Logs
A collection of shorter posts and half-formed ideas. Extracts from my daily writing. Somewhere between diary entry and ‘publishable’ essay.
23 April 2024
17:05 — one of my friends asked me what my long-term goal was for my writing.
Good question. It's a mix of things.
Sharing more of myself, my work and my thoughts. There are lessons and observations there. I will keep documenting my journey and growing my body of work. Just keep going.
Through writing more I also hope to send out a signal to other people like "hey, this is what I stand for and this is what I'm interested in" which could create more opportunities and allow me to do more of the things I like to do. E.g. write a book, get featured on podcasts, speak at conferences etc.
Big dream: get featured on the Waking Up app and/or get interviewed by Sam Harris. There is an element of spirituality, a lot on meditation, some talks on the unknown, and some talks on productivity. Think it would be a great milestone to get on there (or something equivalent).
22 April 2024
17:05 — working on a series of essays based on the prompts from the latest instalment of Write of Passage.
#1 What’s a rule you live by, and why?
Above all else, don’t deceive yourself. 60% done.
#2 Share a piece of advice that would surprise most people
Explore your edges. Take a risk like quitting your job and see who comes out on the other side.
#3 What is something missing from the world, and why does it matter?
Self-discovery. Getting creative. Following a different path.
Not all people are served by the lawyer, doctor, engineer, actuary narrative.
We need intelligent, creative people working on bigger problems, finding more alignment, following their calling.
19 April 2024
18:13 — embrace your true calling.
Sometimes, when we're terrified of embracing our true calling, we'll pursue a shadow calling instead. That shadow career is a metaphor for our real career. Its shape is similar, its contours feel tantalizingly the same. But a shadow career entails no real risk. If we fail at a shadow career, the consequences are meaningless to us. — Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro
10:39 — a rule to live by.
You can do many things, but don’t lie to yourself.
Not lying to yourself can take different forms.
At the surface/higher level, it’s about not taking shortcuts in life.
I remember learning this at a young age. In an attempt to look cool and cut corners, I moved the poles we were using for interval training during athletics practice. Instead of 50m apart, I put them at 40m going the coach wouldn’t realize.
Obviously he caught me. And he wasn’t even upset, only disappointed. He said it didn’t really matter to him, I was screwing myself over. It would impact me on race day when I wasn’t as well prepared as my competitors.
Other examples include piggybacking off colleagues to do your work, getting chatGPT to write your assignments, and not giving your best during your gym session. You’re only screwing over your future self by not putting in the work now.
Then there’s the deeper level of not suppressing your instincts.
Doing what is true to you and your soul. Knowing something isn’t right and acting on it. Not ignoring that inner feeling. Being true to your emotions.
I like the quote from Doctor Zhivago where he calls the internal misalignment that comes from suppressing your true feelings the “typical modern disease”. Doing or saying one thing (communism is our light and saviour) and believing something else deep down (this system has destroyed people’s lives).
“It's a typical modern disease. I think its causes are of a moral order. The great majority of us are required to live a life of constant, systematic duplicity. Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite of what you feel, if you grovel before what you dislike and rejoice at what brings you nothing but misfortune.”
I had a similar internal misalignment for a while. My last job started brightly. I came in with lots of energy and ideas, but eventually, I became disillusioned with the internal politics, bureaucracy and attitude of the place.
Something wasn’t sitting right with me. When my partner asked me “how was work today?” it was a touchy subject. I felt like I was trapped. I knew what the answer was. This wasn’t my true calling. This job wasn’t serving me and I had to get out. Yet I continued in the hope that things would get better. I also enjoyed the financial stability and I had my work visa to consider.
Eventually, I quit and moved on.
I’m in a better place now. I have more alignment between what I do for money and what I’m passionate about. It hasn’t always been easy, but I enjoy the challenges that get thrown my way.
I can look at myself in the mirror and say I’m doing valuable work with people that are aligned with my values.
It reminds me of the poem The Man in The Glass by Dale Wimbrow:
You can fool the whole world,
down the highway of years,
and take pats on the back as you pass.But your final reward will be heartache and tears
if you've cheated the man in the glass.
Other examples include not being true to your emotions. Some of you may recall the classic comedy, Anger Management with Adam Sandler. We can debate the merits of Sandler as an actor, but I remember it being quite a fun move (“Goosfraba!!!”) and Jack Nicholson plays a great role.
Sandler’s character is this super chilled guy. People screw him over but he never gets upset. His partner is scared there will be a bigger meltdown later. Nicholson steps in to try to trigger him. Rather speak his mind when things bother him than letting it all build up.
It’s the same with being honest with yourself. You can only diverge for so long until the cracks start to appear.
23:20 — great website for learning German idioms. The Germans love sayings (Sprichwörter):
E.g. “Unwissenheit muss fühlen” = Ignorance must be felt.
23:01 — solid advice:
There are two ways to be wealthy—to get everything you want or to want everything you have. Which is easier right here and right now? The same goes for freedom. If you chafe and fight and struggle for more, you will never be free. If you could find and focus on the pockets of freedom you already have? Well, then you’d be free right here, right now. — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic
Want the things you already have.
22:59 — on the value of self-development and growth:
“Peace of mind isn’t at all superficial, really,” I expound. “It’s the whole thing. That which produces it is good maintenance; that which disturbs it is poor maintenance. What we call workability of the machine is just an objectification of this peace of mind. The ultimate test’s always your own serenity. If you don’t have this when you start and maintain it while you’re working you’re likely to build your personal problems right into the machine itself.” — Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
We are working towards resilience. We are working towards that inner fortress.
17 April 2024
08:55 — my current writing block.
Mostly excuses on my side, but I am currently neglecting the writing and spending more time on client work. Sitting down to write for 4-6 hours feels like a luxury right now.
I find it quite easy to 'produce' something quick and dirty like the logs. But there is a second step, a 'quality check' where doubt creeps in.
I don't know if a log is worthy of publishing. And to make it 'publishable' I often need to spend a lot of time cleaning it up or combining it with other logs. I'm always happy with the end product, but to get from the V1 draft to the final draft requires a level of effort I'm struggling to justify lately.
I believe it’s good to articulate this though and work on it.
08:51 — the fundamental tension between creative work and work I do for money.
I think I need both.
I need to pay the bills. I also learn lessons from working with clients and junior team members.
The writing takes time and almost feels like a luxury. I find it hard to justify spending time writing when I could spend time earning money. But maybe that’s a mistaken point of view.
I usually feel better when I capture my thoughts and make sense of things. Feeling better and clarifying my thinking is a positive input back into the work I do so I probably perform better for my clients when I’m writing.
The tension might not be a tension at all. It only feels tense when I’m neglecting one component or the other.
They both need attention. The one hand washes the other.
08:47 — on having conversations.
I had a great chat with our gardener/handyman this morning. I took him some coffee and rusks and as I was about to leave he asked me a few questions about my work and my engagement and life in general. We ended up chatting for 20 minutes. I was pleasantly surprised by the range of topics… from the importance of marriage to the role of the husband in a relationship to counselling and working with people going through divorce and drug abuse to controlling your attitude in life and practising gratitude. He’s a very switched-on, positive person.
In the first few minutes, I had this nagging sensation that I better get going. I have a mountain of work and a ton of to-dos. Every minute spent in conversation here was a minute lost ‘doing important things’.
I wonder how many of these interactions I miss on a daily basis because I’m so caught up in optimizing my day and making the most of my time. While I might get more done, I shut out the rest of the world that’s hiding in plain sight, I lose out on spontaneity and randomness and new ideas and conversations.
Something to consider.
08:45 — important thought:
“At the end of the day people won't remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
Could go under the ‘business lessons’ or ‘lessons for people starting their careers’ tags.
16 April 2024
17:35 — some goals for this year. It’s never too late for resolutions, right?
Running. Sub 1h30 half marathon. I’ve done it! Finally.
Improve speaking - fewer uhms and ahs.
Get better at understanding AI and its applications. I’m already getting better with ChatGPT. I’m also hosting an AI conference for actuaries later this year so will learn a lot there.
Start making videos. Much easier to consume than essays.
Work on my breathing. Making progress here - mouth tape at night plus breathing exercises to regulate mood.
Post on LI/ twitter more.
Postive self-talk / less self-rejection.
Make my writing a priority again. My client work is important, but my writing will generate new opportunities. Play between doing the current work vs. securing future work.
Check in with people more often.
Apply for more speaking gigs and workshops. I hosted one for Small Bets earlier this year. Don’t think I did super well, but I learned a lot and it was paid opportunity. Might have more opportunities through other communities. The Pathless Path, Write of Passage, any others?
Potentially work with a coach again. I’m in a good space now, but I can see working with a coach lifting my game even further.
Learn basic coaching skills.
Create an offer for people who are thinking of quitting or changing jobs. 30min calls.
Write more ‘essay’ essays - tackle a single theme e.g. “why you shouldn’t only solve for money” and write about it.
Create more products / small bets. I created a couple of products last year. This is always a good opportunity to generate more passive income.
Learn to code. Just started my journey with Kaggle.
Add Pilates to the training regime. Work on core, mobility and strength. I have some weaknesses from running. Stabilizing exercises have been an excellent antidote against muscle and joint pain.
Keep on doing strength training. Excellent way to burn fat.
Continue working on my golf swing. I am willing to go for more lessons if necessay. I will figure it out. I believe I can be a single-figure handicap if I apply myself.
17:31 — things I’d like to do to change/improve on my Substack.
Add a “work with me” page. Could be cool. Michelle Varghese has a fun one. Just sends a signal to the world that you are open to business.
Update my welcome email. Wrote about this yesterday. Edward (no last name) has a great one with three questions - favourite book, which topics subscribers like to see, where they heard of his newsletter.
Change my newsletter’s name. Big one. I’ve brainstormed this. Landed on a name. Just hesitant to put it out there for some reason. Time to move on it. It it works, it works. If it doens’t work, I can just change the name again.
17:21 — logging my hard skills / money-making competencies / credibility for my actuarial consulting.
Skills:
Insurance pricing, product development and technical marketing. Mostly life insurance but also health insurance and investments. This means designing competitive products, presenting to senior leadership, getting the key stakeholders’ buy-in, documenting everything in a product spec, helping the systems team build the product, explaining the details to the sales team so they can sell it.
Prophet coding. Related to point 1, but more technical. Very specific software that is more powerful than Excel. Used to project life insurance future cashflows and determine the present value of a book of insurance business.
What can I add? I can get better at SQL, Power BI and Python.
Credibility:
I’m a qualified actuary (Fellow of the Actuarial Society of South Africa). I am also a writer with my own website with over 100 posts.
What can I add? Potentially an M in coding or an MBA.
There is more, but those are the key points for now.
16:42 — on noticing negativity.
A large part of our day is spent in conversation with ourselves. It’s just a loop of thoughts on repeat. We can be kind or mean. It’s all one big self-repeating narrative in our heads.
Like a noisy housemate you can’t get rid of. Talking to you 24/7, following you from room to room.
If this person was a nasty human being, you’d want them out of your flat and out of your life.
Why do we allow negative self-talk then? It’s the same thing. We can’t kick ourselves out of the house, but we can change how we speak to ourselves.
I’m keen to observe my thoughts more and see if they are serving me or holding me back.
Some things I say to myself often:
I’m tired.
This isn’t interesting.
I don’t have time for this.
I’m taking on too much, I can’t do this basic activity right now.
I don’t have energy now.
I wish I was better at [X].
I can’t post this. People won’t find it interesting. Nobody cares about this topic.
I can’t post this. It will take too much effort to clean up.
I can’t post this. What will people think? I’m trying too hard to impress others.
This is too hard right now, let me do something else.
I need to think about this a bit more. Can’t pull the trigger yet. Need more time / more data / more confidence.
Maybe some of these thoughts are valid - little subconscious barriers laid down to protect me from going off the burnout cliff.
But I’d say 80% of them don’t serve me and hold me back from achieving my goals.
Is there more positive language I can use?
Yes, this is hard, but that’s the point. Hard things are good for neuroplasticity. You are engaging your brain, the brain is protecting itself by seeking comfort. Stretch it a bit.
What’s the worst thing that can happen if you post this? At least you are putting yourself out there.
Just do it and stop overthinking things. If it doesn’t work, you can always pivot and change your course afterwards. Without posting you aren’t getting feedback. Standing still instead of moving in a direction.
Yes, this might take time, but how much time do you spend per day on Whatsapp and Instagram. You’ve got 30min now. Just start. Sit down for 5min. That’s better than nothing.
Yes, I can’t do [X] as well as someone else, but I have a lot of other things to be grateful for. I don’t know the rest of their lives, I’m just looking at one component.
The proof will be in the pudding, but I truly believe this is the right approach to interacting with myself. Almost like being my own coach. Being on my own side. Finding alignment. Moving forward towards goals instead of spinning my wheels.
16:34 — putting some goals out there in public.
Big Dream: get featured on the Waking Up app and/or get interviewed by Sam Harris. That’s what life is all about. Finding better tools to understand it and live it. All the conversations are of a high standard. The guests are thorough and approachable. The golden thread is how they approach life with a bigger-picture view. There is an element of spirituality, a lot on meditation, some talks on the unknown, and some talks on productivity. Think it would be a great milestone to get on there.
Short-term Goal: build a business. Last year I was still finding my feet. Now I have more regular clients. I have one junior reporting to me. It would be great to find more clients, employ more juniors and grow the business. One thing at a time.
These are two completely different goals. Or they feel directionally different.
I think one thing that could unite them is writing. Sharing more of myself and my work and my thoughts. There are lessons and observations there. I will keep documenting my journey and growing my body of work. Just keep going.
08:29 — saw a great welcome email on Substack the other day.
The writer briefly stated what he writes about, but spent more time asking the reader questions. Friendly and engaging, while getting some good inputs for his writing.
What’s your favourite book?
Which topics would you like to read more about from me?
How did you hear about my newsletter?
08:24 — good quote:
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard goes something like this: If you want success, figure out the price, then pay it. It sounds trivial and obvious, but if you unpack the idea it has extraordinary power. — Scott Adams, How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big
The price can be:
Monetary. Paying for an MBA which gives you access to a network and credibility.
Time-based. Waking up every morning before work and grinding away at your side hustle.
Others? Relationships? Health? Not sure I want to look under those rocks.
15 April 2024
15:11 — on reaching a long-time goal.
For a while now, I’ve written down “run a sub90 half-marathon again” in my annual goals.
I finally hit that mark yesterday.
This has been a long time in the making. The last time I broke 1h30 on 21 kilometres was 13 years ago.
I’ve had two ACL ops in the meantime (good ol’ rugby) and weigh a lot more than I used to as a skinny 20y. old. Since rehabbing my knee, I’ve attempted 15+ half marathons. On this attempt I finally cracked my PB. Very chuffed.
Here’s what made a difference this time:
1. Followed a proper training program for once. Instead of doing junk miles I trained according to a plan incl. intervals, fartleks etc. Some days it sucked but the visible progress made it worth it. You can get quality programs on Strava and Garmin.
2. Carbon-plated shoes definitely helped. Not gonna lie. Embrace the tech.
3. Marathon experience. I’ve done two marathons in the last two years. Makes a 21k feel much more manageable. You get better at judging how much you have left in the tank.
Pictured here with my training partner.
13:31 — picked up two books today.
Eiger Dreams by Jon Krakauer. I love Krakauer’s writing. I’ve already read Into Thin Air, Into the Wild and Under the Banner of Heaven. All excellent books in their own right.
Passin’ Through by Louis L’Amour. Bit more of a gamble, but I have a soft spot for Westerns. Especially those written by Cormac McCarthy. Let’s see if L’Amour tells a fine story as well.
Two books. One about risk and mountaineering, one about cowboys.
Maybe some inner urge in me to break free. Or live vicariously through people who broke free and didn’t confirm.
07:41 — drawing a line in the sand. Hitting the reset button.
I’ve been in a weird phase. Time to snap out of it.
I’ve been thinking a lot instead of ‘doing’.
It’s time to do things and stop worrying about whether it fits my brand or what people think or how things will land or whether I will get likes and impressions and clients.
I will write again. I will post on Twitter again. I will post on LinkedIn again.
I will do the work. The work is important. I don’t care about the results. Only the inputs matter. Quoting from the Bhagavad Gita:
“Work hard in the world, Arjuna.
You have the right to work, but for the work's sake only.
You have no right to the fruits of work.
Desire for the fruits of work must never be your motive in working.
Work done with anxiety about results is far inferior to work done without such anxiety, in the calm of self-surrender.
Seek refuge in the knowledge of Brahma.
They who work selfishly for results are miserable.”
This year has had a slow start and it’s time to fix it.
Good habits to start with:
Less time on social.
More reading.
Better sleep habits.
Better diet habits.
Stop blaming others.
More writing.
12 April 2024
18:13 — some basic apps all knowledge workers should use (learn how to use):
Grammarly. Install it. It will make your emails and presentations. Even if you’re English is 99% good, this app will make your writing even crisper. Makes a good impression.
Figma. Or something similar like Canva or Miro. Helps you to express your ideas in visual format. 3 bullet points stating the agenda can be replaced by a bar split into 3 sections with 3 topics and time allocations. Much more striking and memorable.
Google Docs. Rather than emailing someone a draft or proposal to review, send the draft via Google Docs so they can suggest (mark up) changes. Much easier to track changes and make comments.
Cold Turkey. Or some similar distraction-blocking website. Nowadays our attention is constantly pulled into a million different directions. Social media, text messages, emails, you name it. Deep, focused work is becoming increasingly harder. Apps like Cold Turkey can help you block our distractions (websites) while you want to perform a piece of deep work.
There are others, but this is a good place to start.
11 April 2024
15:40 — on the Anthology of Balaji.
Very impressed with the book so far.
Written by Eric Jorgenson, who wrote The Navalmanack, a great book which captures Naval Ravikant’s view on the world and his advice for living and investing.
Balaji is good at applying history to modern-day tech and projecting how things will play out in the future.
I think reading more of his work could make your thinking more future-oriented. It’s definitely helped me get more out of the ‘here and now’ and see what’s possible a few years down the line.
I like how he says “crypto agreements are to written agreements what written agreements were to oral agreements.” He expresses many similar tidbits on how we’ve moved from medium X to Y and how we’ll move from Y to Z in the coming years.
Nice way to challenge and expand your thinking.
The best part is the book is free. Link to the PDF version for Kindle here.
15:35 — cool move from Medium to block AI content.
“Medium is for human storytelling, not AI-generated writing. Beginning May 1, 2024, stories with AI-generated writing (disclosed as such or not) are not allowed to be paywalled as part of our Partner Program.”
Good to see publishers taking steps to stop the proliferation of low-value, machine-written content.
I like Tim Ferriss’s view here:
“There is a glut of mediocrity on the internet, please don’t contribute to it”
While LLMs are a big leg-up for easy, repeatable tasks, AI-generated writing has increased the quantity but reduced the quality of writing on the internet.
10 April 2024
12:21 — on feeling lighter.
I’m in a better space lately. The start of the year was stressful, there was a lot going on on the work front. I signed a new client and got a junior team member onto the project as well.
I remember coming back from a strat week with the client and having this uncontrollable nervous twitch in my one finger. It settled after a day, but it clearly showed how much underlying stress I was taking on despite putting up a brave face on the surface.
Now that I’ve secured a long-term deal and proven myself I feel more settled, more confident. I’m doing better work because I’m more relaxed.
I also said ‘no’ to another project last week. This was the first time since going self-employed that I’ve shown a piece of work away. Even though it felt like a missed opportunity, I’m happy I declined. I was taking on too much and it was dragging my performance and happiness down.
I now have the headspace to work on creative endeavours again. The writing is flowing again. I’m going through life with a lighter attitude. I think people also experience my calmer demeanour.
Long may it last.
If there’s a learning here, it’s probably that I need stability in my life to operate at my highest level. I also need to manage my priorities to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
12:09 — on managing people.
I’ve managed a handful of people in my life.
My main rule is the fishing proverb:
“Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for his life time.”
So my juniors always need to attempt the work first before asking for feedback.
If they haven’t applied their minds to the problem, they haven’t experienced the main benefit of problem-solving - building the habit and the confidence to solve future problems.
If I give feedback or help them with the problem before they have given their all and exhausted their thinking, I’m doing them a disservice. Sure, it’s nice in the short-term, the project gets settled today instead of tomorrow, but over the long-term, their problem-solving skills (and confidence) wither.
They will become dependent on me (or someone else) when the going get hard. When in the end, there’s only one person that can help them. And it’s themselves.
12:05 — quote on leading teams. Business lessons tag.
Teams need to believe that their work is important. Teams need to feel their work is personally meaningful. Teams need clear goals and defined roles. Team members need to know they can depend on one another. But, most important, teams need psychological safety. — Charles Duhigg, Smarter Faster Better
Not sure I’m achieving this currently. Could do more to create ‘psychological safety’ for our employees.
I saw another quote along similar lines:
The best way to manage people, he thought, was to convince them that you were good for their careers. He further believed that the only way to get people to believe that you were good for their careers was actually to be good for their careers. — Michael Lewis, Flash Boys
How can I actually be good for people’s careers?
I’ve spent some time finding my own feet. Maybe it’s time to do more for others, for those who report to me. Can I be a better manager?
Talk about areas they’d like to develop. Where do they want to be in 1, 3, 5 years? Which skills do they want to work on? Do they want to study further? What can I do to support this?
09 April 2024
08:22 — two friends from Write of Passage did a lovely collab essay.
Two things:
Content. Love the essay. Big learning for me - “don’t tell us your thoughts, feelings, or emotions, just show us.”
Format. Think this is a cool idea I would like to try out some time with a writing partner. Collaborating on an essay could improve a piece and reach a wider audience.
08:15 — great essay by friend Louie Bacaj.
A Cautionary Tale: A story about why it's now or never for a lot of ideas.
Quote:
I got a little sad because, sure, I had missed out on some potential money I could've made over the years. I'd missed out on having some customer emails and conversations with real people on this topic.
But I was mostly sad because I'd done some great work with Azure back in the day, and it was never captured or "immortalized" somewhere.
I have similar regrets for not jumping on inspiration when it struck.
Also have a bunch of skills/knowledge I picked up in my career that I never “immortalized”… Prophet coding, investment cost calculators, longevity projections, retirement annuity models. Wonder if I’ll ever get back to them.
Sometimes it’s now or never for an idea. When you come back to it months later, your writing has changed, your interests have changed, your priorities have changed, you’ve changed.
No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man. —Heraclitus
08 April 2024
21:27 — if I had Obsidian or the perfect Zettelkasten method, it would probably tell me that I’ve written notes on three Waking Up series now.
Tom Lutz - Finding comfort in the unknown
William B. Irvine - Stoic Lessons
Oliver Burkeman - You Are Here
Could be a fun series of essays?
21:08 — Oliver Burkeman has done it again.
Another terrific series on Waking Up. This one is titled You Are Here.
Listened it on the way to a client and back last week. His short, 10-minute long chapters on “slow productivity” really struck a chord.
One thing that stood out to me is that we should give up on ever finishing our to-do list because it is simply impossible to finish a never-ending stream of to-dos.
I also liked his approach to splitting up the day.
He calls it the 3-3-3 method:
3 hours in the morning on his most important project e.g. writing the next chapter in his book
3 smaller, more manageable projects after this e.g. sending an email to his tax advisor
3 maintenance tasks after this e.g. going for a run, taking out the garbage, meditating
The idea behind this is that it should look easy so that you can hit your 3-3-3 even on bad days. On good days, you can do more.
Really enjoying the slow productivity vibe. Way less intense and more sustainable than the mantras espoused by the 5AM club, David Goggins, "only amateurs wait for inspiration". Recognizes the (flawed, imperfect) human being trying to do the best they can at this thing called life. Sometimes we are productive, other times we fall short. Over the long term, we get some stuff done. The key is get the stuff done while being kind to ourselves.
Link to an essay on this:
Getting Stuff Done By Not Being Mean to Yourself
21:05 — holy shit.
David Perell dedicated an episode to Paul Graham’s writing lessons.
It made me think back to my early days of writing.
I just wrote about what interested me. I was like a moth attracted to various different lamps.
And it was cool. There were no rules. There were no goals.
Subsequently I’ve tried to niche down and stay in my lane. I’ve written more about my journey and less about my heroes, which has its merits.
Don’t think it’s bad to evolve, just need to make sure I’m still excited about the writing and I’m doing it for the right reasons.
21:02 — Stoicism in a nutshell.
“The trick is to learn how to want the things you already have.” — William B. Irvine.
Irvine has an excellent series on the Waking Up app.
I also wrote about Stoic Lessons before.
05 April 2024
19:07 — on finding comfort (maturity) on my self-employed journey.
Today, for the first time since quitting corporate 15 months ago, I turned down a piece of work.
Up to now, I have never said ‘no’ to anything that has come across my desk. Whether that’s a piece of ghostwriting, planning a conference, doing an audit, building a job board, doing life insurance product development, building a crypto/blockchain insurance model, doing technical marketing, leading alum calls for a writing course, being a mentor and coach for writers,… everything, every instant, I just said yes.
With the safety net of my salary pulled from under my feet, I was hungry for opportunities to earn money, build my portfolio and ‘make it’ on the self-employed path.
The first months were hard. With very few projects rolling in, I made more from dogsitting than consulting at a time. This was a low point and I felt a real desire to get out of the pit. I still had runway, but it bothered me that there was no ‘proof of concept’ so to speak. No clients coming in implied this might not be the best path for me.
Things have subsequently improved (thank goodness). So much so, that I’ve been able to decline my first project today.
Something I’m not trained for or passionate about. Something I’d do if the chips were down and I had nothing on my plate. But as things stand, my plate is pretty full and I have the luxury of picking projects I enjoy more.
So yeah, it feels weird, but it’s also a relief. Saying no to this project allows me to do a better job on the other 5 on my roster currently.
Bonus - I was able to pass this piece of work onto someone in my network who was going through a tough patch. He didn’t have any work coming in and reached out to me (and other contacts) on LinkedIn to ask for opportunities. I respect that. Couldn’t be easy putting himself out there and asking for help. I’m happy the timing worked out. Maybe next time I’ll be on the opposite end of the deal.
04 April 2024
18:40 — books I’m currently reading:
Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver (2022).
Spiritual Enlightenment: The Damnedest Thing (Enlightenment Trilogy #1) by Jed McKenna (2002).
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle (2004).
Making Sense by Sam Harris (2013). A compilation of his best podcasts.
18:34 — books read so far this year:
A Short History of the World by H.G. Wells (1922). 4/5. Important read. A foundational history lesson. We are still a young species struggling to come to grips with our power. Liked his view on Christianity as an upgrade/evolution of Judaism.
The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz by Erik Larson (2020). 4/5. Enjoyed this one even though I know most of the stories from other books and movies. I felt like it ended abruptly in 1941 just when America entered the war, but this was the point. Larson only wanted to cover the period of Britain’s defiance when they stoof alone against Germany.
Liar’s Poker by Michael Lewis (1989). 4/5. An eye-opening (often hilarious) insider’s account of Wall Street in the 80s. Lewis, who also wrote Moneyball and The Big Short, started his career as an investment banker at Salomon Brothers – the biggest trading firm on Wall Street at the time. He chronicles the events leading to the firm’s boom and eventual demise – the rise of the bond market, the larger-than-life personalities chasing bigger and bigger profits, and the eventual listing of Salomon. What I found interesting about the book was that he wasn’t singing the praises of investment banking. If anything, he encourages people to look into other career paths - he specifically points out how poorly analysts are treated. What happened subsequently (and what Lewis came to realize) is that the book didn’t dissuade people from investment banking, but attracted more people to it. Not surprising since he was earning $250k per year as a 24-year-old. Favourite quote about the interview process:
“It’s taboo,” he said. “When they ask you why you want to be an investment banker, you’re supposed to talk about the challenges, and the thrill of doing deals, and the excitement of working with such high-calibre people, but never, ever mention money.”
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak (1957). 5/5. History is the best teacher. One of my top reads this year. I did a longer review in What I learned from Ben Hur and Doctor Zhivago.
A Short Stay in Hell by Steven L. Peck (2011). 3/5. Tough read. Quite short, but not easy to grapple with the thought experiment — the lack of variation in hell is what gets people. The endless monotony. I suppose it’s a wake-up call to do more cool shit while you’re alive.
On Writing Well: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction by William Zinsser (1976). 4/5. Solid read. Covers all the basics of writing. Don’t use too many adjectives. A memoir is about a specific period in a person’s life, not their whole life. Don’t overcomplicate things.
Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt (1996). 5/5. A masterpiece. Brilliant memoir. Funny, sad, full of truth and heart. The Irish have a way of making sad stories more humorous.
The Dip by Seth Godin (2007). Recommended to me by a writing friend. It was good in parts. You shouldn’t continue doing something you’re not good at or not passionate about, but you should also not quit when success is virtually around the corner. There is a lot of upside for people who hang tough. While I enjoyed some of the arguments, most were repetitive and fell flat because of contradictions. The quitting vs. not quitting felt quite random based on the case studies. Didn’t allow for luck (which often plays a big part in success).
17 Questions That Changed My Life by Tim Ferriss. 4/5. Very short, get the free PDF here. Very useful questions. I’d like to do a longer exercise answering them.
The Duel by Anton Chekov (1891). 4/5. Some big themes, little bit messy at points, overall a great read.
Band of Brothers: E Company, 506th Regiment, 101st Airborne from Normandy to Hitler's Eagle's Nest by Stephen E. Ambrose (1992). 4/5. Entertaining history lesson. Enjoyed going over this again after watching the series when I was in university. These guys were tough, disciplined and principled. A formidable combination.
Prophet Song by Paul Lynch (2023). 4/5. A grim, but brilliant book. A warning of how fragile democracies and the rule of law can be. Shades of Nazi Germany mixed with the anguish and despair refugees face.
18:14 — on creating vs. consuming.
It goes back to the point I made yesterday - it’s lazy to just read/consume content without actually capturing the key ideas and doing the exercises.
That’s on me. Something to work on.
I was in a deep “consumer mode” earlier this year. I read 13 books in 2 months. Listened to a number of podcasts and binged series. While I captured a few notes and ideas during this time, I wasn’t as observant and disciplined as I’d like to be.
It was a difficult time as I was trying to grow my consulting business and gain more traction with a client, so maybe I didn’t have the bandwidth to create content in addition to running the business.
17:55 — another entry for the business lessons series.
Interview questions from Talent (Tyler Cowen):
Here are some questions that not only will elicit stories but also might yield relatively interesting answers:
“How did you spend your morning today?”
“What’s the farthest you’ve ever been from another human?”
“What’s something weird or unusual you did early on in life?”
“What’s a story one of your references might tell me when I call them?”
“If I was the perfect Netflix, what type of movies would I recommend for you and why?”
“How do you feel you are different from the people at your current company?”
“What views do you hold religiously, almost irrationally?”
“How did you prepare for this interview?”
“What subreddits, blogs, or online communities do you enjoy?”
“What is something esoteric you do?”
03 April 2024
23:23 — heard about a cool “friendship accountability” system today.
A friend of a friend sets up reminders to call/check in with his latest every 2 months.
If, for example, he spoke to a friend today, he would log that in his ‘system’ (I assume you can set up a scheduling tool for this). Then 2 months later he gets a notification - “It’s time to check in with Sandra again.”
I like this. I know I’m good with my friends. I know where I stand with my close friends. The bonds are strong and won’t be affected by a period of absence. However, it doesn’t hurt to check in more often. More contact is better than less.
I do something similar where I post 4 questions in a group chat with some of my oldest mates from time to time:
How’s work?
What’s your latest creative endeavour?
Any travel plans coming up?
How’s your fitness and mental health? Any events coming up?
23:18 — writing is like a long-time friendship.
During certain phases of your life, you see this person often, hang out together, and call each other frequently.
And during other periods, you have less contact and fewer interactions.
Nothing happens to the friendship. You are still devoted friends. When you see each other again, you will pick up where you left off and things will be cool.
Writing is similar. There are periods when you are brimming with ideas and you can’t help but capture tons of notes and thoughts. Other times, you go through a bit of a lull. The writing is still there in how you observe the world and hold conversations. But you aren’t actively publishing or sharing your work. Long-term it will always be there, an unswerving friend, but for the time being, you have other things that need more attention.
02 April 2024
17:50 — why am I scared to publish?
A writing friend asked why I don’t share my logs on Twitter or LinkedIn. This was my response:
Good question! A mix of reasons:
1. Maybe some latent fear that people will challenge me. These are half-baked ideas that I like to capture privately but don’t necessarily want to discuss/ debate further. Not a good reason to be fair so maybe it’s worth sending a few out.
2. Bigger reason - time and distraction. I did a Twitter challenge for 6 months (posting every day) last year and while it was cool to grow my followers it killed my focus elsewhere. Constantly checking notifications and replying to people. Not a good space mentally
3. I like the logs as an input into my bigger pieces. It keeps the writing habit going. So it supports the process.
17:46 — another entry for Poor Johnnie’s Almanack:
“Churchill was particularly insistent that ministers compose memoranda with brevity and limit their length to one page or less. “It is slothful not to compress your thoughts,” he said.” — Erik Larson, The Splendid and the Vile
I see this a lot at some of my clients.
Long, windy emails when the CEO asked for a summary. Nobody has time to read a 1000-word email. Send the 3 most important bullet points.
17:42 — on being less lazy.
Regarding the previous note.
I would like to make an effort going forward to capture notes when I watch YouTube videos, read books and listen to podcasts. This is not mere entertainment. These are useful lessons and anecdotes. Notes that I can share with my readers. Learnings that can improve my life. Why do I allow them to come in one ear and leave the other without making time to process and reflect?
17:40 — interesting observation from listening to Marc Andreessen speak with David Perell.
There’s a lot of value in holding the pen. Feels like a missed opportunity. Many people look down on note-takers and scribes, but it’s actually a position of power. If you can nail the role and deliver a high-quality summary of the most salient points in meetings, while capturing the bigger picture, you’re most likely to progress inside a company.
16:29 — books are my favourite types of gifts.
Excited to dive into these highly-rated novels. Haven’t read sci-fi since Dune and the Three-Body Problem.
16:27 — one of the standout fiction books so far this year:
16:25 — meta observation:
My logs were becoming stale towards the end of March. Now that I started Q2 and moved all the Q1 logs into a subpage I feel refreshed and hungry to write and capture ideas again.
Something about turning a new page, huh.
Or a blank page calling out to be filled in.
16:10 — another quote on letting energy guide you. Pairs well with Jung’s ‘what turns hours to minutes’:
“Your soul plays the same game with you, letting you know by your energy level whether you are close or farther away from what brings you alive.” — Bill O'Hanlon, A Lazy Man's Guide to Success
15:45 — this is brilliant:
“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” ― Carl Jung
For me:
building model aeroplanes
building tree houses
playing with lego
playing outdoors (mostly cricket or golf)
working on math olympiad problems
reading (lots and lots of reading)
building sand castles
Are these all things only kids can do? What does this translate to as an adult?
What I currently like:
having ownership - need skin in the game. Want to be the lead on projects. If it sucks, it’s on me. If it’s good, it’s on me.
building stuff - creating - making something from nothing. Whether that’s writing or illustrating or designing new products. Making something that will be here after I’m gone.
sharing what I know with others. Teaching, mentoring, coaching.