A collection of shorter posts and half-formed ideas. Extracts from my daily writing. Somewhere between diary entry and ‘publishable’ essay.
30 October 2024
10:25 — on the future of writing.
Always excited to see PG release a new essay. It’s like opening a present on Christmas morning.
This one is about the future of writing, and by extension, thinking.
Paul predicts that due to (1) the pressure to produce good writing and (2) the sheer difficulty to write well, only a select few people will continue writing, while others will resort to using LLMs to do the work for them.
Similar to how work kept people in shape in the industrial era, and now only the people who want to stay fit, exercise, the same will apply to writing. Writing was part of the job, it kept people sharp. But in future LLMs will do the heavy lifting, so only the people who want to write (and use writing to think) will continue practising this muscle.
29 October 2024
21:31 — on finding a role/job/vocation that expresses the best version (or the most sides) of you.
People contain multitudes. They have multiple talents and interests. Like a gemstone with multiple brilliant, shiny, sparkly sides and edges.
Corporate doesn’t always get this. A role in a company prefers you to be a specialist, to show one side of your gemstone. It sells you short.
You might be interested in podcasting,
Your mission in life is to find a vocation that can bring those qualities to light.
21:29 — went to see Nick Cave last week. What an artist. The raw emotion, the storytelling, the engagement with the audience, all made for a memorable show.
Love these lyrics from Into My Arms:
“I don't believe in an interventionist God
But I know, darling, that you do.
But if I did I would kneel down and ask Him
Not to intervene when it came to you”
12:52 — Morgan Housel on freedom.
“The ability to do what you want, when you want, with who you want, for as long as you want, is priceless. It is the highest dividend money pays.” — Morgan Housel, The Psychology of Money
Almost there.
28 October 2024
11:13 — saved this one before. This, this is the quality to seek in people.
“What he loved in horses was what he loved in men, the blood and the heat of the blood that ran them. All his reverence and all his fondness and all the leanings of his life were for the ardenthearted and they would always be so and never be otherwise.” — Cormac McCarthy, All the Pretty Horses
11:11 — on being in flow. Can’t think while doing. Surrender to doing.
“A pitcher who is thinking about how he is pitching cannot pitch well. His focus is on self, not the task. “In any hard discipline, whether it be gardening, structural engineering, or Russian,” the philosopher and motorcycle mechanic Matthew Crawford writes, “one submits to things that have their own intractable ways.”” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
27 October 2024
23:01 — truth vs. fiction.
In their recent talk, Sam Harris and Yuval Noah Harari discuss the different qualities of truth and fiction.
Telling the truth carries a high cost — it is often painful, and it is usually complicated.
With fiction, you can make what you want it to be. Which poses a big danger in the information age e.g. Russian bots on Twitter.
It’s easy to spread disinformation, it’s hard to tell the truth.
I would also say there can be an overlap — writing fiction is sometimes an easier or more effective way of sharing the truth (less on the nose). E.g. Don’t Look Up is a comedy/satire about climate change. Or writing a semi-biographical novel instead of naming complicated relationships with family.
22:44 — the roots of vulnerability.
“Vulno” comes from “wound” in Latin.
22:42 — Sales 101.
Don’t sell them on features.
Try to determine what transformation the customer is looking for (the deeper benefits of the product), then explain how it works (features of product).
22:17 — on using fear to guide you.
“Casey Gerald’s question: What would you do if you weren’t afraid? Fear is a pretty good GPS system; it tells you where you true desires are, even if they are on the far side of social disapproval.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
16:04 — on the value of books.
Writing a blog is pretty cool, but the ultimate goal is to write a book one day.
The blog is a good space to practice and test ideas. The book focuses your attention on a larger theme and brings your entire philosophy together.
11:37 — today is my 1-year “logging” anniversary.
This was my first post:
12:25 — on speaking your truth and not hiding in the shadows.
“Speak your latent conviction… Else tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame your opinion from another.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
When you think of something but don’t have the guts to write about it. Only to see someone else share the same sentiment a short while later. Why hold back? What are you scared of? (questions for the guy in the mirror)
I wrote about the advantages of the habit here:
I like this practice for several reasons:
Info capture (premium version). I am used to taking random notes in Google Docs and on my phone, but you put in more effort when posting a note in public. These ‘polished’ notes are easier to upcycle into longer writing later on.
Daily writing habit. I did Morning Pages for a couple of months at the start of 2022. The practice was useful but I eventually lost steam. The main thing I regret is not capturing the noteworthy segments from each day’s writing. With logging, you curate the best extracts for future use. Less waste.
Notice-taking. Every conversation, every interaction, every random daydream has value and can potentially be used in a future essay. With logging, I am reinforcing the habit of taking notice of these everyday occurrences.
Low stakes / no rules. Logs can be any length, they don’t need titles, they can be little fragments of thoughts or longer streams of consciousness. I’m still publishing, but there’s less pressure to create a clean, reviewed newsletter. This allows me to get something out in 5-10 minutes (newsletters take 2-8 hours), which is great for momentum and habit maintenance.
Writing with less fear. “Ooh, I don’t know how this will land with people, maybe I shouldn’t write this.” Enough of that. I want to speak my latent convictions. I want to share my thoughts instead of silencing myself. Writing logs has revived my confidence.
A year in, all of these benefits still hold true. I would say number 3 (notice-taking) is probably the biggest one. When I write, I take better notice of my life. I get two bites of the apple. Without writing, life feels like feels like it just slips away.
Another benefit (#6) is to see ideas cross-pollinate. It’s like my own second brain or personal knowledge management (PKM) system. Sometimes I see two or three quotes from different authors on the same topics e.g. doing the work for the work itself (Hesse, Walsh, Brooks) or the value of self-development (Wilde and Pirsig).
So far I’ve captured *a lot* of logs. Would be cool to build the log app and add some features like a log counter.
Days I’ve logged on:
Q4 2023: 49
Q1 2024: 36
Q2 2024: 42
Q3 2024: 43
Q4 2024 (so far): 20 roughly
Total: ~170 / 365
Ran a basic “find” function on “2023”/”2024” looking for the subtitles so there might be overcounting.
A count function on “:” could work to count the number of logs.
26 October 2024
13:16 — on why certain people put me off.
“Anything you say is fine as long as it is not complaining, rude, or unpleasant.” — Leil Lowndes, How to Talk to Anyone
I’m not always good at putting my finger on why people put me off, but I always have a gut feeling that’s something off.
Usually it comes down to one of the things Lowndes mentions:
Complaining
Being rude
Being unpleasant - which could include bragging or making the conversation all about yourself.
12:20 — cool quote from One Chance featuring James Corden.
“The mark of a father’s success, is by how far his children surpass him in life.”
12:10 — on the real reason I get sick sometimes.
Often when I fall ill, it’s quick and fleeting. There’s no deeper reason, apart from being overworked or partying over the weekend or travelling and being exposed to germs.
Other times, it’s psychological. There’s some underlying reason. Especially when it takes longer to recover and when medicine and rest don’t work as quickly as they usually do.
I’m going through one of these spells now. I committed to doing an MBA next year, which is exciting, but also daunting. Putting a lot of pressure on myself financially (tuition plus lost income from studying full time) and there will also be stress on my marriage (doing long distance for the first time).
Because of this, I’m feeling a low-key constant stress.
I know there are good things on the horizon (things I can’t conceive of) and I’m comfortable with the trade-off: short-term discomfort for long-term gain. But even if I rationalize this in my brain, my body is still expressing that stress. The short-term pain is still very real and can’t always be compartmentalized away.
The last time I got this sick from underlying stress was when I signed up for Write of Passage in 2021. It was a lot of money at the time, but the real investment was my time (lots of late nights) and
Dan Harris (10% Happier) mentions something similar about experiencing depression after reporting from war zones in Iraq, Israel and Pakistan. He was constantly sniffly, lethargic and unenergetic. He tested for Lyme disease, asthma, fatigue etc with no luck. The doctors couldn’t pinpoint the issue. In the end, he spoke to a psychiatrist who immediately figured out he was suffering from depression.
Rik van den Berge (my sparring partner) describes the same thing in his essays. He had struggled with health issues for a long time. He went from doctor to doctor with no luck. Eventually, he took ownership of his life. He stopped playing the victim. He proactively ran some experiments (cold showers, exercise, eating well, coaching). Miraculously (or obviously) his health issues lifted.
I also shared a story about a US doctor who quit because the healthcare system focused on cure rather than prevention. Many of his patients suffered heart issues because of stress, poor eating habits, smoking and drinking. All of which could easily have been avoided by living a healthier life. The hospitals aren’t incentivised to focus on prevention. Their business model focuses on making money from sick people.
Important to notice this and acknowledge your true feelings. Often you don’t need meds, you just need to get in touch with what’s going on under the surface.
That’s the point of meditation, I suppose. Being mindful of what’s going on in your body and your mind.
12:05 — essays I still want to write this year.
Switching to “John’s Newsletter” or “Master of Some”. Not a creator anymore. Really like business. Like business lessons. Like life lessons. Charlie Munger’s book is brilliant. I don’t hate money anymore. I don’t hate corporate anymore.
Doing the work for the work itself.
Being a participant and an observer at the same time. This is meditation.
When the quotes don’t work anymore. On snapping out of my creator-dream. Running out of runway. Doing work-work again.
Enjoying work again. Enjoying the 9-5 again.
Self-employment. You can do whatever you want. Blessing and a curse.
Rattling the snowglobe. My decision to pursue an MBA. Disruption, getting out of my comfort zone. Rik: “Isn't it interesting that taking a bet on ourselves feels daunting, when from the outside in it's often so clear that we should.” How tough it was to make my MBA decision. And how good it was to make this type of call. It’s a vampire problem. I’ll share stuff next year. Maybe I’ll share what I learn, but I also don’t expect it to take over my life. I don’t see myself going all in “John does an MBA” finfluencer vibes. I’ll still have other interests. I see how an MBA could seem like a step toward corporate again. I don’t think I’ll go down that route. I prefer working with smaller teams. Having an impact. Strategy, prod dev, pricing. Helps me shed that ‘actuary’ label.
Shedding the actuary identity. The label never quite fit, being an actuary, felt like wearing a L when I’m actually an XL. Restricted me. I contain multitudes.
11:45 — reading update 2024.
I summarized my first 12 reads of the year on 4 April 2024.
I then summarized the next nine books (13-21) on 17 May 2024.
The next six (22-27) on 26 July 2024.
Here are the next five (28-32).
Finished:
Kim by Rudyard Kipling (1901). 4/5. Brilliant. A charming classic with a great narrative and ample depth. A tale about India and the impact of British Colonization told from the point of view of an Irish orphan who grew up on the streets and becomes a beggar (or chela) for a wiseman. A meeting of East and West in one person. Enjoyed the elements of Eastern mysticism (old world wisdom, Bhuddist teachings), mixed in with Western views (modern, ambitious, but also naive and condescending).
The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life by David Brooks (2019). 3/5. A fine read, but slightly disjointed. You can see Brooks had an overarching theory (finding maturity later in life, defeating the ego etc.) but he tried to pull off too much in one book. The part on religion (and his spiritual journey) felt particularly out of place and not tied in with the bigger theme. I would still recommend reading it, if only for the quotes.
Non Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg (1999). 4.5/5. Super impressed by this. One of those “a-ha” books you read from time to time. Can I say life-changing? It definitely made me more hopeful about life. Can see this improving all my relationships. With my family, with my partner, with my colleagues, with myself. Up there with “Lying” (Sam Harris) and Spiritual Enlightenment (Jed McKenna) in my top non-fiction books of the year. A book I’d like to revisit from time to time. The main message is not to add judgment to your conversations and to express your true feelings. Always speak from what you would like coupled with how the situation makes you feel instead of telling others what to do and adding judgment. Can write this a bit better for a book review.
The Three Sisters by Anton Checkhov (1901). 3/5. I read Chekhov’s book “The Duel” earlier this year and enjoyed this lesser-known, but still great, Russian author’s views on life — finding meaning even when it seems there is no meaning. The Three Sisters is a little bit more absurd. It was written for theatre, so it doesn’t read that smoothly, but the same themes come out. Three sisters are stuck in the countryside and long to move back to the big city lights in Moscow. Their hopes are dashed and they are left disillusioned, resigned to the fact that they’ll grow old in the countryside and not fulfill their dreams.
Good Work by Paul Millerd (2024). 4/5. I like Paul’s writing. The Pathless Path, his first book had a big impact on me. At the time, I was going through a work/life-transition. I was at a company that made my life miserable. Bureaucracy, uninspired colleagues, lots of barriers to innovation. When I read The Pathless Path I felt seen. I was like - finally someone gets me - corporate sucks and I should quit and become a creator (go self-employed). I’m happy I did get out, but I’ve also matured since then and found work I enjoy. I took one bad experience and painted all corporate jobs as soul-sucking, uninspiring places where dreams go to die. This year my hope has been rekindled. I actually enjoy work again. I also think I’m good at it. Or at least better at it than say tweeting (so happy I’m off X). So when I read Good Work (which is basically a continuation of The Pathless Path) I was less taken with it. It’s still worth reading and it’s good figuring out your bad work, good-enough work and good work, but I no longer agree with the whole creator-good-corporate-bad narrative. There are many different ways to express your skills and talents. Not everyone will become a published author one day.
Currently reading:
Poor Charlie's Almanack: The Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger by Charlie Munger. 5/5. What a read. This should be required reading at universities. A masterclass in economics and psychology.
10% Happier by Dan Harris. 4/5. This a cool book. Dan and I share a similar world view on religion and spirituality. Born sceptics, seeking deeper meaning in life. Never very religious, but open to ideas. He also didn’t vibe well with Deepak Chopra or Eckhart Tolle. Eventually he stumbled upon Mark Epstein (Buddhism), Sam Harris and Joseph Goldstein (meditation) and things started making more sense. The book’s title is unfortunate - sounds like a typical, gimmicky self-help book. It’s more like “An Introduction to Meditation for Sceptics”.
The 4-Minute Millionaire by Nik Göke (2021). 4/5. Solid book by my friend Nik. It’s a crash course in all the basic money rules. He explains a few common traps people fall in and I myself have fallen in e.g. not liking people with money (calling them trust fund kids etc). If you do that, then you’ll never get rich.
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez (1967). 50% in. This has been a drag. Struggling through it. No idea why this book is so highly acclaimed. It’s a confusing mess of family names and events and war and firing squads. There doesn’t seem to be a point or bigger theme. Things just happen. Absurdist? Not my vibe. Might shelve.
Stopped reading / shelved:
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhart Tolle (1997). This was disappointing. Expected more. A New Earth (his second book) was better in my opinion. Couldn't really get a hold of the teaching and jargon this time. More confusing than helpful.
Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan, Cacilda Jetha (2010). So-so so far. While I’d be very interested in a relevant, science-based book that backs up why polyamorous/polygamous relationships work (happy to be challenged), this was not it. They made their point early on, now it’s a drag. Filled with rhetorical, strawman arguments. Everything that goes against their point is written down as uptightness and religious conformity, while their view is the only conceivable solution. 2/5.
11:35 — Charlie Munger on self-pity.
"Self-pity is always counterproductive. It is the wrong way to think."
"The idea of ‘woe is me’ is a way to fail. To wallow in self-pity just keeps you down."
"Whenever you think that some situation or some person is ruining your life, it is actually you who are ruining your life. It’s a fundamental characteristic of the human mind to be incredibly self-deceptive."
"One of the great defenses if you're worried about something is to tell yourself 'it's all going to be alright.' That way you can dismiss that worry, avoid self-pity, and get on with fixing what you can."
Love his book, Poor Charlie’s Almanack.
It should be required reading at universities. A masterclass in economics and psychology.
10:54 — on good, old-school values.
“When J. F. Roxburgh, the headmaster of the Stowe School in Vermont, was asked in the 1920s about the purpose of his institution, he said it was to turn out young men who were “acceptable at a dance, invaluable in a shipwreck.”” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
Picked up the same message in Poor Charlie’s Almanack.
10:38 — don’t grow too big too quickly.
“Y Combinator has another strong belief: founding teams should never grow beyond six until there is true product-market fit. Product-market fit (PMF) is the milestone of having created a product that customers are finding so much value in that they are willing to both buy it (after their test phase) and recommend it. Metrics that show whether PMF has been achieved include revenue, renewal rates, and Net Promoter Score.” — Matt Mochary, Alex MacCaw, and Misha Talavera, The Great CEO Within
Saw this with my wife’s company. They didn’t have PMF but already hired 15 people. It was during the 2021 market boom when there was a lot of VC money flowing around. It was too easy to get funding. When the market turned down, they had to let half of the team go.
25 October 2024
23:10 — on mismatches in the consulting/creator market.
There are people with good skills (writers, editors, actuaries, financial modellers) who can offer their services as freelancers. Supply.
Then there are potential clients out there who either know they can benefit from these services and don’t know where to look or don’t know they can benefit and need to be made aware of the potential uplift a freelancer can bring to their business/life. Demand.
So there’s a market. But there’s a mismatch.
Often the supply side is shy. I know I am. We don’t like promoting our services. We prefer it if people come to us or if we get referral business. It’s difficult going out there and sending cold DMs on LinkedIn, posting on Twitter (with the please follow and support final tweet). It feels like begging.
Would be cool if it was easier.
But there are also solutions to this:
marketplaces like UpWork and Fiver
becoming a Twitter/LinkedIn influencer/hustler - sounds less appealing.
finding people who want to do your sales / bus dev for a commission.
23:09 — on where the marketing team should fall in the corporate hierarchy.
Matt Mochary, the author of The Great CEO Within, believes a company should always be product-led. The product team should solve for the customers' needs and constantly work on the product based on customer feedback.
Marketing is a supporting function. It should never rank above product in the corporate hierarchy. While it’s important to have product-marketing alignment, marketing is typically more effective when there’s already a solid product that meets customer needs. Otherwise it’s directionless.
23:08 — on ‘enjoying’ (learning from) difficult situations at work.
Don’t get me wrong, I prefer it if everything runs smoothly at work and everyone’s happy, but sometimes conflicts arise, people want raises, they feel overlooked, or they want to do/achieve more.
This is natural.
Where in the past I avoided these conflicts, now I see them as a normal part of business, which should be embraced rather than steered clear of.
Earlier this year I had a junior who started crying on a call in front of a client. The client is a tough character and wants results. Fair enough - he’s paying for our services. The junior couldn’t handle the pressure, turned the camera off and started crying.
This was new. Something I hadn’t seen before. I took over the presentation and ran the rest of the meeting.
Afterwards, I spoke with the junior. The client didn’t purposefully want to upset her, he just wanted to see some return on his investment and he was questioning the quality of the work. It’s not personal. This was a good learning opportunity in a young career.
I also found it instructive. To explain the situation as I saw it without protecting anyone. I also feel better equipped to handle this in future. Instead of saying the work is good enough, I could’ve been firmer on the junior from the start which could’ve avoided the situation.
Doesn’t always help playing Mr. Nice Guy.
23:08 — interesting experiment this week.
Michael Sklar has asked me to send my 10 best essays in PDF format plus personality tests.
And this will be used to create a personal GPT.
Curious to see what the results are.
20 October 2024
15:13 — on writing as an anchor to your daily life.
The last 3 months have gone by in an instant.
I got married, I got into an MBA program, I’ve been working hard on a client-project, doing sports, trying to be a good friend etc.
But I haven’t been writing. And because of that everything feels like a bit of a blur.
I haven’t recorded as many lessons and observations as previously.
Constantly need to recommit to this habit.
14:49 — beautiful writing/imagery.
"Shrouded in the black thunderheads the distant lightning glowed mutely like welding seen through foundry smoke. As if repairs were under way at some flawed place in the iron dark of the world.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy
14:48 — reconnecting with my internal ambition.
“For a long time, the word "ambition" has been connected with the pursuit of external success, starting from its derivation from the Latin ambitio, which described the act of Roman politicians soliciting votes, or seeking external approval.” — Paul Millerd, Good Work
14:45 — on how behaviour change can lead to spiritual change.
“I resented a practice that can descend into dry and pedantic legalism. But I respected how Judaism has a ritual for every occasion. The idea is that behavior change precedes and causes internal change (a belief well supported by experimental psychology).” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
14:44 — cool story. Can be applied to other non-negotiables as well.
“Seneca tells a story about Alexander the Great. Apparently as Alexander was conquering the world, certain countries would offer him pieces of their territory in hopes that he’d leave them alone in exchange. Alexander would tell them, writes Seneca, that he hadn’t come all the way to Asia to accept whatever they would give him, but instead they were going to have to accept whatever he chose to leave them. According to Seneca, we should treat philosophy the same way in our lives. Philosophy shouldn’t have to accept what time or energy is left over from other occupations but instead we should graciously make time for those other pursuits only once our study is finished. — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic
14:40 — three months into “not lying” and it’s going well.
Resonate with this.
“Honesty is a gift we can give to others. It is also a source of power and an engine of simplicity. Knowing that we will attempt to tell the truth, whatever the circumstances, leaves us with little to prepare for. Knowing that we told the truth in the past leaves us with nothing to keep track of. We can simply be ourselves in every moment.” — Sam Harris and Annaka Harris, Lying
Life is much simpler. I feel empowered by revealing my true self, my true needs, my true motivations. People respect this too. It’s refreshing.
14:24 — I finally upgraded to full membership of the Making Sense podcast two weeks ago.
I don’t listen to a lot of podcasts. Only Sam Harris. I like his calm, rational, measured approach to thorny, current topics. In a way, he is my moral compass in a world where people have swung too far right and left.
Every talk is excellent. It’s a great to understand the context (and the underlying truth) of the latest events in the world.
Feels like $70 p.a. well spent.
14:22 — recurring theme. Doing the work for the work itself.
“When we do the work for itself alone, our pursuit of a career (or a living or fame or wealth or notoriety) turns into something else, something loftier and nobler, which we may never even have thought about or aspired to at the beginning. It turns into a practice.” — Steven Pressfield, Turning Pro
Inputs over outputs.
“Either way, you are putting yourself on a slippery slope when you start believing that the outcome of your effort represents or embodies who you really are as a person— what your value as a person is. I speak from personal experience.” — Bill Walsh, The Score Takes Care of Itself
17 October 2024
20:09 — on your worst self often being your true self. So make sure your worst self is an upstanding citizen.
“Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in the cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.” — C.S. Lewis
15 October 2024
21:10 — Good Work in a nutshell.
“Good work: activities that give me energy and fuel my journey “Good enough” work: tasks I enjoy to some degree, which often help pay the bills, but are not my core good work Supporting activities: complementary work that supports my good work, but is sometimes a distraction “Bad” work: work I seek to avoid. Anything that drains my energy, but sometimes necessary to pay the bills.” – Paul Millerd, Good Work
14 October 2024
Had my first session with my old coach today.
We did an exercise where I was supposed to breathe and imagine myself saying no to the MBA program.
I felt calm. It felt good.
I want to write two things:
How I reject this seemingly incredible opportunity. It feels brave to say no. I feel calm. It’s about the money, but not really. It’s about Jess, but not really. Don’t want to do things for prestige. Don’t want to do this because I feel inadequate. I know enough about finance, I’ve done a lot of self-development. I will continue doing it. I say I’m doing it for the network and the foot in the door - sure. I say I can’t get sales without it. But that’s not true. I haven’t really tried. I can probably help other smaller companies. I might do Executive Leadership course one day. Sitting there at house parties, in a foreign city, doesn’t appeal to me. Not impressed by the class so far.
How I accept it. Not sure. Don’t want people to overlook me. I like the warm intros.
What’s holding me back:
don’t want to disappoint people
don’t want to say no to this opportunity - most people would give anything to be part of it.
Want to chat to Carla again.
James.
Harry re Bain. Case studies.
I am frustrated that I can’t make up my mind. Kills me.
Vision:
continue consulting
podcast/ interviews/ videos/ writing - about business lessons, leadership in business
try to get additional revenue streams going - pitch Feather again
fractional product development guy for insuretechs
business coach
work remotely, travel, be at home with Jess and Lily
It’s been a good exercise.
13 October 2024
22:25 — on recommitting to my writing habit.
I’ve been dropping myself lately.
Haven’t published since 23 August (the day before my wedding).
Also haven’t been capturing my logs consistently.
It comes to many factors, but three stand out:
I’ve been throwing myself at work lately. Really enjoying the project and learning a lot. One of the upsides/downsides is that consulting pays per hour and I’m ranking writing below money-making activities at the moment. Don’t think it’s right, just fallen into this trap. Need to set aside some sacred time.
I’m doing an MBA next year and Jess and I
I’ve had some bad habits. Very distractible. Not using Forest and Cold Turkey enough. Can’t sit at my laptop without jumpping on Whatsapp or Instagram. Weird.
Want to finish this year strong.
There is so much I want to share. So much I want to write about.
I’ve grown a lot this year. I’ve grown up a lot. I’ve become wiser and maybe a bit more cynical/realistic about the creator game.
There are a bunch of essays I still want to share. Listing some here.
Moving to John’s newsletter or something equivalent. 50% done. Not a creator anymore. Really like business. Like business lessons. Like life lessons. Charlie Munger’s book is brilliant. I don’t hate money anymore. I don’t hate corporate anymore.
Learning to love normal work again. 50% done.
Rattling the snow globe. How tough it was to make my MBA decision. And how good it was to make this type of call. It’s a vampire problem. I’ll share stuff next year. Maybe I’ll share what I learn, but I also don’t expect it to take over my life. I don’t see myself going all in “John does an MBA” finfluencer vibes. I’ll still have other interests. I see how an MBA could seem like a step toward corporate again. I don’t think I’ll go down that route. I prefer working with smaller teams. Having an impact. Strategy, prod dev, pricing. Helps me shed that ‘actuary’ label.
Share updates. Wedding, MBA.
On not playing it small anymore.
22:31 — some of my daily habits. These work for me, mileage might vary.
No phone before bed. Leave phone in my study. Notepad + pen for notes. Kindle for reading.
Read every single night. At least 10 minutes.
No phone when I wake up.
Go for a walk, exercise first thing if I can.
No breakfast. Just doesn’t work for me. Tried it again this year and gained a lot of weight. Rather just have black coffee and make lunch my first meal.
Writing. Can I make this a habit again. I’ve been dropping myself lately.
No alcohol during the week. No series during the week.
Timeboxing social media time. 1h window over lunch - use it or lose it.
Try to cut sugar as much as possible. Weakness.
Weekends are more chilled, fewer rules.
10:45 — on ambition.
I want to step out of the shadows.
I want to share more of my work again.
I’ve been playing it small for a while.
Nobody wins that way.
Goals for Q4:
Post a video. Take an essay and create a YouTube.
Post more on LinkedIn and Substack. X/Twitter is over. I’ve explained this before, but I put way too much time into it, took over my life and impacted mental well-being.
Build a product - like the daily task tracker or the logging app.
Redesign my website. Nate Kadlac has great resources for this.
Learn how to become a coach.
Sales / bus dev.
12 October 2024
10:43 — Hemingway throwing shade.
“Writers are forged in injustice as a sword is forged. I wondered if it would make a writer of him, give him the necessary shock to cut the over-flow of words and give him a sense of proportion, if they sent Tom Wolfe to Siberia or to the Dry Tortugas.” — Ernest Hemingway, Green Hills of Africa
Be more exact. Cut, edit, remove the fluff.
10:41 — cool description of our fear of failure.
“Anyone whose goal is ‘something higher’ must expect some day to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it even when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.” — Milan Kundera, The Unbearable Lightness of Being
10:39 — on the realities of making a living. The constant inner battle between the artist and the suit.
“Were they that much more clever than I? The only difference was money, and the desire to accumulate it.” — Charles Bukowski, Factotum
This was me last year. Someone who pursued their craft and didn’t care about money. I believed in myself and still do, but I wasn’t actively pursuing earning money. But something changed. I ran out of runway. I see the value of money now - that it can buy freedom. It was a tough realization, but an important one. Life isn’t that romantic. There is work out there can give you both money and
10 October 2024
21:03 — McCarthy on war as a forcing function.
“This is the nature of war, whose stake is at once the game and the authority and the justification. Seen so, war is the truest form of divination. It is the testing of one’s will and the will of another within that larger will which because it binds them is therefore forced to select. War is the ultimate game because war is at last a forcing of the unity of existence. War is god.” — Cormac McCarthy, Blood Meridian
20:54 — did McCarthy read McKenna or vice versa?
“For me the world has always been more of a puppet show. But when one looks behind the curtain and traces the strings upward he finds they terminate in the hands of yet other puppets, themselves with their own strings which trace upward in turn, and so on. In my own life I saw these strings whose origins were endless enact the deaths of great men in violence and madness. Enact the ruin of a nation.” — Cormac McCarthy, The Border Trilogy
08 October 2024
I’ve been editing writing for 100 weeks.
Does that make me an editor?
10:31 — on listing when you felt most fulfilled.
“In his essay “Schopenhauer as Educator,” Nietzsche wrote that the way to discover what you were put on earth for is to go back into your past, list the times you felt most fulfilled, and then see if you can draw a line through them.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
Reminds me of this line by Jung.
“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” ― Carl Jung
Realizing how limiting being self-employed is again.
Can’t get a loan.
Selling time.
Other people can use you.
Protecting people just doesn’t work. Tried to help Bianca but it’s just not working.
Using “could I write about this” as a guide to decisions.
MBA: sort of scared because it’s a deviation, but I can see myself pivoting.
Current work: not writing much. Maybe that’s bad? Or is it good?
I’ll perpetually see everything from both sides. It depends baked into me. Difficult to take a spiky view.
Writing somehting about coaching?
Working with a coach again.
“This moment right now, to paraphrase Emerson, is a quotation of the moments that have come before and will come ever after. This idea is expressed nowhere more beautifully than in the Christianity hymn Gloria Patri. “As it was in the beginning, and now, and always, and to the ages of ages.”” — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic
“Never underestimate the power of the environment you work in to gradually transform who you are. When you choose to work at a certain company, you are turning yourself into the sort of person who works in that company. That’s great if the culture of McKinsey or General Mills satisfies your very soul. But if it doesn’t, there will be some little piece of yourself that will go unfed and get hungrier and hungrier.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
“If you wanted to generalize a bit, you could say there are six layers of desire: Material pleasure. Having nice food, a nice car, a nice house. Ego pleasure. Becoming well-known or rich and successful. Winning victories and recognition. Intellectual pleasure. Learning about things. Understanding the world around us. Generativity. The pleasure we get in giving back to others and serving our communities. Fulfilled love. Receiving and giving love. The rapturous union of souls. Transcendence. The feeling we get when living in accordance with some ideal.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
07 October 2024
“There was a great deal of material that Hemingway wrote for A Moveable Feast that he decided to leave out, acting “by the old rule that how good a book is should be judged by the man who writes it by the excellence of the material that he eliminates.” — Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast
“According to Anthony de Mello, “there is one thing and only one thing that causes unhappiness. The name of that thing is Attachment.” Attachments to an image you have of a person, attachments to wealth and status, attachments to a certain place or time, attachments to a job or to a lifestyle. All of those things are dangerous for one reason: they are outside of our reasoned choice. How long we keep them is not in our control.” — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic
Prestige opens doors. Preferred way of working - people recommend me.
Why am I scared of hustling?
My preferred way of working.
Lots of deep work time. Very few meetings.
16:56 — struggling with this currently. I want to do more deep work.
“If you give your mind something meaningful to do throughout all your waking hours, you’ll end the day more fulfilled, and begin the next one more relaxed, than if you instead allow your mind to bathe for hours in semiconscious and unstructured Web surfing.” — Cal Newport, Deep Work
Find myself and my wife watching series every night. Suppose this will change once we have kids. But for now, it feels suboptimal. I would prefer to do something ‘meaningful’ or higher value than watching someone else’s work every night. But what does that mean for our relationship?
What can we do together that is high-value? Does this mean I will merely have to work late every night and then we get to spend weekends together? Feels strange.
04 October 2024
“We tell stories because we have a hollow place in our heart. You don’t fill that with success. You fill it by finding yourself in the stories you tell.” –Guillermo Del Toro
“Gabriel García Márquez captured it when describing an old couple in Love in the Time of Cholera: In the end they knew each other so well that by the time they had been married for thirty years they were like a single divided being, and they felt uncomfortable at the frequency with which they guessed each other’s thoughts …. It was the time when they loved each other best, without hurry or excess, when both were most conscious of and grateful for their incredible victories over adversity. Life would still present them with other mortal trials, of course, but that no longer mattered: they were on the other shore.” — David Brooks, The Second Mountain
“As Goethe’s maxim goes, it is a great failing “to see yourself as more than you are.” How could you really be considered self-aware if you refuse to consider your weaknesses?” — Ryan Holiday, The Daily Stoic
Log history
2024:
2023: