roman rulers of Judea. He sees the miracle worker Jesus as a potential ally but is left disappointed when the so-called King of the Jews doesn’t take arms against Herod - the puppet ruler put in place by the Romans.

It turns out Jesus doesn’t want to be King of Judea and speaks about a foreign concept — the kingdom of heaven, something Hur and the people on earth have a hard time comprehending.

This interweaving of fiction and scripture intrigued me the most. During Hur and Jesus’s exchange, the book compares and contrasts Judaism and Christianity. Judaism had been around for a long time when Jesus appeared on the scene. It was the first religion that believed in an invisible (therefore indestructible) God. Christianity was a v2.0 of Judaism – an update to the software.

Jesus professed a new kind of teaching with two main deviations from the Jewish script. First, an attitude of forgiveness - turning the other cheek instead of taking an eye for an eye. Second, the concept of a soul which can go to heaven, captured here by one of Hur’s counsels (which is incidentally also of the three wise men):

“A word as to the pleasure there is in the thought of a Soul in each of us. In the first place, it robs death of its terrors by making dying a change for the better, and burial but the planting of a seed from which there will spring a new life.”

Hur wrestles with these concepts and continues with his earthly ambitions to reclaim Judea.

On the day of Jesus’s crucifixion, he finally gets the message. He understands why Jesus never took up arms and understands why he had to die. Firstly, Jesus’s socialist teachings were antipathy to the capitalist society in Judea at the time. He specifically preached against accumulating wealth —

“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God”.

Secondly, by not fighting back, by not using his godly powers, he was making the ultimate show of strength, the ultimate sacrifice. He would then later perform his biggest miracle — defeating death itself.

In the last few pages, I was transported into Hur’s shoes, into that moment as the darkness descended on Golgotha and the earth shook, feeling pity for the man on the cross and the people wrongly punishing him. The Biblical “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” still rang in my ears as I finished the book in a frenzy.

Thanks to for the recommendation.

Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak (1957)

History is the best teacher

I’ve always wanted to read Doctor Zhivago. Unlike Ben Hur, I saw the film when I was younger, but I couldn’t recall much of it. I only remember there were trains and snow and it was set in Russia.

Apart from describing people being shipped to Siberia in freezing temperatures, this is a tale about the brutal impact of communism on society.

Yuri Zhivago, the book’s central character, gives a firsthand perspective of Russia's upheaval during the late 1910s and early 1920s. He grows up in an upper-class family and studies to become a doctor before being called up for duty in World War I.

On his return to Russia, the revolution is in full swing. The Bolsheviks led by Lenin had taken over. Zhivago agrees that the lower classes weren’t treated well under the Tsarist regime and welcomes the revolution's promise for change initially.

But he soon realizes its grim consequences.

He sees how the new order (despite its noble intentions) exacerbates societal woes, leading to widespread deprivation and suffering. Within a couple of years, there is a severe lack of food and resources. People are starving and patients can’t get medicine.

On a personal level, Zhivago feels guilty for enjoying even small episodes of joy. His family is fortunate to find and slaughter a duck for Christmas, but it pains him that others are suffering while they are feasting. Happiness is only real when shared:

“And thus it turned out that the only true life is one that resembles the life around us and drowns in it without leaving a trace, that isolated happiness is not happiness, so that duck and alcohol, when they seem to be the only ones in town, are not alcohol and a duck at all.”

To escape the harsh measures of life in Moscow, Zhivago and his family embark on an arduous train journey to the Urals, a distant backcountry, in the hope of living off the land. Contrary to this longing, his life spirals further out of control shortly after getting there.

He gets kidnapped by the Red Army, the Bolshevik military fighting the anti-communist Whites, because they need a new medic. Even though he didn’t know this at the time, and unlike Ben Hur, Zhivago would never see his family again.

A tough, sobering narrative if I’ve ever seen one.

Despite its only momentary glimpses of joy, this book contains beautiful poetry and longer philosophical sections. I particularly enjoyed Zhivago describing the internal misalignment that comes from suppressing your true feelings about something you don’t agree with (in this case, the regime they were living under):

“It's a typical modern disease. I think its causes are of a moral order. The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant, systematic duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.”

Not that I want to trivialise life in Soviet Russia, but this thought reminded me of how I felt working for a bureaucratic company when I was younger - I knew it wasn’t for me but I had to grovel until I found a new career.

Finally (and I got quite excited to see the connection to Ben Hur here), Zhivago describes why the Marxist ideology doesn’t work in our modern age. In line with Ben Hur’s explanation of the evolution of religion, Zhivago argues that while collective ideologies thrived in ancient tribes, the advent of individual identity (which evolved out of Christianity) renders communism impractical in modern society.

“The two basic ideals of modern man—without them he is unthinkable—the idea of free personality and the idea of life as sacrifice.”

Years later, Zhivago returns to Moscow, disillusioned and weary. Despite his hardships, he stays true to his principles till his dying day:

“And remember: you must never, under any circumstances, despair. To hope and to act, these are our duties in misfortune. To do nothing and to despair is to neglect our duty.”

That’s a wrap on this edition of One for the Books, a series I’d like to revisit from time to time in future. There are so many great books and so little time to read them. You can see my top 30 favourite books in One for the Books (edition #1), although I may need to make room for the two mentioned above.

As mentioned previously, if you're looking for a collection of classic literature, check out Standard Ebooks for free ebooks including works by the likes of Hemingway, Tolstoy and Dostoevsky.

If you've come across any captivating reads, feel free to share them with me or leave a comment below.

Until next time - happy reading!

— John

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Share Creator's Corner

On Finding a Shared Language

John Nicholas — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 21:59:25 GMT

Photo of the week: Hunter’s Rest, just outside Rustenburg in the North-West of South Africa.

Hey everyone!

Last month I attended a Bosberaad (Afrikaans for “bush meeting”) with the leadership team of one of my insurance clients. It was an intense three days where we mapped out their strategy for the next 3-5 years. Luckily there was also time to relax, go for hikes and connect.

It was great to be part of this. The actual exercises, which I write about below, were insightful, but what I enjoyed even more was observing how the team galvanized around a common goal by the end of the week.

Here are some notes and observations from the week:

Defining your playing field,
Setting a BHAG, and
Finding a common language.

Also – if you missed the previous edition and/or you’re interested in more lessons on business and life, have a look at Poor Johnnie’s Almanack (#1), which covers leaving ego at the door (no sacred cows), reframing bad experiences (dead leaves nurture the ground) and staying calm (not panicking).

Let’s dive into this week’s segment.

1. Defining your playing field

One of the exercises that stood out to me at the Bosberaad was defining the company’s playing field.

In football (soccer for my US friends), there are certain rules to the game. You can’t play outside the four lines of the field. You can’t pass to a player who is in front of all the opposition players, you can’t handle the ball with your hands etc.

The company was in the habit of playing outside its metaphorical four lines. Its entrepreneurial nature had helped it grow, but it also chased any shiny new opportunity that came its way. As the host of the workshop rightly pointed out – this approach leads to distraction and misalignment among employees.

It’s important to define where you want to play and what your no-go zones are. For a company focused on the African market, it doesn’t make sense to jump on a new deal with a client in Asia. This helps to keep the team focused. By defining its playing field, the company can say yes to opportunities that fit its purpose and no to opportunities that are outside its area of focus and expertise.

This immediately made me consider what the four lines in my life are and reminded me of Matthew McConaughey’s “3 As and 5 Bs” rule which I wrote about previously.

It’s better to prioritize 3 things and do them well instead of chasing 5 things and executing them poorly. Or, stated differently, some opportunities are within my playing field, while some rabbit holes are better left not going down.

2. Setting a BHAG

Another exercise we did was setting a BHAG – a big, hairy, audacious goal.

A stretch goal. Something that seems almost impossible, but can be achieved with enough focus and energy.

Projecting forward and looking at their total addressable market, the team came up with ambitious sales and growth targets over the next 3 years.

They came up with their BHAG.

The next part of the exercise was figuring out how to get there. It’s one thing to have a pie in the sky to aim at, but what does this mean at a practical level? What does each team need to do to achieve the shared company goal? What does each individual need to do to help their team? Do they need to increase their resources, do they need to up-skill, can they continue as is?

It was fascinating to observe the effect this had on the team:

It generated alignment - this shared vision is top of mind in all the team meetings and all their KPIs (key performance indicators).
It created harmony - they are working together towards something bigger than their individual ambitions. If someone needs a hand, it makes sense to help them because this benefits the team as a whole.
It fostered responsibility - everyone has a role to play. You don’t want to drop the team so you are going to do your part.

Sitting there, I realized how setting a BHAG could be useful in a personal context too. I can either pursue something big and scary (and risk falling short) or continue coasting along in my comfort zone (without putting anything on the line).

3. Finding a common language

Apart from the bold new strategy the company came up with, what intrigued me most was how the team found a shared language by doing the exercises together.

They were all in the room debating and constructing the way forward. They all had buy-in in the decisions that were being made. The host of the workshop wouldn’t end a session without everyone stating their case.

Apart from the playing field and BHAG exercises, they also defined their “magic” (what is core to the business that can’t be outsourced), set their vision and purpose (who they want to serve and how they want to serve them) and figured out the personality of the company (whether it’s altruistic and relationship-based or focused on production and numbers). (More on this in a later edition.)

The sense of ownership together with the shared terminology was particularly powerful.

In the meetings following the Bosberaad, you would often hear things like “Oh no, I don’t think that product really fits into our playing field” or “Yes, this is an opportunity to show our magic” or “Bingo - that fits in with where we want to go for our BHAG.”

While someone listening in from the outside won’t have a clue what they’re talking about, everyone on the team immediately realizes what’s going on when these terms are used.

The words (the named concepts) hold a lot of context. “Magic”, “playing field”, and “BHAG”, the words found on retreat in the bush, all have a meaning now.

My favourites

💬 Quote. Few people can capture philosophical concepts (in this case the illusion of free will) in story form (as a Western no less) as well as Cormac McCarthy did:

“I had no say in the matter. Every moment in your life is a turning and every one a choosing. Somewhere you made a choice. All followed to this. The accounting is scrupulous.
The shape is drawn. No line can be erased. I had no belief in your ability to move a coin to your bidding. How could you? A person's path through the world seldom changes and even more seldom will it change abruptly. And the shape of your path was visible from the beginning.” — No Country for Old Men

📚 Book of the week. Liar’s Poker by Michael Lewis (1989). Thoroughly enjoyed this eye-opening (often hilarious) insider’s account of Wall Street in the 80s. Lewis, who also wrote Moneyball and The Big Short, started his career as an investment banker at Salomon Brothers – the biggest trading firm on Wall Street at the time. He chronicles the events leading to the firm’s boom and eventual demise – the rise of the bond market, the larger-than-life personalities chasing bigger and bigger profits, and the eventual listing of Salomon. What I found interesting about the book was that he wasn’t singing the praises of investment banking. If anything, he encourages people to look into other career paths - he specifically points out how poorly analysts are treated. What happened subsequently (and what Lewis came to realize) is that the book didn’t dissuade people from investment banking, but attracted more people to it. Not surprising since he was earning $250k per year as a 24-year-old. Favourite quote about the interview process:

“It’s taboo,” he said. “When they ask you why you want to be an investment banker, you’re supposed to talk about the challenges, and the thrill of doing deals, and the excitement of working with such high-calibre people, but never, ever mention money.”

🗂️ Resource. If you’re looking for a free collection of some of the greatest classics ever written, click through to Standard Ebooks – “free and liberated books, carefully produced for the true book lover.”

If you don’t want to go downloading them all at once (like I almost did), here are my top 3 recommendations:

Ben Hur: A Tale of the Christ by Lew Wallace (1880). This had a profound impact on me and deserves a longer review.
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy (1868) – one of my top 30 books describing the life and times of Russians (of all classes and backgrounds) during the Napoleonic invasion.
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky (1866) – another Russian classic set in the 1800s and a good introduction to Dostoevsky’s work.

Pro tip: download the normal .epub versions for best compatibility with Kindle.

Thanks to for the recommendation. Steven writes some excellent book reviews and contemplative pieces over on Siesta in the Storm. Worth checking out.

✍️ Essay. We see with our eyes. We recognize with our hearts by . A story of loss, forgiveness and redemption. It describes the murder of American student and volunteer, Amy Biehl, in South Africa during the early 90s, a particularly unstable time when the country was transitioning from Apartheid to democracy. I’m grateful I read this. Despite growing up in SA, I had no idea about the story and the subsequent reconciliation between Amy’s family and her killers, who ended up running her foundation.

Two people who gave Amy her life and two who took it away freed themselves from the weight of the past and came together to change lives and transform a country.

Until next time - happy creating!

— John

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Poor Johnnie’s Almanack

John Nicholas — Thu, 11 Jan 2024 19:54:02 GMT

Hintertuxer Gletscher, Austria. Skiing at 3,000m elevation.

I don’t often read business books. I usually skip the finance section in the newspaper and go straight to sports. I know stock prices should go up and to the right, but for me, life lessons and personal stories are way more interesting than knowing the latest company going bust or reading about who’s IPO-ing next.

Needless to say, I never thought I would write anything business-y, yet here we are.

Over the last few months, I’ve been collecting notes about the lessons I’m learning while working on consulting projects.

What surprised me most about these observations is that business and ‘real life’ have a lot in common.

Similar to reading Poor Charlie’s Almanack by Charlie Munger, storied investment guru and former vice-chairman at Berkshire Hathaway who recently passed away (January 1, 1924 – November 28, 2023), you quickly see how many life lessons are hidden in career lessons.

In his years of investing and managing other people’s money, Charlie saw a lot and learned a lot. He then captured those lessons as razors and anecdotes for us to learn from. Things like:

“Spend each day trying to be a little wiser than you were when you woke up. Day by day, and at the end of the day - if you live long enough - like most people, you will get out of life what you deserve.”

In this spirit and to follow in the footsteps of the Almanack-OG, I’ve captured five business lessons that have stood out to me recently.

Let’s dig in.

1. Don’t panic

Everything usually works out.

The key is having the confidence that things will be OK and approaching projects knowing you will find the solution eventually.

I picked this up from one of my business partners who is unflappable. Even when the situation looks dire and the deadlines are tight, he finds a way to laugh. The bar might be burning down, but he’ll order another drink before casually finding the fire extinguisher just in time to save the day.

As I see it, there are two roads:

Stressed. The route I sometimes default to. You’re unsure whether the solution for the project is out there. You start panicking and you get anxious. This reduces your problem-solving capacity and you start making mistakes. A vicious circle ensues.
Relaxed. The opposite approach my colleague embodies. You trust (know) that you will find the solution. You will deliver what the client wants. Being aware of this, you are more relaxed and confident. Your mind is primed to find solutions. You know you will get there given enough time. The ‘knowing it will work out’ becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in that it actually ‘works out’.

As the old saying goes, “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end.”

2. No sacred cows

The best part about working with my current client?

There are no sacred cows.

They run a solid business, but they want to expand their product suite and grow sales. To this end, I am encouraged to point out where they can improve.

I don’t have to fear hurting feelings or sounding harsh.

They want the best solution for the business and that means dealing with uncomfortable truths. The website looks like it was built in the 90s? Cool, let’s revamp it. The salespeople are struggling to understand and sell a particular product? Great, let’s get them in a room and talk about their pain points.

This attitude reminded me of a quote from Smartcuts by Shane Snow:

“The research showed that experts - people who were masters at a trade - vastly preferred negative feedback to positive. It spurred the most improvement. That was because criticism is generally more actionable than compliments.”

Leave ego at the door to make the best decision for the company. The same applies to your personal context.

3. Dead leaves nurture the ground

While I wouldn’t encourage unnecessary pain, there are sometimes benefits to suffering.

I observed this in my journey over the last year.

Because I went through over 30 interviews last year, I ended up learning a lot about insurance companies and the myriad different business models out there.

This (originally disappointing) trajectory is now serving me well. Because of studying the different companies for my interviews, I am in the loop on the latest happenings and trends in the industry. My finger is on the pulse, which benefits my clients when they seek direction.

This taught me nothing is wasted, only repurposed.

Dead leaves nurture the ground.

4. ‘What can I learn?’ reframe

I caught up with my old manager a month ago.

He’s a great guy and one of the people I’ve learned from the most during my career. Another one of those people in the ‘unflappable’ bucket – he always exudes calm, never takes things personally and is quick to understand even the most complex actuarial phenomena and trends.

Over a beer, I told him about the consulting work I’m doing now. I explained that, while I’m thoroughly enjoying the autonomy of being self-employed, some of the projects are not as fun as others.

He sat back and listened to me brooding, before sharing some sound advice – to reframe each piece of work and ask myself “What can I learn?”.

No matter how boring the work appears to be, there will always be something new you can learn. Even if (especially if) the work is uninteresting, try to find the components that harness your curiosity. Pay attention to the gaps in your knowledge.

What’s more, you can pride yourself on your attitude. By pitching up with focus and energy no matter what, people will start valuing your consistency. And you value yourself too.

It’s easier said than done, but he hasn’t been wrong before and I doubt he is this time.

5. The value of good service

One of the companies I am consulting to has a relatively straightforward product suite. There are not many bells and whistles, the products are easy to understand and compare to competitors.

What makes them different is their commitment to good service.

They want to serve the hell out of their customers. Through 24/7 availability, quick response times during emergencies, and fast settlement & payments, they recognise the human on the other side of the email or phone line.

Since this isn’t standard in their industry (traditionally plagued by long turnaround times and sloppy, careless service), they outshine their competitors by just doing the basics right.

This speaks to the value of building a brand (and a life) around genuinely caring for people.

That’s a wrap. If any of these observations resonated with you or if you’ve experienced them in your own life, let me know in the comments below. I’m no Charlie Munger (yet), but I’m excited to continue capturing what I learn in my career.

My favourites

💬 Quote. Love this from Mary Oliver:

“Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”

I’m enjoying the observational lens writing lends to (seemingly) everyday occurrences. By paying attention and learning from the people I interact with, I’ve been able to capture valuable lessons like the ones above.

✍️ Essay. A simple habit to let luck find you by Khe Hy, in which Khe describes the Mutually Beneficial Introduction (MBI). If two people must know each other - make a quick intro. Matchmaking like this can be a generator of opportunities for the people you care about. As Khe says:

If two people should know each other – and I know them both – then it’s my fundamental duty to connect them.

📚 Book. Cry, The Beloved Country by Alan Paton. Written in 1948 (on the eve of Apartheid), it portrays the hopes and fears of the diverse people of South Africa. It’s less about us versus them (black versus white), but more about man against his baser instincts.

A native priest from rural Natal goes searching for his son who hasn’t written back since moving to the ‘big city’ of Johannesburg — a place known for lax morals and the corruption of youths. The priest eventually finds his son but he can’t save him from a life behind bars.

I finished reading this book earlier this year and I was struck by how some of the themes persist to this day, almost 80 years later. South African society has made significant progress since the ugly days of Apartheid, but racial tensions (stirred up by politicians sowing division), corruption and crime continue to plague our beautiful country. Like Paton, I still hope that SA will reach its full potential, despite the issues holding us back.

Until next time - happy creating!

— John

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Logs - Q4 2023

John Nicholas — Mon, 01 Jan 2024 12:51:00 GMT

27 December 2023

15:14 — there is something magical about train travel. More specifically, writing while traveling by train. Few places where I get into flow better.

26 December 2023

10:05 — I love this time of year. A few days off to completely reset and do nothing. I was slammed with work towards the end of this year and didn’t realize how sleep-deprived I was. After a few days of sleeping in, trail runs in the mountain and taking time away from the laptop, my energy levels are up and I’m feeling excited about writing and tackling big goals in 2024 again.

21 December 2023

08:01 — Thinking of writing a “best of 2023” newsletter.

Similar to the Rest Edition I did in July this year, this would be a curation of:

1. Essays/newsletters: My 5 best articles from the year that’s been. I published 26 newsletters so one every two weeks.

2. My favourites: my favourite “Favourites”. The top quotes, books, essays and photos from 2023.

20 December 2023

11:02 — I’ve been capturing lots of notes over the last few weeks without recording them here. Time to change that.

It’s too easy to jot them down in Apple Notes without going one step further and logging them here. The problem with the lazy route (not logging) is that I forget some of the context and motivation behind the hastily scribbled down note and it’s more difficult to recall the bigger message.

As Naval Ravikant says:

“Inspiration is perishable, act on it immediately.”

10:55 — great quote from Morgan Housel:

“Be careful who you praise and admire. Be careful who you look down upon and wish to avoid becoming.”

The first line feels obvious. What you aim at is close to where you land up at. If you have bad rolemodels, your chances are slim, but if you aim high, you push yourself to greater heights. That type of thing.

The second line is more interesting.

Be careful what you look down on. Might be misinterpreting this, but when I read it, I immediately thought of my internal struggle with sales and promoting myself. For some reason, I did (and probably still do) look down upon on salespeople. I think of a sleazy realtor or second-hand car dealer.

But this year I had to learn to deal with sales and become more comfortable with it. I couldn’t look down on it, because I was doing it myself. If I don’t like being sold to, what does that mean for the people I’m promoting my services to? Had to get comfortable with the fact that I was selling something valuable that could solve a genuine need for them.

20 December 2023

17:17 — love this quote from David Whyte:

“Friendship is a mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness.”

I’ve been lucky to spend time with close friends this holiday. We used to live together in Johannesburg, but now we are all spread across the world (US, UK, DE, SA) so we only get to see each other for a handful of days a year now.

Realize how important it is to make that time count.

18 December 2023

08:32 — good question for 1-on-1 check-ins with juniors:

"Tell me what you're up to, and how can I help you?"

Like this because it serves two purposes:

Current status update: what are they doing right now, which projects and deliverables are they taking care of. Quick temperature check.
Forward-looking: what takes priority going forward, what is in the pipeline. While reinforcing that they are in the lead and asking how you can support them. Not stepping over them, but enabling them to drive things forward.

08:31 — reading German newspaper clips while I’m in SA (Deutsche Welle has a great email subscription option). Two flies with one swat:

Good way to keep my German sharp. Reading is a good refresher and I’m constantly picking up new words for my vocabulary.
Staying in the loop with current affairs. I’ve taken a step back from following the news constantly (too much information, too little signal), but this light, 5-minute commitment is something I’m comfortable with.

14 December 2023

07:50 — Michael Lewis (Flash Boys) re managing people:

“The best way to manage people, he thought, was to convince them that you were good for their careers. He further believed that the only way to get people to believe that you were good for their careers was actually to be good for their careers.”

Resonate with this.

I always look to promote my junior team members - get them to lead presentations, get them to do the work and get recognition.

11 December 2023

07:31 — book of the week: Cry, The Beloved Country by Alan Paton.

Written in 1948 (on the eve of Apartheid), it portrays the hopes and fears of the diverse people of South Africa. It’s less about us versus them (or black versus white), but more about man against his baser instincts.

A native priest from rural Natal goes searching for his son who hasn’t written back since moving to the ‘big city’ of Johannesburg, a place known for lax morals and the corruption of youths. The priest finds his son but he can’t save him from a life behind bars.

I finished reading this book earlier this year and I was struck by how some of the themes persist to this day, almost 80 years later. South African society has made significant progress since the days of Apartheid, but racial tensions (mostly stirred up by politicians sowing division), corruption and crime continue to plague our beautiful country. Like Paton, I still hope that SA will reach its full potential, despite the issues holding us back and dividing us.

7 December 2023

19:32 — my mom got robbed at knife point on her run in the mountain this morning.

Luckily she is fine and came away unscathed. The thieves only stole her watch. Although she is a bit rattled (naturally), we are very grateful nothing worse happened.

We located her watch on the “Find My” app and tracked it to the Cape Town train station deck — an informal market with a mix of stores selling a range of things, from cheap imported clothes to food to second-hand goods. All for the commuters making their way to work in the city every morning and back home every night.

My mom has been through enough, so I offered to go look for he watch.

I’ve never been on the station deck before and it’s not the safest place at night. Some shady characters hang around there. I went down to the police station to see if one of the police officers would be kind enough to escort me to the station deck to try to locate the watch.

After waiting a bit, one of the undercover (plain clothes) cops came to help me.

We went to the station deck, he made a few enquiries and we located one of the shops that deals in second-hand (often stolen) goods. The shop was closed, but he got us in and there were a bunch of watches, phones and other second-hand goods. I couldn’t see my mom’s watch so I played the alert sound from the “Find My” app.

No sound.

I tried again. Same result. No alert sound played.

We weren’t in luck. Seems like her watch was in another location that was closeby, perhaps another shop a few metres away.

Despite not finding the watch, I was happy for two reasons:

At least I tried to find the watch and made an effort. It would be too easy to just let things slide and write it up to ‘crime is out of control these days, without doing anything about it.
I had a fascinating conversation with the undercover cop.

He says he sympathises with the crooks, they are desperate, but he believes there is always a way out. You can always choose a path that doesn’t involve crime.

He grew up in a shack in a tough neighbourhood run by gangs outside Cape Town. He was raised by a single mother who fell between jobs. Lots of his friends got into trouble with the law. He could easily have slipped into that life as well.

Despite his circumstances, he built a good life. He got an education, made his way up in the police force and started a family. He chose the right path.

“It’s always up to you and your choices in life.”

Inspiring stuff.

5 December 2023

19:26 — interesting observation re managing people.

I absolutely love working with younger people. Great mentoring them and guiding them.

I’m also realizing my limitations. I have become a bottleneck in their workflow. I like giving them assignments and the freedom to approach the projects the way they want. No micro-management. Once they’re done, I like to review their work. But in busy weeks I can’t get around to reviewing their work. So they perform their part and I don’t keep my end of the deal. Not cool.

What gives? Ask them to review each other’s work? Create more time in my schedule for reviewing work?

Sure I’m not the first person that has faced this issue.

07:05 — the best part about working with my current client.

There are no sacred cows. I am encouraged to point out what they are doing wrong and where they can improve.

I don’t have to fear hurting anyone’s feelings or sounding harsh. They want the best solution for the business and that means dealing with uncomfortable truths.

07:01 — so pleased about this note-taking/logging habit.

It’s helping me be more observant. I can spot patterns in my thoughts. I can spin up newsletters quicker (if I want to).

This week I’m writing about my corporate to creator to corporate full circle journey.

Next week I might try my hand at business writing. There are a few notes on consulting and working with clients in here. Never expected I would write about business tips, but here we are. Quite excited about it.

4 December 2023

16:05 — love this quote from Mary Oliver.

“Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.”

It’s as simple as that.

08:07 — reflections on being a creator for 2 years.

I’m slowly but surely moving back into the ‘corporate’ mould.

After giving writing and course creation and online teaching a solid go these last two years, I am spending more time on traditional path projects again because my skills are recognized and rewarded there.

I can earn decent money performing work for insurance clients as a freelance actuary. I am so busy (things are good) that I don’t have as much time for writing and tweeting and drawing.

And it’s fine. I’ve made peace with it.

I have found a mode that works for me.

Looking back at when I started writing online at the end of 2021, I’ve had an interesting journey. I managed to get out of a shitty job. I met incredible people. My eyes opened to the possibilities out there. I learned a bunch of new skills.

I picked up a valuable mindset. Something like looking out for myself. Looking for opportunities. Making sure the things I do are aligned with my values and that I have skin in the game. This can’t be taken away from me.

I also realized how difficult it is to make a life as a ‘creator’. I tried launching a course earlier this year which I had to close because I couldn’t sell enough seats. I’ve made a small amount of money from ghostwriting, selling my self-paced drawing course and mentoring online writers. All cool experiments, but not enough to pay rent and living expenses. There was a period of 3 months where I made more from dog walking than other projects. It was a serious reality check.

My anti-goal (the negative experience I had in my old corporate job) no longer served me. I used that internal anger to quit and find a new path. I used it to build a writing and creating habit. But now that I’m out, there is nothing to fight against anymore.

There is also an element of maturity coming through. While I would still encourage people to try creating and writing and see what comes of it, I also realize not everyone can make it as a solopreneur/creator. I tried and came up short. There are different ways of selling your skills and you need to find the best mix for you.

For now, my mode looks like consulting for the financial rewards and creating for the non-financial benefits — my mental health, leaving a legacy, making an impact, meeting cool people.

I can see it working. While I am passionate about writing, there are aspects of consulting that I really enjoy — building tools and models, working with startups, solving complicated problems. And there are aspects of creator life that I didn’t enjoy — tweeting, doing things for growth. So, as with most things in life, there is nuance and no single path is made for everyone.

Where to from here?

I want to continue writing. It would be too easy to focus purely on consulting.

I want to be in the arena. I recognize that I have valuable views to add to the conversation. What are my reflections on managing people? What am I learning on the consulting projects? What skills can I transfer between the two worlds?

I want to continue this obsevational way of life. I will look back at this moment and be grateful that I captured my thoughts.

If anything, just to help other young people “figure out” how best to dedicate their lives.

3 December 2023

22:12 — really admire my one partner at the consulting firm I joined.

Old friend of mine. Really solid guy.

The thing I admire is that he is unable to get stressed. Exudes calm and confidence. Seems like he always knows things will work out for the best. Not sure how he does it.

Could see him ordering one more glass of champagne while the bar was burning down, knowing that he’ll find the fire extinguisher afterwards and save the day.

1 December 2023

08:10 — don’t panic.

Everything usually works out.

The key is to have the confidence that things will work out and then approach the project knowing you will find the solution eventually.

Basically two roads:

Stressed. Unsure whether the solution for the project is out there. You start panicking, you get anxious. This reduces your problem-solving capacity and you start making mistakes. A vicious circle ensues.
Relaxed. The opposite approach. You trust/know you will find the solution, you will deliver what the client expects, you will crack the problem. Knowing this, you are more relaxed and confident. Your mind is primed to find solutions. You know you will get there given enough time. The ‘knowing it will work out’ becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy in that it actually ‘works out’.

07:15 — main things to solve for a happy life:

Where you want to live. For me this comes down to having access to nature (running, hiking, skiing), with enough opportunities to do things (culture, shows, exhibitions) and seeing my family. Currently lucky enough to split my time between Munich and Cape Town. Ticking the boxes.
The work you want to do. I want to work on things that are meaningful and align with my own values. I like to work on things where I have skin in the game. I like to build things. I want to leave an impact on the world. Current mix of consulting and writing is the right for me at this stage.
Having freedom over your schedule. This has been the biggest thing I’ve designed my life around over the last year. Not being tied to meetings. Not being tied to an employer that can tell me when to be in an office or when to take leave. I am the master of my time. I don’t feel guilty for going on a long weekend or going for a run during the middle of the day or travelling to see my family. I want to impress my clients so I will work hard for them, but I am extremely happy about the fact that my schedule is something I opt into every day.
Health. Physical and mental. The foundation for everything. Having a consistent training schedule, meditating, building in time off, all these things have provided the base from which I could work on challenging things and push myself.

07:02 — thoughts on managing deadlines and designing my life.

I would like to get to a space where I have free time again. This week and, come to think of it, the last few weeks have been demanding from a work perspective. Big deadline yesterday. Another big one next week. And it feels like I’m dropping balls on other clients.

But what about my writing?

I am either in struggling artist/writer mode or I am in all work/no play mode. Sadly these two modes don’t really mix. A better design would be to incorporate both elements and have a smoother ride through life.

The logs help. I can make small notes here and there when I have a moment. What I would really love is to write my newsletter consistently again. Goal/experiment: try to trim down the newsletter. A collection of notes. Something short and brief and viable. Can I be less of a perfectionist?

I suppose this is what makes me put in so many hours for my clients as well.

Will 90% be good enough? I can’t give it my all on all fronts.

28 November 2023

07:52 — something I've been trying to pay more attention to lately.

To be kinder to my younger self while acknowledging how much I needed to grow and have grown since.

I did the best with what I knew back then, like I'm doing the best with what I know now.

Some future version of me will probably think '32 yo John made lots of mistakes'. So be it. This is the never-ending journey of self-improvement.

27 November 2023

08:15 — ran a trail run in Cape Town yesterday.

35km with 2000 metres of elevation in the searing heat. It was brutal.

I fell after 6 kilometres on the contour path heading up to the first big climb for the day. Open hands, blood everywhere, winded, but I decided to continue.

Happy I did. It was truly a beautiful route and the vibe and camaraderie between the trail runners is something special. Couldn’t run as hard after my fall (less confident on the technical downhill parts), but made it my mission to finish.

Eventually I made it to the end. Looked like a soldier returning from behind enemy lines, battered and bruised, but smiling and happy for the experience.

08:02 — types of work.

Picking up two broad types of jobs in the consulting work I’m doing:

Either you come in for a specific job spec, where the requirements are clearly defined and easy to test. The client knows what they want. E.g. perform an audit on a life insurance company. There is a report at the end, they expect you to perform certain test, it’s relatively straightforward to check if you did your job.
Or you come in and the client doesn’t know what they want. This is often more difficult but could also be more rewarding. You can have a bigger impact. You can guide the client. This work is also paid better because the client knows they have a problem but they don’t know what the solution looks like. E.g. redesigning the entire product offering or revamping the company’s business model.

08:01 — back in the game after a week of health issues. First time in a long time I’ve been that sick. Good to hit the reset button. Feeling energetic again.

24 November 2023

19:05 — didn’t buy anything today. Take that consumerism.

23 November 2023

08:01 — great quote on the life of a creator.

“Not knowing what you want to be—reinventing yourself every morning; not being a noun, but being a verb; moving in life, not being fixed in life—is a privilege. And though it’s a difficult life sometimes, don’t feel bad about not knowing. It’s a wonderful thing.” — Stephen Fry

Also see these two paths before me.

Being comfortable with uncertainty can lead to the greatest growth and joy in life.

22 November 2023

18:05 — reflection on reflections.

Some of my thoughts sound quite harsh, down-hearted even. Especially with the stress from client work. Important that I also acknowledge how privileged I am to have so much work. Earlier this year that wasn’t the case. I was sending out cold emails, setting up coffees, making connections on LinkedIn, cosying up to people at conferences. I hated this. None of it really worked.

Eventually, I turned the corner and some clients came my way through word of mouth. Now I’m sitting in a better position financially. The next step would be to still carve out time for creativity in between all the craziness.

17:25 — on my writing future.

Strange feeling that my writing is dying. Maybe it’s just this week, not feeling great health-wise and I’m buried under client work, but there has been a longer slide since around August.

I’ve lost a connection with my ‘why’ for writing.

It used to be spurred by getting out of corporate, doing something on my own terms, breaking free, getting autonomy. I’ve achieved all these things. So that fire is dead. It no longer motivates me.

Time to pivot and take my readers with me.

Options for more material:

Writing curations e.g. Sam Harris’s best podcasts or a summary of The Bear or why Stutz is an important movie for creators
Interviewing people e.g. other writers, businesspeople, creators, people I bump into on the street.
Writing about business. Explaining my approach to my consulting work. What I’m trying to do. Lessons I’m learning. Thoughts about managing/coaching people.

Think it could be fun. Will I be able to shed my old skin?

17:05 — thoughts on falling sick.

Back from the dead. Endured a 2-day stomach bug from hell. Felt like my whole body was purged. I couldn’t eat anything, just moved between the bed and the loo, binged audiobooks, drank a ton of electrolytes and rolled around with muscle cramps at night. Good to be on the other side.

As the saying goes:

“A healthy man wants many things, a sick man only wants one.”

Wonder if I can future-proof myself against this. Been eating out more in Cape Town and also not sticking to my ‘no drinks during the week’ rule. Since I want to catch up with my family and childhood/university friends, my life is inevitably more ‘social’ when I’m here. Been surprisingly healthy this year just by cutting down on alcohol and eating cleaner. Good wake-up call.

But even with good habits, our bodies will shut down from time to time.

Maybe this was more stress-related. Things are mad with client work. I might have stretched myself too thin. Under a lot of pressure to deliver. Maybe this was my body’s way of forcing a reset after going at full tilt the last few months.

Silver lining: made a dent in Ben-Hur.

18 November 2023

16:45 — on the importance of rest.

It’s Saturday afternoon after an intense week of work — kicked off a project with a new client, had multiple flights & meetings and hosted a creativity workshop for 30 students.

Sometimes it’s good to acknowledge that my energy levels aren’t unlimited. Sitting at the laptop today, I’m trying to work without making progress.

Perhaps it’s time to get up, go for a run and come back refreshed tomorrow.

Reminder: you need to switch off to switch on.

16:40 — on the value of good service.

The company I am consulting too has a relatively straightforward product. What makes them different is their commitment to good service. They want to serve the hell out of their customers. 24/7 availability, quick responses in emergencies, fast settlement and payments.

Since this isn’t standard in their industry, they outshine their competitors by just doing the basics right.

16:29 — hard truth via Readwise today:

“The unvarnished truth is that almost all the people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to their hearts is to let them realize in some subtle way that you recognize their importance, and recognize it sincerely.” — Dale Carnegie

17 November 2023

18:40 — Speak your truth. Don’t let things slide.

In my previous job, I was hung out to dry on one of our projects. Despite doing a great job, my manager and I were used as scapegoats for the failure of the project.

This hurt.

What hurt even more was the regret I felt for not defending our case when we were being wrongfully accused.

I replayed that scene in my head 50 times. It ate away at my soul.

The pain from this hardened my resolve to never let this happen again. I promised myself, from then on I would stand up for myself. I would call out things that didn’t sit right with me. I would try to control the narrative.

08:21 — silver linings reframe.

I caught up with my old manager this week. Good guy.

I told him about the consulting work I’m doing now and that, while I’m thoroughly enjoying the autonomy that comes from being self-employed, some of the projects are not as fun as others.

He advised me to look for the positives in every piece of work.

You can always learn something new. No matter how boring the work appears to be, there will be something you don’t know yet.
What’s more, you can pride yourself on your attitude. Pitching up with focus and energy no matter what. People value that consistency.

16 November 2023

07:08 — extract from my guided meditation (Waking Up) this morning:

“We all spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves, how we appear to others, who we are, in our lives and in the world, about whether we are the person we want to be, expected to be. But notice that this is who you are in this moment. You are precisely this experience. This moment of hearing. This moment of seeing. See if you can drop all of your ideas about yourself and sink into this moment of practice. There’s always just this, whatever else seems to be happening.” — Sam Harris

Good reminder (“wake-up” call) for me. I am faced with various client calls and presentations today. My mind is preoccupied. My thoughts are racing to the future - meetings this afternoon. What will they think of my work? Will I impress them? Good to take notice. To take a step back. To acknowledge this moment as well.

07:06 — extract from a talk between David Whyte (the writer and poet) and Sam Harris (philosopher, writer, meditation guy) where they compared travel (or a pilgrimage) to conversation.

“No one survives a real conversation if you’re sincere. The person that arrives afterwards is never the person that began in the first place.”

I like this. A conversation has the power to transform, give you new insights, challenge old views, and provide new information. You are richer for the experience.

15 November 2023

18:16 — reflection on doing sales calls earlier this month.

Instead of pitching your product and all its wonderful bells and whistles, it’s important to ask the client what they want to achieve.

What transformation are you looking for?
What pain point are you trying to solve for?

Then show how your product can solve this for them.

Ask questions, reflect, relate.

Don’t bombard them with features and benefits.

You want them to feel like they ‘bought’ the product, not that you ‘sold’ them the product. Empower them, don’t sell to them.

18:05 — started working on a new client today. Might write more business lessons going forward. Some of them are also life lessons.

Learnings today:

Leave ego at the door. Make the best decision for the company. Challenge people, don’t respect someone’s title too much. The best ideas and best solutions for the customer are all that matters.
Stories sell. Let the real life stories work their magic. People care more about how the product will help them in a specific situation they can relate to. They can connect better with a client testimonial, e.g. a helicopter evacuation in an emergency, than listing all the benefits.

07:06 — I spoke to one of my friends about Ayn Rand’s The Fountainhead over dinner yesterday. He was raving about the book and her philosophy of Objectivism.

I haven’t read her work yet, but found it interesting that one of her core tenets is that people should be the best versions of themselves in order to serve humanity in the highest way.

I wrote about something similar in Live and Let Live.

For a long time, I was projecting onto others. I didn’t have my own thing. I wanted to fix things for other people.

Now that I am happy with my work setup and creative setup, I feel like I have more empathy for others, and being a better partner and friend for them.

There are many roads to Rome and many ways of being.

If you live (find your thing), then you can let live.

14 November 2023

08:31 — From the coaching sessions I did earlier this year, it became clear that I am attracted to work that has to do with humans, interpersonal skills, creativity, building things and leaving a mark.

Humans. Self-improvement, meditation, mindfulness, listening during conversation, being a good partner, being a good friend, being a good manager. All these things matter. There is so much to learn. What matters isn’t necessarily what you did for someone, but how you made them feel.
Building things. Ever since I was young, I built things… model airplanes, bridges, sand castles. And then later tools for our company, interactive models, dashboards. Still later I made things like my website, essays and sketches. I like showing what I did. I like pointing to something that’s mine. I want to leave a mark and somehow contribute to the world.

13 November 2023

08:01 — idea for a writing community:

Monthly buy-in e.g. $100 a month to be part of a Writers Who Support Each Other group. Money goes to the people organizing to acknowledge their time and effort to keep the community going. The buy-in also helps to motivate students. Like going to a gym - you’re more committed when you pay for something.
One weekly community call led by a 'mentor' at a fixed time. Time to talk through wins and challenges and go into breakout rooms to write or get feedback.
Additional guest speakers/lectures/workshops here and there.
Extras: coaching, live editing, one-on-one sparring.

Quite bullish about this. I’ve been looking for a way to find more alignment between the things I do for money and the things I am passionate about. Can see it as a small bet.

10 November 2023

20:10 — running list of my favourite books so far this year:

East of Eden by John Steinbeck (1952). Damn, this is good. Packed with life lessons, quotes and philosophy. Steinbeck’s story and characters share his view on life and how to live it, but also convey his questions and uncertainties. Stong, yet vulnerable.
Ben-Hur by Lew Wallace (1880). Currently reading this epic and I’m blown away. The story of the Christ, told as a novel, which follows the life of a Jewish gladiator. Some overlap with the Bible, but told more matter-of-factly.
The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (1984). Find new wisdom from this book (via notes from Readwise) every day.

9 November 2023

23:20 — I got a couple of questions from a reader who read my Luck Surface Area article. I tried to answer him as forthrightly as possible.

What feedback have you gotten by writing online?

Personal: readers have reached out and thanked me for sharing my journey because they resonated with my message and could identify with the challenges I was facing. Some of them have also been motivated to start writing and take more risks which is wonderful. Good reminder that we don't write in isolation. Our words can provide solace for others.
Business/tactical: my readers have pointed out which essays they like and what they'd like to read more about. They've also pointed out what they'd like to learn from me (e.g. how to use procreate) and this feedback led to product ideas (small bets).

How do you navigate the line between humility and self-promotion?

I try to remind myself that I have a duty to share my work with the world because it can help people (like the examples show above). By keeping all my ideas and notes to myself, out of fear or out of too much humility, I would not be contributing to the greater good of society, I would not be making a positive impact on the world.
When I am unsure about posting something (maybe a recent win or success), I listen to my gut instinct and try to determine whether I'm doing this to show off (stroking the ego) or if the motivation is less selfish and could potentially inspire others. Not always easy, but important to train that internal barometer.

I like these questions because they keep the writer (me) honest. Every sentence I put in an essay needs to stand its ground when confronted with a question. There's no room for filler sentences and fluff.

23:11 — when jealousy rears its ugly head, remember to focus on your own path and your own vision.

The last few weeks have been non-stop with client work.

I am grateful for it (I experienced the reverse earlier this year - having no work coming in sucks) but I'm also sad because I haven’t been able to write and create as much as I would like to.

I just finished Write of Passage cohort 11 and I saw other writers composing beautiful essays. It’s wonderful to see the magic that happens when people fully devote themselves to their craft and passion.

While some part of me wished I could also do that, I had to remind myself that I was trying to solve a different problem - managing a number of consulting projects and trying to grow my customer base. Something that could help me in the long term, even though it was eating into my creative outputs in the short term.

I’m happy for my writing peers and I’m grateful for their inspiring essays. I’m confident that my writing days will still come.

8 November 2023

17:15 — training regime for the next month in Cape Town.

Focusing on 4 things:

Running: the sport I enjoy the most and still perform relatively well at. Get the aerobic and anaerobic fitness plus the mental benefits of getting outside and alone time.
Swimming: supports the running. Also lower impact on the joints. Good alternative.
Yoga: supports the running. Prevents injuries. Flexibility is probably my weakest area. Good to get down and work on the
Golf on weekends: purely for fun and spending time with my dad. Will see it as that as well so I don’t get too upset if I play poorly.

What am I cutting for now?

Weights: got back into it this year. The benefits have been significant. Looking and feeling better, but also seeing gains in running endurance. Pausing for a month while focusing on mobility.
Cycling: takes a significant amount of time. Can’t manage this and golf.

7 November 2023

08:55 — the last few months have been a good time for reflection. Especially on where I want to take my writing.

When I started writing, it was an escape. It was a place where I could express my ideas. Something I wasn’t encouraged to do in my corporate job - all product updates were put on hold for 2 years. In a way, the writing was a middle finger to the people holding me back. Like - “look at what you’re missing out on by not using me to my full ability”. I had strong antimodels:

"People focus on role models; it is more effective to find antimodels - people you don't want to resemble when you grow up." Nassim Nicholas Taleb

This motivation spurred me on for a long time. The writing helped me quit and create a work-life setup where I had more autonomy. Where I could build things and also work from anywhere at any time.

But, after this, the anti-goal lost its power. It had served its purpose. I was no longer writing “against” something. I no longer had to get out of a bad situation. I was out - it was time to move on and seek a higher purpose.

It was almost like working out intensely after going through a breakout. You hit the gym two days a week, crush your runs, and get in your best shape. All to show your ex what they’re missing out on. This motivation lasts for a while, but it’s not sustainable. Eventually, you forget about your ex, life moves on. Only internal motivation (working out because it’s good for you) will keep you going.

And I think that’s where I am now. I write because I know it’s good for me. It keeps me calm and it generates opportunities. What more do I want.

08:45 — hosted a creativity workshop for the first time in 4 months yesterday. Blown away by the participation. There were 16 people on the call at one point.

Started off a bit rusty, but got into the flow eventually. Took them through the benefits of adding illustrations and showed them my A/B technique for illustrating. The picture (like this example) needs to show some transformation — before vs. after, wrong vs. right, old idea vs. new insight.

One of the students asked a question that stood out to me. She wanted to know how to get started. She uses a lot of visual language in her talks with clients, but she can never capture the words in picture form. I like the question because it drives at the heart of the creative process.

In a way, drawing is very similar to writing:

Draw first, then evaluate your picture afterwards. These are two separate processes. Just like writing, you need to write first, then edit. You can’t do both at the same time. These engage two different parts of the brain.
Draw from conversation. Explaining your key idea to others and talking out loud is a great hack to generate ideas. We express ourselves most naturally in conversation. Use this for writing and drawing. “I want to illustrate a person being transformed by a positive comment, ah ok, yeah, maybe some animal that goes through an evolution, how about a caterpillar into a butterfly?”
Get feedback. An essay that has been through a few rounds of feedback always lands better than the original draft. You can see where people are getting confused or stuck or which parts excite them. The same goes for drawing. Show your picture to people - do they ‘get’ what the picture is trying to say? Does it land immediately?
Try to create a transformation in the image using the A/B technique I mentioned above. After someone reads your essay, you hope that your words left a mark and created a transformation in your reader. Did they learn something new? Was there a call to action? A new habit they should incorporate and how this will change their life? Try to do the same with drawing. Show that change.

08:33 — getting back into cold water swimming now that we’re in Cape Town. The ocean is usually an icy 8-12 degrees Celsius.

Starting to recognize a clear pattern in my mind each time. Before: “Damn, this is going to hurt, I should’ve stayed in bed.” First 3 minutes: “Wow, this is really cold, must be colder than last time, every little skin cell is begging me to get out.” After 3 minutes: “Ok, I can actually do this, it’s not that bad, this actually feels good in a weird way. Let’s chat to people.” Afterwards: “Boom. Time to conquer the day. Can’t believe I didn’t want to get in initially. Wim Hoff eat your heart out.”

Wonder if this goes for other difficult things. It’s only scary until you’ve done it. Sam Harris says something similar (need to find the exact quote) - our perceived pain or our fear of an activity usually leads to more discomfort than the actual pain during the experience. This is the value of meditation - to recognize that our thoughts (which are not real, just made-up little things that float through our head) have a lot of sway over real things.

6 November 2023

08:10 — saw this quote this morning which made me think back to a younger me, the old colleague I spoke to last week and many people who are still doing work that doesn’t bring out the best of their abilities.

“At the end of the day, too many potentially highly productive individuals are underutilized, to their detriment and to the loss of society as a whole.” — Tyler Cowen and Daniel Gross, Talent

I do see this changing with more people questioning the work they do and whether this work (i) matters and (ii) brings the best out of them.

Paul Millerd

says in the Pathless Path:

“On the pathless path, my conception expanded, and I was able to see the truth: that most people, including myself, have a deep desire to work on things that matter to them and bring forth what is inside them. It is only when we cling to the logic of the default path that we fail to see the possibilities for making that happen.”

07:48 — I’m 10 days into logging. I’m really enjoying the practice. Here are some of the benefits I’m seeing so far:

Info capture +. It’s a more polished version of information capture. Where I used to take random little notes in Google Docs or on my phone, these published notes are of a higher standard.
Daily writing habit +. I did Morning Pages for a while at the end of 2021 and the start of 2022. The practice was useful but I eventually lost steam. I also wrote a lot of things that I didn’t capture or publish properly. This is like Morning Pages, but you curate the best parts for future use. Less waste.
Mindfulness. I capture my thoughts as they occur. I am more observant. Every conversation, every interaction, every random daydream has value and can potentially be used in a future essay.
Low stakes. I am still publishing, but there’s less pressure to create a clean, reviewed newsletter. I can get something out in 5-10 minutes (newsletters take 2-6 hours).
Less self-rejection. “Ooh, I don’t know how this will land with people, maybe I shouldn’t write this.” Enough of that. I want to speak my latent convictions. I want to share my thoughts instead of silencing myself. This has given me confidence. I’m less scared of the page.
Patterns. Looking back over time, I hope to see the golden threads and patterns in my writing. While I started off writing about the creator economy, I’m not tied to this. I am curious to see how my interests evolve real-time.
No rules. Logs can be any length, they don’t need titles, they can be little fragments of thoughts or longer streams of consciousness. It’s like a virtual scrapbook that you can design however you like.

5 November 2023

17:04 — Earlier this week I joined a call with other writers who want to write fearlessly without a pseudonym. While I’ve had overwhelming support for my writing, I’ve also received some criticism from people whose opinions I respect. This knocked my confidence a bit.

Speaking to others has been instrumental in getting back on the horse.

I tried to capture a few strategies that we spoke about:

The Glass Castle technique. In the book, the author Jeanette Wells only states the facts (e.g. my parents couldn’t provide food that night) without emotion and lets the reader fill in the blanks (she had a rough upbringing).
If you are writing about someone, try to have a conversation with that person you're writing about beforehand. The question is if you can still publish afterwards.
Get out of the fish bowl. Step away and see the situation from a different perspective. It’s often
Write from a place of love. Like Matthew McConaughey does in Greenlights when describing his parents. Mention their shortcomings, but also what they did well. This is more balanced.
Use a pseudonym if that enables you.
Change names and places if that helps.
Try fiction and fables. Unless your reality is truer or more honest than fiction.
Write logs - little snippets that aren't sent out via email, but are only posted on your website. At least then you are not disappointing yourself by silencing yourself.
Use your feedback partners. Write the essay, and let your writing friends figure out how best to package it. Maybe there’s a way where everyone wins — there’s less backlash than expected and you help others by sharing your perspective.

Benefits of sharing our stories:

Healing. Speaking our truth can let the poison out. It can prevent other potentially harmful activities.
You can be a voice for others. We aren't in this alone. Other people can find solace in our stories.
We can get closer to our loved ones. First, we have to go down one mountain (get the issue out in the open) in order to climb up a higher peak (form a closer bond) afterwards.

4 November 2023

13:03 — Write of Passage cohort 11 highlights.

It was another special 5 weeks. At the start, I had doubts about my “why” for writing, but thanks to working with the students and seeing their passion & energy, my inner desire to write reappeared. Very grateful for the experience and all the conversations I had along the way.

Best bits:

Writing fearlessly without a pseudonym. An interest group for people who want to share their stories without compromising themselves or their loved ones. A tricky balancing act — either you write from the heart (which opens the door to backlash) or you write safe essays that don’t challenge you (which are bland and don’t benefit anyone).
Met some great new writers in my mentor groups. Being around people who take the craft seriously inspired me to get back on the horse.
Got more clued up on Substack. Really enjoy this platform and its built-in social network.
Built new writing habits. I didn’t publish as much as I wanted to, but I’ve been loving the daily cadence of logging.

3 November 2023

19:36 — Spoke to an old colleague of mine today. Smart guy. He’s done a lot at the company but feels like he’s reaching a ceiling. Lack of upward movement. The projects are no longer as motivating as they used to be.

He enjoys writing (even won prizes for creative writing in the past) and is dipping his toes in it again.

We spoke about my journey out of corporate. Writing has been the driving force behind my transformation. I haven’t made quit-my-job money from it. Far from it. But writing emboldened me. It gave me the confidence to try things alone. I started ghostwriting. I did a few consulting projects. I started mentoring and teaching. These projects allowed me to quit my job.

Although I haven’t monetized my writing (and maybe never will), the practice is foundational to my success. It generates opportunities. It’s genuinely good for me (and my mental health).

Sometimes the universe gives you a nudge. It says, “you can do more with your life than sitting through these mindless meetings pretending to be interested, you have more to give, don’t deny yourself, don’t deny others.”

Listen to that nudge.

18:31 — I’ve been self-employed for 307 days today. 31 December 2023 was my last day of formal employment. I plan to never go back.

Someone asked me about my biggest takeaways so far. Wrote this down:

Sales. I had to reframe what promotion meant to me. Coming from a non-sales background, I used to have an aversion to promoting myself. Instead of seeing myself as a sleazy salesperson, I had to believe in the value I could bring to potential customers.
Variability. I had to become comfortable with unpredictable income. Some months were great, other months were quiet. Coming from a stable salary (the monthly shot in the arm), the lean months were very tough. I suppose I had what people a ‘scarcity mindset’ — I didn’t know where the next cash would come from. I worked through it. This helped me explore my edges (how far I can be pushed and still be OK) and priorities (what’s really important to me).
Alignment. I feel more motivated. When you land a project, there is nothing (or no one) to hide behind, you either do a good job or don't get future business and recommendations. Enjoy the higher stakes.

2 November 2023

10:30 — back to East of Eden and Adam’s question on how his sons will grow up (logged on 31 Oct 2023). Our expectations of people can have a profound impact on their performance.

Saying “I like how hard you work” invariably translates into that person working hard because they want to live up to that idea you have of them.

This is the difference between a manager and a coach:

A manager seeks to get the most out of you and your current abilities, assigning tasks they know you can do.

A coach looks to develop you and inspires you to be your best, seeing your future potential.

Thanks to David Shepherd for adding this POV.

10:06 — thanks to

Wes Lambert

for reminding me to measure my worth by my inputs instead of my outputs.

After publishing consistently (almost every week) for 8 months this year, I fell off the writing wagon (big time), with only one post published in September and another one in October.

This coincided with the time I was supposed to mentor Write of Passage students about online writing. I felt like a fraud. How could I champion the benefits of writing if I wasn’t writing myself? How could I tell others to write weekly if I was avoiding the page?

I shared this with Wes. He sat there, held his chin, looked up to the ceiling, and asked me why I was measuring my worth based on my writing streak, an output from the process. I was taking time to work on myself and my business, reconnect with my “why”, and rebuild my desire to write, all important inputs in the process.

As Robert Louis Stevenson says:

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant."

1 November 2023

17:51 — finished two months of coaching yesterday. Some thoughts on the experience.

When I started I was: low on confidence, fresh off another consulting deal falling through, and struggling with feedback about my writing.

Ended with: a kinder, lighter attitude towards myself, and a number of useful reframes about my situation.

Each session started off cagey. My coach would ask me what I wanted to talk about, I would look at my notes, suggest a few topics and start putting up my defences. It felt like she was trying to crack a nut that didn’t want to crack. Eventually, through some choice questions, I started opening up. I would go on rants and pour my heart out. It felt good. The dam wall was breaking.

Reframes:

I am disappointing myself in order not to disappoint others. By not manifesting what I want to do, I am trying to fit into what others (my parents, society etc) expect of me.
As a self-employed consultant, I need to promote my work in order to get clients. Problem is I have an aversion to sales. Maybe I’m too proud, maybe I’m too scared of rejection. Instead of seeing myself as a sleazy salesperson, I should consider the value I can bring to potential customers. I can genuinely help them.
By being scared of the opinions of a few readers who don’t buy into my writing, I am silencing myself and not being a mouthpiece for the readers that actually value my message. Why try to write for the whole world (including my detractors) when there is a subset of people (my true fans) that values my work?

00:15 — what does my content diet look like lately? I am subscribed to 50 (and counting) Substacks and a bunch more newsletters on other platforms. I scroll Instagram/Twitter during breaks. I listen to one podcast (sporadically) - Making Sense by Sam Harris. I watch a YouTube video now and then.

Mostly, I just read books. 28 books so far this year. This is at the top of my content pyramid (or should it be bottom - like the foundation?).

Can I be more intentional with my consumption? Especially my engagement with newsletters and other writers. I like what

Elle Griffin

does every morning — 2 hours for writing and 30 minutes for reading & commenting on newsletters. Solid habit. Something to strive for.

31 October 2023

16:37 — I often think back to this exchange in East of Eden.

Adam, father to Aron and Cal, speaks about his sons to his housekeeper, Lee. Their mother abandoned the family when they were young and the father wonders whose character traits they will inherit.

"[Adam:] But I would like to know what kind of blood is in my boys. When they grow up—won’t I be looking for something in them?”
“[Lee:] Yes, you will. And I will warn you now that not their blood but your suspicion might build evil in them. They will be what you expect of them.”

How often do our worst fears manifest because of obsessing over them? Wouldn’t it be better to imagine a positive outcome?

Like Shakespeare said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

16:09 — on the question of whether you should charge for your writing. I give subscribers the option to “upgrade to paid”. I never considered monetizing my writing, but I also acknowledge (and am grateful for) the subscribers who derive value from my newsletter and want to support me financially. The same newsletter goes out to all subscribers (and I hope this will never change), but those who wish to become paying members (patrons) have the option to do so.

30 October 2023

10:31 — received this vignette from

James Bailey

today. Saving it here to come back to. This is a great lens through which to judge every decision in life - is this serving the highest expression of your individuality?

Behind each face there is a unique world that no one else can see. This is the mystery of individuality. The shape of each soul is different. No one else feels your life as you do. No one else sees or hears the world as you do.

The creation of the individual is a divine masterpiece. We were dreamed for a long time before we were born. Our souls, minds, and hearts fashioned in the divine imagination. Such care and attention went into the creation of each person. Given the uniqueness of each of us, it should not be surprising that one of the greatest challenges is to inhabit our own individuality and to discover which life-form best expresses it. — John O’Donohue

27 October 2023

12:29 — “Logs” inspired by

Michael Dean

who describes his as follows:

“Here’s a changelog of my consciousness. Starting in December of 2021, I decided to capture my fleeting thoughts in prose and publish them to my site.”

You can see all his logs here: https://www.michaeldean.site/p/logs

12:25 — on speaking your truth and not hiding in the shadows.

“Speak your latent conviction… Else tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame your opinion from another.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

12:10 — cover photo. Soiernsee, Bavaria. What a magical place. Swam in the lake (stayed in for 30 seconds tops) and spent the night in the local Hütte.

Best of 2023

John Nicholas — Wed, 27 Dec 2023 18:57:40 GMT

Hey everyone! Happy holidays to you and your loved ones. I’m back in Germany and enjoying the festive spirit this side (the Germans go all out for Christmas).

I love this time of year – a few sacred days off to reset and do nothing.

After a few days of sleeping in till 10 am, taking Lily out for trail runs in the mountain and stepping away from the laptop, my energy levels are up and I’m feeling excited about writing and tackling big goals in 2024 again.

As a light lift to close out the year, I thought it could be fun to share the writing that I’m most proud of this year.

I also curated my favourite “favourites” - the top quotes and books I read and my favourite photos.

There is also a little bonus in section 3 as a thank you to all my subscribers.

Thanks for your readership this year and I’m looking forward to sharing more stories next year. Until next time ✌️.

1. Newsletters

I published 26 newsletters this year. Here are the 5 pieces I’m most proud of:

1. Commit(ting) to your mountain | #45

“For a long time, I had doubts about my career path […] Until, one day, I considered whether this 'regret thinking' mindset was serving me. Could I move forward by constantly looking over my shoulder?”

This essay spoke about the play between reflection and commitment and resonated with a lot of readers. As said: “I love this essay's illustration of the first set of pathways. The green line shows how even when you make a choice, that one choice leads to a whole full menu of life engagement. It helps me to visually move from the inner sense I am restricting myself when I make a choice to what will actually get opened up by the act of making that very choice”

2. Live and Let Live | #53

“The world isn’t black or white, it’s everything in between. There are many roads to Rome and many ways of being.
I never knew that finding your passion could make you more empathetic. If you live (find your thing), then you can let live.”

This was one of the more difficult pieces to write, but also the one I’m most proud of. I had no idea where I was going when I set out. I just wanted to capture a change I observed in my approach to life (being less prescriptive and judgmental) and I ended up coming to a nice realization – that you are more relaxed about other people’s lives when you are content with your own.

3. My Rules for Life | #50

“This compilation of guiding principles started as a Whatsapp conversation with a friend who asked me (1) what my ideal day looks like and (2) what I value above all else. Two dynamite questions. I sent her a long list of things. Here’s an edited and cleaned-up version of that message.”

Really enjoyed writing this one. Probably the biggest effort to get over the line, but I was happy with the finished product – 23 guiding principles I (try to) follow in my life.

4. One for the Books | #51

“I love reading. And I’m guessing many of you, as avid newsletter readers, do too. When people ask me for book recommendations, this is what I send them.”

This edition highlights my 30 favourite books (15 fiction and 15 non-fiction) together with some tips to read more books per year.

I enjoyed compiling this list. Even though my list of top books has already changed and will change many more times in future, it will be good to reflect on the books that shaped my thinking up to July 2023.

5. Reviewing the Balance Sheet | #59

“My views on traditional and creative work have become more nuanced. While I would still encourage people to try creating and writing and see what comes of it, I also realize not everyone can make it as a solopreneur. There are a few individuals who shoot the lights out and make a living from their videos and writing, while the vast majority of creators need to take on part-time work to keep their passions alive.”

There are different ways of selling your skills and you need to find the best mix for you.

Writing this essay felt like a release. Since quitting corporate, I felt like my identity was tied to making it as a solopreneur/writer. Sharing an honest reflection and making peace with my journey has given me new energy and direction.

2. My Favourites

Here all the top quotes, books, and photos extracted from my usual “Favourites” section for 2023.

Quotes

Top 5 quotes:

1. Listening can make you more interesting.

"So if you aspire to be a good conversationalist, be an attentive listener. To be interesting, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering. Encourage them to talk about themselves and their accomplishments." – Dale Carnegie

2. Why we should train our minds and not only our bodies.

“But it is your mind, rather than circumstances themselves, that determines the quality of your life. Your mind is the basis of everything you experience and of every contribution you make to the lives of others. Given this fact, it makes sense to train it.” — Sam Harris (via the Waking Up app)

3. Take a moment to be grateful.

“People complain about the bad things that happen to ‘em that they don’t deserve but they seldom mention the good. About what they done to deserve them things. I don’t recall that I ever give the good Lord all that much cause to smile on me. But he did.” – Cormac McCarthy, No Country for Old Men

4. If you’re ever scared about sharing your thoughts because you fear what other people think, remember there is a generation of young people looking up to you for guidance.

“Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you.” – J.D. Salinger

5. If you’re at a crossroads or reinventing yourself, take heart. Being comfortable with uncertainty can lead to the greatest growth and joy in life.

“Oscar Wilde said that if want to be a grocer, a politician, a general or a judge, then you will invariably become it - that is your punishment. But if you never know what you want to be, if you live what some might call the dynamic life, but what I call the artistic life, if each day you are unsure of who you are and what you know, you will never become anything and that is your reward…Not knowing what you want to be—reinventing yourself every morning; not being a noun, but being a verb; moving in life, not being fixed in life—is a privilege. And though it’s a difficult life sometimes, don’t feel bad about not knowing. It’s a wonderful thing.” – Stephen Fry

Books

My 5 favourite books:

1. East of Eden by John Steinbeck (1952)

An incredibly rich, entertaining story set in the US at the turn of the 20th century. Previously I read The Grapes of Wrath, which I found excellent, if somewhat angry. East of Eden is pure poetry, with magnificent philosophical debates and a good amount of humour and irony. Steinbeck also describes it as his greatest work. Quote:

"And this I believe: that the free, exploring mind of the individual human is the most valuable thing in the world. And this I would fight for: the freedom of the mind to take any direction it wishes, undirected. And this I must fight against: any idea, religion, or government which limits or destroys the individual."

2. Small Things Like These by Claire Keegan (2020)

A powerful novella dedicated to the victims of the Magdalene laundries, where an estimated 30,000 Irish women were incarcerated between the 18th and 20th centuries. I read Foster (2010) earlier this year and I was blown away by Keegan’s writing. Similar to Foster, Small Things Like These isn’t a thick book, but the messages and themes stay with you for a long time after reading it. Quote:

“As they carried along and met more people Furlong did and did not know, he found himself asking was there any point in being alive without helping one another? Was it possible to carry on along through all the years, the decades, through an entire life, without once being brave enough to go against what was there and yet call yourself a Christian, and face yourself in the mirror?”

3. A Swim in a Pond in the Rain: In Which Four Russians Give a Master Class on Writing, Reading, and Life by George Saunders (2021)

One of the best ‘how to write’ books I’ve read. I give it a 5/5 purely for Saunders’s choice of short stories to analyze (written by Russians in the 1800s), his actual analysis, his sense of humour and his understanding of the inner workings of a writer’s mind. This book makes you fall in love with the classics again and with the art of writing. Quote:

“The Russians, when I found them a few years later, worked on me in the same way. They seemed to regard fiction not as something decorative but as a vital moral-ethical tool. They changed you when you read them, made the world seem to be telling a different, more interesting story, a story in which you might play a meaningful part, and in which you had responsibilities.”

4. Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy (1985)

Describes the journey of a band of scalp hunters during the Indian Wars of the 1840s in West Texas and Mexico. Although McCarthy is best known for No Country for Old Men, this is arguably his greatest work. It’s gripping from the get-go. A tale of a kid (“the Kid”) who falls between prison, hustling and fighting to stay alive in the American West. Lots of gore with incredible philosophical segments about free will and the value of one’s life thrown in between. I couldn’t put it down. Quote:

“A man seeks his own destiny and no other, said the judge. Wil or nill. Any man who could discover his own fate and elect therefore some opposite course could only come at last to that selfsame reckoning at the same appointed time, for each man's destiny is as large as the world he inhabits and contains within it all opposites as well. The desert upon which so many have been broken is vast and calls for largeness of heart but it is also ultimately empty. It is hard, it is barren. Its very nature is stone.”

5. The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera (1984)

A stunning novel. Philosophy meets erotic adventure meets communist resistance epic. It explores the artistic and intellectual life of Czech society from the Prague Spring of 1968 to the invasion of Czechoslovakia by the Soviet Union.

Kundera passed away recently. I never read any of his previous work, but Unbearable Lightness was on my to-read list for years. Happy I finally picked it up. He argues that it’s sometimes good to have a heaviness in life, a purpose worth fighting for. Having it all too easy is unbearable. Quote:

“The heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become. Conversely, the absolute absence of burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant. What then shall we choose? Weight or lightness?”

Photos

I took a bunch of kickass photos and saw some interesting places this year. Here are a few of my favourites. Big thanks to ’s Photography for Creatives course, which was a catalyst for my improvement and newfound appreciation of capturing landscapes.

Left to right, row by row:

Plansee, Germany.
English Garden, Munich, Germany.
Zugspitze, Germany.
Lech, Austria.
Schyrenbad public pool, Munich, Germany.
Lago di Garda, Itlay.
Soiernspitze, Garmisch, Germany.
Perlacher Forst, Munich, Germany.
Lyst auf Sylt, Germany.

3. Annual Review worksheet

As the year is winding down, it’s a good time to reflect back on 2023 and reflect forward on 2024.

I’ve shared annual reviews for the last two years (2021 and 2022) and I’ve always found the act of reviewing my year instrumental in getting alignment and planning the next one.

Earlier this month, I hosted a creative workshop where I took 25 students through the prompts I use to write my Annual Review. The cues are a collection of my own ideas mixed in with a few things I’ve picked up from reading annual reviews by writers like David Perell and James Clear.

As a thank you for your readership, I’d like to share my Annual Review Worksheet with you.

This is my 3rd digital product and it’s absolutely free to all my readers. Of course, if you find it valuable or want to support me, you are more than welcome to make a small contribution.

Link: Annual Review Worksheet

Before I sign off, I’d like to share a big personal update.

Jess and I got engaged two weeks ago. It was a beautiful summer evening in Hermanus - a coastal town outside Cape Town that's quite significant to us. We are very excited about life together and are overwhelmed by all the beautiful messages we’ve received. Life’s good.

Until next time - Happy New Year and happy creating!

— John

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Reviewing the Balance Sheet

John Nicholas — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 22:06:08 GMT

Hey everyone! We’re into December (can you believe it!) and the year is rushing to a close.

As 2023 is winding down, I’m taking stock of the main themes of my year.

One thing I’ve noticed is a shift back to performing traditional work. Where the pendulum swung out to creator mode earlier this year, it has swung back to corporate-type work now. Can I call myself a corporate-creator?

Reality check

After giving writing, course creation and online teaching a solid go these last two years, I am spending more time on actuarial consulting projects again because my skills are recognized and rewarded there.

Despite having less time for writing and creating, I’m enjoying the shift in focus.

Looking back at when I started writing online at the end of 2021, I’ve had an interesting journey. I managed to get out of a job that wasn’t good for me, I met incredible people and I picked a bunch of new skills.

Most importantly, it instilled a valuable mindset. Starting to create myself and being surrounded by self-employed people, I discovered I too could design a life where I had autonomy and skin in the game. Where I could build things and work on projects I enjoy. Where I didn’t need to ask someone’s permission to take leave or see my friends and family.

This attitude can’t be taken away from me.

On the flip side, I also realized how difficult it is to make a life as a creator... I tried launching a course earlier this year which I had to close because I couldn’t sell enough seats. I made small amounts of money from ghostwriting, selling my self-paced drawing course and mentoring other writers. These were all stimulating experiments and good for the soul, but not enough to pay rent and living expenses. There were a couple of months where I made more from dogsitting than from these projects. It was a serious reality check.

Maturing and finding new goals

There is also an element of maturity coming through.

My views on traditional and creative work have become more nuanced. While I would still encourage people to try creating and writing and see what comes of it, I also realize not everyone can make it as a solopreneur. There are a few individuals who shoot the lights out and make a living from their videos and writing, while the vast majority of creators need to take on part-time work to keep their passions alive.

There are different ways of selling your skills and you need to find the best mix for you.

I found that my anti-goal (the negative experience I had in my old corporate job) wasn’t an infinite source of energy. I used that internal anger to quit and find a new path. I used it to build a writing and creating habit. But eventually, the fire fizzled out. Now that I designed a good life, there’s nothing to fight against anymore.

It was like working out intensely after going through a breakup. You hit the gym two times a day, crush your runs, and get in the best shape of your life. All to show your ex what they’re missing out on. This motivation lasts for a while, but it’s not sustainable. Eventually, you forget about your ex, life moves on and only internal motivation (working out because it’s good for you) keeps you going.

And I think that’s where I am now. I write because it’s good for me. What more do I want.

Balancing the books

What does the future look like?

For now, it looks like a balance between consulting for the necessary financial rewards and creating for the non-financial benefits — my mental health, leaving a legacy, making an impact, and meeting interesting people.

I can see the two worlds complementing each other.

I can do work I find stimulating — building tools and financial models, working with startups, and solving technical problems. At the same time, I can use writing to capture what I’m observing ‘on the job’. What are my reflections on managing people? What have I learned from dealing with clients? What creative skills can I transfer to my work and vice versa?

One day, I believe I’ll be grateful that I captured these observations. Similar to how I’m grateful for the observations and lessons captured in newsletters 1-58 up to now.

My favourites

💬 Quote. If you’re also at a crossroads or reinventing yourself, take heart. Being comfortable with uncertainty can lead to the greatest growth and joy in life.

“Oscar Wilde said that if want to be a grocer, a politician, a general or a judge, then you will invariably become it - that is your punishment. But if you never know what you want to be, if you live what some might call the dynamic life, but what I call the artistic life, if each day you are unsure of who you are and what you know, you will never become anything and that is your reward.
…Not knowing what you want to be—reinventing yourself every morning; not being a noun, but being a verb; moving in life, not being fixed in life—is a privilege. And though it’s a difficult life sometimes, don’t feel bad about not knowing. It’s a wonderful thing.”
– Stephen Fry

Thanks to for sharing the original video and capturing this quote.

🎙️Podcast. Making Sense episode #249 where Sam Harris (philosopher, writer, and meditation guru) speaks to writer and poet David Whyte. The whole talk is brilliant, but I especially enjoyed this extract where they compared travel (or a pilgrimage) to conversation.

“No one survives a real conversation if you’re sincere. The person that arrives afterwards is never the person that began in the first place.”

I like this. A conversation has the power to transform, give you new insights, challenge old views, and provide new information. You are richer for the experience.

✏️ Sketch. Pulling out an old visual from my gallery. Publishing my work has always been scary, but the more I’ve done it, the easier it has become to drown out negative self-talk.

📸 Photo of the week: Blood, sweat and luckily no tears. Throwback to last week’s Ultra-Trail Cape Town 35km race. One of the toughest, but also most picturesque, events I’ve taken part in. As if the 2000m elevation gain wasn’t hard enough, I took a tumble about 6km in to add some extra discomfort to the mix. Dug deep and eventually made it to the finish line. So stoked to see Jess and Lily there at the end.

Until next time - happy creating and doing your thing!

— John

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Logging Away

John Nicholas — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 21:34:00 GMT

Hey friends, it’s good to be back. The last few weeks have been jam-packed with consulting work, mentoring online writers and travelling to South Africa for the summer holidays.

Despite the busy schedule, I’ve had a number of invigorating creative conversations and gotten back into a daily writing habit.

Here are a few snippets from my latest writing.

Logging

I travelled to New York for the first time in September.

The city that never sleeps was everything I expected and more. European in the sense that everyone walks and uses public transport, but distinctly American with the faster pace and higher energy. While I was there, I saw my first baseball game (cricket still takes it for me), went to Broadway (Hamilton was incredible), caught up with friends and went running in Central Park (bucket list stuff if you’re a runner).

I also got to meet other writers(!).

I caught up with fellow Write of Passage alums , , and . We had wide-ranging conversations that gave me a lot of new material to write about and I got to see the city from a local’s perspective. Can recommend.

Inspired by my conversation with Michael Dean, I’ve been trying something new the last few weeks.

He calls it Logging and it’s pretty cool.

Similar to Morning Pages (pioneered by Julia Cameron) where you sit down to write 750 words to start the day, with logging you go one step further and publish the best ideas from your daily writing to your blog.

As Michael says,

“logloglog” is my public stream-of-consciousness (b)log. It’s evolved to become my sole-form of “note-taking,” and it’s one of the most valuable things I do as a writer.

Even though I’m new to the practice, I’ve seen positive signs so far.

My logs are somewhere between diary entries and fully fleshed (‘publishable’) essays.

They are more useful than diary entries (because it’s not all me-me-me) but faster to compose than a well-constructed essay (a lighter lift).

I like this practice for several reasons

Info capture (premium version). I am used to taking random notes in Google Docs and on my phone, but you put in more effort when posting a note in public. These ‘polished’ notes are easier to upcycle into longer writing later on.
Daily writing habit. I did Morning Pages for a couple of months at the start of 2022. The practice was useful but I eventually lost steam. The main thing I regret is not capturing the noteworthy segments from each day’s writing. With logging, you curate the best extracts for future use. Less waste.
Notice-taking. Every conversation, every interaction, every random daydream has value and can potentially be used in a future essay. With logging, I am reinforcing the habit of taking notice of these everyday occurrences.
Low stakes / no rules. Logs can be any length, they don’t need titles, they can be little fragments of thoughts or longer streams of consciousness. I’m still publishing, but there’s less pressure to create a clean, reviewed newsletter. This allows me to get something out in 5-10 minutes (newsletters take 2-8 hours), which is great for momentum and habit maintenance.
Writing with less fear. “Ooh, I don’t know how this will land with people, maybe I shouldn’t write this.” Enough of that. I want to speak my latent convictions. I want to share my thoughts instead of silencing myself. Writing logs has revived my confidence.

Where will this take me?

I’m not sure yet, but the signs are encouraging.

I feel less blocked creatively and I’m writing with more confidence.

For me, especially lately, it has been important to find a way of writing that works. I’m sure there will be more challenges on my creative journey, but I’m confident I can ‘experiment’ my way through them.

I’ll leave you with two extracts from my logs.

Short lesson from East of Eden

[log entry - 31 Oct 2023 - 16:37]

I often think back to this exchange in East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

Adam, father to Aron and Cal, speaks about his sons to his housekeeper, Lee.

Their mother abandoned the family when they were young and the father wonders whose character traits they will inherit.

"[Adam:] But I would like to know what kind of blood is in my boys. When they grow up—won’t I be looking for something in them?”
“[Lee:] Yes, you will. And I will warn you now that not their blood but your suspicion might build evil in them. They will be what you expect of them.”

How often do our worst fears manifest because of overthinking and obsessing over them? Wouldn’t it be better to imagine a positive outcome and let things take their course?

This reminds me of Shakespeare said, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Listen to that nudge

[log entry - 03 Nov 2023 - 19:36]

I spoke to an old colleague of mine today. Smart guy. He’s done a lot at the company but feels like he’s reaching a ceiling. The projects are no longer as motivating as they used to be.

He wanted to know about my journey out of corporate. I told him that I felt like I was stagnating in my role at the time. I wasn’t developing new skills and my ideas were shot down.

“It felt like a nudge from the universe to try something different,” I told him.

I started writing and that was the driving force behind my transformation. I didn’t make quit-my-job money from it. Far from it. But writing emboldened me. It gave me the confidence to try things alone and take more risks. It introduced me to other writers and entrepreneurs who I could learn from. I started ghostwriting. I did consulting. I started mentoring and teaching. These projects allowed me to quit my job.

Although I haven’t monetized my writing, I feel like the practice is foundational to my success. It generates opportunities. It’s genuinely good for me (and my mental health).

As we were dialling off, he told me his next meeting was going to be an energy-sapping weekly status update. “Maybe this is my sign from the universe,” he said.

My Favourites

💬 Quote:

“Speak your latent conviction… Else tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame your opinion from another.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

✍️ Essay: on meditation and morning pages by . Best essay I’ve read in a while. Tommy describes his experience with meditation and silent retreats and how he always felt like he was missing something. He eventually found out that writer Joseph Campbell, an avid student of Buddhism and Hinduism, never meditated. Campbell’s way of meditation was through writing. Even though I’m a proponent of meditation, I love this realization by Tommy. I like the underlying message that there are many roads to Rome or “boats to cross the channel”. As he says:

“Since opening to this idea, I’ve started to see people who have very happy and calm and fulfilled lives who don’t meditate. I’ve noticed more boats. Nature, exercise, love & connection, creativity, animals, and God, to name a few.”

📚 Book. Mythos by Stephen Fry. What a spellbinding, entertaining book. I’ve always missed an overview of the Greek myths in my literary education. Who was Aphrodite and what did she represent? What did Euphesties do and why was Zeus angry with him? I had gaps in my knowledge tree, stories referred to in other books and plays, that have now thankfully been filled thanks to Fry’s storytelling. The interesting thing about the Greek gods is how ‘human’ they are. They are not like the unflappable beings we are familiar with in modern religion, but instead prone to bouts of passion, rage and vengeance. PS: I would recommend getting the Audiobook version. I enjoyed it so much that I’m already onto the next book in the series — Heroes.

📸 Photo of the week: The Oculus, downtown Manhattan. One of the pitstops on my walk with Michael Dean. I was blown away by the scale and detail of this subway-station-cum-artwork.

Until next time - happy creating!

— John

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Working Hard to Not Work Hard

John Nicholas — Thu, 19 Oct 2023 21:55:55 GMT

Hey everyone 👋. This week I gained the trust of my 400th reader*. Thanks so much for your support. I’m two years into this project and there is still a lot I want to explore through my writing. If you’re new here, you can find my best writing here. If you’ve been here a while but missed the last newsletter, here's the previous edition, Writing Through the Dip.

How do you monetize your writing? How do you find alignment between work and creativity? What are the habits of a successful creator?

I discussed this and much more with Nik Göke, the writer behind Four Minute Books when we met up in Munich last month.

Eight years into his writing journey, he’s written hundreds of book reviews and published two of his own books. Pretty prolific to say the least.

Here are some highlights from our conversation.

Aligning work and creativity

Nik has never been formally employed and he never plans to be. “I’m probably unemployable at this stage,” he says jokingly.

From a young age, he knew he wanted to follow a creative path. He devoured books and enjoyed writing essays at school. But he also had other talents (in math and science) and like other young people looking for financial security, he ended up enrolling in a bachelor’s degree to study management and technology.

Creating something under his own name was always on his mind though. After completing his master’s and a short internship at BMW, he decided to give writing full-time a shot. “Luckily my parents were supportive of me and I had the degree to fall back on if all else failed. I gave myself a few months to figure out how to monetize."

He started writing on the platform Medium and became quite successful. Later on, he directed traffic to his own website, with the stunning tagline “I write for dreamers, doers and unbroken optimists”.

He earns a living from a mixture of revenue streams on Four Minute Books, like ads and affiliate deals, Medium posts, his own writing course, and the books he’s published. And he doesn’t think he’ll ever need to supplement his income with a job.

It’s great to see someone (1) have the confidence to follow their own path and (2) actually make it alone.

A day in the life of a full-time creator

Make no mistake, Nik still works hard, probably harder than the average 9-5er. He has just substituted working for someone else with working for himself.

He has impressive habits. “I try to write and publish my thoughts daily. In addition to this, I aim to put out one book summary every week, release a new YouTube video every Friday, and then there are several bigger projects on my radar.”

Because I've experienced the corporate and creator worlds myself, I had to know – does all the writing and time he puts into his passion eventually feel like a job? “Not really. I happily do this work because it stimulates me and it's better than any job I can think of.”

This attitude reminds me of a similar sentiment shared by one of my favourite authors Cormac McCarthy (RIP). In an interview with Oprah, McCarthy said his life’s work was to work hard at not working:

"Well, you have to be dedicated. [...] it was my number one priority. [...] you didn't wanna have a nine-to-five job. I thought you're just here once. Life is brief and to have to spend every day of it doing what somebody else wants you to do is not the way to live it."

Thanks to for sharing the video originally.

Levelling up to books

In 2020, after five years of writing book reviews and blog posts, Nik decided to level up and write a book.

He first published The 4 Minute Millionaire: 44 Lessons to Rethink Money, Invest Wisely, and Grow Wealthy in 4 Minutes a Day, which compiles 44 lessons from 20 of history’s best books about money, finance, and investing. This was followed by 2-Minute Pep Talks: 67 Jolts of Inspiration for More Hope, Comfort, and Love in Any Situation - a collection of his best writing.

According to Nik, writing a book is like the Olympics for writers. “Books are writing’s final boss. Cranking out article after article is all fun and nice until it isn’t.”

I nodded my head in agreement, while secretly hoping to just get back into my weekly publishing cadence. No Olympics for me just yet.

He has a point though. There are benefits to having bigger, long-term ambitions. Another writer I admire, Nat Eliason, shared a similar reflection on X (still feels funny writing this instead of ‘Twitter’) recently. He expressed his fear that some of the best writers of our generation are stuck making tweets and newsletters instead of writing books. As Nat says:

“The longer form of writing you focus on, the slower you’ll see results. But the more durable those results will be.”

I like this plea to aim higher while recognizing the role shorter-form writing plays.

Nik wouldn’t be where he is now if it hadn’t been for his blog. Firstly, the shorter posts become the building blocks for his long-form writing. He could go back to old articles, see which themes and patterns emerge and repurpose them for his book. Secondly, by writing regularly he developed the writing habits necessary to sit and work away at a full-length book.

On the topic of writing habits, he has some sage advice.

So you want to become a writer?

Here are Nik’s 3 best tips for other writers:

Don’t niche down too soon. Try different things. Follow your curiosity. Don’t pigeonhole yourself if you don’t want to. Obviously, if there’s a topic that can make money or make you a subject matter expert, that’s something you can focus on. But generally, people are more interesting who write about a range of things and show different sides of themselves.

Set constraints. Nik promises a book review in 4 minutes or less. This means he caps himself at 1,000 words per post. This helps his readers - they know what they’re in for. And it helps him by forcing himself to compress his writing and keep only the most salient points. (Something I can definitely learn from)
Write every day. Nik tries to write (and publish) daily. This is inspired by one of his favourite writers, Seth Godin, who has this to say about the daily practice:

“Everyone should write a blog, every day, even if no one reads it. There’s countless reasons why it’s a good idea and I can’t think of one reason it’s a bad idea.”

Thanks for a good time, Nik. Looking forward to more conversations and walks through Englischer Garten.

My Favourites

💬 Quote: If you’re ever scared about sharing your thoughts because you fear what other people think, remember there is a generation of young people looking up to you for guidance.

“Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you.” – J.D. Salinger

✍️ Essay I. To mother or not to mother by . Whether you agree with her view or not, you can’t help but admit to the beauty and fearlessness of her writing. She discusses multiple difficult topics like her choice not to give herself over to motherhood and her relationship with her mom with poise and grace. Thanks for encouraging the rest of us to write without fear, Haley.

✍️ Essay II. My Only Quota by . A magnificent essay I had the joy of editing. This should be required reading for anyone starting their career right now. His biggest point? Find a mentor. Find someone you can trust and learn from. Second point: don’t chase other people’s dreams. You will wake up one day realizing you’ve spent a lot of time and energy doing something that doesn’t motivate you. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, James.

⭐ Small win. I’ve been invited to present a drawing workshop to ’s Small Bets Community in January. They have over 3700 members and it’s the first time I get to compress everything I know about visualization into a 90-minute lecture. This should be fun.

*Thanks to for the beautiful phrase on earning trust. In a funny coincidence, he also crossed 400 readers last week.

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Writing Through the Dip

John Nicholas — Tue, 19 Sep 2023 16:28:09 GMT

Hey everyone! I had the privilege of speaking to a few prospective Write of Passage students this week. It’s great seeing so many people who are turning to writing to level up, reinvent themselves and cure intellectual loneliness. I still remember being in the same boat before I started my writing journey two years ago.

The next Write of Passage cohort is coming up in October. If you’re curious to get a taste of the course, they’re hosting a free Test Drive this Thursday (September 21st) at 12pm ET. Enrollment for the next cohort is open until September 26th (affiliate links).

I’m back after a brief break from the page. It feels good to be writing and publishing again. I missed the satisfaction that comes from a mental workout.

What have I been up to? Well, quite a few things. Some hard and some fun.

I. Working with a coach (hard)

What does success mean to me? What is my relationship with money? Where do I want to spend my energy?

These are some of the questions my coach has asked me over the last month. These have led to some long silences, awkward snatching at answers and a few epiphanies along the way. One thing is clear - it’s not easy figuring out what we really want, but it’s worth putting in the work to find out.

The coaching has helped me get my priorities straight, which led to the brief pause in writing activities. Through speaking to her, I realized writing had become an expensive hobby. Something I turned to instead of doing uncomfortable things that are actually important for my success, energy, and relationship with money, like focusing on my consulting work and growing my customer base.

I love writing essays, and I like expressing my ideas, but for now, it will be the dessert at the end of the day after I’ve had my veggies.

II. Learning C1 German (hard)

In an effort to improve my German and land consulting clients in Deutschland, I set out to reach business-level German in a couple of months.

I expected it to be tough, but I also thought I could take some shortcuts. Maybe I was lucky - Afrikaans, my native tongue, is a Germanic language so that helps. And I have a bunch of German friends I run and hang out with.

It turns out business German is actually difficult. The deeper I got into it, the more I realized I had to learn. Especially grammar. Different articles for each noun, different cases for each verb and multiple exceptions to the multiple rules. Madness (or should I say, Wahnsinn).

After starting off strong, my confidence took a knock. With every mistake I made, I froze up. I became blocked and stopped participating in class.

Which was counterproductive. You need to make mistakes in order to learn. You need to speak up, volunteer and take chances. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Luckily my teacher picked up on my diminished enthusiasm and called me aside (virtually). We talked it out. It turns out she was happy with my progress and backed me to pass the exam.

It was a relief hearing this. Similar to the conversations with my coach, I got a more accurate view of the situation by gaining an outside perspective. Things are not always as bad as they seem.

I returned to class with a bounce in my step, determined to make mistakes and continue learning.

III. Running far (fun)

Last month, I completed an 80km ultra-run through the streets of Munich (and drank 8 beers along the way).

I’m a regular runner, but this was by far the craziest endurance event I’ve taken part in. I feel there is an essay there, but I’ve been struggling to put words to the experience.

The main thing that stood out to me is that I reached (and overcame) a new mental threshold when things got tough after 60km.

The team of crazy runners who completed all or part of the 80km route. Couldn’t have done it without them.

IV. Meeting fellow writers (fun)

Last week, I met up with Nik Göke, the writer behind Four Minute Books. He’s written over 1,200 book reviews and published two of his own books. Pretty prolific to say the least.

He’s a positive, switched-on guy and the best part is he also lives in Munich.

We spoke about many things, but the main thing that stood out to me is this piece of advice from his favourite writer, Seth Godin:

“Short-term pain has more impact on most people than long-term benefits do, which is why it’s so important for you to amplify the long-term benefits of not quitting. You need to remind yourself of life at the other end of the Dip because it’s easier to overcome the pain of yet another unsuccessful cold call if the reality of a successful sales career is more concrete.”

This advice couldn’t have come at a better time. The Dip describes exactly what I’ve been going through the last few weeks. I’ve had some doubts about my message, my reason for writing and how this fits in with what I do to earn money. I’m two years into my journey and even though I have experienced immense personal growth and lots of new opportunities from writing, I had expected to achieve more by this stage.

It was good to hear that this feeling is quite normal. Nik has been writing for eight years. Even though we’re the same age, that makes him four times older than me in writing years. He’s been through many dips, but now he makes a living from writing and believes he’ll never have to work for someone else again.

Perhaps I had become too impatient. This is a long-term game with significant rewards at the end for those willing to keep at it. Onward.

My Favourites

💬 Quote:

“You can’t be a good cook if you’re not a good person.” – Richie Jerimovich

From one of my favourite TV shows right now — The Bear. A cooking show that’s about so much more than just cooking. Richie is one of the characters in the show you love to hate. His character arc in the second season is incredible. From hanger-oner to inspired. From nuisance to value add. All through realizing nothing was below him and seeing that our highest calling is to serve others.

📚 Book. Der träumende Delphin (The Dreaming Dolphin) by Sergio Bambaren. One of the books I read to sharpen up my German. It’s a beautifully written novel, meant for children and adults alike. In it, a dolphin breaks free from his clan in search of the perfect wave. He believes there’s more to life than eating fish and sleeping (what all the other dolphins do). A stunning reminder to find a deeper sense of meaning in his life above mere work and rest.

📸 Photo of the week: Greetings from Middle-earth. Hiking up to Soiernsee, just outside Garmisch in the Bavarian Alps.

👋 Thanks so much for being a subscriber. We're up to 383 readers this week. Please reach out if you have any thoughts or ideas. I'd love to hear from you.

💌 If you’d like to support my journey, the best ways are to:

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Permission to Create

John Nicholas — Thu, 24 Aug 2023 20:24:34 GMT

Hey everyone 👋. I'm John. Welcome to Creators' Corner: a place where I share advice on creative experiments & expanding your skillset. Here's the previous edition of the newsletter if you missed it.

“Ich bin nicht mehr so kreativ wie früher”, one of my classmates said with near-perfect pronunciation in our German class last week.

The teacher (or Lehrerin) wanted to know whether we had any creative talents, like singing or dancing or painting.

My classmate, a mechanical engineer and voracious reader, said that she had some when she was younger, but she doesn’t consider herself to be that creative anymore. The job spec has forced her to become more technical.

This made me chuckle.

Not in a mean way. No, more because it struck a chord. It reminded me of my former self. I’ve also said “I’m not that creative” many times before.

My background is in numbers, maths and stats. I never saw myself as an ideas guy. I thought creative endeavours were best left to the artists and people doing it for a living.

I stayed in my lane and left being creative to the pros.

Redefining creativity

We all start out creative.

Like my classmate, and so many folks I speak to lament, when we are children we are naturally creative and unashamed to act on it. Creativity feels like (and really is) play when we are younger. We paint, we sketch, we build things.

But we somehow lose touch with the inner creator when we grow up.

It's not that the creativity is no longer there, it just gets buried under an 'adult' image of building a career and the seriousness surrounding that.

We tell ourselves limiting stories. We prefer to say we’re not artistic or we’re not musical or we’re not full of ideas.

As , the author of Fight Club and Choke, says:

“Somehow people have been sold on the idea that only professionals can entertain them, that only professionals can sing or tell jokes. And people are cut out of this creativity loop, and creativity is being limited to these large, centralized voices.”

But this is a shame.

Equating ‘real art’ with ‘being creative’, holds ‘non-real’ artists (normal people like you and me) hostage. It divides us into groups, those who are allowed to be creative and those who aren’t.

I was tired of subscribing to this belief.

Reconnecting with creativity

In my free time, I was taking lots of notes, making diary entries, jotting down what I found interesting in the books and articles I read, and, mostly, admiring people who were actually writing and sharing their ideas with the world. People breaking free from convention. Voices like Paul Graham, Steven Pressfield and Kyla Scanlon.

This admiration for creators pointed to, I believe, some deep desire to create things myself, a part of me calling out for attention. And maybe even the ability to create things myself.

“In my experience, when we project a quality or virtue onto another human being, we ourselves almost always already possess that quality, but we're afraid to embrace (and to live) that truth.” – Steven Pressfield

After years of quietening this inner voice, I finally listened to the signal and started sharing my private notes (notes I was taking anyway) online.

Summaries of podcasts I was listening to, apps I was using, tips I was applying in sport and life.

My thinking was simple – by open-sourcing my notes, other people could learn from them instead of simply hoarding them for myself.

Some of these notes even became essays (with visuals - a big goal of mine) later on.

I was *finally* creating.

At a deeper level, I think, this change was triggered by a frustration with the limited offering my technical career was giving me. I had learned everything there, and become good at my job, but I was somehow still not fulfilled.

I could see the next 30-40 years of my life flash before my eyes. More meetings, more pricing models, maybe managing some people, getting promoted and then eventually retiring and playing lots of golf. Is this everything I had been working towards? Surely there had to be more.

I was willing to take a chance.

Through sharing my thoughts, developing my writing habits, and picking up some visualisation skills along the way, I stepped off the default path and found something more fulfilling. Something more rewarding.

Last week I published my 100th post on my website. A collection of (extended) notes, essays and visuals. A portfolio of work.

Some highlights from the first 100.

I moved out of the shadows of others. I stepped into the arena instead of watching from the sidelines. And I haven’t looked back since.

Combining existing skills with creative skills

Make no mistake, technical skills are valuable and hard to come by.

I give corporate a hard time, but to be honest, I learned a lot in my 9-5 job. Core skills like Excel, coding and building pricing models as well as the political and softer skills that come from managing people.

When you add creative skills like writing, distribution and storytelling to the mix, things get interesting.

Combining your technical skills with creative elements is where the magic happens.

Not only will you find more fulfilment (as I have), you might even become better at your job. You’ll find new ways to solve old problems and you’ll find better ways to convey your ideas.

It’s encouraging to see more people heeding this message. Ordinary working people who are breaking from convention and making things, despite not fitting the traditional artist mold.

Like two former colleagues of mine, an actuary and a data scientist, who started their own stage production (with music and everything) about the wonders of the universe, which has been sold out for two seasons in a row. Or a friend of mine, a data engineer, who started a blog on productivity — . And, yet another former colleague, also a data scientist, getting into short films (link still in the works).

This warms my heart.

It shows being creative isn’t the exclusive domain of artists.

There is space for us technical types, non-real artists like you, me and my classmate, to also create.

Permission to create

If you need to hear this - you are creative. You have permission to create.

In fact, you should.

Sure, maybe we won't become virtuosos like Picasso or Tolstoy, but the admiration for other artists points to a creative force inside of us waiting to be unleashed.

Everyone has a story to share.

We just need to permit ourselves to take the leap.

My Favourites

💬 Quote: Our highest calling is to do creative work we enjoy and to be proud of it at the end of the day.

“I hate to go to bed at night feeling I have done nothing useful in the day. It is the same feeling as if you had gone to bed without brushing your teeth.” — Winston Churchill

📚 Book. Fallen Leaves: Last Words on Life, Love, War, and God by Will Durant. A joy to read. Where Durant’s other publications are about the opinions and lives of others (historical figures & philosophers mostly), this book, which was published posthumously, is about his own views on politics, religion, sex, war, childhood, old age… everything really.

It’s scary to know that the manuscript was almost lost. Before he passed away in 1981, Durant mentioned that he was working on one last project. He was afraid he was ‘losing his pep’. Nothing was ever heard of the project again. Until one day, his granddaughter came across a few old boxes while she was moving… and there it was — the manuscript Durant had been working on. It’s wonderful that this work didn’t go lost and that we are lucky enough to read it. Like witnessing the last few leaves fall from a giant oak

✍️ Essay. Lost Children by . This is a beautiful account of her son's growth and changes over the years (how his younger selves have disappeared), built around a story of how he actually disappeared for 30 minutes in a cinema. My girlfriend and I experienced something similar a few months ago when our dog went missing for 8 hours. The longest day of my life.

"Being a parent is about missing many people always— so many versions of our children disappear, will disappear. Not in department stores, as I feared as a child. But in growing, in living. There is that desire of an impossible reunion with who they were, too."

📸 Photo of the week: first time doing laps this summer. Can’t think of many better spots to go for a swim.

Until next time - happy creating!

— John

👋 Thanks so much for being a subscriber. We're up to 377 readers this week. Please reach out if you have any thoughts or ideas. I'd love to hear from you.

✍️ Write of Passage workshops. If you’re interested in joining the next cohort of Write of Passage, the online writing school that launched my writing career, be on the lookout for the following free workshops (affiliate links):

Wednesday, September 6th at 2pm ET - Grow Your Audience with the Cultural Tutor.
Tuesday, September 12th 7pm ET - How to Start Writing Online.
Tuesday, September 21st at 12pm ET - Write of Passage Test Drive.

💌 If you’d like to support my journey, the best ways are to:

Grab one of my digital products. Procreate for Writers is a 60-minute video that helps you create visuals that grab your readers’ attention. Run Your Newsletter Like a Restaurant is a Notion dashboard that enables you to capture your best ideas & the best content you consume.
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