Positive Self-Talk
Working on a new habit
Hey everyone! It’s good to be back writing to you.
After finding my feet (and getting some reality checks) outside corporate in 2023, things are looking up this year with more opportunities rolling in. Even though the increase in client projects has cut into my writing time, it’s been a major positive for my mindset and long-term goals.
So if you’ve been wondering what’s happened to the newsletter, don’t fear, I’m still capturing my thoughts and observations every other day, I just can’t publish as regularly as I used to. Going forward, I aim to post something at least once a month.
Here’s the previous edition in case you missed it: What I learned from Ben Hur and Doctor Zhivago.
As for today’s edition, I’m sharing two things:
A positive habit, and
A personal milestone.
On noticing negativity
A large part of my day is spent in conversation with myself.
Not out loud (before you think I’m going crazy), but as a loop of thoughts in my head.
Maybe you’ve experienced the same thing.
“Oof, that was a difficult meeting. You should have spoken up more.”
“Why hasn’t Joe replied to the email? Is he upset?”
It can be non-stop. Like a lousy housemate you can’t get rid of, following you from room to room, talking to you during all your waking hours.
If your housemate was a pain to live with, you’d want them out of your apartment and your life ASAP.
By the same measure, why do we allow negative self-talk from ourselves, our internal housemate?
After chatting with a friend last month, it dawned on me that I could benefit from observing my internal narrative. As he put it:
“We’ve got a choice. We can either be critical of ourselves or use more enabling, positive language. To go get things and do things. I’ve got a hunch which mode serves me better.”
Following this, I started paying attention to my self-talk. While some thoughts were helpful, others were holding me back:
“I can’t write about this. People won’t find it interesting. Nobody cares about this topic.”
“This task is hard/uninteresting. I don’t have the energy for this. Let me do something else.”
“I need to think about this a bit more. I can’t pull the trigger yet. I need more time / more data / more confidence.”
Sure, some concerns are valid, but inaction and fear won’t help me achieve my goals. My internal software could do with an update.
Philosopher and meditation guru Sam Harris’s thoughts on “thoughts” came to mind. Waking Up fans would be familiar with this:
“Our habitual identification with thought—that is, our failure to recognize thoughts as “thoughts”, as appearances in consciousness—is a primary source of human suffering. It also gives rise to the illusion that a separate self is living inside one’s head.”
Without going into the theory and merits of non-dual awareness (I’ll leave that to Harris), I like the idea of not identifying with thought. It empowers us to step away from a thought limiting or not serving us.
Over the last month I asked myself - can I use more positive language when I speak to myself? Could I view thoughts as only “thoughts”? Could I change them in my favour?
Flipping the script above:
“What’s the worst thing that could happen if you post this? At least you are putting yourself in the arena and building your body of work. There’s the added chance that it could help someone who comes across the post.”
“Yes, this is hard, but that’s the point. Hard things are good for neuroplasticity. You are engaging your brain, the brain is protecting itself by seeking comfort. Stretch it a bit. Sit down for 5 minutes and see how it goes.”
“Just do it and stop overthinking things. If it doesn’t work, you can always pivot and change your course afterwards. Without action, you are standing still instead of moving in a direction.”
The proof will be in the pudding (or shall I say the thinking), but the initial results are encouraging. I already feel lighter and more intentional.
I like this approach to interacting with myself. Almost like being my own coach — an internal sparring partner who’s on my side, helping me move forward towards goals instead of blocking my progress.
If anything, I hope this sparks more positive self-talk for others.
With a small update, your internal housemate can go from a limit on your potential to a guide on your side.
On reaching a long-held goal
For the last few years, I’ve jotted down “run a sub90 half-marathon again” in my annual goals.
Finally (13 years after I first accomplished it), I hit that mark again last weekend.
What makes it extra special, is that I’ve had two anterior cruciate ligament ops in the meantime (good ol’ rugby) and I weigh a lot more than I used to as a skinny 20-year-old (good ol’ pilsner).
Since rehabbing my knee, I’ve attempted something like 15 half marathons. I’ve had a few 1h31s but I could never crack the magic 90-minute barrier. On this attempt, I finally did it and scooped a PB in the process.
So what helped this time?
Three things stand out:
1. Following a proper training program for once. Instead of doing junk miles, I trained according to a 10-week plan, which included intervals, fartleks and fast-finish long runs (these were gnarly). Some days sucked, but the visible progress made it worth it. I followed this program by McMillan Running, which was included in my Strava subscription. You can get quality programs from Garmin Connect and other running apps as well.
2. Running with carbon-plated shoes. Not gonna lie, the shoes helped. Embrace the tech. I ran with the Adidas Adios Pro 3s, but there are a range of options from all the top shoe manufacturers.
3. Marathon experience. I’ve done two marathons in the last two years (Berlin in 2022 and Paris in 2023). Having done a full 42km, the 21km race felt much more manageable. You get better at pacing your run and judging how much you have left in the tank.
Good luck with your running ambitions. I’m already planning my next race.
Pictured below with my main training partner 🐶.
My Favourites
💬 Quote.
“What did you do as a child that made the hours pass like minutes? Herein lies the key to your earthly pursuits.” ― Carl Jung
I came across this quote last week and it immediately got me jotting down a few thoughts - building things (Lego and model aeroplanes), reading (lots of reading), sports (in teams and as an individual), math olympiads (nerd alert). It’s cool to see the patterns reemerging.
What made your hours pass like minutes?
✍️ Essay. A Cautionary Tale: A story about why it's now or never for a lot of ideas by
. An essay about the regret you feel for not jumping on inspiration when it strikes. Like Louie, I also have a bunch of skills I picked up in my career that I never “immortalized”… Prophet coding, investment cost calculators, longevity projections, and retirement annuity models among others. I wonder if I’ll ever go back to them.As Louie says, sometimes it’s now or never for an idea. When you return to it months later, your writing has changed, your interests have changed, your priorities have changed, you’ve changed.
“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man.” —Heraclitus
📚 Book. Prophet Song by Paul Lynch — the novel that won the 2023 Booker Prize. 4/5. A grim, but remarkable book. Not the most comfortable read, but a timely reminder of how fragile democracies and the rule of law can be. Shades of Nazi Germany mixed with the anguish and despair refugees face.
Until next time - happy creating!
— John
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Love the note on paying attention to our internal self thoughts and determining whether they are helping or hindering us. Wrote about the same thing this week on my experience with "anxiety" and the harmful language I was using with myself.
And you are a savage: 4:08 half marathon... absolute killer pace I aspire to reach one day.
Love to see you in my inbox again, John.
Like Jack said, I can't believe your pace! Congrats on the great race. Also, I just loved how simple this is: “What’s the worst thing that could happen if you post this? At least you are putting yourself in the arena and building your body of work. There’s the added chance that it could help someone who comes across the post.”
So true!